Disclaimer- I own nothing except my lovely can of Squirt I'm drinking, which, incidentally, my parents' paid for so technically it's theirs. I own nothing-smiles proudly-
Authoress' Note- Hi! Not too bad of a wait right? A little over a week! I'm sure my Crazy Chats readers are mightily pissed I haven't been working on the next episode... wait a minute I updated it a week ago! Never mind then. Anyway this chapter as the title shows has a few well-pulled pranks thought of by yours truly, but Remus keeps poking me and yes the Marauders did think of the majority of the pranks. Oh bloody hell all of the pranks! REMUS STOP POKING I ADMITTED IT-readers begin to wonder why the authoress is yelling at a seemingly fictional character- The key word in that sentence is "seemingly". Harry Potter characters are real in my world-Sigh- Please send me lovely reviews! E.D.J.
Thanks for the reviews!
Romulan Empress- Yes Peter being beaten over the head by a crazed broomstick was most funny. Unless your into that whole "sympathy" thing. -Scoffs- Never seen Friends-Authoress begins trembling over the horror of it all- Well I've never seen Star Trek so I guess were even!
blinkgurl017- Yay you're back! Sorry about you being sick! Not fun. Except when you get to stay home from school and you don't feel too horrible. Lily is quite enertaining in this chapter too and I don't think she's moronic, so be happy!
gold-reflection- Prettyful new pen name! Glad you loved the chapter and no you don't have to stop ranting over the chapter! I love compliments-grins smugly- Also glad you love how I write Sirius! Sirius is my lovely idiotic but still brilliant Marauder-huggles Sirius-
Ch. 19- Pranks Are Such Beautiful Things
Numerous students sat moaning over their huge amounts of homework in the Gryffindor common room late one evening. Muttering and curses filled in the silence between the scratching of quills as students hurried to finish their work so they could get some well-earned sleep. The four Marauders sat huddled around the fireplace, deep in conversation though Sirius kept glancing up with an annoyed expression on his face.
"They won't stop giggling!" he growled, jerking his head back at Deidra Lennox and Faye Edstrom who burst into a fresh bout of giggles when they noticed the Marauders looking at them. "How are we supposed to get this done by tomorrow if they won't shut up?"
His friends shrugged.
"I dunno, mate," said James with an exasperated sigh as the two girls waved at him. "Reckon we can risk a Dungbomb?"
"PLEASE!" said Remus, his pale face cringing as the girls let out anotherburst of giggles. He looked incredibly pained and sickly at the moment.
"You alright, mate?" asked James worriedly, noting the dark circles under Remus's eyes. "You're looking peaky again."
"Headache," Remus grunted, massaging his temples. "Maybe I'll see if Madam Pomfrey has something for it. Are youblokes fine without me?"
They nodded and waved him out the portrait hole.
"Remmy's always looking so sick," said Sirius absently while he watched James toss a Dungbomb into the corner of the common room where it would go off unnoticed. "Reckon he's got some long-term magical bug?"
Peter shook his head. "They've got cures for those kinds of things, don't they? Madam Pomfrey would have been able to fix him up in a second the first time around."
Their attention soon turned from Remus's condition to the horrible smell that was now filling the room.
"Mission accomplished," James gasped, pulling his robes over his nose and mouth like Sirius and Peter were doing as they watched their fellow students hack, cough, and run for their dormitories.
"Alright," said Sirius, clearing his throat and rolling up his sleeves. "Here's what we have to do..."
The early Sunday morning of the first of April, found Lily sleeping soundly in the first years girls' dormitory until a loud shriekpierced the air. (A/N- Now I must note that early in MY world is actually 8:30 a.m. or earlier and anything over that is mid-morning or late. If I ever get up willingly before 10:00 a.m. I would like to be beaten over the head with a rubber fish because clearly that person is an imposter.)
Lily woke with a start and looked around blearily for the source of the noise. Her eyes met Bella's who gave her mischievous look. "You can go back to sleep. I think Faye just caught sight of what she looks like in the morning after I put a few Ink Pellets in her face cream."
"Bella!" Lily scolded, throwing a pillow at her friend. "She doesn't need another reason to hate you! She's got far too many already!"
"But it's April first!" protested Bella, dodging Lily's pillow and tossing it back at her. "And I really don't think someone's 'taste in robes' and 'lack of interest in being friends with Faye Edstrom the Great' qualify as reasons for her to hate me."
Lily's face suddenly paled. "Oh no. It's April first, isn't it?"
"Yes, weren't you listening?"huffed Bella, her tone impatient.
"Damn them!" shouted Lily, pounding her pillow furiously. "This is like their Christmas!"
Bella didn't even have to ask. "Reckon they'll pull some prank on us?"
"Without a doubt."
Suddenly, a large amount of cursing came out of the bathroom, and Bella ran over to Lily, a pleading look in her eyes. "I suppose Faye found the package of Ink Pellets I left in the bathroom with a note saying 'April Fool's, you little wench! Complete evilness and angry thoughts, Isabella.' Touché, no? Anyway, do you think you remember that Disillusionment Charm you were researching the other day? I'll be dead twice over if Faye catches me."
