[Sorry, Serena, but the ending of this story has been decided since chapter 1, when Janice is Chandler's wife and they have three incomes. I do like stories where it's just Joey and Chandler alone, but I wanted to try something different this time and explore what it might take to make Joey like Janice.

However, I don't want to be hard on Joey, nor suggest that he's unreasonable to want Chandler all to himself. After all, in real life, most people (even bisexual people) want to have committed, monogamous relationships with their lovers, and it's only in certain situations that some people end up in happy, three-way relationships like Joey's dad has with Gloria and Ronni. For this reason, I've now decided to take a temporary detour before we reach our final destination, so this story has now expanded by a few more chapters.]

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That afternoon, Joey's angry and frustrated tears finally subsided when he wore himself out. As he sat up on his bed and began to compose himself, he clutched Hugsy and wondered what Chandler could possibly see in Janice, that he refused to give her up. Joey liked girls too, but he was willing to give them up for Chandler's sake.

What was so great about Janice that could possibly outweigh all her incredibly annoying traits, let alone the inconvenience of her having a young daughter that took up much of her time and energy? Surely Joey could offer Chandler far more than Janice could? But as Joey pondered that, he remembered Chandler's earlier words about how smart, beautiful, and caring she was, and suddenly everything became clear to him.

With a pout, Joey got up from the bed and unlocked his door at last. He went over to Chandler's bedroom and saw Chandler curled up on the bed, still sobbing miserably. So Joey approached the bed and whispered, "Chandler?"

Chandler turned around and looked at him through his tears. "Joey?" He was surprised and wondered whether Joey had changed his mind about Janice.

Joey lay down beside him and hugged him close, whispering, "I love you."

"I love you." Chandler clung to his arms and kissed him with great relief. "I-I thought you hated me now."

"No, I don't." Joey shook his head and gently kissed away Chandler's tears. It was Janice that he hated, and he blamed her for coming back after all this time, and for convincing Chandler that they were soulmates. In his heart, Joey felt certain that Chandler belonged with him, not her. He held Chandler for a moment longer, then pulled back and met his eyes seriously. "Chandler, am I... am I not smart enough for you? Is that it?"

"What?" Chandler blinked.

"You know." Joey frowned and felt inferior. "You like talking to Janice about books, and art, and college junk. That's why you wanna be with her, isn't it? Because I'm too dumb."

Chandler was shocked and tried to protest, but Joey covered his mouth and continued, "I know that I never went to college or anything, but if I tried to be smarter, Chandler, if I read some books and stuff, would you forget about Janice and be with me? Please?"

"Joey," Chandler shook his head and caressed his cheek. "That's got nothing to do with it. You're not too dumb--"

Joey didn't believe him. "Then why'd you buy me that word-of-the-day toilet paper, huh? And how come you make all those jokes about me being stupid?"

Realizing how thoughtless he'd been, Chandler felt bad now, and he hugged Joey with remorse. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I just--I tease everybody like that, Joe. I can't help it. I mean, you guys make fun of me too, about me being a loser and all."

"I know, and I'm sorry." He kissed Chandler and stroked his hair tenderly. "Maybe I go too far, but it's just 'cause sometimes you look at me like I'm so dumb, you can't believe that you're even friends with me."

"I didn't mean to--"

"And you like doing geeky things with Ross too, and sometimes the gang will all be talking about college junk or making smart jokes, and I'll just nod along even though I don't get it. I even bought an encyclopedia once so I could learn some stuff, but nobody wanted to talk about volcanoes or anything that starts with V. I read all that for nothing!"

Chandler's eyes widened, and he recalled a puzzling incident from a few months ago. "Wait! That's why you kept trying to talk about volcanoes and vivisection and Vietnam?"

"Yeah, but you guys only wanted to talk about Korea, and history, and whatever." He pouted. "It's not fair. I mean, I went to high school and Phoebe didn't, but somehow she's still smarter than me about stuff!"

"Oh, Joe!" Chandler kissed him again and tried to reassure him. "Don't worry about that. That's nothing. It was just some documentary that we watched on TV one night. Anybody can watch TV and talk about stuff."

