Chandler ordered the pizzas, while Janice helped Phoebe hide in his bedroom with her tea, crackers, and bucket, so that Joey wouldn't know she was there. Then Janice and Chandler got dressed and promised that they wouldn't leave her alone too long. She said she would be fine and would probably meditate, in hopes of keeping away her nausea for the rest of the weekend.

So Chandler and Janice returned to the living room to wait for the pizzas and their guests to arrive. Joey came to the door with Ruthie and hesitantly knocked. "Hey, are you guys... decent yet?"

Janice laughed loudly and unlocked the door. "Of course we are, Joey!" She opened the door and playfully hit his arm, then picked up her daughter and kissed her warmly. "Hey, did you miss me, honey? Did you miss your mommy?"

Ruthie was still pretending to be a duck. "Quack, quack!"

Chandler joked, "I guess that means yes. Unless... Hey, Dick, get over here and translate!" The duck didn't even turn his head at the sound of his name, just staying put in front of the TV, where he and the rooster were busy watching a nature show at the moment.

Janice laughed and shrugged, figuring that Ruthie would start genuinely missing her once they were apart for at least a whole day; maybe her toddler thought this was just another short visit with relatives or a babysitter.

As Ruthie continued giggling and quacking, Janice grinned. "Think of what she'll sound like when she tries to crow like a rooster, huh?" She then laughed a particularly long and noisy laugh, even for her.

Joey did his best to fake a smile, but Chandler could tell that Joey was definitely feeling the urge to "rip off my arm just so I can have something to throw at her."

Chandler worriedly put an arm around Joey and whispered in his ear, "You okay?"

Joey discreetly rubbed his temple and nodded, whispering back, "Uh, yeah. I-I just need some aspirin." He pulled away and went to get a glass of water and a couple of pills.

Janice didn't notice, for she had now carried Ruthie into the living room in order to play with the birds again. "Careful, careful. Remember what Uncle Joey said," she reminded her daughter as they sat on the rug together. "Oh, look at the pretty birdies on the TV, too!"

Ruthie kept quacking excitedly at the duck, as if having a contest to see who could quack the loudest.

"Uh, Janice," Chandler said gently as he sat down next to them, "Could you keep it down please?"

"I know, I'm sorry," Janice said as she hushed her daughter. "Shh, you don't want to scare the birdies away again."

Chandler glanced back at Joey, who was swallowing the aspirin and gulping the water, and he felt more guilty for not remembering to have this talk with Janice before. Chandler spoke as tactfully as he could, "I didn't mean just Ruthie, Janice. I-I meant you too."

"What?" she said, blinking with confusion.

Chandler really didn't want to criticize and possibly hurt his girlfriend, but he didn't want to alienate Joey further, either. So Chandler squeezed her hand and whispered reassuringly, "I mean, I love you, Janice. I love you so much, but, um--" He cleared his throat and shrugged, "Well, you know how loud and hyper kids can get, and Ruthie can certainly squeal and quack with the best of them. And Joey--Joey's been taking care of her all morning already, and um, I-I think he's getting a headache, you see. So can you please, please try not to laugh too loudly just now? For Joey?"

Janice stared at Chandler as she absorbed his words, then she too glanced at Joey, who was still rubbing his head in the kitchen while he waited for the aspirin to kick in. Unknown to her, Joey was also muttering repeatedly to himself that he had promised to try liking Janice for Chandler's sake.

Looking back at Chandler, Janice said with surprise, "I'm sorry, I didn't know Joey was so *sensitive* just now."

"I know, honey. Joey just doesn't want to tell you this himself, so you won't get the wrong idea about it, like how he--he hated you before Joey and Janice's Day of Fun."

"Oh, I remember that," Janice said. "I spent all day teaching him to love me, even though his floppy haircut was annoying me so much. I'm so glad that he changed it. His eyes are way too pretty to be covered up by those droopy long bangs, you know?"