Lily managed a cry of "Bella!" at her friend's crudeness, but performed the charm anyway. She watched Bella fade and become blended in with the wall near the door.
A moment later, the bathroom door slammed open, and Faye stomped out, fuming, her face a purple, inky blotch. In a sickly sweet voice, she asked, "Lily? Do you know were yoursweet friend Meadows is?"
Lily shook her head and lied beautifully in a similarly over-sweet voice. "No, I'm sorry. She was gone when I woke up. Would you like me to get that mess off your face?"
"Oh please!" said Faye gratefully. "You're a wonderful person, Lily.I can't believe I didn't realize that before! You should really hang out with Deidra and I more often instead of those immature little toads you run around with."
It was apparent Faye had no great liking for Emmeline either. Lily gritted her teeth, biting back a retort for the insults against her friends. "I'll consider it, Faye. Now, what was that cleaning spell?" She placed a hand on her chin, pretending to think. "Oh yes, I remember!"
Lily pulled out her wand and uttered a spell. Faye's forehead now read: 'Work courtesy of Lily Evans and Bella Meadows' in bright purple letters.
"All clean!" said Lily with a slight smirk.
"Thank you!" said Faye gratefully. "I've got to run!"
She bolted out the door, and Lily collapsed in a fit of giggles.
"That was brilliant!" came Bella's voice, shaking with laughter.
Lily quickly removed the Disillusionment Charm and saw that her friend was collapsed on the floor, nearly in tears from laughing so hard.
"How long do you think it'll take before someone tells her?" gasped Lily, her sides shaking.
"Awhile. She's not well liked, is she?" Bella managed between giggles. "Too stuck up for her own good."
Suddenly, Bella stopped laughing and looked utterly horrified. "Where's Emmeline?"
Lily's giggles turned to a loud gasp. "Oh no. They'll catch her alone, and she's never been good at handling them by herself!"
They both quickly threw on some clothes and hurried down to the common room, desperate to find Emmeline. Thankfully, she was seated by the fire, looking unscathed.
"Did they try anything?" asked Bella sternly.
"Thought you two would have realized the date a bit quicker," said Emmeline dryly, barely glancing up from her Astronomy essay. "And no. They haven't even come downstairs yet. I've been down her since six and I highly any of those four would be up at the crack of dawn."
Lily and Bella both breathedsighs of relief and waited patiently as Emmeline finished her essay and packed up her things. As they made their way down to breakfast, Emmeline was filled in about the details of their 'little' prank on Faye, and she was practically hysterical with laughter when they told her Faye was somewhere in the castle, still unaware of what they had done to her.
"And she actually believed you?" said Emmeline, shaking her head as they sat down at the Gryffindor table. "If any of us have never flat out lied to that girl, then I'm Father Christmas. And do I look jolly to you?"
"Vomit-flavoring?"
"Check."
"Trip Jinxes?"
"On the doorway of every classroom."
"Common room passwords?"
"Sir Cadogan has eagerly informed the guardians of Dumbledore's 'new passwords'."
"Peeves?"
"Enlisted and awaiting our signal."
"Excellent." Sirius rubbed his hands together eagerly as he checked off the last item on his list.
The Marauders, though Remus was still conspicuously absent, strode confidently into the Great Hall and were happy to see that every student was making faces, spitting, and gagging as they tried to swallow food laced with Puke-Worthy Powder. As they sat down at the table, James and Sirius each heaped their plates with various foods and waited for Peter to signal that McGonagall wasn't looking. Suddenly, Peter whistled loudly. The signal. They each scooped up handfuls of porridge and flung them at the Slytherin table shouting, "FOOD FIGHT!"
The Slytherins, angered by the Gryffindor first-years' antics and also because they were now covered in porridge, began fighting back.
Soon, the entire Great Hall was in chaos as blobs of porridge, pieces of toast, and bits of egg flew through the air to land on unsuspecting students or staff. The teachers were frantically trying to stop the full-blown war between the Houses, but they were soon forced to take cover beneath the staff table lest they be bombarded by dozens of students armed with jars of marmalade and jam. Only Dumbledore still sat at the staff table,aserene smile on his face, watching the fight with a slightly amused eye. He was still immaculately clean because no student would dare to throw food at the Headmaster, particularly one as respected as Dumbledore.
Meanwhile, after Sirius and James had shouted the magic words 'food fight', Peeves had dropped a few Dungbombs within the large mass of students and then proceeded to each floor of the school and wound numerous portraits into various states of hysterics with insults and the like. Now, along with the shouts of the students coming from the Great Hall, the portraits throught the school were yelling insults after Peeves and cursing rather colorfully.
