Joey played games with Ruthie and watched some children's videos with her until it was time for her nap. Then he tucked her in and turned out most of the lights, but left on a lamp as a nightlight. Going to the kitchen, Joey got a beer from a fridge and decided to go peek into Monica and Rachel's (formerly his and Chandler's) bedrooms, to see what they had done to the rooms since they moved in. (Perhaps he would even be able to sneak a glimpse of their lingerie.)

But Ruthie slept rather restlessly on Monica's loveseat, and she complained in a whimper that the apartment looked scary in the dark. She also missed her mommy and wanted to go home. After unsuccessfully trying to comfort her, Joey finally picked up the baby monitor again.

Janice said that she would come right over. "Just give me a minute to dress."

"Okay. See ya." He turned off the monitor and sat waiting for her, feeling embarrassed and nervous again; he didn't want to imagine what she and Chandler might have been doing at the moment.

Janice arrived, wearing black pyjamas with leopard print cuffs, and her hair was slightly awry.

"Mommy!"

Janice hugged Ruthie and reassured her. "I'm here, baby." Sitting down on the loveseat, she rocked Ruthie in her lap and sang songs to calm her down.

Joey sipped his beer and reflected that he usually hated to hear Janice sing, but since she was just softly crooning lullabies, she didn't sound so bad this time.

Ruthie still clung to her mother and whimpered a little. Then she asked if she could have a cookie.

"A cookie? No, maybe after your nap, sweetie. How about some milk for now?"

Ruthie nodded and sucked her thumb, so Janice asked, "Joey, can you--?"

"Sure." He went and got a bottle out of the fridge. "You want me to heat it up first?"

"Yeah, I think some warm milk will make her sleepy."

"Okay." Joey got out a pot and turned on the stove so that he could heat up the bottle of milk. He already knew that he shouldn't microwave a baby bottle.

"Thank you." Janice resumed singing songs to Ruthie.

Joey kept heating up the bottle, until he suddenly realized that he was humming along with the lullaby that Janice was singing. That spooked him for a moment, so he stopped and cleared his throat. Finally Joey tested the milk on his wrist and found that it wasn't too hot, so he handed the bottle to Janice, before licking the drops from his arm.

"Oh, Joey, wait!" she warned him. "That's breast milk. I haven't weaned her off it yet."

Joey shrugged. "It's okay. I've tasted breast milk before." He licked up the drops anyway, then turned off the stove and put the pot into the sink.

Janice was surprised by Joey's calmness. "Wow. Chandler is so freaked out by it."

Joey nodded. "I know. It's weird. Him and Ross and Rachel have something against tasting breast milk." He told her about the incident with Carol's breast milk a couple of years ago. "I mean, regular milk is juice squeezed from a cow, so what's the big deal?"

Janice agreed and told him how, in her family, they believed in letting a child breastfeed for two to three years. Since she began eating solid foods, Ruthie didn't breastfeed as often now as she used to, but it was often enough that Janice always made sure to have a few bottles of breast milk handy for daycare and babysitters. Why force Ruthie to cope with two major transitions at the same time--potty training and switching to cow's milk?

While Janice sat down and fed Ruthie the warm milk from the bottle, Joey discussed with her different opinions about how long to breastfeed a baby, but then he saw the clock and realized how much time had passed.

He offered, "Uh, maybe I should do that, if Chandler's waiting for you now?"

"Oh, it's okay. I told him I could be a while, so he should do something else." Or rather, someone else.

"Really? Maybe I should go hang out with him--" Joey really missed Chandler and wanted to see him again.

"No, no, Joey!" Janice stopped him, for she didn't want him to walk in on Chandler and Phoebe in bed. "Now's not a good time to visit."

"It isn't?" Joey sat down again.

"No, I'm sorry. But you can see him later, you know? At dinner time."

"Oh. Okay." Joey looked sad and wondered what Chandler was doing now. It sounded like something vaguely kinky or embarrassing. Maybe it was something as silly as Chandler polishing his nails, since they both seemed to like his recent manicure and pedicure at the salon.

Or--Joey grimaced at the thought--maybe Janice had left him handcuffed, like Joanna had done once. But considering what had happened with Joanna, Joey hoped that Chandler had finally learned his lesson about being too trusting with women. Chandler's habit of being too sexually compliant was also what allowed Susie Moss to successfully prank Chandler and leave him trapped in a bathroom stall, wearing nothing but socks and a hot pink thong. He surely wouldn't repeat that mistake, would he?

