You know what words I hate most for my boss to say? "Here's a copy of your flight plan. You leave in three hours. I'll see you in two months!"

At the very least he needn't be so damn chipper about it.

Anyway, I have suffered indeed these last months as 'personal laptop' is not listed under items authorized to bring on company trips. And my company laptop is sent back to the boys in IT to make sure I didn't use it for any illicit internet usage or writing of fanfics. (I'm kinda proud of the fact that they added that clause to the company computer policy just because of little ol' me! I mean, I'd rather they hadn't put the restriction in there at all, don't get me wrong. But the fact that they stated 'fanfiction' specifically was pretty cool. I even got a chance to brag a little since a lot of people didn't know what it was and my boss sent them my way for an explanation. He's given up on trying to understand it.)

The point of that explanation was that this chapter and the next two were written on my bandana and a handful of napkins from a place that I wouldn't recommend even to Teal'c with a fully healthy Junior. That said, please excuse any errors in linguistics or plot flow. I tried to keep them in English and the right order, but unfortunately I messed up at least once that I know of. Fortunately I have an eagle-eyed beta (Thanks again, Waves!) who says it makes sense now that it's in the right order. And the right language.

Anyway, onto the requisite legalese (a.k.a. disclaimer): Don't own SG-1 or any of the other people you recognize in here from the show. I do own Perkins, the nameless SFs and the other sundry minor characters, if you'd like to borrow them please ask.

Acting One's Age
by Keaira
Chapter 7 – A Little Pain

Janet led the way back to the infirmary, the SF with Sam just behind her and Teal'c with Danny behind them. Sam was asking questions about anything and everything she saw and the three adults were trying to keep up with her rapid-fire inquiries. Most were simple to ask and difficult to answer, these generally fell into two categories, either why or how.

Her question of why some people wore dark blue and some people wore dark green and some people wore camouflage and some people wore light blue and dark blue and Janet wore a white lab coat, etc., was interrupted by a wail from the infirmary that was obviously Jack.

Danny had been listening with interest to the answers the adults gave Sam, but both of them forgot the questions as his face went pale and she frowned.

They hadn't done anything to her that hurt that much. What were they doing to Jack?

Janet sped up and the rest of them followed, coming to an abrupt halt inside the door when they saw Jack was on the bed writhing and screaming bloody murder, two corpsmen trying to hold him down while a third attempted to draw blood.

Janet shook her head and sighed with a mixture of amusement and irritation.

"Stop it, Jack," she said as she went over to the side of the bed. "Jack!"

Her yell caught him by surprise and he froze, then looked at her. His concentration broken, the two corpsmen lunged to get a better grip on his arm while the third inserted the needle as quickly as possible and popped the collection vial into place.

She gave him a stern look and he glared back, his eyes narrowing.

"They're not trying to kill you," she said.

"Are too! They're vampires! They're stealing my blood!"

Her lips twitched as she fought to repress the laughter. A wave of pity for his mother swept over her as she shook her head. "They're not vampires. We need a sample of your blood to make sure there's nothing wrong with you." She held his gaze, even as she saw in her peripheral vision the corpsmen change out the vial for the second of three tubes. She just had to keep him talking through one more.

"There isn't! Now let me go!"

"We just want to make sure," Janet said. "We don't even need that much. You'll be perfectly fine without it." The third tube went in and she reached in her pocket where she'd stashed the handful of miniature candy bars she'd taken from the bag in her desk. Not that she wanted him hyped up on sugar, but they were small and one or two wouldn't likely make that much difference.

She didn't much care for bribing children either, but she knew from personal experience that little else would work with the adult Jack and so far there hadn't been much to suggest he'd been all that different as a child. He was just more vocal about his discomfort and opinions, apparently.

She held two of the bite-size chocolate bars up and his eyes snapped to them like iron filings to a magnet.

"I might have a few of these for anyone who can sit still long enough for me to run the tests I need."

That was enough for Daniel, who'd been brought over by Teal'c and was watching the chocolate as well.

"I'll be good," he said, raising a hand.

"Me, too," Sam said, raising her hand as well.

Jack looked at the other two and then back at Janet. "You got any Butterfingers?" he asked and she smiled.

oOoo

It was well into the afternoon by the time she'd teased, cajoled, bribed, and blackmailed Jack into cooperating for the duration of the tests she needed to run. Danny had put up little fight, but he was a shrewd negotiator and most of the sugar they consumed was due to him. Jack, of course, demanded he be given at least the same, and Sam used every last ounce of charm she had to get her share even though her tests were already done. She claimed it was for her cooperation with the tetanus shot, which she took remarkably well.

Still Janet had been expecting far more trouble than she ended up getting—if you didn't include all the whining from Jack. He'd cooperated in the end though and now it was finally over. With a sigh of relief she signed the last batch of paperwork for the tests and silently prayed they'd find something in the tests already run to explain all this. It was too much to ask that they'd be given an easy solution, so she just hoped they weren't forced to run any more tests.