"I guess." Joey shrugged, but still felt insecure. "But you seemed really interested in it, Chandler. Not bored like we get whenever Ross starts lecturing about dinosaurs and science. You were joking and laughing, and I felt so left out. It's like, you know, when Kate was dating that snooty director and acting like I wasn't good enough for her. I tried to be smarter and sophisticated, but she kept rejecting me until it was too late. Can't you just give me a chance, please? I can--"

"Joey," Chandler interrupted him, "you don't have to impress me. I'm not some snob like Kate. I love you just the way you are. I love it when we're just hanging out, you know, drinking beers and watching sports. I love playing foosball with you, and making a mess with Hammer Darts, and giving the birds a bath. I love having someone to watch cartoons, and *Baywatch*, and *Die Hard* with. Sure, maybe I do talk about intellectual stuff with other people sometimes, but you're the one that I relax with and have fun with. I love you." Chandler kissed him tenderly.

Joey was touched by his sincerity, but remained sad. "But what about Janice, then? Why do you love her more than me?"

"I don't, Joe. I love you both equally."

"No one loves two people equally!" Joey insisted. "It's like how parents secretly have a favorite kid, even though they deny it, or how people have best friends that are closer than their regular friends. It's like with eggs. You always like one kind more than another."

Chandler frowned and remembered how jealous Joey had gotten over Eddie cooking him eggs. He could certainly say now that he liked Joey far more than Eddie, but a comparison of Joey and Janice wasn't so clear-cut for him. "I-I-I don't know what to tell you, Joe. I can't choose between you and Janice."

"Then I gotta help you make up your mind," Joey concluded. "I gotta show you that you don't need her, Chandler. You got me, and that's enough. I can be smarter--"

"I don't want you to change--"

"I want to," Joey told him firmly. "I wanna be closer to you, Chandler. I wanna share everything with you and be able to get all your jokes, you know? I mean, I already learned from that toilet paper you gave me, right? And I learned from that encyclopedia, so maybe if you bought me the rest of the alphabet, I could get somewhere."

Chandler felt flattered by Joey's repeated offers, but shook his head. "You don't have to go to all that trouble for me, Joe."

"I don't mind. It's like, me teaching you how to cook stuff the other night, and we had so much fun, you know? So maybe I should learn about the stuff that you're interested in and we can share some more stuff. It can't be that hard. Remember how I liked reading that scary book, *The Shining*, and Rachel's book *Little Women*? Well, if you picked out some other books for me, maybe I could read them and like them too. Hey, what's that book that the wizard guy's nickname came from?"

"You mean Gandalf from *The Lord of The Rings*? No, I think that's a little too advanced for you, Joey."

Joey looked hurt. "You think I'm too dumb?"

"No, no!" Chandler reassured him. "It's just--it's just a really long story, Joe, and it's kind of geeky and out there, with all these imaginary creatures and made up languages. I guess it's a little bit like *Star Trek*, with the aliens and the Klingon language. I don't think you'd be interested."

Joey considered that, but didn't want to give up just yet. Chandler and Ross had read this book in high school, after all, and Joey had been to high school. "Well, how long is it exactly?"

"It's a trilogy, Joe. Three huge books."

"You mean like the *Godfather*?"

Chandler shrugged. "Kinda. Hey, maybe you wanna read the books that the *Godfather* movies were based on?"

"Yeah," Joey nodded and looked excited. He hugged and kissed Chandler again. "We can read them together, and like, put them in the freezer when we get to the scary parts."

Chandler smiled and found Joey sweet and adorable. "Sure."

Then Joey asked him quietly, "So if we do that, if I get smart enough for you, will you break up with Janice?"

Chandler's smile faded, and he felt torn again. "Joe, it's not how smart you are. I love you. But I love Janice too."

"Why?" Joey pouted. "Why can't it be just us?"

Chandler sighed and tried to explain. "I just--I don't wanna lose her, Joe. Not again, when I finally got her back from Gary. I'm happy with her, and she makes me feel so good about myself. Like I'm better than just some lame data processor who makes too many jokes and has rotten luck with women. I mean, how you feel dumb sometimes, that's how I feel when you and the gang make jokes about how pathetic I am and how girls would rather have you any day."