The teachers eventually gained the upper hand inside the Great Hall, and the food fight trickled to a stop. They soon realized that students and teachers alike, with the exception of Dumbledore, of course, smelled horribly of dung, vomit, and a variety of foods. The teachers ordered the students back to their dormitories to clean up, all clearly stating how "completely disappointed and disgusted" they were at the students' antics. Little did they know that it was about to get even better. Or worse depending on your point of view.
The students hurried to their dormitories, discussing how exciting the food fight had been and how angry the teachers must be. Numerous portraits were still shouting things such as "If I were still alive, I'd curse that damn poltergeist into oblivion!" and "I'm going to -censored- that -censored-censored- out of his -censored- life!" Words much too vulgar for delicate ears.
Near Gryffindor Tower, a large crowd of jabbering, food-covered students was making its way to the Fat Lady's portrait.
"Shrivelfig," said Sirius, James, and Peter who had somehow gotten to the front of the line and were standing innocently as they waited for the Fat Lady's response.
"I'm sorry," she said, "that's no longer the password."
"No longer the password! I wasn't informed of a new one!" shouted Jon Marshalls, the Head Boy who happened to be a Gryffindor. He pushed through the crowd until he was even with the Fat Lady.
"Headmaster's orders," she said with a slight shrug. "I'd take it up with him."
"Now look here!" said Jon sternly. "I wasn't informed of a password change, so it can't be under Dumbledore's orders! He would have told the prefects of it!"
"I was delivered the new password by a very reliable source..."
"Who?" asked Jon suspiciously. "Who did Dumbledore send to you?"
"Why Sir Cadogan, the knight whose portrait is near his office," said the Fat Lady mildly. "Now, if you don't have the password, I'm afraid I can't let you in."
Jon was quite red in the face now, and he turned to the crowd assembled behind him. "Was anyone informed of a password change?" he bellowed.
No one raised his or her hands. Jon yelled for Marlene McKinnon, or 'Wise-arse, never helping out enough McKinnon' as he referred to her, to fetch Professor McGonagall.
Marlene soon returned with a thunderstruck Professor McGonagall. She questioned the Fat Lady and then informed the students that she neither knew the new password nor was aware of it changing at all. She ordered the students to make due with Scouring Charms to somewhat clean themselves and told them to go to theirlessons while she took this up with the Headmaster.
The students walked begrudgingly to their classrooms, and the first years assembled outside the Charms classroom with their Ravenclaw classmates. Theysoon discovered that the 'New Password Fiasco' had affected not only Gryffindor, but the other Houses as well. No one could get in to their common rooms.
Finally. after nearly twenty minutes of waiting, Professor Flitwick appeared looking immensely hassled.He told themhe had matters to deal with in Ravenclaw House, and the students could do as they wished for the hour after he had collected their homework and put it in the classroom. They all groaned and handed it to him. When he had a stack of papers nearly the size of himself, Professor Flitwick strode intothe Charms classroom. He immediately fell over and papers flew everywhere. Several students started forward to help collect the papers again, but they too went sprawling to the floor of the classroom.
"Ooh, looks like a Trip Jinx, Professor," said James innocently, pulling Professor Flitwick to his feet. "Wonder who put that there?"
"Unfortunately, I can't recall the counterjinx at the moment," said Professor Flitwick, scratching his head. "Students, you may entertain yourselves elsewhere in the castle, and I will remove the jinx after I finish with these Ravenclaw House problems."
He walked off, still looking a little rattled by his fall.
The students drifted away in groups to gossip over these unexplained incidents that seemed to be happening all day.
The Marauders turned around to find Remus grinning behind them, despite the white pallor of his face. "Complete brilliance. And I just saw the Trip Jinx."
The four boys chortled with laughter and made their way outside to a tree under the lake. They talked about Quidditch and not much else, as eleven-year-old boys are prone to do, until Faye Edstrom came giggling up to them.
"Have you seen Deidra?" she asked, still very much covered in purple ink and writing. "I haven't seen her since yesterday."
"Hospital Wing," Remus managed, fighting back a loud guffaw.
"Thanks," she said, turning to go.
"Wait, Faye?" gasped James, quickly wiping tears of mirth from his eyes. "Did you know you have ink on your face?"
Faye ran a finger across her forehead and stared at the purple color that now covered her finger. "Huh, I thought Evans got rid of it all. Is that it?"
Sirius nodded intently. "Yeah, you got it."
Faye turned and walked back to the castle her face still sporting complete purpleness and now read "Wok courtsy of Lil vans nd Bell Mead."
"Work courtesy of Lily Evans and Bella Meadows?" chortled Remus, nearly rolling on the ground.
"I must admit that was pretty good," Peter said, nodding.
"Nothing compared to us though," added James.
"Though still quite funny," said Sirius rather reluctantly.
All in a was a most memorable and enertaining April Fool's.
Loved it? Despised it? Want to throw rubber chickens at it? Review! Also, I hope that the fact that Lily CAN enjoy a good prank came across in this chapter! I'm hoping to finish year one by the end of the month! Keep your fingers crossed! It'll only be another 1 or 2 chapters so hopefully I'll be able to do it! Keep reviewing! E.D.J.