Completely FUBARed

Chapter 3:  Babysitting is Hell

By:  Demonsaya

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"Why, it's you," said Sesshoumaru.

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Ah, yes, it was indeed the older full demon brother of Akuma-kun's previous reincarnation, Inuyasha.  There were a few minor differences, such as his hair was a hell of a lot shorter, brushing the shoulders of his white button-down shirt.  Another difference was, his markings were covered up, obviously by a thin layer of natural makeup.  Expensive stuff, too, since you couldn't see them at ALL.  On top of all this, he was wearing reading glasses and had an earring in his right ear.

Kagome stared for several seconds then opened her mouth and yelled.  No, better make that screamed.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"  She screamed, her eyes tightly closed, hands fisted, mind refusing to believe this.  When she ran out of air, she inhaled, and did it all over again.  She didn't notice the two males in the room with her covering their ears. 

It was hard to tell who was worse off from her screaming.  Tama stood right beside her, whereas Sesshoumaru had that evil demonic hearing that his younger, hanyou brother had also had.  On top of this, Kagome had a movie-star style scream that pierces the ears and the brain at the same time.

"Jeeze!  Quit yer shrieking bitch!"  Tama cried, covering his poor ears.  "YOU'RE the one who wanted to meet him!"

Sesshoumaru looked between the pair.  "Meet, or … meat?"  He asked, making a suggestive hand gesture that made both adolescents turn a shade of red that would have rivaled Inuyasha's gi if it still existed in the world today.

Kagome stopped screaming and stared at the demon in disbelief.  This was way too much for her brain to handle in such a short time.  First finding out that Inuyasha's reincarnation is going to her school, next that his guardian is none other than that very same hanyou's scary older brother was bad enough, but Sesshoumaru cracking dirty jokes was TOO much.

Meanwhile, Tama was wondering what his cousin was THINKING.  "Dammit, Datsu!  What the hell are you DOING?!  How the hell do you two know each other?!"  He was always thrown off guard by his cousin's dirty sense of humor.  Each time the nearly stoic novelist said something like that, it totally messed with his poor mind.

'Datsu' whapped Tama on the back of his head.  "She's my biggest fan, you dolt."

Kagome recognized the look on Tama's face.  She'd seen it on Inuyasha's enough to know it very well.  He felt betrayed.  "N-"  She stopped when a soft voice whispered in her head to play along.  She looked at Sesshoumaru in shock and closed her mouth.

Tama glared at her, his violet eyes darkening.  He'd never felt this betrayed in his life.  He'd honestly convinced himself that she wasn't like those other girls trying to use him.  But he had just been lying to himself.  "So…"  He said slowly, his hand balling into a fist and cracking as he did so.  "You really were just using me to meet him…"  He turned away from both of them, his posture stiff.  "Che…Girls really are all the same…"  He grumbled, then stormed off.

"N-no!"  Kagome objected finally, trying to follow him.  She had to explain to him that it wasn't what he thought.  She really wanted to be his friend!  It didn't have anything to do with his bro-cousin!  She was pulled to a halt by a dangerously clawed hand with purple stripes on it.

"Let him go.  He'll get over it, besides, we need to talk."  Sesshoumaru's voice was quite serious, as was his face.  For that reason alone, she knew he was right.  "Step into my office."

She did as she was told, hurt, dazed and VERY confused.

After the thick, oak, and probably soundproof door was closed, Sesshoumaru moved towards a large rosewood desk on which rested a computer, fax, scanner, phone and a bunch of other things Kagome had only seen in movies, and certainly didn't imagine she'd ever own.  After he sat in the padded swivel chair, he looked at her squarely.  "Please excuse that little assumption I made.  We needed a plausible excuse."

She remained silent as he typed something on his screen, then returned his gaze to her.  "I provided one.  Tama doesn't remember anything from his previous life, and he wouldn't believe us if we tried to explain it to him right now.  Perhaps at a later time…he'll be willing to accept the truth, but right now, he's had enough problems.

