Disclaimer-I want to own, but sadly that will never happen.
Authoress' Note-Yes! This is a long chapter! It needs lots of reviews to stay alive! Keep it from dying! E.D.J.
Thank yous!
Miss Anonymous hp- I personally think Lily and James are pretty evenly matched in dueling. In the last chapter, she just kinda caught him off guard and he was reluctant to hex her in the first place because of that mantra most guys have to never hurt/hit a girl. Maybe it's because they're too afraid to get their arses kicked! Hee hee!
blinkgurl017-More tormenting Peter in this chapter! It's pretty easy to work in! Colour-changing hair would be really cool!
La Conquistadora- I will send you some colour-changing shampoo if I ever find some. Yeah I know the girls didn't really do anything to the guys, but that's basically because they weren't pissed at them that badly. But then later... The girls get some more revenge in this chapter!
Blahness- See I updated!
Ch. 15- The Ballycastle Bats' Fanatic
"Bloody hell is Christmas holiday over already?" said Sirius, yawning as the four boys made their way down to breakfast on the first day of the new term.
Everyone was back at school now, and they were all intently talking about the wonderful holidays they'd had and the great gifts they'd received for Christmas.
"I suppose it is," said James sullenly, flinging himself down into a chair at the Gryffindor table and banging his head against the table in not-quite-mock anguish.
The rest of the boys' holiday had been spent setting off numerous pranks around the school on the unsuspecting staff and students, including a particularly brilliant one that had involved the caretaker Filch and a large amount of his own broomsticks attacking him. They were still trying to create a name for themselves, and people were slowly beginning to realize who they were and what they were capable of.
The boys ate their breakfast in companionable silence, too tired to talk that early in the morning. Towards the end of breakfast, the owl post came, and a large brown owl immediately landed in Sirius's bowl of porridge.
"Oy!" yelped Sirius and Remus as a wave of porridge hit them.
"Scourgify," muttered James at the pair of them without even looking up.
The owl ruffled its feathers, flinging bits of porridge everywhere once more, and hopped purposefully over to him. It had a package and a letter attached to its leg, and James quickly untied them and threw the owl a bit of toast.
"It's from my dad!" he said excitedly, glancing at the postmark.
He opened the letter and read:
Dear James,
Remember how you wrote us about how you and your mates found a secret passage inside the school? Well, here's something that may help you four. I couldn't send it along with your other Christmas gifts because your mum wouldn't approve. Be sure not to mention it to her because I'll get my ears transfigured into turnips for even thinking of sending you this gift. Remember, it used to be your ol' dad's, so be gentle with it. Don't get caught with it either because I'm not sure the Headmaster would approve. But Dumbledore's a kind old soul, so I think he'd be the least of your worries. Don't do anything stupid with it because, if your mum gets a letter from Hogwarts about you using this particular item, she'll have both our heads! Use it well!
Love,
DadJames sat gaping at the letter. "He didn't!" he whispered, quickly reading the letter again.
"He didn't what?" asked Remus, poking at the package.
James grabbed the package and rapidly tore off a corner. Sure enough, he saw a glimmer of silver inside. He quickly slid the package into his schoolbag and motioned for his friends to move nearer so they weren't overheard.
"It's his old Invisibility Cloak!" James hissed gleefully.
"What?" exclaimed his friends. "An Invisibility--"
"Shhh!" James said, putting a finger to his mouth.
Sirius looked incredibly put out at having to speak quietly. "Why'd he send you it?"
"For exploring the secret passageways and stuff."
"Brilliant! Do you know what this will do for our pranking? We can pull all the pranks we want and never get caught!" Sirius exclaimed happily, a sinister grin appearing on his face at the very thought.
"But don't you think it's against the rules to have one at school?" Remus asked worriedly.
"Come on, Remus. Don't be such a killjoy. How's anyone going to find it if James keeps it locked in our dormitory?" Sirius responded.
"I dunno, he could leave it somewhere..."
"Do really think I'm that irresponsible and stupid?" said James, sniffing slightly and looking quite upset.
Remus looked thoughtful for a moment. "Yes. Yes I do."
He then ducked as James flung a bit of porridge at him and missed, instead splattering the back of a sixth year Hufflepuff's chair behind Remus.
"Need to get better aim, don't we, James?" said Remus, smirking. "Won't make Chaser on the House team if you don't improve."
James flung another bit of porridge at Remus, and it hit him square in the eye.
"Better," said Remus, dabbing his face with a napkin.
