Disclaimer: The world of Velgarth, Valdemar, Heralds, Companions, et. al belong to M. Lackey.

A/N: Sporadic update. I hope you enjoy

Chapter 8 Hiding the Past

I turned away from the gate, seeing the dark hair of Silverfox too close to it for me to slip out. Gorgeous he may have been, but I was not ready to deal with what had happened, just yet. Instead, I picked up my pace to a trot and went to the Royal Stables. There, the old groom was sitting on a bale of hay working on what looked to be an old bridle. I stopped to catch my breath, looking behind me. "Excuse me sir? Do you remember me from yesterday?" I asked, thinking quickly. All I needed was a place to stop and think for a while.

"Aye, I do 'member ye. Ye're the one who had out the mare." He said nodding. I could see he was squinting his one eye as he sat staring at the bridle in his hands. But then, he turned his shrewd gaze on me and I felt like it was going to be alright. "What ye be runnin' from gal? Ye're mighty dressed up fer ridin'."

I nodded and looked worriedly over my shoulder again. Aya apparently hadn't seen me duck in here and Silverfox had to look for me now. I had a few minutes before he got here. Time was running out though. If I didn't find a place to hide in soon he'd find me and I didn't want to be found. Ever if I could possibly handle it. If this man could be convinced to hide me, maybe I could have time.

He looked around me and saw who I was looking at. He looked back at me. "Hard man to run from." He remarked absently. "A person would need to hide awhile." I just nodded and looked worriedly over my shoulder. Silverfox was coming closer. If I was going to hide, it had better be soon otherwise I was going to have to run for it again. "Well, it seems I have a hayloft that happens to be empty and me eyesight ain't what it used to be. Be a shame to get caught when there be such a spot so close." He went back to mending his bridle, not looking at what I was doing.

"Lady bless you." I whispered when I kissed his whiskered cheek and bolted for the ladder into the hayloft. I had just gotten up and out of sight when I heard Silverfox approach the old man.

"Excuse me sir. Did a young woman in black come this way?" He asked politely, in very fluent, if slightly accented, Valdemaran.

"I wouldn't be knowin' young man." The groom replied, never taking his eyes off the bridle. "Me eyesight is goin' bad and with the shadows and light I wouldna seen no one in black." He made a few more stitches in the leather before continuing. "I'll tell ye this though she couldna looked very good if she did come this way. Never fail to notice a pretty lass." He winked at Silverfox and I could barely keep myself from laughing from my hiding spot overhead.

Silverfox merely thanked the old man and turned away, continuing on his search, I assumed. After I was sure he was gone, I climbed down and grabbed a bridle he had lying next to him. I looked it over and found a couple weak spots. I took his other leather needle and began repairing the weak spot that required the most work. I sat next to him on the hay and we worked for quite while in companionable silence.

"Ye be hiding from powerful people lass." He said after he inspected my work on the bridle. Grunting in satisfaction he put it down and let me continue my work. "Musta been somethin' big ye did." He grabbed a set of reins and looked them over critically.

I just worked and kept my head down not caring that time was passing and if I wasn't careful Alberich would come looking for me. I didn't want him to find this spot. As hiding places went it wasn't the best place but it was all I had. I watched daylight lengthen and then fade. The old groom shared lunch with me silently. I ate and then went back to work on the leather I had put down.

We worked a long time in silence listening only to the noises of the Palace grounds and the stable around us. The solitude soothed me as nothing else could. He never asked questions of me or watched me covertly. Silence was all that was needed between us.

"I did do something big," I admitted as he pulled out saddles to be repaired. "I came here." He only nodded and continued on his inspection of the saddle he held. "I was the girl they found in the Grove and was unconscious for a week in Healers."

He snorted. "I knew all that, girl. But what did ye do to make them chase ye?"

I kept my head bent over the saddle in my lap. What I had done was run away from them. Hearing myself say that though sounded childish. I said it all the same because it was the truth. So far this one old man was the only one to treat me as a human being. He didn't treat me like a prisoner or something to be dealt with or someone to be studied. It was a relief. It was freeing. It was humbling. I loved him for it.

"I ran away," I finally told him after fixing a strap on a saddle. "I didn't fall in with all their plans. I was loud, obnoxious and didn't be quiet and totally obedient." He just listened to me rattle on, mending a saddle.

"Aye, that would annoy the powers that be. But, lass, ye can't hide forever." He said quite reasonably, selecting another saddle to inspect. "Ye listen to old Tun here. Life is hard everywhere. You are not alone. Hidin' is no answer for ye. If ye go get whatever brought you here done, then maybe ye can go home."

I just shook my head sadly. "I can never go home."

Tun just shook his head. "Then make this yer home." He looked out the door and saw something I didn't. "Ye'd best go meet up with the Weaponsmaster if ye want to come back again." He took the saddle I was holding. "Go on with ye, lass. Come back in the mornin' I'll have a horse for ye and more leather to mend. Off with ye now!" He shooed me toward the door.

"Thank you Tun." I said as I slipped out the door. I went around the side when Alberich's back was turned. I came around the back side and stole back toward the salle.

