Disclaimer: These characters are so not mine it's not even funny in fact…
Roses are red…Violets are Blue…..me don't own….so you don't sue!
Warning: Slash ahead! Not your kind of ship? Don't like the food? Don't get along with the crew? Well jump off and swim, cause no ones gonna care a lick if you leave….
Summary: Christmas Slash fic, Sirius wants to tell Remus he loves him. SB/RL MWPP era! 6th year. Mostly in Remus' POV kinda angsty, kinda long, kinda fluffy!
Secret Santa/Admirer
Sirius Black was NOT gay. He had come to that conclusion in late November. Sirius did not love men, he just loved Remus. Not to say that Remus wasn't a man, but only loving one man was hardly enough to call yourself gay, he wasn't straight either, rather he was more bent around the middle, not quite bi, just Remus. There was one small problem however…Remus was, as far as Sirius could tell, as straight as a board. They had never actually said out loud who was gay and who was straight, because that would just be dead awkward. Sitting around in a circle and sharing your sexual preferences with everyone was not exactly his cup of tea, nor would it be anyone else's. There was just something that Sirius found absolutely positively attracting about the boy. He was shorter than Sirius, but not by much. He had a small, slender figure. All the scars seemed to paint a huge painting across his whole body. He had seen Remus naked before, but when you see a boy bleeding to death, to weak to move, struggling just to breath wriggling to the floor, it's hardly what you would call arousing. It was at these times however, when felt like he could never leave Remus. Without Sirius, who knows how badly the wolf would beat him up each time?
He was his friend; he wouldn't leave him if you paid him all the galleons in the world. Money doesn't really mean anything. Nobody would stick a wand in your back threateningly and say "Give me your friendship!" Money, he could deal with losing, Remus he could not.
To cut a long story short, Sirius wants Remus, which is someone he can't have, which makes for a very sad Sirius. He loves him more than he loves life itself, and it's killing him inside not to tell him. Every time he walks into the room, he just imagines professing his love to him, Remus smiling broadly at him, then Sirius would proceed to snog him senseless. He had had many a fantasy involving the boy. Sometimes he would lay awake at night, just thinking of ways he could tell him. You know the kind. He would take Remus away from the group, saying he had something really special to show him, he would then take him into an empty classroom. Remus would ask him why this was so special, and Sirius would reply "It's special because the only things it has in it, are you and me." Remus would smile broadly at him, then Sirius would proceed to snog him senseless. Most of these said fantasies ended up the same way.
"I have to tell him," Sirius said silently to himself one day. "I know I have to tell him, the question is HOW…" He was sitting in the common room one day, thinking of a way of telling Remus with the slimmest possible ammount of possible rejection. He had the end of his quill at the tip of his lips, when he heard a group of giggling third years talking.
"Okay, everyone put your name in the hat, then whosever name you draw, you have to get them a little gift every day of the month till Christmas, but you don't tell them who it's from, that's why it's called SECRET Santa, get it?" The other girls giggled in approval and they all proceeded to write their names and put them into the hat. Sirius smiled wickedly, now THAT'S an idea.
Remus' POV>
"I don't love Sirius!" I yelled. James had been pestering me about it for a month non-stop; he thinks we would 'look good together.' I had told James I was homosexual last year, actually he had asked me if I was homosexual and I only told him I was, making him swear to not tell a soul about this. This wasn't something generally accepted by the public in welcome arms.
True to his word, he didn't tell anyone, which he was grateful for. He hadn't even told Sirius. Truth be told, I had found out I was gay when I fell for Sirius, but I don't love him anymore, that was a long time ago. Once I had found out he didn't love me back, I moved on. I had thought it would do me no good to wallow in my own self pity, heck I do that enough as it is just by being a werewolf. As it just so happens I found myself a new little crush, he's a year older than me, and his name is Pierce Simon, who was rumored to be gay AND on the market. James however, insisted on trying to set me up with Sirius. No one seemed to pay the slightest bit of attention to what I want, which is why I was surprised to find a note on my bed in December first. It read,
"Dearest Remus,
I have found myself falling in love with you. Though I have a large fear of rejection, which is odd for me, but it's there. In my own cowardly way, I will reveal myself to you, 25 days till Christmas, 25 clues about me. If you don't figure out who I am and confront me by Christmas, I will come to you. Seeing as its December first, here is my first clue. I am in your house.
Love,
Your Secret Santa/Admirer"
Well that was kind of obvious, they HAD to be in my house don't they? Otherwise they wouldn't have been able to put the note on my bed! However there is another clue, hidden within the words, "I have a large fear of rejection, which is odd for me…" This person is normally confident and outgoing, which is a start, Pierce is confident and outgoing….
FAST FORWARD>>>>>>
Okay it's December 10th. They are in my house, confident, have dark hair, they are male, (This greatly excited me!) I have known them for 6 years, they are 6' 1", they are a Gemini, I share 5 classes with them, they're favorite color is Black, and they like looking at the stars, what is the clue for today?
I picked up the note on my bed, a thick envelope, as I opened it a large bar of Honeyduke's best dark chocolate fell into my lap, my favorite. Someone's been watching me very closely to know my favorite type of chocolate. I unwrapped the note.
"Clue #10
I'm in love with you, seriously…."
I dropped the note. Someone actually LOVED me! My mum loved me but this could hardly be called the same thing. This was different, this was strange, this was dangerous. Nobody should love a werewolf. I could bite them, I could KILL them! This had to stop. I have to figure out who this person is soon and tell them that this can't work.
I brought all the clues outside with me to think. It was a Gryffindor, so that limits me to ¼ of the school, they are male, ½ of ¼ is 1/6. They are either a 6th or a 7th year if I've known them for 6 years, so 1/6 times 2/7 is 3/42's…ergh too much math. Well I guess that's not too bad, the only 7th year boys are Arthur Weasley, Pierce Simon, Tom Burgeons, and three other boys I don't know by name, but one of the nameless trio is desperately in love with Eva Bornstein, so he's eliminated. The only 6th Year boys are the Marauders, and Frank Longbottom, so that leaves me with 9 guys, excluding myself, They have dark hair, that eliminated Peter, Arthur, and that other guy in seventh year,
6 guys left….
If I share 5 classes with them they have to be a 6th year so that eliminates the rest of the 7th years…Including Pierce. I felt my heart droop a little, but since my infatuation with him hadn't gotten that deep, it wasn't so bad, not nearly as bad as when I found Sirius didn't love me. I shook my head, I shouldn't think about that.
I was shocked to discover that my secret admirer had been sharing a dormitory with me this entire time, that must have been devastating for them, watching me struggle to find out their identity, and they had to just sit idly by and watch. That would make it all the more sad when I broke the news to them.