Joey sighed and returned to the kitchen to rinse out the pot and put it away. Then he grabbed his beer again and drank it, wishing that Chandler were here to share beers with him and joke around. The hours until dinner seemed very long indeed.

Ruthie had enough milk and finally fell asleep, so Janice tucked her in again while Joey returned the bottle to the fridge. Then Janice said goodbye to Joey in a whisper and kissed his cheek. "Thanks again for watching her. I hope Monica and Rachel get home soon, so you can go out and have some fun of your own."

"Yeah."

"Anyway, see you tonight."

"Yeah, see ya." After she left, Joey stared around the old apartment and deeply missed the days when he and Chandler lived here. He fondly remembered when he cut Chandler's door in half and built the entertainment center, and how they would stay up all night playing foosball, or just smile and hug each other. This place was home, and he almost wished that he and Chandler hadn't won that bet and moved.

***

Meanwhile, Janice returned to Phoebe and Chandler, and they all resumed their afternoon of fun, though Chandler was getting worn out, so he contented himself with watching Janice and Phoebe do stuff.

Finally it was dinner time, so once again they had to get dressed and hide Phoebe. Dinner went much like lunch, except that Monica and Rachel were there too, looking excited and refreshed by their afternoon together.

Of all the cute rugby players, Monica had liked Devon the most, and they really hit it off when they talked. Rachel had also met a guy named Geoffrey, with whom she and Monica would double date tomorrow night. But Rachel was actually more excited about the new clothes she had bought and how she was going to make Joshua jealous when she saw him next.

"Oh! I can ask Joshua to put me on the list for his club again, then me and Geoff can go dancing there."

Monica had no objection to the plan, but hoped that Rachel would not spend too much time obsessing about Joshua. "Something great might develop with Geoff, you know."

"Maybe. We'll see."

While the women talked, Joey tried to bond with Chandler, telling him that babysitting Ruthie across the hall had reminded him of all the fun they used to have at the old apartment.

Monica asked hopefully, "Do you guys wanna switch back?"

Chandler replied firmly, "Oh no you don't! We won that game fair and square."

"But Chandler--" Joey pleaded.

"No, we can't live in the small apartment again, Joe. Haven't you read *Flowers for Algernon*?"

Joey floundered. "Haven't you read *Sports Illustrated*?" When Chandler gave him an incredulous look, he admitted, "No, I didn't read yours!"

Janice chuckled, then patted Joey's arm and helpfully summarized the salient points of the book. "...So then the operation fails and Charlie slowly reverts back to his old IQ and gets even worse, poor thing. It's so tragic."

"Exactly!" Chandler said.

It hurt Joey to realize that he couldn't compete with Janice intellectually, and he still wanted to move back home, all the same. He pouted and grumbled, "It's just a new apartment, not a new brain or anything."

Janice actually agreed with him. "Good point, Joey. If I remember correctly, Charlie wasn't so happy when he was an egotistical genius either."

This led to a more detailed discussion of the book, mainly between Chandler and Janice, with the occasional relevant comment from Monica. Rachel hadn't read the book, though, nor many other books on the required reading list from school; as cheerleader co-captain at Lincoln High, she had readily found other people to do academic work for her, so that she could concentrate on fashion and making pyramids.

Rachel joked about how Wallis Pincer took her SATs for her, and tried to draw Joey into a less intellectual conversation, but Joey was pouting too much and staring enviously at Chandler and Janice again.

Chandler noticed this, so after dinner he pulled Joey aside to have a talk in private. Since Monica and Rachel returned to their apartment, and Janice wanted to let Phoebe out to eat, Chandler said, "Let's go play some darts," and led the way into Joey's bedroom.

Joey was happy to hang out with Chandler for a while, so he eagerly set up the dartboard on the wall and asked, "You wanna play Hammer Darts to make it interesting?" He looked around for his hammer.

"No, no, let's talk about Janice first." Chandler sat them down on the bed and saw Joey's instant frown of disappointment. "What's the matter?" he asked. "I thought you guys were getting along okay, and Janice told me that you had a pretty good talk while getting Ruthie back to sleep."

Joey nodded. "Yeah, I guess, and she's not giving me a headache anymore. But I don't know," he shrugged. "It's not really about her now. I just--I miss you."

"You miss me? What? I haven't gone anywhere, Joe. I'm right here."

"No, but--but just now we were having dinner, and it didn't even feel like we were hanging out. You were all talking about books and stuff."

"I'm sorry, we just got on that subject for a while. Why didn't you just talk with Rachel about something else, instead of moping around like that?"