Just then, there was a loud bang, and a cloud of thick blue smoke enveloped Peter.
"Oh damn, we weren't watching our backs!" Sirius muttered regretfully, glancing around, and, sure enough, he saw a blur of bright red hair sneaking down to the other end of the table, partially hidden by the smoke.
Lily Evans, Emmeline Vance, and Bella Meadows had spent every waking moment since Christmas looking up and testing new jinxes and hexes on the Marauders to get them back for their Christmas hair prank. They hadn't realized their hair's color-changing properties would last for twenty-four hours! It got to be quite embarrassing after the first few hours, and the girls had taken to hiding in their dormitory till it ended. Now they were officially on the warpath against the four boys. At least until they got bored with it.
"Oh, what'd they get Peter with?" Remus asked curiously as the smoke began to dissipate.
A small squeak came from Peter's direction, and, now that the smoke had finally cleared, they along with everyone else in the Great Hall could see Peter clearly. His arms had been changed into four long slimy tentacles, and they began flailing about knocking over dishes, students, and even Professor McGonagall, who had hurried down from the staff table to find out what all the commotion and smoke was about.
"Mr. Pettigrew!" shrieked Professor McGonagall as she was flung to the ground, her glasses askew. "That was quite uncalled for! Honestly! No respect for teachers these days!"
"I'm sorry, Professor!" Peter wailed, knocking over Victor Crabbe and Edgar Goyle, much to the delight of his fellow Marauders, who had stumbled over from the Slytherin table to laugh at Peter's predicament. "I can't control them!"
"Potter, Black, Lupin! Take him to the hospital wing!" shouted Professor McGonagall, herding students away from Peter's thrashing tentacles. "Madam Pomfrey will sort him out!"
"Yes, Professor," they called grimly, and they slowly made their way toward Peter, ducking as slimy tentacles whacked at them.
It was much like trying to get past the newly planted Whomping Willow on the grounds, even though that particular pastime had been strictly prohibited and punished severely since a second year Ravenclaw named Davy Gudgeon had nearly lost an eye to the Willow's thrashing branches.
Remus and Sirius laughed as James was caught up by one of the tentacles and thrown unceremoniously onto the Hufflepuff table, much to the delight of first years Julia Underwood and Elaine Warwick, who both fancied him something awful. They helped him up, giggling madly and fussing over his nonexistent wounds.
"Can't we ... ouch ... subdue ... ow ... him ... watch it, Peter ... somehow?" gasped Remus as he picked himself off the floor for the sixth time.
"Petrificus Totalus!" called Sirius, pointing his wand at Peter.
Peter and his tentacles froze and fell to the ground with a resounding clunk.
"Alright nothing to see here, folks," called James, having finally escaped the crazy Hufflepuff girls.
He began shooing away the large crowd that had formed around the four Marauders while Remus and Sirius hauled Peter onto their shoulders. James grabbed his schoolbag, which had the package from his father hidden in it, off the Gryffindor table, lest some unwitting student find it.
James shouted heroically, "To the hospital wing!"
And with that, the three boys ran out of the Great Hall to a smattering of applause.
"Brilliant Lily, sheer brilliance," said Emmeline, giggling as the three girls made their way to Defense Against the Dark Arts.
"I'll have to write Dorcas about this! She'll be so proud!" Bella exclaimed happily, thinking of her mischievous older sister who had graduated the year before.
"Dorcas still going all out interning for the Wizengamot?" asked Lily as they sat down.
"Of course, it's all she ever talks about in her letters!" Bella said with a small laugh. "You'd think someone who spent the better part of seven years here in detention wouldn't be interested in trials and court stuff, but she loves it! She can't wait to be old and gray, so she can become a member!"
The bell rang, and the class quieted when their teacher walked in.
He was a tall man with sandy blonde hair and a very strange fascination with the Ballycastle Bats. The Defense Against the Dark Arts room was papered primarily with posters of the Quidditch team and their mascot Barny the Fruitbat with a few odd framed players' autographs thrown in for some variety. Also, the color scheme of the room leaned toward black and scarlet ... everything. Bats' colors. The class all thought him a bit ... batty, pun intended. But, besides his strange obsession, Professor Caradoc Dearborn was a very knowledgeable teacher. With a slightly mad side that he showed more often than not. He was also the uncle of first year Hufflepuff Alice Dearborn, to her more than slight embarrassment.
"Alright, class! Today we will be learning about ..." Professor Dearborn trailed off and marched over to where Sirius Black sat munching on Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. "What is this?" he screeched, grabbing a bean from Sirius's open hand.