3 guys left…
If they were 6'1" then that definitely eliminated Frank, poor guy, only 5'6"….
So this is what it came down to, it was either James, or Sirius. My heart thumped against my control. I didn't think what I thought I was thinking. (A/N: I'm not sure what that last statement was….OH WELL!) I USED to love Padfoot, in fact, if it turned out to be Sirius, I wouldn't care, I would just march right up to him and tell him no!
"You little liar!" Said a small defiant voice in my head. Great, now I was talking to myself…. "You love him again! If he loves you back, why deprive yourself of your own happiness? He asked for it, wouldn't you be making HIM happy by giving it to him, so in fact, by indulging in your own wildest dreams, your being completely selfless…" Sometimes I hate being logical.
Well, it may not even be Sirius at all, if it was James, I would let him down as easily as I could, because I certainly don't feel anything for JAMES. It would make my life so much easier if James loved me….
"Well THERE'S a sentence I never thought I'd hear…" said the small voice. I sighed and looked back at the papers, the remaining clues didn't help. James and Sirius were both Gemini.
My favorite color is Black
I wondered why they capitalized the word 'black' Well James and Sirius do both have poor grammar, so that didn't really help. However I was still puzzled, James favorite color was red, while Sirius' was gold, "Like your eyes…" He had told that to me last year when I had asked him. He had stared straight at me, defiantly. I tried to stare back, but his gaze was just too penetrating. I withered before him that day, trying to melt into the floor, where his beautiful eyes couldn't look at me. I felt myself getting the same wobbly feeling in my stomach just thinking about it. I regained my composure and sat tall with my back straight on the bench. Well, I'll just have to wait for the clue tomorrow to figure it out. I tried to stand, intending to go back to the common room and finish that star chart I had been working on earlier, but I collapsed, my legs felt like jelly. I calmed myself down, slowly wiggling my toes, breathing in and out, like an anti-nausea routine. "I do not love Sirius…" I said silently to myself in my head, but the little defiant voice was still there saying "Suuuuuuure you don't…" I shook my head angrily. "SHUT UP!" I yelled out loud, scaring myself and a couple of second year Ravenclaws that happened to be passing by.
I trudged my way back to the common room, stuffing the clues back into the pockets of my robes as I approached the portrait. Grumbling to myself, this had not been a good day so far.
"Password?" She asked solemnly, looking very bored as she did so.
"Gnargle Quills." Was my equally solemn reply. The portrait swung forward and revealed a small hole which I clambered through, only to find a familiar sight filling the common room. Sirius and James, in a heated conversation, about Evans.
James pleaded, "Sirius you HAVE to help me get her!" Sirius only looked up at him with that smirk of his that knocked me off my feet, widened his eyes, flicked his wrist and said nonchalantly, "On the contrary James, I don't HAVE to do anything. Besides, she'll never fall for you," He spotted Remus, his smirk turned into an all out grin, "Oy, Rem! Back me up here!" I shook my head, when will they ever learn that women were not items to be fought over? They have minds of their own you know…I gave them my wise reply,
"Lily will come to James if she likes him; she was never one to let the man have all the power." Sirius nodded, I smiled, did he actually agree with me? He turned to James, cupping his chin in his hand and laying his elbow on his knee.
"That's as good as agreeing with me…See James?" I sighed; they were hopeless, why bother the case any further, maybe a different day, but this secret admirer thing had my logic worn to its limit today. I plopped rather ungracefully in between them,
"James, what's your favorite color?" I asked with the air of one talking about the weather. James actually pondered the question before replying.
"Red, it's gotta be red." He then nodded his approval, Sirius however snorted.
"Like Ms. Evan's hair!" Sirius received a minor blow to the head from the back of James' hand. Sirius feigned hurt, pretending to cry and moan from the pain. I smiled, Sirius, always the joker. I turned to him.
"Sirius, what's YOUR favorite color?" I asked, not my tone of voice had something to prove, Sirius looked shocked and appalled, almost hurt. What had I done? Was it something I said? What did I do? Sirius turned to face me with a real serious tone in his eyes, like the most important thing in the world would be the words that he was about to say to me, his gaze met mine and bored deep into me. I swear I could have fainted, I held my composure as best I could, awaiting his answer.
"Remus, I thought you knew that! My favorite color is gold, like your eyes," He took the tips of his index finger and thumb and held my chin up so he could look at me properly; I let out an inaudible whimper. "Remember?" I could feel my hands shaking, my heart was pounding, the blood pumping so fast it was throbbing in my ears. I gulped, managed the strength to nod and mutter,
"Yeah, I remember…" He was so close now, I could kiss him, but no, there were people watching, and I'm not allowed to love anyone remember? I mentally scolded myself. How could I allow myself to fall in love with Sirius again? I shook my head to get rid of the pounding sensations and said, "I gotta go finish my star chart, see you guys later…"
ThE nExT dAy…..
I woke up the next day with the most peculiar clue of the lot.
"Remus,
You're getting close to discovering me, here is the next clue. Tonight, after dark, go to the astronomy tower and point the telescope to the brightest star in the Ursa Major constellation. Then look up its name. I know you have that astronomy essay to finish…
With love,
Your Secret Santa/Admirer."
Hmm I haven't gotten to that point in my star chart yet; guess I'll just have to wait till tonight to figure this one out.
I sat through the day rather distractedly. Tapping my quills, drumming my fingers on the desk, much to the annoyance of my fellow pupils. They gave me death glares and I only shrugged, sighed, and stared wistfully out the window. Why did I have to be doing such useless things like playing wizard's chess with strangers when I could be discovering the identity of my secret love? There wasn't much comparison to which I would rather be doing. I did many things to attempt to entertain myself. I went to the library, which I got bored with almost immediately. I brought my homework outside to the comforting shade of the willow that the Marauders normally sat under, but due to the blistering cold, most students had retreated inside. The cold comforted me, reflecting my mood upon the world. Unable to be loved, confused, lonely. I sighed, intending to finish my potions essay, seeing as I couldn't finish my star chart till later. I brought out a spare piece of parchment, set out my ink. Dotted my quill into it, and sat it upon the parchment, not really knowing where to begin.