Sitting in one of the wing-backed Queen Anne chairs, she bit her lip.  "Okay, if we're going to continue with this story, at least tell him you mistook me for my mom?"  She phrased it as a question, but she was boiling underneath.  It had taken her weeks to get him to open up to her a little, and now he thinks she's one of those airheads who reads his cousin's books.

He arched an eyebrow.  "Perhaps…"  He allowed, not sure what he was reading from her posture, and unable to read her thoughts.  She was either completely calm, or she was hiding from him very well.

She took a deep breath.  He'd asked for it.  "I've spent a month, trying to be his friend, and trying to get him to open up to me a bit, and you blew it in 10 SECONDS!"  She shrieked, jumping to her feet and resting her fists on the desk, leaning towards him so he got the full effect of her anger.  "So you DAMN WELL BETTER!!!"

When she was done, he uncovered his ears, his eyes showing his annoyance.  "Could you stop doing that?"

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Tama watched her go into his cousin's office from the hallway.  "Keh…lying bitch…" He grumbled, leaning against the wall.  She was probably one of those girls hoping to get inside his cousin's pants.  It would never happen.  Datsu only brought classy women home to sleep with.  He snorted, and turned on his heal, prepared to storm to his room.  What he saw stopped him in his tracks.


It was a nightmare.  A nightmare that was approximately 3.5 feet tall, with bright golden eyes and pure red hair.  In his hand was a can of a vile and evil substance that he always had.

Tama managed to utter one obscenity before he was sprayed from head to toe in the horrible, sticky, evil that was silly string.  It clung to his black hair and face and worse, his only remaining, clean school uniform.  He stood there for a moment, his eyebrow twitching while the boy giggled and took off.  He tore down the hall after the kid.  "DAMN YOU, GAKI!  I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!"

*                                   *                                   *

Sesshoumaru, who'd regained a portion of his hearing, leaned back in his chair  "First, you should know I'm now known as Akuma Datsuzoku, the Romance Novelist, to humans."  At her look of disbelief, he almost smirked.  "Sesshoumaru is a suspicious name in this time.  It's my pen name, so people know me as that.  When I adopted Tama, I gave him my name."

She nodded stiffly.  "Okay, I understand that…"  She allowed.

"Why did I adopt him?"  He asked, grinning.  "If the little shit is reborn, someone has to keep him out of trouble."  Kagome glared at him and he relented.  "Actually, I believe I owe it to father, and even to Inuyasha.  Call it…a debt.  Inuyasha could have killed me when he learned the secret of the cutting wind, but didn't."

She nodded again.  Although she didn't think he thought things this far through, she was relieved he wasn't going to try to kill her favorite hanyou's reincarnation.

"To demon's, however, I am still Sesshoumaru, Great Demon of the Western Lands.  Tama doesn't know about this and I have no intention of telling him until it is absolutely necessary.  I hope it is never that bad."

"I guessed as much."

The demon lord opened his mouth to say something else, when the door slamming open cut him off.  Kagome looked over her shoulder and almost giggled.  Tama was covered in purple silly string, and was wearing a very pissed expression.  When his eyes landed on her, they narrowed.

"Do something about him or I will…"  Tama said slowly.

Sesshoumaru glanced out of the room, and was ready to kill both the boy that hung in Tama's grasp and the boy that held him.  "Put him down Tama…"  He said evenly, his eyes serious.  "I will handle it."

Tama dropped the kid, his face highly pissed.

The boy popped up, looking guilty.  "It was just a joke…I don't know why he gets so pissed when I do it…"  He attempted to look innocent, but Kagome saw through the whole façade.

"Tama, go get cleaned up.  We'll send this uniform to the cleaners as well…"  He gave Kagome an apologetic look.  "This will have to continue later, Higurashi-san.  I'm sorry about the misunderstanding.  Give your mother my regards."  As if on an afterthought, he explained.  "Family business.  Tama, see her to the door."

He grunted, walking along side her towards the door.  He refused to look at her the entire way and grudgingly opened the door for her.

"Um…see you tomorrow?"  She said, her hands shaking, praying he'd forgive her for the little deception later.

He looked towards her and saw the sadness on her face.  He shrugged and glanced away again.  "I guess."  He gave in a little, but not totally.  He'd grill Datsu about her later.