"I'm sorry, Chandler." Joey kissed his cheek apologetically. "I'll make it up to you, I promise, and I'll tell them all to lay off. Besides, even Phoebe's being nicer now."

"I know." Chandler nodded and shrugged. "But with Janice, it doesn't even matter what anybody else says about me, 'cause she loves me anyway. Even though I had three nipples and a cut off toe, she treated me like I was sexy and perfect. It was like when Julie said that some cultures like third nipples, and the women dance naked around you. When I told her, Janice actually did that for me. I can tell her all my fantasies without her laughing at me or calling me a pig, and she's not offended by all my porn either. She'll even look at the naked chicks with me and tell me stories about how she did lesbian stuff in college."

"What? Really?" Joey was shocked.

"Yeah, it's so hot." Chandler wondered if he ought to mention the threesome with Phoebe this past weekend, but considering that Joey was so fiercely jealous of Janice, he decided against it. "She's incredible. I mean, I told her about my gay dreams, you know, and she was really understanding about that. She's so great."

For once, Joey felt at a disadvantage sexually. "Well, fine, but you don't need her anymore, Chandler. If you're with me, I'll treat you real nice and special too. I'll learn how to do everything you wanna do, and, uh, tell you stories about threesomes I had with girls, and whatever else you want. You know I like watching porn with you, and we could do lots of sexy stuff."

"It's not just sex, Joe," Chandler said. "It's love. She really cares about me, and Janice is the only one that I can talk to about some things."

"What things?" Joey asked. "And why can't you talk to me about that stuff? It's not just some college junk, is it?"

"No, it's just, um... well, it's stuff like my job. You guys don't listen anymore when I complain about work, and Rachel and Monica don't even know what my job is. I mean, I don't really blame you guys for getting bored, 'cause it bores me too, and I think about quitting all the time. But I can't do that, 'cause then how would I take care of you, Joe? So I'm stuck."

Joey was surprised. "What? You don't wanna quit because of me? I didn't stop you from quitting the last time."

"Well, it's different now. We've got the birds now, and all the new furniture. I gotta keep working and build up my savings all over again, 'cause I spent it all."

"You really spent your whole savings account on our new stuff? I thought you were joking! Man, you shouldn't have done that."

Chandler shrugged with indifference derived from his wealthy, but very unhappy, childhood. "It was just money. You're more important."

"Aw, Chandler!" Joey kissed him lovingly. "Thanks, but don't worry about me. If you really wanna quit again, then just do it. We'll find some way to pay the bills. Like, you could get one of those tour guide jobs at Ross's museum, and I bet you'd pronounce all those dinosaur words real easy. And I could take another waiter job, I guess. You know, I made a lot of tips working at Monica's restaurant, and it was fun to try out my cool work nickname. I was 'Dragon'!"

Chandler laughed and thought this was a big improvement over Joey's character, Joseph the processor. He found Joey's optimism delightful and charming. "That could be fun."

"Sure, and it doesn't have to be forever. Just until you figure out what your dream job is, and then you can go after that, like when Rachel quit waitressing for fashion. We'll be okay, and who knows, maybe I'll get my big break soon and become rich and famous." He grinned. "Then I can take care of you."

Chandler smiled and hugged him happily. "I can't believe that I was scared to talk about this with you."

"Yeah, see? You can tell me stuff. I'll listen. What else do you talk about with Janice?"

Chandler hesitated because they had reached more private topics. "Well, it's like when I told her that I was dreaming about you, and I didn't want anybody else to know. And, um, I thought about calling up my dad, too, and she let me vent about all the scarring stuff I went through when I was growing up."

"But you told us about that already," Joey said. "About your mom, and your dad, and Thanksgiving, and you smoking since their divorce..."

"No, but, I didn't tell you guys everything. There's plenty more trauma that I didn't share."

"Really?" Joey asked Chandler to tell him about it, but Chandler was reluctant to do so. Joey pouted and couldn't understand why Chandler would tell Janice these things, but not him. "You said you loved us both the same."