I was so distracted with other things that there was no chance of being able to finish, instead I began to doodle. First a sketch of Hogwarts from where I could see it now, I soon scratched it out. If I was going to draw, this is NOT what I wanted to be drawing. I soon sketched out a pair of pale eyes, followed by a short, slightly pointed nose, a deep chin, and gorgeous hair that fell into all of the right places. I was startled at the likeness of my drawing to Sirius; I was never one to be a talented artist. I was smiling contentedly at the drawing when I felt a drop of cold water on my nose. I looked up, squinting at the bright sun; white dots were beginning to fall from the sky. I grinned, snow always cheered me up, it's so easy to figure out. It's always cold, and you can mold it to be whatever you want it to be.
I leaned my head against the tree, remembering last year during Christmas, all the Marauders had stayed at Hogwarts for the Holidays. We had the largest snowball fight in the history of the school, according to our most reliable recourses (which, we were reassured were very reliable.) It was Sirius and I against Peter and James, back then I was so dumb struck in love with him I hardly paid any attention to the game. Now that I thought about it, Sirius and I spent most of the game hiding, a pack of snowballs at hand in case Peter and James found us, we just talked. Just talked about everything and anything at all. He asked me how I had been bitten, I told him, but by the end of the story I was in tears. He held me there, rocking me back and forth, not like you would rock a baby, but slower and subtler. I could hardly tell we were moving, I just felt the warmth of his arms around me, I kept the crying going just so he wouldn't let go of me. It was a great feeling. He didn't say anything, probably because he didn't know what to say to make me feel better without him lying to me. I didn't care, silence was fine, it was a comfortable silence. Even after I had stopped crying, or at least pretending to cry, he didn't let go. We sat together for the longest time, then we started talking again, but he never let go of me, it was like he was my protector, and I had never felt safer in my whole life.
After a while James and Peter found us and we fought like we had never fought before, he acted as if nothing had happened, but from then on I knew that he was more than just the good-looking fellow, he was a deeper man with a caring soul that wanted to protect me, and THAT was the Sirius I had fallen in love with.
I jerked back to the present. Snow covered my feet and my book bag. Things were so much simpler before. I wish I could just stay in that moment last Christmas forever, feeling safe, happy, content, and warm in his arms. But you can't always get what you want. I sighed, looking back at my picture of Sirius, when I heard a crunching of footfalls on the snow. I looked up; it was the real Sirius, grinning half-heartedly. I hastily put my picture away and moved my book bag to make room for him. He plopped down next to me and handed me a mug of hot chocolate, carrying one for himself as well.
"I thought you might be cold out here." He said. I nodded, more at the mug than at Sirius.
"Thanks." He smiled, still not the full grin I remember.
"No problem." We sat in silence, but it was still rather awkward. Sirius could never seem to get comfortable; he kept shifting his position against the tree and sighing. I asked him if everything was alright, he looked at me, grinning broadly.
"Yeah! Everything's fine! Why wouldn't it be? It's CHRISTMAS TIME!" He said, as soon as I nodded his face fell again and he went back to sulking. Something was clearly bugging him. I put a comforting hand on his arm, surprised even at my own daring, I asked.
"Sirius, what's wrong?" He shook his head.
"It's nothing, just…nothing." I looked up at him, but he was avoiding my gaze.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, completely ignoring his previous answer.
"No, I don't want to talk." I nodded with a frown upon my lips. Then I had an idea.
"We don't have to talk; sometimes we can make each other feel better without saying a word." Sirius cocked an eyebrow.
"What're you talking about Moony?" I smiled, reminiscing.
"Remember last Christmas during the snowball fight, we were talking and I told you how I got bit? I was crying like a blubbering fool and you just held me, you didn't say anything, yet it worked. Do you remember?" Sirius smiled the first real smile since he had come out here.
"Yeah, yeah I remember." He looked at me uncertainly, "Do you want to try that again?" I nodded. We each set our mugs aside, propping them up in the snow so they wouldn't fall over. Sirius spread his legs apart, I stepped in between them and Sirius wrapped his arms around me. Just like last time. I took in his scent, it had a cinnamon type tang to it, yet it was sweet. Yes, this is the Sirius I fell in love with. I let myself forget that I wasn't allowed to fall in love for the moment. This just felt too good to be bothered by complicated logic. Sirius laid his head on top of mine and sighed. I leaned into him. Pausing a while to take in the moment before breaking the silence,
"This is…nice" I saw awkwardly, not sure how he would react. To my joy, I felt him squeeze me closer to him; I could feel his face broadening into a grin above me.
"Yeah, it, I don't know it just, fits." I smiled as I felt the vibrations in his chest as he spoke tickle my neck. Fits, that's a nice way to put it, we did fit together, quite well actually, like two pieces in a puzzle.
"Yeah, it fits…we fit." I said, snuggling into him, it was in that moment that all the cold and all the snow in the world couldn't penetrate the warm happiness I was feeling.
We sat there for who knows how long. I woke from my reverie when I realized it was dark, I still needed to go figure out that clue, so I reluctantly, gently pulled Sirius arm's from around me, I gathered my things, getting ready to leave, when I saw Sirius, asleep, under the tree. He looked so peaceful, whatever had been bugging him earlier is certainly not bugging him now, I put my book down and kneeled next to him, his lips are parted just a little, begging me to touch them. I gently press my lips to his, just lightly enough to feel them, simply something I can replay in my mind, when I'm feeling at my worst. He stirs in his sleep, but thankfully he doesn't wake. I lean over and whisper in his ear.
"I love you, Sirius Black, which is why I can't allow you to love me." I felt tears well up in my eyes and I quickly gathered my books and ran to the astronomy tower. My mind set on figuring this clue out.
Once I got to the astronomy tower, I found a telescope out already, I set it to the right adjustment and turned it to the brightest star in Ursa Major. I plotted its coordinates on the chart, then I hastily looked up its name in my astronomy book, then, there it was in black and white.
Sirius.
I had a strange occurrence, like I was split in half, my heart fluttered in delight on one half to know the man I loved, loved me back, but the other half of me had it's blood running cold, because it knew that it was the fact the he loved me that I couldn't have him. I wanted to scream, I wanted to scream like a small child to his mum when she won't get him something, "I WANT IT! I WANT IT!" But I can't have it. Then I had a rush of realization, OF COURSE! His last name was Black! It wasn't his favorite color! That's why he had it capitalized, a cryptic clue, and the other one, I love you Seriously, could be changed to Sirius-ly. Sirius, Black. I then felt a triumphant smile coming to my face when I had finally figured it out, then realizing that my worst fear and my wildest dream had come true at the same time, my mood quickly fell. I want this more than I have wanted anything else in my entire life! Then life decides to take it away in an impossibly tantalizing way, it was like life was teasing me, holding Sirius just out of my reach, when I jumped, they would yank him out of the way so that when I fell, I fell hard. Damn life.