Kagome smiled, nodding, and on impulse, gave him a quick hug, not caring if she got silly string on herself.  She left the poor, shell-shocked boy standing with his hand on the door, the apartment a wreck behind him, his hair standing out in different directions.

When he finally recovered, he shook his head.  What the hell was that?!

*                                   *                                   *

As Tama prepared for school the next day, he more than slightly dreaded seeing Kagome again.  It seemed every time they saw each other they wound up in an argument.  It couldn't be healthy, after all, he and Rikan never have arguments like this.  The urge to brain your best friend is perfectly normal…or so he'd been told.  He grumbled as he buttoned the collar of his jacket, his eyes irritated.  Everything had to look just so before he left, or Datsu would never let him leave the house.

"Old pain in the ass…"  He grunted, tugging at the high collar.  It was shit like this that made him miss America.  With a sigh, he went towards the door, opening it a crack and peaking out to make sure no Gaki were in the vicinity.  It was clear, meaning Datsu had instilled the fear of death in that little brat he called a son.  Datsu had three children.  The oldest was named Tarou, and was 17, looking exactly like his father.  He was rather quiet and snobbish sometimes.  He lived in the dorms at University.  The middle child was a girl who had the ability to turn any living thing into mush just by smiling.  Her name was Yukino.  The youngest was Koji, a eight year old terror to anyone who the brat wanted to terrorize.  Tama was his favorite target.

He passed his guardian, and stopped when he heard his name.  "What d'ya want…"  He grumbled.

"I need you to babysit the two youngest tonight."  He said in a voice that offered no way out.  It had already been decided that Tama would be designated babysitter.

"Wh-What?!  You expect me to keep that spawn of satan under control?!  Gimme a break!  Hire a babysitter!"  Tama objected loudly.  "You CAN'T expect me to do this!"

"You made a wreck of my clean apartment.  You are going to baby-sit.  Consider it punishment."

He realized how futile it was to argue the situation, and promptly shut up.  "Can I at least bring someone to give me a hand?!"

Datsu paused and an evil grin passed over his face.  "Certainly…"

Tama did NOT like that smile.

*                                   *                                   *

Kagome sat with her friends at lunch for the first time in ages, mainly because she'd been bulldozed into it.  She nibbled from her bento, her mind on other people, places and times.

"Kagome.  Earth to Kagome.  Come in, Kagome."  Yuki teased, leaning towards her and passing a hand in front of her eyes.

She blinked out of her daze, looking at her friends, one new addition being Hojo, who'd pursued her most of her middle school career, till he got asked out by Sayuri.

"I swear, Kagome, you're so spaced out, are you okay?"  Maya tilted her head to the side in worry, gnawing on her nails.  "I've never seen you like this.  It's like you're in another world."

Sayuri sat close enough to Hojo that they held hands, and looked good and cozy.  She smiled at her friend and winked.  "She's day dreaming about Akuma-kun."  She teased, resting her chin on her other palm.

Kagome blushed, shaking her head.  "It's not like that really…he's just my friend…" 

Meanwhile, said 'friend' appeared directly behind her, his lips frowning deeply.  "Help."  He said simply.

All five of them stared at the frustrated and obviously irritated boy, and blinked.  "Akuma-kun?"  Kagome asked, blinking in confusion.  Even when Inuyasha had been at his most worried, he NEVER asked for help.  Shaking her head, she stood, and excused herself.  He was wearing that expression he always wore when he did something he considered distasteful and just plain wrong in front of other people.

Several of her friends whispered encouragement to her, and winked.  She blushed and walked away quickly.  "What's wrong?"  She asked evenly, keeping her expression like they were talking about something trivial, like the weather.

"My cousin wants me to baby-sit his kids."  He said stiffly.  "That gaki from yesterday is one of them.  He's a handful for one person, and there's another child, a daughter, too, and I can't handle this by myself…I might kill 'em…"

She sighed heavily.  "What happened to your best friend, Rikan?"  She arched an eyebrow.

"Um…last time he helped, we both became marker boards while we were napping."  He explained stiffly.  "In short, he ran in the other direction like a dickless coward."