"An orange Bertie Bott's bean, sir?" Sirius said cautiously, not sure where the Professor was getting at because Professor Dearborn hadn't taken the whole bag of sweets from him.
"Exactly," said Professor Dearborn, placing the bean on the floor and stamping on it until all that remained was orange mush, which he quickly set on fire and then vanished with his wand. "A Cannons' color."
"Oh ..." said the class knowingly, remembering their teacher's intense hatred for the Chudley Cannons, who had beaten the Bats for the British-Irish League title in 1961. The Bats and their fans' pride was still rather hurt from that particular loss.
"You may continue eating your beans, Mr. Black," said Professor Dearborn slowly. "But, you may only eat black and scarlet ones or else you will receive detention!"
"Yes, Professor," mumbled Sirius, quite put out as he sifted through the beans for only black and scarlet ones.
"Today we will be learning a bit about dueling," said Professor Dearborn, waving his wand and causing all the desks and chairs to vanish.
The students all landed on the floor, groaning heavily as they hit hard stone.
"Couldn't he at least have waited for us to get out of the desks first?" asked Emmeline, rubbing her ankle.
"No, that wouldn't be his style," Lily muttered grimly.
"Is that what he calls being intensely strange and creepy?" whispered Bella. "His style?"
"Class, get up! On your feet! Mustn't dawdle!" said Professor Dearborn firmly, and the students quickly stood up, wincing as their injured limbs twinged painfully.
"I will be partnering you up with one of your fellow students, and you will be practicing the basic Disarming Charm on each other. Instructions are on the board." Professor Dearborn magicked up a short list of names and began reading them off.
"Faye Edstrom and Deidra Lennox."
Squeals came from the back of the room where the two girls were busy doing their nails with a beauty charm they'd found in the library a few days earlier.
"Remus Lupin and Emmeline Vance."
A slight gasp came from Emmeline, which only her two friends noticed and began sniggering at.
"Sirius Black and Isabella Meadows."
Moans came from both sides.
"Lily Evans and James Potter."
Gasps, moans, and evil glares soon filled the room.
Finally, Professor Dearborn said, "Frank Longbottom and ... where's Mr. Pettigrew?"
"Hospital wing," Sirius managed to get out between banging his head against the wall and muttering, "Why me?"
"Alright. Mr. Longbottom, you may work with Miss Edstrom and Miss Lennox then."
"I was afraid of that," muttered Frank, sinking to the floor.
"Please sit with your partners and begin learning the Disarming Charm. It is on page eighty-seven in your Defeating the Dark Arts textbooks." Professor Dearborn leaned back in his chair, surveying the pairings he'd created. He smiled. Today was going to be a very interesting class.
"Potter, since we know I already can do this charm, can you just sit like a good little boy and learn it while I ignore you?" Lily asked, from where she stood a good four feet away from James. She didn't risk getting any closer lest one of them hex the other into oblivion.
"I know the stupid charm, Evans!" James shouted furiously.
Lily sniggered. "Like you demonstratedon Christmas? You didn't hit me with any spell let alone a Disarming one!"
"Expelliarmus!" shouted James, his face a blotchy red.
Lily's wand shot out of her hand, and she was blasted off her feet. James caught her wand as it flew threw the air, and he stood smirking down at her."You were saying?"
"Give me back my wand, Potter!" shouted Lily, standing up and diving at him, but James jumped backwards, out of the way.
"I think I'll keep this for a little while," he said, imitating Lily as he twirling her wand between his fingers.
"Great, Potter," said Lily sarcastically. "Can't even think of your own comebacks now?"
"Quite on the contrary, I was just demonstrating what would be known as a cruel irony," snapped James.
"Give me the damn wand, Potter!" shrieked Lily, her eyes dangerously bright.
"Oh now I'm really scared," James said in a childish voice. "What are you going to do? I seem to have your wand at the moment."
"There are other ways," said Lily vaguely, and she slowly rose to her feet.
"Like what?" he asked disbelievingly.
Lily strode over and stamped hard on his foot.
James positively howled like a werwolf at the full moon, and he dropped both his and Lily's wands as he hopped back and forth, cradling his foot.
Lily snatched up the two wands and turned to Professor Dearborn. "Look, Professor! I disarmed him!" she said sweetly, holding up James's wand.
"Barny the Fruitbat says, 'Good job Miss Evans!'" replied Professor Dearborn, clapping his hands.
"Loony that one," James muttered through gritted teeth from where he sat examining the damage to his foot.