Christmas Eve>
Every day I got more clues, and every day they applied to Sirius. Every day I wanted to tell him it couldn't work, but every day when I would approach him to talk to him he would flash me that gorgeous smile, it was like ever since that night under the willow tree he wouldn't do anything BUT smile at me, and that really pissed me off.
I found myself getting angry with him, why couldn't he understand that it couldn't work between us? I knew why though, because he was hopelessly in love, and when you're hopelessly in love you can never see the downside of anything. I only stayed mad at him because I thought it would help me say "NO" to him when he came to me about it. Seeing as it was Christmas Eve, I was most unhappy. There was a present under the tree for me, Sirius was my present, but I knew for the sake of both of our lives I couldn't open it, open him.
I was scowling in the common room, hating life for hating me, when Sirius sat down beside me.
"Hey Sirius…" I said half-heartedly.
"Hey Remus!" He said beaming so bright, his smile so sweet it made me want to brush my teeth, but he noticed my scowl and his face fell. "Hey, what's wrong Rem?" He put an arm around my shoulders, I shook it off.
"Nothing you would understand." I said matter-of-factly. Sirius didn't care.
"I don't need to understand remember? I don't even need to say a word." I looked up at him, life was taunting me again, maybe I can give in, just this once. I turned my gaze to the rest of the common room, no one else was here. No one else needed to know it happened. I turned to Sirius, who was now smirking wickedly. I sighed in defeat. Sirius just beamed at me, spreading his legs a little and patting his thighs invitingly. I sat down and he snaked his arms around me waist, pulling me into an awkward, backwards-type hug. It was still nice. Gently he rocked me back and forth, just like last year, and just like last year I was once again too dumb-struck in love to care a shit about what the world says I can't have.
( Christmas Morning )
NO ONE'S POV!
Remus trudged out of bed that morning, knowing, and fearing what was to come. As the Marauders sat together opening presents, Sirius said nothing out of the ordinary, Remus half-hoped that Sirius had chickened out, half-couldn't wait for Sirius to confess his love for him. Sirius did, however, keep sending Remus awkward glances when he thought no one was looking. Remus was playing the "This-Is-Just-an-Ordinary-Chrismas-Nothing-Weird-Is-About-To-Happen" game just as well as Sirius. However, when Sirius asked for a private word in the hallway, Remus got that same cold-blooded-heart-fluttery-feeling. He sucked it all in, gulped, nodded, and followed Sirius out into the hallway outside the common room and a little ways-away from any gossip-sucking portraits that might want to listen in. Sirius grabbed Remus by the shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes, without a trace of fear and said,
"Look Remus, there's no easy way to say this, so I'm just gonna say it, I love you Remus. I am the secret Santa/Admirer." Remus said nothing, what was he supposed to say? Sirius took it the wrong way.
"Oh, Merlin, Remus, I'm really sorry, look we can forget this ever happened if you want. I'll just go back inside now." He turned, intending to leave Remus some time to think, but just before he got out of reach, Remus grabbed his hand.
"Sirius, wait." Sirius turned, his eyes and his heart full of sadness. "Sirius, Padfoot. I love you too!" Sirius slowly gave him that breathtaking smile and hugged him in a warm embrace. Remus melted into him, he never wanted to leave this moment. If he never stopped hugging Sirius then nothing bad will ever happen to him ever again. Sirius pulled away, looking into Remus' eyes, searching for some hint or sign to assure what he had said before.
"Remus, you really mean that? You really love me?" Remus smiled sadly, and nodded. Sirius moved in closer for a kiss, and Remus wanted more than anything to accept it, but he couldn't. Just as Sirius' breath ghosted across his lips he stuck a hand in front of his face, just as Sirius' lips met his fingertips. Sirius looked very confused, and slightly hurt. "I thought you said you loved me, Moony!" Again Remus smiled sadly.
"I do Padfoot, and that's exactly why this can't work. I don't want you to get hurt because you're with a- a werewolf!" He spat out the word. "Do you know what the ministry would do to you if they found out about us? Not only because we're both…guys, but also because I am…what I am. They would kill both of us! They would kill you for loving me, and I love you too much to let that happen. Forget about me Sirius." By this time tears were streaming down his face, and he was making no effort to stem the flow. Sirius' eyes let out a single tear, he cupped Remus' cheek in his hand and swept away the tears with his thumb.
"My Remmy. Nothing will happen to us. I'll protect you, nothing can happen to you, to us. I love you too much to let you live a life without love. If I ever leave you, I'll still be here, I have my star to look over you, that star isn't going anywhere and neither am I."
Remus beamed, thinking there might just be a possibility that he could have what he longed for after all, he hugged Sirius.
"Thank you," Remus muttered.
"For what?" Remus pulled away, so their faces were only centimeters apart, but he didn't meet Sirius' gaze.
"For loving me." Sirius shook his head, some of the strands tickled under Remus' nose as he did so.
"I couldn't not love you even if I tried." Remus swept the hair out of Sirius' eyes, took his hand behind Sirius' head, and brought their lips together for the first time.
It was a different type of magic than Remus had ever experienced before. Their lips moved slowly over each other while Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus, pulling him closer. This was the closest he had ever been to anyone, the closest anyone would ever allow him to be, and it was wonderful.
Slowly, reluctantly, the kiss ended, even after their lips came apart Remus stayed there with his eyes closed for a while. Sirius nudged him back into reality.
"Remmy," No response. Remus was standing there doing nothing. He opened his eyes and looked at Sirius, he had to make sure this all wasn't just some wonderful dream.
"Sirius? What did you just do?" Sirius got closer, sending a trail of kisses from the back of his head by his ear, all the way down his jaw line. Remus shivered pleasurably under the soft touch. "I believe, if I'm not mistaken dear Moony, I just snogged you senseless." Remus' eyes fluttered open, looking mischievously into Sirius'.
"Do it again."
Sirius wasted no time obliging. Remus finally ran his fingers through Sirius' silky hair, it was so soft it was hard to believe it was real. Sirius' hands moved lower and lower down his back, massaging places that he thought felt too tense. Remus let out a small moan every time he touched a particularly tender spot. Remus' tongue licked across Sirius' lips and forced them open, He would teases Sirius by sticking his tongue through for only about two seconds at a time before pulling back, then he would go back in. Sirius pulled away.
"Merlin Remus, don't tease." Remus smirked at him.
"I'll tease you all I want, my dear Padfoot." Sirius grinned,
"Remmy, we better get back inside, James and Peter probably think we died."
Remus groaned, slapping Sirius' arm playfully.
"Do we have to?" Sirius nodded, though he seemed disappointed too.
