A/N: Sorry for the long update wait. But thank you so very much to those who reviewed. I hope ya'll continue to like this and review.
Sarai and Ryan were in a cemetery late at night. "Well, this is a bad horror movie waiting to happen," he observed.
"Um, no, I think like, Barry Watson or Naomi Watts would have to be here for it to be a bad horror movie," Sarai countered.
"Good point. Have you noticed too that both those movies are PG-13?"
"No duh. That's cause most PG-13 horror movies are bad. Of course there are bad R ones too, but doubt about it. I mean, with PG-13, you gotta have a limit on the blood, guts, cursing and massacring, and there's just no fun in limited cursing and massacring" Sarai explained.
"That's sweet," Ryan teased as they walked through the cemetery. They briefly stopped when Sarai broke into a coughing fit, followed by rubbing her throat. "You okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, fine. It's the grass, and the bit of dampness. Stupid allergies."
"Oh. I thought maybe your tonsils just flared up again, like they have been on and off for a few weeks."
"Have I complained about them once today...or however long these trips have taken us? No. So leave it alone."
"You haven't complained cause you're refusing to get them out, before they become a big problem," he corrected.
"Yeah, I am. There is no way I am going to let some dude knock me out and cut me open."
"They don't cut you open."
Sarai glared at him, with seething resentment, "that's exactly what my father wants me to believe too! I can't believe your in on this tonsil conspiracy now too."
"You seriously are one of the most paranoid people I know."
"I know!" she happily replied.
"And definitely the craziest."
"I know!"
They began to walk again. Suddenly, a noise was heard. Sarai assumed it was vampire activity, so she picked up a tree-branch off the floor, that she intended on using for a stake, as she was too lazy to dig through the many hidden compartments in her bag to see if she had one. They came across a vampire alright. But it wasn't the kind of vampire that need staking. In Sarai's mind, he just needed a good talking too...and a grounding if needed. The fact that she was the child, and Angel was the parent didn't seem to affect her feelings any. "I...eww...no...ew...blah!" she whined as she and Ryan saw Angel and Buffy making out on a headstone.
They two lovers broke apart at the sound of the Sarai's voice. "Can-can we help you?" Angel asked.
"How nice of you to stop disrespecting the dead dude's, who's grave you're kissing on, to offer. But, other than adding yet more therapy sessions to my future itinerary, unless I rip my eyes out first, I should be fine."
There was awkward silence for a while. "Um...ok?" Buffy said, unsure of what was going on.
Sarai rolled her eyes. "Nice. So, anyhoo," she focused on Angel, "I am becoming less and less shocked that you ended up with a kid, and more and more sick about it. So, if you could tone down all the PDA and woman switching, that'd be great."
"Sarai, that's not nice," Ryan pointed out.
"Ryan, there's no need to kiss ass. Remember, he doesn't know you, so he isn't plotting your death."
"Oh, yeah. Forgot. Continue if you want."
"I would, except that I am hungry." she pointed to Angel. "Look I know you don't know who the hell I am, but I know you. And I know you have this like, legal obligation to feed me, and I am not about to stop a little thing of me technically not existing now get in the way of that. So, Grilled Cheese, with Swiss, not American and on rye not white. Oh, and pickle would be welcome."
Angel took an unnecessary breath. "What?"
Sarai walked up to her father and put her hand on his shoulder. "Look. I am making this story short. I am your daughter, or will be in a few years. And I am also hungry. Thus for, be a good future daddy, and get me food. Please?"
"You must be mistaken. Even if he could have children, I don't plan on having any soon...or at all," Buffy pointed out.
"Which is a good thing he never had one with you," Sarai retorted. "So, it doesn't have to be grilled cheese, you know. Strawberry ice-cream will do."
"Strawberry ice-cream always seems to do," Ryan pointed out.
"That's because it's the greatest invention ever." Sarai paused for a second. "Well, besides the remote of course. Cause really, how much would it blow to have to get up to change the channel like back in the olden days?"
"Olden days?" Angel questioned, slightly amused.
"Forget about channel surfing," she continued, plowing over her father's comment. "You'd have to like stand there for a while. OH! And watching two shows at once? I don't even want to think about having to get up every time a commercial comes on."