"Finally something we agree on, Potter," Lily replied with a slight sigh.
"But that doesn't change anything, Evans! You stepped on my foot!" James whimpered, and he gave her a menacing glare.
"Oh, you poor baby," she snapped. "I thought boys were intolerant to pain."
"Newsflash! We're not." James pointed at his bruised foot. "Merlin, Evans! How big are your feet? This smarts!"
"Oh shove it, Potter," she growled back.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the room ...
"Black, you go first!" Bella said, the tone of very voice sounding quite bored.
"No you, Meadows!" Sirius retorted, not to be outdone.
"You!"
"You!"
"You!"
"You!"
"You!"
"You!"
"You!"
"You!"
"You!"
"You!"
"Expelliarmus!" they chorused, and both of their wands flew across the room and on top of a high shelf filled with Quidditch figurines dressed in Ballycastle Bats' team robes.
"Look what you did, Black!" Bella groaned.
"No, it was you, Meadows!" replied Sirius.
"You!"
"You!"
"You!"
"You!"
"You!"
"You!"
"You!"
"You!"
Professor Dearborn was forced to step in and return their wands. "Meadows! Black! Twenty points from Gryffindor! You're ruining the anniversary of that truly magical day in 1943 when the Bats beat the Wasps three thousand and ninety to ten!"
"Merlin! That was today?" Sirius gasped in mock astonishment. "Meadows, why didn't you tell me? We should have been celebrating!"
"Celebrating?" asked Professor Dearborn skeptically.
"Oh yeah, we're big Bats' fans," said Sirius, putting an arm around Bella, who stiffened but played along and nodded.
"Can't get enough of those Bats," Bella added somewhat enthusiastically.
"Really?" said Professor Dearborn, his eyes widening with excitement. "That's excellent! Twenty-five points to Gryffindor! Go Bats!"
"Go Bats!" the pair echoed, and Professor Dearborn walked away to observe Faye, Deidra, and Frank.
As soon he was gone, Bella shoved Sirius's arm off her shoulder. "Black if you ever touch me again I'll ..." She trailed off.
"You'll?"
"I don't know, but it'll be good!"
Sirius snickered. "I can't believe we had to pretend to like the Bats to get points back! It was too easy! I am a complete genius!"
Bella just glared at him.
"What?" asked Sirius. "I got the points back didn't I?"
"You are a conceited prat," she snapped.
"Oh, hitting me where it hurts," Sirius shot back, putting a hand to his heart.
"Merlin, do you ever shut up?" Bella sighed.
"Nope."
"Lovely. Just lovely."
Just then, loud shouts started coming from the other side of the room.
"Potter, don't you dare threaten me!"
"You threatened me first!"
"Oh great. They're at it again," muttered Bella, and she and Sirius walked over to where the rest of the class stood watching Lily and James circle each other, wands out.
"Furnuculus!" shouted Lily
"Impedimenta!" shouted James, dodging Lily's jinx, and Lily was thrown backwards by James's curse.
"Locomotor Mortis!" cried James, and Lily's legs locked together causing her to fall over, unable to walk.
Lily landed on her stomach and muttered, "Wingardium Leviosa!"
James floated up in the air, and she threw him against the wall. James slumped to the floor, unable to move because of the throbbing pain in his back.
"Mr. Potter! Miss Evans!" shouted Professor Dearborn, finally noticing the situation. "Thirty points each from Gryffindor! Mr. Black! Mr. Lupin! Take Mr. Potter to the hospital wing!"
Sirius and Remus helped James up, and they all glared at Lily while they positively dragged James out of the room.
Professor Dearborn muttered the countercurse to the Leg-Locker Curse, and Lily stood up shaking like mad. "Miss Evans, you and Mr. Potter will be going to see the Headmaster when Mr. Potter is done in the hospital wing."
Lily stood clenching her fists as she fought back tears. She could see her classmates' blurred faces for a few moments before slumping to the ground in a dead faint.
Ooh cliffie! (Authoress dodges angry readers' tomatoes) Well there hasn't been one in a while! Not since chapter nine! Please review I know a few people were mad that Lily/James and Sirius/Bella didn't fight much in the last chapter, so I hope this makes up for it! Also please tell me if I ever refer to Bella as Monica (that's my Summer with the Arrogant Prat); the two can be quite similar at times! Also, if you'd like, read Summer with the Arrogant Prat for another humorous Lily/James story and Crazy Chats with the Harry Potter Characters if you want to read complete insanity. Review! E.D.J.