"Yeah, come on." They went back up the hall, through the portrait and into the common room, hand in hand.
Upon entering the common room, James caught sight of them and, guessing what had happened stuck a triumphant fist into the air, giving a victory yell like he had just caught the snitch right in front of the opposing seeker's face and won the game.
"HAHA! YES! About time you two! I TOLD you Remus! I TOLD you!" Remus just sighed.
"Well, James, did you get anything from our dear Mrs. Lily?" James shook his head sadly, Peter just laughed.
"Yeah, Lily gave him a big ol' slap in the face!" James scowled,
"Shut up Peter."
Ahh the sweet ending! Ahh but what if things hadn't gone so smoothly? I decided to write an alternate ending. Why? Just cause! Shut up, you're not complaining… are you? Ha, just kidding. Come on, read forth, the alternate ending awaits!
AlTeRnAtE eNdInG!>
"Remus, there's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to say it. I love you Remus, I am the secret Santa/Admirer."
Remus just shook his head muttering disconnected words; tears quickly sprang into his eyes. Sirius' eyes filled with concern. "Remus? Moony, what's wrong?" Remus who was now red in the face and furious, yelled,
"You bastard!" Hepunched Sirius hardin the face and ran as fast as he could to no where in particular.
"Remus! Please! Wait! I love you!"
Sirius' worst fears had just been confirmed. Remus was totally freaked out that his best friend loved him…that way. He had never expected this though, not from calm, rational Remus. Remus would always take a problem head-on and sort through it with dignity, this was not something Remus would do. Nonetheless, Remus had done it. So Sirius sank down onto the hard, cold, stone bench next to him and wept for Remus, he didn't want to be another burden in this young boy's life.
This was, without a doubt, the worst Christmas ever, worse than the one where his only present was being chucked out of the house and being burned off the family tree. This was worse than any day he could imagine, the day when his best friend (one of) hated Sirius for loving him.
This was a new all time low, a new rock bottom, and he didn't have any other way of letting out his anger than crying. He hated crying because it made him look hopeless, and he hated looking hopeless because he had spent so long building up a reputation that said he was a strong guy who cared about nothing or no one, even though none of it was true. He cared so much and was so passionate about so many things that he was actually aggravated rather easily. He cried there for a long time, with his mind thinking bad thoughts, because when you're at rock bottom it's hard to think about anything else. Remus, HIS Remus, the one he cared most about in the world wanted nothing to do with him; he had made THAT rather clear. Though the more that he thought about it, the less sense it made. He didn't quite understand it. There was just something he couldn't quite grasp, this was just so unlike Remus. It was so out of character for him that he was starting to doubt that the fact that he was disgusted with Sirius is the real reason that he is upset. Sirius was just about to go and search for him, to find out what was really wrong, when a totally DIFFERENT kind of present came down his path.
None other than the infamous Severus Snape was walking his way, his nose buried deep in a book as he walked, he was probably lost, Slytherins had no reason to be in this hall. Well maybe Sirius could…help Severus back.
"Snivellus." He snarled. Snape looked up.
"Black, I just saw your dear half-breed friend crying, oh boo-hoo, did his boyfriend break up with him? Is that why poor ickle Wemus is sad?" Sirius stood. He was just waiting for Snape to give him a reason to send him to Hell and back.
"Don't talk about him like that…" I said warningly, my fingers itching to get at him. Snape laughed,
"Is that a threat Black?" Sirius smiled knowingly.
"Why yes it is Snivellus! Oh! Well spotted! Now is there anything you would like to do about it?" Snape nodded, willing to play his game. He withdrew his wand.
"If you'll let me, Black." Sirius smirked,
"Alright then, so we're in an agreement." Sirius knocked the wand out of Snape's hand and proceeded to cause physical harm to any part of his body he could get his hands on. He bit, punched, scratched, and kicked. Severus, who was caught quite off-guard was left defenseless and didn't even put up a fight.
Sirius was letting every bit of anger and sadness in him flow throw his fists and into Snape's body, see how he felt with the loss of the only person in the world you thought understood you, and a part of him actually was satisfied with the damage he was causing. But that was only a small part of him, the rest of his body was screaming at his mind to stop, because Sirius was feeling just as bad, if not worse, than before Remus had rejected him.
Once he had decided Snape had suffered enough damage he put him in a full-body-bind so he wouldn't damage himself further and proceeded to levitate him to the hospital wing, intending to drop the body anonymously off. Once Snape had awoken, he would tell them that Sirius had done that to him, perhaps they would punish him, perhaps they would not, but he didn't care very much just at this moment.
He continued to mope through the rest of the day, James knew better than to ask Sirius what was wrong, Sirius would tell James he was ready, and not a moment before. However James didn't enjoy watching his friend mope.
"C'mon, why don't you play a round of chess with me?" James asked, Sirius looked up, and saw James excited face; he then looked back at the ground, examining the tile as if he found it alarmingly interesting. James cocked his head to the side, nothing made Sirius this miserable. Sirius was the one who was always happy, always jumping around, waiting to play the next prank. So he decided that it was his duty to find out what's wrong, but he had to do this the right way, or else it would all fall apart. Subtle at first, then approach, that was key. So all he had to do first was start up a conversation.
He walked over and sat down next to him, "Hey Sirius!" He mumbled something that might have been 'hey' but James wasn't sure. "So, how was your Christmas morning? Get anything good?" Sirius looked into James eyes. James gasped, they were bloodshot, and his cheeks were tearstained. James could see the paths were the tears had been like little highways running down his face.
"No." Sirius said, at first James was confused, and then he remembered he had asked him a question. James nodded.
"I see," This was not going as planned. "So, um…have you seen Remus lately?" He thought vaguely of asking Remus what Sirius was so sad about. Sirius' only reply was for him to put his head in his hands, and whisper at him through stifled sobs.
"No James, I have NOT seen Remus lately, now will you please go away?" James nodded, even though Sirius wasn't looking at him. He stroked his friend's back once and stood up, giving his friend some time to think.
"Yeah mate. Sure." He didn't see what there was to be sad about.
LATER THAT DAY
Sirius hadn't seen a sign of Remus during lunch or dinner, and he was starting to get worried. So after dinner he began to frantically search the castle, after searching every hallway, the Owlery, the trophy room, and the dormitory, he finally found him sitting in the balcony of the astronomy tower, silently gazing at the stars.
"Remus?" Sirius asked tentatively. The boy didn't turn, but he replied.