"How tragic it would be," Angel mocked. He had no idea why he felt he needed to do it, he just did.
"I know!"
"Okay, okay, so let me get this straight," Buffy cut in, "WHAT?"
"Very articulate. This trip better be nearing an end, cause I am getting so unspeakably fricken tired of explaining the damn story. I am hairvamps daughter. He is my father, the man that fathered me, in the future. This is the past. If I need to go on, I am stabbing myself with the tree branch. But in the ear and not the heart. Like in the bathroom scene in Scary Movie where Sean Wyanes dies. Only, you know, with a branch, because when I finally have one of those in me, you can bet your ass it won't be the ear. Cause that's just nasty."
"What's Scary Movie? How did this person die? What will be in you, but not your ear someday? What are you talking about?" Angel asked.
"You really, really don't want to know the answer," Ryan told him. "And once again Sarai, you are so unbelievably lucky the Angel that actually knows you isn't here right now to hear any of this."
"Well duh. If he was here, I wouldn't be saying it. Oh who am I kidding, yes I would, but I'd just tone it down a bit so I wouldn't send him into a state of shock, or make him have a complete breakdown. I'd only want to give him a moderate one. Cause you know, I am all about kindness."
"Yeah, you're America's Sweetheart alright," Ryan teased.
"Damn right I am."
"So...you're really my kid?" Angel question.
"No. I have no if so I decided to make this up. Yes, I am, deal. Don't think of getting all huggy-feely either, cause again, I am tired of this adventure now, so if you'd be so kind as to just help me figure out how to get back to my year, so I can whine and rant to you about this whole experience, while also throwing in comments mocking you, and you and your affair with gel, before taking a nice long bubble bath, that'd be great."
"What is the deal with baths? I mean, sitting in your own filth? I just don't get it," Ryan mused.
"Sometimes with bubbles, they can be nice," Angel mumbled.
Sarai looked sick, "too much info, and horrible visual," she complained. She cringed in disgust. "Icky."
Ryan smiled, "somehow, with all you've been through, I think you'll still manage to live," he said, trying to put things in perspective for her.
She nodded, "true," she absentmindedly turned to Angel, "I mean, I am still alive after last week, when I walked in on you, Cordelia and that vanilla ice cream in your office, which I still haven't forgiven either of you for." She cringed once again, but worse, "I am still in the recovery process, apparently."
"What? Are you sure you're not making this up? Cordelia and Angel, please, he's not the shoe nazi type," Buffy said laughing uncomfortably.
"First things first; there is nothing wrong with being a shoe nazi. I mean, without the right shoe in the collection, you end up walking to eat taco's with Fred, wearing flip flops, and all of a sudden it pours like hell, when you've only been walking for three blocks. So you're forced to run home in flip flops, which is a total horrible experienced since they slide off your feet and get soggy and heavy the whole time. Secondly, have you seen this man when shopping for himself? He is close to putting Gwyneth to shame. Oh yeah, and third, I am not making this up. I have the nightmares and trauma to prove it."
"Who's Gwyneth?" Angel asked.
Sarai threw her hands up, "that's it, I knew it. This whole thing, my entire life...well birth... has been a huge lie. I am adopted. You adopted me. There is really just no other way to explain it."
"Really?" he then asked.
"NO! I am joking. That was a joke. Lighten up!" She demanded, as if she was speaking with the version of her father she was used to dealing/joking with and yelling at whenever he was uptight and/or clueless to popculture.
"You realize he doesn't fully understand your sense of humor right? He's more out of touch with reality, especially your version of reality, then your father in the present... if that's possible," Ryan pointed out.
"He's not that out of touch," Buffy defended.
"Have you ever actually talked to him?" Sarai questioned.
"Of course I have!"
"Look this is fun and all. I'd love to stay here and do what I do best, you know, mock, tease, make jokes, sarcasticisms, but I want to find out what I need to do to get back to my time even more. So can we just do that instead?"
"Sarcasticisms?" everyone else questioned.
"It's a word!" Sarai insisted. "Who are you gonna believe, me? Or the short guy from that old TV show?"
"Short guy from the TV show? Who Webster? I don't think he has anything to do with the dictionary," Buffy replied.