Chandler nodded along and continued reassuring her, "Yeah, and you have a great voice, Janice, a really great--I mean, just ask Phoebe, you know? But it, it can be a little overpowering sometimes, and I just think it would help Joey if you toned it down right now. I mean, of course you can laugh as much as you want to, but just not so loudly. Please?"

"Okay, sweetie, I understand." Janice kissed him. "I do know how loud my Ruthie can get, so I guess Joey's just not used to it yet. Boy, he should have heard her when she was just a baby, crying all night, hour after hour!" She started to laugh again, but when Chandler gave her a warning look, she quieted down and said, "Sorry, honey!"

"It's okay." Chandler hugged her and kissed her again. "I love you."

"I love you too, Bing-a-ling."

Chandler got up again and said that he was going to check on Joey, so Janice kept playing with Ruthie and the birds, and she made sure that Ruthie also kept her voice down.

Back in the kitchen, Chandler murmured to Joey, "I asked her to tone it down. Do you think you can make it through lunch?"

Joey sighed heavily and nodded, "If it's not too long..."

Chandler patted his shoulder and assured him, "We'll wrap it up right after the pizzas." He had not forgotten that Phoebe was waiting for them all to finish.

"Okay." Joey glanced at Janice in the living room and tried to think positive thoughts about her, but he was reminded of Monica's earlier comments about the Nanny. With a frown, he asked Chandler, "Hey, um, you know that TV show, *The Nanny*? Did you ever think that--?" Before he could finish inquiring about the resemblance between Fran Drescher and Janice Litman, the pizza delivery guy arrived.

"Oh, hang on a minute." Chandler went to pay for the pizzas, while Joey stacked the boxes on the foosball table.

As Joey peeked at the toppings, he noticed something, "Hey, you got a plain cheese pizza here. What, Ruthie doesn't eat meat yet or something?"

"Oh, no, that's not for her. She wouldn't be able to finish that herself."

"Well, who's it for?" Joey lowered his voice, then asked, "Is Janice on some weird no-meat diet, 'cause that is just wrong!"

Chandler closed the door after the pizza delivery guy and hurried to distract Joey's suspicions. "Uh, no, that's just an extra pizza, Joe. We're not eating that yet. Janice and I are--are saving that one for later, uh, in case we get hungry again, you know?" He motioned with his eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh. Yeah." Joey turned away from him and cringed at the thought that they were having *that* much sex this weekend.

Chandler cleared his throat and grabbed the extra pizza. "So let's just put this one aside, and if you feel hungry for more food, Joe, then you can just eat more jam, you know. I even made more bread." He pointed toward the breadmaker.

Joey took a peek at the new loaf. "Wow, you did. It smells good, so I guess you did it right."

Chandler smiled, "Yeah but this time I didn't waste any flour. Me and Janice followed the recipe exactly this time."

Joey felt a twinge of jealousy, reminiscent of the time when Eddie started making eggs for Chandler. But Joey bit his lip against commenting on this, and he shrugged. "Uh, let's start eating the pizzas, okay?"

"Sure, just let me get some plates out first, and Janice is gonna want to cut up the slices extra small for Ruthie."

"Right." Joey helped him get plates and set the table, while Janice told Ruthie it was time for lunch.

They all sat down to eat, but Ruthie was very messy and kept dropping pieces of pizza to the birds, who didn't always catch the food before it landed on the floor. "Ruthie!" Janice said with exasperation, "Now it's all over the nice floor."

Joey and Chandler didn't mind the mess, though, as they had done far worse to their floor themselves, and they said they could clean it up after lunch.

"All right," Janice sighed and tried not to worry about it. She kept her eye on the clock, hoping that Phoebe wasn't getting impatient and hungry in the bedroom.

As they ate, Janice talked with Joey about Ruthie some more, and also asked him if she could have the recipe to the pasta dish he made the other night. "It was so delicious."

Joey felt another twinge of jealousy. "Uh, thanks. But I-I don't know if my mom would want me to give out the secret. It's, uh, an old family recipe."