"Hey Sirius." Sirius face burst into a grin when he realized they were still on speaking terms. Perhaps he DIDN'T hate his guts! Hearkened, he sat down next to Remus, cross legged on the floor. Remus sighed, "I guess I owe you an explanation for all of this." Remus sighed again, and then he took a deep breath. "Look, I'm not mad at you, quite the opposite actually. I think I'm in love with you." Sirius laughed in disbelief.
"You gotta funny way of showing it Rem." Remus grinned a little, more at the irony that anything.
"I was just mad, well more afraid. I was afraid of losing you." Sirius looked quite puzzled.
"Why would YOU be afraid of losing ME? I was the one that told you I loved you remember? When you love someone you're not in a big hurry to get up and leave!" Remus shook his head.
"I wasn't afraid of THAT, I was afraid I could hurt you. I mean, I could bite you, I could KILL you! I don't want something terrible like that to happen and loose you forever…" Sirius, however, was grinning. He was so happy just with the fact that Remus didn't hate him, and to actually love him back was almost too much for him.
Sirius got up and sat behind Remus so he was hugging him from behind, almost as if Remus were in his lap. He put one arm around Remus, and rested his head on Remus' shoulder.
"You can't lose me because I can't leave you. It's impossible. I can never leave you" Remus shook his head, and stood, pushing Sirius out of the way.
"Don't make promises that you can't keep. I don't want to get my hopes up, fall deeply in love with you, and then lose you Sirius!" Sirius just laughed.
"Oh! But I can keep this promise Remus! Look! Do you see that star?" He pointed to it, and Remus nodded, puzzled. "If you ever lose me physically, like if I die, that's where I'll be, looking over you, as long as that star shines." Remus smiled.
"Well you know, due to the fact of distance between the star and us, it could have stopped shining, but we would still be seeing it, because the light hasn't stopped reaching us yet." Remus said logically. Sirius frowned.
"We were having a moment Remus! There you go, ruining it with that logic thing of yours." Remus beamed. Sirius put his hands on Remus' shoulders, like he had before.
"So Remus, you love me right?"
"Yes Sirius, I love you." Sirius was surprised at how those little words seemed to have such an affect on him. Hearing it out loud was so much better than the way he could have imagined it. Sirius' smirk steadily grew into an all-out grin, he stepped closer, and spoke softly so that Remus had to lean in really close to hear him.
"Then kiss me, right here, under the stars and the moon, and never ever stop." Remus wasted no time obliging. As their lips met, softly at first, every feeling of rejection and bitterness that Sirius had felt today had swept out of him, this was a way better way to relieve stress than beating up Snape. Sirius wanted to never stop; this was the way life should be. Kissing the one you love forever, till your lips are raw and bleeding. While their lips were still together, Sirius bent a little lower, and picked Remus up and began to spin him around joyfully. Remus laughed, effectively and reluctantly breaking the kiss. Sirius looked very disappointed.
"I told you to never ever stop Remus. So much for keeping promises…" Remus just laughed.
"Oh, on the contrary my love, I never promised." Sirius grinned,
"As long as you promise to never to stop loving me, I don't care about anything else." Remus swept a beautiful lock of hair away from the front of Sirius' face. He met Sirius' gaze. Sirius saw, not the tentative look he usually saw before, but one of blazing, burning love. Remus kissed him, just a little peck, before pulling back and whispering so that his breath ghosted across Sirius' lips, making him shudder.
"I promise."
EPILOUGUE!>
Sirius had done the unforgivable act, so was widely believed. He had betrayed his two best friends, sealing their death sentences, and brutally murdering another dear friend of his in front of the eye of the public. The last marauder, it was presumed, was heart-broken.
It was so unlike Sirius to do this, he loved James, he loved Lily, heck he even had a special place in his heart for Peter. They all trusted him, they all loved him, then he goes and does a thing like this? Why? It made no sense. There was nothing to be gained by going over to You-Know-Who. For one thing, his parents were Voldemort supporters (in a way) and Sirius was always trying to do the opposite of what they wanted him to do, so joining Voldemort would make his parents proud, well almost proud of him.
Secondly, as they were in the order, he knew just how bad things could go, he was the most passionate about everything involving fighting him. Was it all an act? Impossible, Sirius was never one to be a great actor. He always let his true feelings show even when he was trying to hide them, or was that all just an act to make people think he was a bad actor so that when they needed to believe him he was actually acting? Again, impossible, Sirius didn't think that far ahead, plus he wasn't smart enough to think of something like that. Remus felt a smile tug at his lips at the thought of it. No, the only logical reasoning to solve this mystery was that Sirius didn't betray them, he was framed. But by who? And by what means? That Remus didn't know, but there was a small part of him that knew Sirius was innocent, even if another part of him wanted to believe Sirius was guilty, just to simplify things. He had spent many a night thinking this over, and it made his head hurt a lot, and his heart.
That dreaded day when he had picked up the prophet and he had seen Sirius' face screaming silently at him through the picture, he was entirely devastated. He still had the photo clip; sometimes he took it out and looked at it, just to watch his lips form words that Remus could only guess. Sometimes if he looked hard enough he could tell that Sirius was saying things like, "Remus!" and "I love you!" This only made him feel worse, because despite the fact that he was now a convicted murderer, Remus still loved him.
The full moons we far worse these days, even with the Wolfsbane potion he could still feel the wolf in him itching to get out, to play with Padfoot, because he hadn't played with Padfoot in so long. Remus almost let him out sometimes, because it was too hard to keep the wolf at bay. He thought if he was discovered and the ministry would execute him, at least he wouldn't have to think about Sirius anymore. Though he always held it in. "Just one more moon" he told himself every month, but when would the last moon come? Not today, but tomorrow it may change.
He would sit at their flats balcony and fold his arms around his waist, just like Sirius used to hold him, and sometimes, if he thought hard enough, he could hear Sirius' soft breath against his neck, and the warmth of his skin pressed against him. Then the wind would blow, and every feeling of Sirius he had been imagining would be washed away. The kisses on his cheek would peel of his face like a sticker, his arms would fall, and his breath would stop, and it left Remus feeling terribly and utterly alone. It was times like this that Remus would cry, cry about everything. He had to keep letting out his emotions so he didn't let them bottle up inside lest one day he explode, so he cried often.
He did this almost routinely for years, right up to the year when Dumbledore had written to him, asking for his help by becoming the Defense against the Dark Arts teacher. Remus could use the money, and it would distract him from thinking about Sirius all the time. So he accepted, and immediately buried himself in his work, the only problem was the he finished his work early all the time because he worked on it so vigorously. So by the time night fell, he only had one thing to think about, Sirius.
He would look out of his office window after he had finished with his work. Every time his eyes were drawn to look up at Sirius, the Dog Star. Ever since Sirius had been taken to Azkaban it had never twinkled as brightly as it used to, Remus took note of this, and it only depressed him more.