So Chandler gave in, and he went into his closet to get out the stuff at the back, underneath his gym bag. There was a photo album containing many pictures from his childhood, and they looked through them together as Chandler explained in detail how freakishly abnormal his family life was. At the back, there were a few old letters from Mr. Bing, and Joey asked about these curiously. Chandler confessed that he'd stopped talking to his dad soon after he got his first job and could support himself. Since then, Mr. Bing had tried to call him, write him, and visit him, but Chandler never responded.

Joey was shocked. "What? That's why you never went home for Thanksgiving and holidays? 'Cause your mom was traveling somewhere, and you didn't talk to your dad anymore?"

"Yeah. He invited me to Vegas a lot, but I didn't wanna see him or hang out with all his 'business associates' anymore."

"That's terrible!"

"Joey, I told you how awful it was when I was growing up. I just didn't wanna deal with it anymore."

"But still, Chandler, it's been ten years. Ten years you've cut him out of your life. I would never do that to my family, even when I was all mad at my dad for cheating on my mom. And I'm still mad at him when he lies and spends the holidays with his mistress, like we don't know what he's doing."

"Well, how would you feel if your dad abandoned your family, and moved away, and turned into a big, old drag queen?"

Joey grimaced and tried to imagine it. "Well, of course I'd be upset, you know, and yell at him a lot. And tell him to quit drinking and making me hang out with all those weird guys I don't know. And definitely not be in his show. But I'd still talk to him, I guess, 'cause if I don't, then maybe he'd forget about his responsibility to his family."

Chandler shrugged and still didn't want to confront his dad. He was bad at confrontations, and this rift had built up to giant proportions, even worse than his confrontation with his mother after she kissed Ross.

Joey unfolded the letters and started to read them to himself. As he did, he came across lines where Mr. Bing apologized for many unpleasant incidents in Chandler's childhood, and Joey pointed these out to Chandler. "And here, it says, 'When you stopped speaking to me, it was a wake up call. So I quit drinking and I've made some changes.'" Another letter announced that he'd had been sober for a year now, and that after all the hedonistic parties and orgies, he had managed to settle down with one of his lovers. Mr. Bing invited Chandler to their wedding, "although I won't invite your mother, since I know our bitter fights upset you so much."

Chandler's heart finally began to melt, and he felt especially guilty when his father confessed that much of his previous unwholesome behavior had stemmed from his unhappiness with Nora and his trying to drown out the heartache of losing his first love, his best friend of many years, who had been the best man at the wedding. Both he and Nora had slept with him within hours of the ceremony. "I am not sure whether you remember walking in on the three of us in bed once, when you were younger. Nora and I tried to share him for a while, but eventually it all deteriorated into jealousy and spite and bickering. When he left me, I was a wreck and stayed that way for a long time. I am very sorry for the past, Chandler, but I've put my life back together, and I hope you will let me be a better father to you now."

"Whoa." Joey was shocked.

Chandler sat up and read the letter himself. He hadn't known that his parents' marriage was that complicated. He'd always assumed that the houseboy was the principal reason for their divorce, but perhaps it was only the last straw in a long history of troubles.

Joey looked worried. "They 'shared' him? You don't think that--? Would that ever happen to my mom and dad? I don't want them to divorce!"

"I know, Joe." Chandler hugged him comfortingly. "I-I don't want it to happen to us either." He gulped and imagined how terrible things might get between him, Janice, and Joey.

Joey clung to him and asked, "So... what will you do?"

Chandler met Joey's eyes and bit his lip unhappily, but he finally nodded and said, "I'll--I'll break up with Janice."

Joey was thrilled by this decision, and he covered Chandler in joyful kisses.

Chandler kissed him back, but was terribly sad about his decision. He didn't want to lose Janice, but he didn't want to follow in his parents' disastrous footsteps, either. Maybe it was for the best to just let Janice go and allow her to have a normal family life with Ruthie and someone else. Would that someone else be a guy? Or maybe Phoebe?

Joey just kept whispering to him, "I love you, I love you."

[In TOW The Proposal, Chandler tells Monica and Richard that "I once walked in on both my parents making love to the same guy." In the uncut version of TOW Monica and Chandler's Wedding, there is an exchange between Nora and Charles Bing, where they each confess to sleeping with the best man. The rest, I just made up.]