Chandler was surprised, as Joey hadn't mentioned that to him before, and he suspected that he ought to kick Joey's leg to remind him that he was supposed to be getting along with Janice.

Janice bought the excuse, though, and didn't mind. "Oh, I didn't know that, Joey. My mother's just like that about some of our old family recipes. She swore me to secrecy all the time!" She laughed, but after a moment realized that she was too loud, so she laughed more delicately.

Chandler smiled approvingly, and Joey appreciated her correction too. He even started a friendly conversation with Janice about cooking, and mothers, for he wasn't quite so jealous if he could reserve that recipe to him and Chandler. It was annoying enough to know that Janice had made bread with Chandler already.

Chandler and Janice soon realized, though, that they needed to finish lunch and not keep Phoebe waiting longer, so they said goodbye to Joey and told him that they didn't want to keep Ruthie from her nap.

Joey asked Janice with confusion, "But I thought you said she doesn't have a nap until a couple of hours after lunch?"

Chandler cleared his throat and wiggled his eyebrows again. "Yeah, but Janice and I just want some alone time."

Joey's eyes widened and he hurried to get Ruthie and leave. He certainly didn't want to stick around if Chandler and Janice were feeling horny again.

***

After Joey returned to the other apartment with Ruthie, they locked the door again and let Phoebe out of the bedroom.

"You want lunch, honey?" Janice asked.

"A little, but I can't eat too much," Phoebe said cautiously. She usually didn't get so sick if she had many small meals instead of three big meals a day.

"Don't worry, we can put the leftovers away for later."

Chandler reheated some slices of the cheese pizza, while Janice cleaned up the dropped pizza from the floor.

Phoebe sat down and ate, asking for some napkins too.

"Sure. Oh, if the pizza's too greasy, you can have some bread instead. It tastes really good when it's fresh!"

"Thank you."

They tended to her needs, then sat in the living room and watched TV with the birds again. However, they quickly ended up kissing and groping again, so Phoebe insisted that they go have fun without her again. "Go on. I wanna finish this slice."

Chandler and Janice thanked her and departed for his bedroom. Phoebe ate and listened to them fooling around. Janice even turned on the stripper music and probably performed the strip again, frequently calling Chandler her king. Soon Chandler and Janice were naked on the bed and getting hot and heavy again.

Phoebe felt very envious and decided that she felt good enough to join them, so she put her plate in the sink before going into the bedroom. While they were engrossed in each other, Phoebe climbed onto the bed and kissed Janice passionately.

They were surprised but pleased. "You're really feeling better now?" Janice asked.

"Yes." She started to get naked too. "If you still want me."

Janice grinned. "Of course. We're glad to have our slave girl back."

Chandler agreed and made room for Phoebe. "Show me what else you can do!"

"Okay, but no more yoga for now."

They all kissed each other and finally resumed their threesome. Chandler enjoyed many of his favorite erotic activities with Janice, witnessed some hot lesbian sex, and then participated in a three-way sixty-nine until they were exhausted.

"Oh God," Chandler collapsed against the pillows when they had finished. "That was--oh God!" He couldn't think of any other words to describe this incredible afternoon. He felt so lucky and happy.

Janice kissed him with a smile, but then felt Phoebe hug her from behind. "I'm glad I didn't get nauseous again," she said. "I didn't want to ruin this weekend."

"No, you wouldn't ruin it, Phoebe," Janice reassured her. "We could always have done it another time. In fact, you could even come back for another weekend, if you want to! After your first trimester's over, the morning sickness usually stops and then you'll feel ready to have lots and lots of sex!"

"Really?" Phoebe asked. "But will you still want me when I'm so big and pregnant?"

"Of course!" Janice said. "Why, your breasts will get so much bigger, and there will more blood flow in your groin, which makes it much easier for you to orgasm."

"Whoa!" Chandler's eyes widened as he listened to this, and his blood flowed straight to his groin, too.

Janice and Phoebe laughed, then pounced on their king in unison.