She blinked, shook her head and finally let out laughing.  She saw the irritation on his face, and waved her hand.  "I'm sorry, but it's too funny…I mean…it's just two kids…how bad could it be?"

He gave her a look that said…if only you knew…

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Kagome walked alongside Tama, who was in a decidedly grumpy mood with his jacket unbuttoned and his hands clasping his bag behind his head.  She'd been telling him she HAD to stop by her house to get some stuff, but he assured her, she wouldn't need it.  When they got there, the great demon was just leaving.

"Ah, I see you brought Higurashi-san with you…"  He said, smiling sympathetically.  "Your dinner should be here shortly.  Make sure Koji doesn't have any sugar, or he'll be up all night.  Yukino shouldn't be a problem."  He patted Kagome on the shoulder.  "Good luck."  He said so only she could hear him.

She nodded, wondering why on earth he'd just wished her luck.  The reason became clear quickly when a little red-haired boy jumped from behind the couch and sprayed them in silly string.  This time, it was electric green and neon pink.  Kagome gasped, managing to cover her face just in time.

Tama had no such luck.  He stood there, covered once again in silly string and gave Kagome a look that plainly said 'told ya'.   He curled his hands into fists and pressed both against each other, cracking all ten knuckles at once.  He turned towards the brat who happened to be laughing his ass of and rolling around on the ground.  "Okay, kid, you're dead this time.  No dad to cover for your little ass…"

Koji jumped up and promptly ran out of the room as fast as humanly possible.  Hell, the kid was a demon, better made that demonically possible.

Kagome watched this with a dazed expression on her face and in time with a much younger girl's voice she said…

"Boy's are weird."

She looked towards the young, pink haired and eyed girl in surprise.  Her face looked annoyed and much more mature than her younger brothers.  Her hair was pulled back half-way into a poly-anna and was all curls.  She was absolutely adorable.

Kagome blushed, pulling the silly string off her now soiled uniform.  "Um…can you point me to the bathroom?"  She asked faintly.

The girl nodded brightly, leading her down the hall.  They stopped in a rather huge, white marble bathroom that made Kagome's eyes almost gape out of their sockets.  It was western-style, but she'd never seen anything so incredible in her life.  It quickly reminded her why her time was preferable to Inuyasha's.

"I'll go get you some clothes.  Onii-chan should have a robe laying around somewhere that's clean."  The girl ran out of the bathroom,

Kagome shrugged, undressed, and stepped in the shower.  There was a sweet smelling shampoo and she decidedly picked that one and the nicest soap she could find (if she was put through this by Sesshoumaru's kid, she figured he owed her this much).  When the door opened, she peeked out, then slammed the shower door shut.  "KYA!  Didn't you hear the water running you baka?!"

Meanwhile, Tama glanced towards the shower and shrugged.  "Whatever, okay, I need a bath too."  He grumbled, tossing off his clothes and climbing into the bathtub, across the room from her.  He glared towards the shower, reclining in the tub.  "I warned you about this."  He said evenly.  "The kids a demon.  He never listens to what anyone says to him.  Except maybe Datsu."

Kagome chewed on her lower lip.  "Hn…I'm really sorry about the other day.  I didn't realize that he was your b-cousin…"  She shook her head harshly, beginning to clean off the stuff.  Unfortunately, getting silly string wet only makes it harder to remove from hair.  She sighed, giving up.  She'd have to take another bath when she gets home.  She sat on the floor of the shower stall and shut off the water.  "My mom sort of knows him.  He…does business at our shrine occasionally…"  She looked at her hands, feeling strange because she was lying to him.

"Sou ka…"  He looked up at the ceiling, pulling the string from his hair.  "Ne, Kagome…"

"Hm?"

"Who is this guy, Inuyasha?"  He glanced towards the shower and turned slightly pink.  She was sitting in the stall, leaning back against the pebbled glass door.  She had a nice figure, he decided, then quickly whacked himself for thinking something so stupid.  He still didn't know what she wanted with him.