"No shit."
"She was making another joke," Ryan pointed out.
"And sarcasticisms is still a word," Sarai once again said.
"Let's go figure out what's going on," Angel suggested.
An hour later, The scoobies, and Ryan and Sarai were in the Sunnydale High Library. "So, yeah, then this Oracle dude said we'd have to be on this adventure for as long as the Powers want, until I see events or something," Sarai said, explaining what was happening to them all. "But I want to see faster or just do whatever it takes to get back home."
Giles took off his glasses to clean them, "did he say anything after that?"
"The only thing he did was kick us out, because she insulted him," Ryan answered.
"He started it!" she whined. The group began to research ways of helping the two teenagers. "I found it!" Sarai exclaimed, from one area of the library.
"You know what we have to do to get back?" Ryan questioned.
"No. I found sarcasticisms." She presented a dictionary in front of Ryan, Angel and Buffy. "See?" The three looked at the bottom of a page in the 's' section, which had 'Sarcasticisms: sarcastic remarks that are better than regular sarcastic remarks', written in pen, and Sarai's handwriting, on it.
"Classy," Ryan teased.
"Class is just another word for prissy," Sarai countered. "So where's the bathroom in this place?"
"I'll show you," Willow offered. "I have to go myself."
"I'll go too," Buffy said. The three girls walked out.
"Women and going to the bathroom at once, what's up with that?" Xander wondered.
"No clue," Ryan said. Giles shrugged.
"Over 200 years, and I haven't gotten it either," Angel added.
The bathroom trip was finished, and the three girls headed back to the library. Unfortunately, they weren't the only ones in the hall. "What are you doing here after school hours?" Principal Snyder asked Buffy.
"Well...I left something in my locker, so we all came to get it," Buffy lied.
He pointed to Sarai, "you, I've never seen you before. Who are you?"
"Who the hell are you and why is it our business," she replied.
Willow laughed nervously, "Sarai, this is our school principal. Principal Snyder, this is our...a... friend. She's not from around here."
"And I don't want you kids around here."
"Wow, someone has a stick up their..."
"You don't wanna finish the sentence," Snyder warned.
Sarai laughed. "Or what? I don't go here. And I don't listen to the principal at my school when she's all 'it's not right to argue with your teachers, blah, blah', so there sure as hell no way I'll listen to you."
"I can expel your friends," he threatened.
"Okay, first of all, only one of them is my friend. The other just had a total wrong relationship with this dude I call father. Secondly, maybe you should spend less time being a pooper to your students, and more time with Rogaine and investing in shoe lifts. It'll help get rid of the troll look you got going on." Buffy and Willow couldn't help but laugh. Snyder stayed silent. "Got nothing to say? Good thing you're a principal and not an English teacher."
"I hate students," he eventually said.
"And there is no doubt in my mind that they despise you." Sarai.
"Get off the property, and get off soon."
"I could make a really disgusting comment about that, but I won't, because I don't think Willow will appreciate that kind of dirty humor, and I like her too much to not pay attention to that."
"What about me?" Buffy asked.
"You? You need to keep your lips of my daddy, and leave him alone for good. You are no good for him. The only things you do is make him evil, and force him to chose between you and the best woman there is for him. Yeah, if it wasn't for you, they'd be happy together. I know they would. Even if that meant I wouldn't be born, or she'd still die giving birth to me. They'd still have that time together. And she'd never have to experienced being killed by someone who she loved very, very, much, all because of you. You homewrecking slut!." Sarai screamed, venting a lot of anger she's built up towards the slayer. "And for the record, I know for a fact that your blonde is from a bottle and not natural," she added for a larger effect. Mainly being trying to be humorous, because if there was one thing Sarai hated, it was getting too emotional in front of people (other than her father, of course.) Once she realized she was doing just that, she had to do something to try and counteract it.
Before Buffy, or anyone had a chance to respond, Sarai disappeared, as did Ryan in the library.
TBC
A/N: That's it for now. Up next might very well be the last time-travel chapter, and then there will be the chapter when they return. After that though, that will be it. But, I am already planning out Sarai's next story, that is, if you all still want another. Until next time (which since it's not summer shouldn't be as long of a wait), happy reading, and reviewing. :)