The three of them had been returned to the converted isolation room and her infirmary was peaceful once more.

She paused for a moment to enjoy the quiet and close her eyes. She had a feeling she'd find very little of it over the next however long it took to restore SG-1 to normal . . . or what passed for them as normal anyway.

Her eyes popped open as Dr. Perkins poked his head in her office with a folder in hand and announced, "I have the initial results from Major Carter back."

"Oh good," Janet said and rose to accept the folder. She immediately flipped it open and started scanning the enclosed sheets. Perkins watched expectantly, but his hopes faded as her expression slowly changed to one of resignation.

"Nothing," she said and closed the folder with one hand as she blew out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. "Nothing unusual for a six-year-old human female at least, except for the anomalies we'd expect with it being Sam. She still has the protein marker and naquada in her blood from Jolinar, but, like I said, nothing I wouldn't expect to see. But at least we now know it's actually her." She expression reflected one of distraction as she mentally eliminated the possibilities that the results discounted. She still had a few ideas but couldn't confirm or deny them without the rest of the tests.

"Maybe there will be something in the PET scans or MRIs," Perkins said.

"Possibly," she said, absently. Then she shook herself. "Thanks, Mike. I'm going to go check on them. I'll be back."

Perkins nodded and took the folder back as she left, watching her leave and thinking how glad he was that he wasn't CMO. He didn't know if he could work with all the pressure she dealt with.

Like most of the people who worked for her, he was impressed by how well she dealt with everything that was thrown at her on a daily basis. And she was always involved in everything that happened. No patient passed through her infirmary that she wasn't aware of, no injury to small to check on.

It was part of the reason she was so universally beloved and trusted by everyone on base. It was obviously even to the blind, deaf, and dumb that she cared about every person under her care and knew them all.

Even the odd outsider that came through got the same level of care, whether she liked them or not. It was just a part of her nature to do everything she could regardless of her personal feelings.

But that level of dedication came with its costs and this was one. She'd worked miracles so often in the past that they were starting to expect them. She didn't want to let anyone down. Failure was not an option. Especially for SG-1 whom she'd gotten to know very well and whom it was rumored might have a team member she particularly liked. Not that she played favorites or anything, but if she took longer to do a standard post-mission exam for one person than the others . . .

In any case the pressure kept building and she just kept going. Someday it would break her if she wasn't careful.

He shrugged and went to go bother the lab technicians again. Maybe he could help ease some of that pressure by finding her some good news.

oOoo

Janet heard the giggling and laughing from down the hall and wondered what exactly they were doing.

She glanced questioningly at the airman guarding the door who shrugged in response. "They were brought a late lunch about half an hour ago. The giggles started about ten minutes later. I figure if they're not screaming and not trying to escape anymore then it can't be that bad."

Janet nodded and opened the door thinking that she wholeheartedly-

Disagreed. A gob of gravy covered mashed potatoes slid down her cheek as she stared at the room before her, blinking in disbelief.

The tall metal bookshelves had been removed, the items formerly occupying them now on smaller plastic shelves that were on the opposite side of the room from the air vent. The vent had been replaced and duct-taped for good measure.

The small table that had been brought in had been tipped on its side and converted into a barricade directly in front of her, behind which Jack crouched with a tray that had the remains of a healthy dinner.

The bookshelves across the room had been pushed from the wall and now provided meager cover for a giggling Danny and Sam who had their own trays close by.

Sam whispered something to Danny who nodded and then popped up. He saw Janet and froze, not even trying to duck when Jack came out to throw a handful of green beans. At the same time Sam risked her own head as she came up, a handful of some gravy covered meat in her hands which she was aiming at Jack. She too froze at the sight of Janet, her hand instinctively clutching the chunk of meat harder to prevent it from sailing over Jack's now hidden head to hit Janet. The meat squished out between her fingers she squeezed so hard.

Whether it was Danny and Sam's sudden cessation of giggling or some ingrained gut instinct, Jack turned and saw Janet, the mashed potatoes having dropped to land on her pristine white coat, an odd look on her face that kept shifting.

She was torn between trying not to laugh and trying not to yell and quite undecided as to which would be better.

The three of them waited with held breaths as she came to her decision. She closed her eyes, turned around and walked out, shutting the door behind her.

Once there she shook her head at the questioning look from the SF and bolted for her office ignoring the odd looks from the people she passed. She didn't even see General Hammond and Teal'c who watched her race past, the General with his mouth still open to talk to her, Teal'c with a single eyebrow arched in his usual fashion. Only when she was safely locked inside did she let out the laughter that had won out.

Her charge nurse, Becca, came by and peeked her head in, but Janet was laughing too hard to explain. She obviously wasn't hurt though so Becca shrugged and went back to her duties.