"You promised." He said yelled to one person in particular, but he was now on the loose and could be anywhere at this point and there was highly unlikely that he could hear him. "You promised you would always be there for me. Look, even the star you said would look after me after you left has stopped shining. Well bloody help it is! You left me all alone, and worse, you betrayed Lily and James AND Peter! Why did you do that? It makes no sense! Merlin, you were never one to make sense. And look, now you're trying to kill James' son! Wanted to make a clean job of it HUH? Merlin, I thought I knew who you were Sirius! I thought I loved you! It turns out I loved the act that you were putting on for everyone. I loved the fake-Sirius, the one you had us all believing was nice, charming, passionate, and loving. The fake-Sirius loved me. If only it wasn't an act. If only it was real. God I wish it was real."
Tears of anger that were streaming down his face turned into tears of grief. Little did he know that below his office window, down on the grounds at the edge of the forbidden forest was a large black shaggy dog that was listening to every word Remus said.
It hurt Sirius to listen to Remus call out to him. He wanted to make things right. He barked loudly at Remus. At first Remus didn't notice, but as he looked to where the sound was coming from and saw Padfoot wagging his tail happily at him, it only made him think he was seeing things.
"Oh great, now my mind is playing tricks on me!" He yelled. "AND NOW I'M TALKING TO MYSELF!" He flung his window shut and sat moodily at his desk, bustling through his papers just to have something to do with his hands. He came quickly upon the Marauders map. He smiled at it fondly, oh what the heck, why not?
"I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good." He said tapping the map with his wand. Lines quickly spread all over the map, and he scanned it for lack of anything better to do. He saw Ron, Hermione, and Harry heading across the grounds, Ron ahead of the group. He was chasing something, a dot labeled…
Peter Pettigrew.
A lot of things happened to Remus in quick succession. First, he thought the map must be broken, but no the map never lies. Then he smacked a hand to his forehead. OF COURSE! Scabbers! Weasley's rat! How come he never thought of it before! Then a feeling of complete and utter happiness. Then Sirius didn't kill him after all! But wait. How could this be? Then he saw a dot quickly chasing after them, labeled Sirius Black, at first he came upon Harry, and Remus' heart fell, it was true after all, but no, the dot-Sirius went past Harry and went after Scabbers/Pettigrew. A smile came unwillingly to his lips. So it was true, Sirius never betrayed anyone, the must have switched, but he had to make sure. He quickly grabbed his cloak and swept out the office door, stuffing the map in his robes after wiping it clean, and grabbing his wand. He ran faster than he thought he could run down to the grounds and over to the Whomping Willow.
He ran through the too-familiar passages that lead to the shrieking shack, following the sounds of shouts and screams, Remus' mind was racing thoughts, not making sense of a single one. He flung the door wide open and saw Harry pointing his wand at Sirius and thinking quickly, he yelled,
"Expelliarmus!" Harry's wand flew immediately into Remus' hand. He looked down at Sirius who was pinned to the floor by a now very confused Harry. He looked into Sirius' pale grey eyes and saw the love still burning inside them.
"Where is he Sirius?" He said, it felt good to him to be saying his name to a real person. Sirius grinned a little, seeing that he believed in him still. He raised an arm laboriously and pointed, not at Harry, but at Peter, who was squirming uncontrollably in Ron's arms.
"But then…" He looked at Sirius again, "Why hasn't he shown himself before now? Unless…Unless HE was the one….unless you switched, without telling me?" Sirius nodded, the smallest hint of a smirk tearing at the corner of his lips.
Remus grinned, the beliefs he had been holding for twelve years had come true, Sirius was innocent, he was framed, and best of all he still loved him.
"Professor, what's going on?" Said Harry in a tentative voice, but just now,Remus hardly cared.
He held out a hand for him, he took it, smiling uncontrollably now, he hugged him tight, and Remus felt tears well up into my eyes. He hadn't felt those arms around him for so long, but there they were again. Thinner than before, but still unusually warm. He kissed his dirty cheek, but no one noticed. Sirius whispered into his ear.
"Oh God I missed you Remus, you have no idea. I still love you, I never stopped. I love you Remus, Love you, love you, love you." Remus stopped him.
"I never stopped loving you either, I know you never stopped loving me, because sometimes you don't even have to say a word."
"I don't believe it!" He heard Hermione scream, jerking them out of their reverie, when we realized that we were not alone. He scarcely heard her, and began explaining the situation to her, hardly ever taking his eyes off Sirius unless absolutely necessary to prove a point. Sometimes Sirius would jump into the conversation for small bits, but for the most part he was concerned only on Remus.
Sirius and Remus both stood to the wall. Hermione, Ron, and Harry were on the other side of the room, this he was thankful for, because it gave him a chance to hold Sirius' hand behind their backs without them noticing. His heart screamed with joy when Sirius gave his hand a little squeeze. He was stroking Remus' fingers, as if trying to remember what he felt like, and Remus didn't even try to stop him. He even shivered slightly as the feeling of his touch came back to him. It's been too long, way too long. His voice cracked a little bit as he put a hand to his back and began to stroke it up and down. Remus saw him smirk at the effect he still had on him even after all these years. It took all of his strength and resistance to keep talking and not just grab Sirius and snog him senseless, but he knew that he had to wait. He was also very grateful for the fact that he was wearing robes, because it hid the fact that a certain part of his body was very happy to see Sirius indeed.
After everything was explained, and Harry, Hermione, and Ron finally believed the truth, after we knocked Snape unconscious, and after we went outside, intending to take Pettigrew back to the castle, he realized it was to be a full moon tonight. He had forgotten to take his potion today, Sirius coming back had driven everything right out of my mind. He saw that Sirius was busy conversing with Harry and got his attention. He gave Sirius a meaningful look and gestured upwards to the sky, his eyes bulged with realization and he quickly sprung into action, untying Ron and Pettigrew and helping Ron limp out of the way. He screamed at Harry and Hermione to move. He quickly moved to Remus, who was starting the shake as the transformations were about to begin.
Remus took his head and looked at Sirius still shaking, but he managed to mumble, "It'll be just like old times, eh Padfoot?" Sirius grinned, letting go of Remus as the transformation took place. Sirius quickly changed into Padfoot and pounced on Remus, trying to keep him at bay. He was biting the wolf a little, trying to get it to stop thrashing so madly, but then he realized, the wolf hadn't seen him in twelve years.