"'Cause I wanted to talk to you!" Joey pouted. "It's not fair. I was waiting all day to see you, and you don't even wanna talk to me."

"That's not true!" Chandler hugged him apologetically. "You know that's not. I didn't mean to leave you out, Joe. It's just, sometimes I forget that you didn't read the same books we did." He laughed and remembered what Joey had previously said about his own high school experience. "Man, I bet while we suckers were all busy studying, you were out partying and having sex. I wish I'd gone to your high school."

Joey nodded and answered seriously. "I wish you did."

Chandler was surprised. "Yeah? You wouldn't mind having a geek like me hanging around you and ruining your cool reputation?"

Joey shrugged and put an arm around him. "You're not so bad. Ross on the other hand..."

Chandler smiled and added, "And maybe I could've, like, tutored you in your classes in return for you showing me how to pick up girls. God, it took me forever to figure it out in college, hanging out with Ross!" He sighed and shook his head. "I can't believe I didn't suspect that he was sabotaging me too, telling the girls I was gay."

Joey recalled the recent quiz game that won them the apartment. "You were really 19 when you first touched a girl's breast?"

Chandler blushed and nodded. "That wasn't all my fault! I went to high school at an all-boys' boarding school, you know, where I had no access to girls. Then with Ross slowing me down in college, it took me months to make any progress with the chicks."

"Man!" Joey was shocked. "If I was there, I'd have hired you a hooker to fix you up like that!" He snapped his fingers.

Chandler laughed heartily. "Losing my virginity and committing a crime all in one night. Boy, do you know how to have fun!"

"Yeah!" Joey agreed with a grin.

Rolling his eyes, Chandler just shook his head and chuckled. "I bet you would've been an even bigger party wizard than Gandalf was."

Joey pouted jealously and pulled away.

"What's the matter?" Chandler asked.

Joey sighed and looked at the floor. "It's just, you and Ross got so excited about that wizard guy coming into town a while ago. You guys kept saying, 'Dude' and how you never party anymore, like you and me never have any fun. And, and you were all talking geek stuff about reading some book in high school, and it made me feel left out, just like you and Janice tonight. I just--I hate it when you and Ross bond about college junk, 'cause it makes me feel like I'm not your best friend, and you'd rather hang out with people who are smarter than me."

Chandler was stunned and apologetic. "But, but you *are* my best friend, Joe. You are. I mean, what I said about Ross before, I meant that. We lived together and hung out, but it was a relief when he finally moved in with Carol and I didn't have to hear his damn air purifier anymore."

Joey shrugged. "But don't I annoy you sometimes? You complained about me licking the spoons and stuff."

"I know, but I never wanted you to move out, Joe." He got rather emotional as he remembered the pain of Joey moving out. "I mean, I missed you so much. I, I--" Unable to say those three words, he finally just pulled Joey into his arms and hugged him tightly.

Joey wanted to say "I love you" too, but he bit his lip against it. So he just buried his head in Chandler's shoulder and savored this warm, reassuring embrace.

Suddenly, Janice opened the door and startled them. "Oh! I'm sorry. I-I thought you were playing darts."

Chandler pulled away from Joey and blushed deeply, suddenly feeling guilty and uncomfortable. It was almost as if his girlfriend had caught him reenacting his erotic dream with Joey.

Joey also looked embarrassed and cleared his throat. "We, um, we couldn't find the darts." He tried to be macho and aloof, even though his excuse made no sense.

"Okay." Janice stifled her giggles and shrugged, thinking how silly men could be when they were jumpy about physical affection. "Um, I just wanted to know if you guys wanted to hang out with us until Ruthie's bedtime. Why leave just because dinner's over, huh? You guys could play foosball or whatever."

They agreed and followed her into the living room nervously.

Joey was surprised to see Phoebe playing with Ruthie and the birds. "Pheebs? When did you get here?"

"Oh, uh, just after you guys had dinner. I just wanted to drop by and hang out with Janice. Hey, let's sing some more songs to Ruthie!"

"Okay," Janice laughed and sat down with her. Phoebe started teaching Janice the words to her new song about the chick and the duck, and they had fun making up the melody.

Joey and Chandler turned on a sports game, then went to play foosball.

Joey asked, "You sure you don't want us to leave so you and Janice can have some... alone time?"

"No, it's okay. We were kind of tired already, and Janice wants to spend some more time with Ruthie."

"Oh. Okay." Joey decided to make the most of the time they had together.