"He was…"  She stopped herself.  "A very good friend of mine.  I liked him…a lot…But something happened…and he had to go away…"  She wiped away a tear.  "He…he promised me he'd come back…he said he'd find me…"  She laughed softly, shaking her head.  "You sort of look like him now and then."  She stopped herself.  "Sorry…I shouldn't unload my problems on you."

He shook his head.  "No…it's okay, I guess…"  He opened his mouth to say something else, but the door opened revealing Yukino with two robes. 

"Kagome-san, onii-chan, I brought you some robes…"  She handed a robe and towel around the door to Kagome, and placed Tama's beside the sink.  Then, she gave Tama a cute smile and disappeared.

Kagome dried herself inside the stall and pulled the robe around her.  Covered, and very pleased with being so, she stepped out of the shower, finding her companion of the moment also dried and robed.  In an identical robe.

Tama looked completely confused, probably because he was.  Kagome was wearing one of his own robes, made of terrycloth, and embroidered with TA.  He looked away quickly, pretending he didn't notice, and that wasn't a blush spreading across his face.  He picked up his clothing and dropped them in the hamper.  When he turned, Kagome's were bundled up in her arms.  She looked rather upset.  "What's wrong?"  He grumbled, walking towards the door.

"This is my only uniform."  She said evenly.

He froze and frowned deeply.  It was her problem, it wasn't his.  He walked out of the room, glaring at Koji on the way.  "You're gonna pay for this, brat."  He said, the slammed the door of his room.

Kagome left the bathroom, and the boy crept towards her.  She gave him a stern look and he lowered his head.

"I'm sorry."  He said softly.  His father HAD taught him to treat ladies with respect, and she was obviously a lady, and a very pretty one at that.

Kagome blinked, then smiled.  "It's okay.  I'll just have mom get me one tomorrow.  Do you and your sister want to hear a story?"

The girl appeared behind her younger brother, and both nodded.

*                                   *                                   *

Tama found the trio sitting on the couch in the living room, Kagome telling the children a story.  To his amazement, both kids listened in rapt silence.  He walked into the room, and stared from her to the kids.  She just shrugged at him, and went on with the story.  She was still wearing the robe.

He frowned deeply and handed her some clothes.  "You should change.  Datsu's gonna be home soon and if he finds you in one of my robes, he's gonna get entirely the wrong idea."  He turned, then walked into Sesshoumaru's office.

The little girl squeeled.  "Fuka is coming home!!"

Koji jumped up and down on the couch.  "Fuka!"

Kagome blinked, then went into the bathroom, changing quickly.  When she came out, Sesshoumaru had returned and looked amazed.  "Okaeri nasai, Akuma-san."  She said softly.

"How did you do it?"  He asked, staring at her.

She shrugged.  "I offered to tell them a story."  She bowed slightly and left.

Sesshoumaru watched her leave, then turned towards Tama.  "Don't' screw things up with her."

"Just what the hell are you implying."  He glared at the demon.

"Just…"  Sesshoumaru waved a hand and turned, heading towards his office.  "Invite her back next time I ask you to baby-sit.  She's a lot better with children than you are."

"OI!"

*                                   *                                   *

"Say, what did Akuma need help with last night?"

Kagome looked up from her lunch, looking towards them.  "He had to baby-sit his cousin's kids…they're sort of a hand full…"

They nodded.  "Sou…"

"Yo, Kagome-chan!"  A voice called out.

She looked up and saw Rikan running up, Tama drug reluctantly in tow.  "Rikan, Akuma-kun…"

"Mind if we join you?"  Rikan asked, winking at her.

All of the girls blushed.  Kagome nodded, and Rikan plopped down on one side of her, leaving the only open space at her other side.  Tama was forced to sit there.  Both blushed and obviously avoided eye contact while trying to be discreet.

Each of Kagome's friends looked at each other.  Oh, yeah.  There was DEFFINATELY something going on here…

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Author's Notes:  Neee, what do you think of this chapter?  Vikki-chan wanted me to end it where she could delve into the other's thoughts so we could reveal some of the other character's identities.  Things are all going to be down hill from here on in.  Goodluck!  Love and kisses, DemonSaya-chan