The wolf pounced on him playfully, greatly excited to have his monthly friend reunited with him. The kids took this as violence, and tried to come over so as to stop the wolf from hurting Sirius. They just didn't understand, this was how the wolf played. Sirius barked at them to stay back, but as he was barking, the wolf, pounced off him and ran into the forest. Sirius thought that Remus must have taken control and ran off so as to keep him a safe distance away from the children. Smart move Remus, he thought. Remus was always the smart one. It was great to have him back. Out of the corner of Padfoot's eye he saw Wormtail running off into the forest, his heart drooped, but he stayed determined, although he was very weak.
Sirius transformed back into his human form. For only seeing the wolf for a few seconds, he had managed to do an incredible ammount of damage. Harry ran over to him, looking at his wounds helplessly, not knowing a thing to do about it. He was about to reply, when he felt an all-too-familiar cold sensation fill the entire area around him, freezing the lake solid. Sirius quickly went to a state of unconsciousness, all the happy feelings that had been coming to him from seeing Remus again were being ripped painfully out of his heart, out of his mind, being replaced by horrible thoughts; thinking of Remus in Azkaban and not being able to remember what he looked like; the empty feeling he got when he saw the full moon high in the sky while he sat in his cell. The next thing he remembered he was in a teacher's classroom, clumsily tied to the wall so he couldn't escape.
He sat there a long time, so this was it. All this effort, for nothing. At least he saw Remus again, at least HE knew he was innocent. Remus and Harry were the only people that he cared about knowing he was innocent. Everybody else that knew was just a plus. Now that he knew, he guessed he could rest in peace. Supposing that they were fetching the Dementors to kiss him now, he prepared himself. Ridding himself of all emotion, hopefully that would make it easier. Just when he had felt he was ready, he heard a tapping at the window, only to find Harry and Hermione riding a hippogriff outside the window. The opened it, and hastily untied him, pulling him onto the hippogriff and riding to the tallest tower. Sirius couldn't believe it, he was going to be free! Or at least as close to free as an escaped convict could be.
After saying goodbye and thank you to Harry and Hermione he rode the hippogriff named Buckbeak away into the night, and after looking back to see that the two kids weren't watching he flew low to the forbidden forest, finding the place where the wolf and Padfoot used to play, surely that's where he would be. As he skimmed the trees he saw the wolf lying low in the open pasture. Sirius flew a safe distance away and landed the hippogriff far away from the wolf, he didn't want to damage his only means of escape.
After landing and tying him to a tree he ran to the clearing where Moony lay. The wolf caught sight of him and bounded happily towards Sirius, now in Padfoot form. They played and wrestled until they were too tired to move, the wolf fell asleep, but Sirius forced Padfoot to stay awake, unless the wolf woke again. Sirius did however cuddle as close to the wolf as he could. He could feel the vibrations of breath rattling down the wolf's throat. The feeling was almost hypnotic, and Sirius just sat and listened to it until dawn broke and Moony turned back into Remus.
He wasn't too badly hurt, and too be truthful, Sirius had more wounds than Remus. They had buried a first aid kit in the forest so that they could treat the worse of the wounds that Moony held in the morning when they were in school, and they were delighted to find it still there, dusty, but functional none the less. After they treated both their wounds. They sighed, then pulled each other into a tight embrace, but now there was no one watching.
Their lips found each other and began licking greedily. Neither one of them was very clean, Sirius had twelve years of accumulated filth on him, while the wolf never left Remus too clean, but neither cared. The familiar sensation of their mouths was enough to bring them back to when they were sixteen and without a care in the world. But after they pulled apart, they were back into their old selves, filthy and scar ridden. Remus spoke first.
"There was always a part of me that never believed you were guilty. I just couldn't force myself to think that the man I loved betrayed all of his closest friends and me." Remus said quietly, still not letting go of Sirius. He had just gotten him back after twelve years and was not ready to let him go. Sirius just nodded, not knowing what to say. Remus smiled, but his mood quickly fell. "Oh God. When I transformed, Harry, Hermione, and Ron. I could have bitten any of them! Oh my goodness! This is so horrible, I didn't bite them did I? I could never forgive myself if I did." Sirius held him close.
"No, you ran as far away from them as you could get, Remus. You did the right thing, you didn't bite anybody, except me…" he added playfully. Remus wasn't amused.
"What would have happened if I had though?" Sirius, just smiled at him again.
"I don't know, I just don't know what to tell you, but I don't have to know, do I?" Remus grinned a little.
"No I guess you don't have to know, I guess you lucked out Padfoot." He said as he, sat in between Sirius' now outstretched legs. He leaned his head against Sirius' chest and could hear his heart pounding. Sirius pulled his arms around Remus. It was just like last time, just like at Hogwarts. Nothing has changed.
"Nobody's called me that for twelve years." Sirius said in awe. Remus nodded.
"It's been too long. Way too long…Padfoot." He put emphasis on the last word. Sirius grinned broadly at him, revealing the handsome school boy that he fell in love with.
"My, aren't we feeling better!" Sirius chuckled. Remus frowned, this was the part he hated.
"You should be going, you want to get out of here before it gets light outside, so no one sees you." Sirius just held him tighter.
"No, I'm never leaving you again. I spent twelve years without you and I'm not about to let you go." Remus shook his head.
"And I'm not about to let you get killed because they find you. Go. Owl me, then if Dumbledore says it's safe enough you can come stay with me for a while. Just the two of us." Sirius got up grudgingly.
"Alright, alright. I'll go out into hiding. I'll owl you as soon as I get to…wherever I'm going." Remus stood, kissed him gently and said,
"Go, before I change my mind." They walked together to where Buckbeak was tied. Sirius mounted him, and before he took off, he held both of Remus' hands.
"No matter what happens, I will always love you, you know that right?" Remus felt a tear spring to his left eye. He sniffed.
"Yes, I've known that for twelve years, I've known that since you told me on that Christmas night who knows how many years ago! I love you, Sirius Black." Sirius smiled sadly, Remus untied the hippogriff and watched Sirius fly off into the dawn, hoping it wouldn't be the last time that he saw him.
It was still dark outside, and as he walked back to the castle he looked into the stars that were beginning to fade, he picked out the Ursa Major constellation and found, to his surprise, that the Dog Star was shining brighter that he had seen it in twelve years. Smiling fondly, he walked back to the castle. Reliving the past few moments in his head until they were burned into his brain, because he knew this was a night he would never want to forget.
FINISH!
Just a note, I didn't have the PoA book with me when I wrote the epilogue so some things may be out of order, or not exactly the right lines…I did it to the best of my memory. Well, I hoped you liked it! Comments? Criticism? Apple Pies? Fairy Wings? Reviews?
R&R!