After the laughter died down to an occasional giggle she got a paper towel and wiped up both the mashed potatoes and gravy and the tear streaks from her face. Her side ached slightly, but she ignored it and pulled out the mirror from her drawer to check that she looked presentable once more. She managed to hide her grin and assume a more appropriate demeanor as she prepared to return to the iso room.

When she stepped out of her office, however, she found the General and Teal'c waiting for her with curious looks on their faces.

"Is everything all right, Doctor?" Hammond asked. A snort of laughter escaped but she managed to quell any more and nodded.

"Everything's fine, sir."

"Good," he said, but he looked her over once more as if to be sure. It wasn't easy, but she managed to keep her laughter tamped down until he was finished.

Finally he shook his head slightly in dismissal of his worries and told Janet what he'd come to tell her.

"I understand you completed all the tests."

"Yes, sir."

"I'd like to do a briefing on the situation including whatever you've found so far. I'd also like to ask the Teal'c and the other three . . . members of SG-1 to recount anything they remember. When would be a good time?"

Janet bit her lip and sought control but failed as a very Jack O'Neill response of, "After bathtime?" escaped her before she started laughing again.

Teal'c's eyebrow went up again and the General merely stared at his CMO as she started to double over, one hand pressed to her side.

"Dr. Fraiser, are you sure you feel all right?" he asked.

She nodded and took a deep breath, then straightened. "I'm fine, sir, really." When he didn't seem to believe her she repeated it. "Really. I'm perfectly fine."

"Well then what is so damn funny?" he asked and it suddenly occurred to her that not knowing about the situation with his three problem children—An apt description if there ever was one, she thought with another snort of laughter—he might think she was laughing at him. Generals did not like to be laughed at. Not by Majors especially and certainly not when they were in the middle of something of a crisis.

"It's probably best if I show you, sir," she said and led the way back to the iso room.

Hammond and Teal'c followed and this time when she approached the SF she got a sly grin from the young man.

"Back for more, Doc?" he asked, then spotted the General. He snapped to attention and saluted crisply. "Afternoon, sir," he greeted his CO who nodded and returned the salute.

"You might want to stand back, General," Janet warned as she opened the door. She peeked in before opening the door the whole way to reveal the scene of destruction.

The food fight had stopped and all three of the kids were standing in the middle of the room looking rather guilty in their food-smeared clothes.

Hammond took in the room slowly, his mouth working in an uncanny resemblance to a fish as he took in the mashed potatoes on the walls, the green beans strewn across the floor, and so on. As he watched, a glob of what he was pretty sure was some of the meatloaf from lunch dropped from its spot on the observation window to land with a soft plop on the floor.

Much like Janet he turned and left the room before reacting.

Janet followed him and shut the door.

He turned, his struggle to remain calm obvious on his face. Her struggle with laughter, however, was quickly and suddenly over.

"Are they contagious?" he asked, his voice clipped.

She immediately shook her head. "Whatever caused them to regress there's nothing left in their blood to indicate it was any sort of contagion. I've also been able to rule out nanotechnology. I don't believe at this time that we have any reason to worry about anyone else regressing."

"Can your people work on this issue without you for the next few hours?"

"We're just waiting for test results right now. I can't really do anything until they're finished."

"Then I'm giving you another assignment. Get those three cleaned up and presentable and get them off my base. I don't care where but when they come back they'd better be asleep or ready for it."

Janet nodded, all thoughts of dumping them on someone else gone at his very final tone. "Yes, sir."

He turned and stalked off, calling back over his shoulder, "We'll debrief at 0800 hours tomorrow morning."

"Yes, sir," she said softly and then looked to Teal'c. "What are you doing right now, Teal'c?" she asked.

"I am currently unoccupied. Would you like some assistance with your assignment?"

"I'm going to need it. If I take care of Sam can you get Jack and Daniel clean?"

He inclined his head and she nodded. "Okay. I'll have some extra small scrubs brought to the men's locker room for them to wear while their clothes are washed." She paused and then cocked her head. "Since we don't know how long they'll be like this maybe we'll go get them something else to wear."

"That would be a wise course of action," Teal'c agreed. "In my experience children do tend to get dirty very quickly and often require several changes of clothes each day."

She thought for a few moments.

"Right. Here's the plan: You take Jack and Daniel and get them under running water. With two of them you'll need more time—especially since I have a feeling Jack will be a handful by himself. I'll go get one of my people to get some things and drop them off for you and pick up their clothes to be washed. Then Sam and I will go get her cleaned up and we'll meet you back in the infirmary."

Teal'c again inclined his head and entered the room as Janet chuckled softly and shook her head before moving off down the hall to do her part.

Thanks for the reviews and thanks for reading! Until next time . . .

"A child is a curly, dimpled lunatic. " – Ralph Waldo Emerson

-Keaira