Again, it was Aya who spotted me before anyone else. Alberich was the one who came to escort me back toward the office. I went quietly thinking on what Tun had said. All of it had been right. I could never go home but I could make a new one and it was time to start. I plunged ahead of Alberich, ready to make my new home.

I went back into the room where they all sat waiting for me. I looked at all of them. Elspeth and Darkwind, probably the best written couple in all of Valdemar, sat together still an easy silence between them. Selenay and Daren, a couple forged in fire, were across the room from each other but you could almost see their link. Talia and Dirk, lovers and husband and wife, both with heavy responsibilities, standing together being each others pillar of strength. Then there was Firesong and Silverfox. Two men, held together by love and not by a lifebond. They had found each other during tragedy and remained together on the strength of that foundation. Then, finally Alberich, the former weapons master, now spy master for his Queen. A gentleman when he needed to be but hard as granite and flexible as a willow in the wind.

These were the people of my home now. I couldn't tell them why I was here. Frankly because I had no idea myself. But first things first. "Firstly, I will apologize to all of you for my behaviour. I have no excuse for any of it except to say I was overwhelmed and disoriented." I looked at all of them. I was having a hard time finding the words I needed.

Then something I'd always read in the books came back to me. "Ground and centre." So I did just that. I took a deep breath and took a moment to gather myself. They all sat respectfully silent. "I mean no one any harm. I was brought here for some reason I have yet to figure out. All I want right now is to have a bit of freedom. When I figure out what I'm supposed to be doing, I'll tell you all."

I could see them looking at each other and knew that they had come to some decisions while I was hiding. The only question was: did what I say help or hurt my cause? Selenay was the one to speak. "We haven't any idea as to why you are here either. We have been keeping you under guard here to protect our people." She smiled slightly. "You have done nothing to warrant our distrust and have kept to all of our restrictions. However, I ask you to keep to them for a small time longer." Again she allowed a small smile. "I will arrange for you to have some time in Haven and for classes at the Collegium. Is there anything else we can do?"

I knew she was sincere but I just couldn't see sticking my twenty year old butt in a classroom with a bunch of teeny boppers. "I would really just like some time in the Library. I was never very good in school and well," I shrugged, embarrassed. "The thought is appreciated but I'd rather pass on the classes. And I'd like to go into Haven." I sighed. "Really your Majesty what I would like is my own place to live and no one watching over my shoulder at all times, even if that someone is a Companion."

I could see several people shift as though they were a bit uncomfortable, although Stone-Face wasn't one of them. Even Selenay looked slightly discomfited. But she nodded what I hoped was assent. "I think we can accommodate you." She stood, ending the meeting. I went to leave when Firesong and Silverfox stopped me.

"May we talk with you?" Firesong asked. He, Silverfox and Aya walked out of the meeting with me into the garden.

I nodded and sat down on a bench under a tree. Aya fluttered down to sit on a low branch. He was close enough and I couldn't resist. I reached a bit and began scratching him under his chin. He fluttered lower to sit on the bench next to me. I continued the scratches and chuckled a bit as he closed his eyes and cooed a bit in pleasure.

"You'll spoil him," Firesong commented. He and Silverfox had taken another bench next to me.

I just looked over and smiled slightly, not stopping. "Like the two of you don't?" They both chuckled slightly. "What is it you wanted to talk to me about?" I asked wearily. The day had been long and tiring, emotionally. I was in no mood to be politic and all I wanted to do was curl up and sleep for a while.

"All you told us about your world was the truth?" Silverfox asked quietly.

He was very soft-spoken, I'd found. His voice just skittered over my raw nerves evoking several responses the most blatant being a wearied sadness that he was already taken.

I just nodded, willing my raging hormones, and raw nerves, under control and kept scratching Aya, who had gone almost catatonic with the attention. "Vain bird." I whispered to him. He just sat quietly loving the attention. "Every word about my world was true. Alberich Truth spelled me and Altra probed my mind when I first got here. I knew there was no way to lie mind to mind or through a second level Truth Spell. That's why I did it." I kept scratching Aya switching hands because one was getting tired. "So what did you really want to talk about?"

Silverfox and Firesong exchanged glances but it was Firesong that spoke. "I wish I could send you home, but I can see no way to do it. Before I got here, Elspeth and Darkwind had researched everyway possible of doing it. I'm sorry."

I sighed and finally looked at him. "No, I'm sorry, Adept Firesong. I had no call to be angry with any of you. From what I read at home, I knew none of you would intentionally keep me here. I just can't seem to realize that I really am stuck here."

I fell silent, unable to say anything more. Reality had come crashing down around me, tossing me into this new life without any regard for what I wanted. My sanity had taken several severe beatings in my time here. I wanted to go home; there was no doubt of that.

I scratched Aya one more time and then stood. "I really don't feel like talking right now. Excuse me, gentlemen." I turned away and left them watching after me. Gorgeous though they were, I wasn't even in the mood to admire them.

Wrapped in my own misery, I walked away, leaving them in the garden. I walked aimlessly, not caring where I ended up. I found myself walking along the fence next to Companion Field. Several of the Companions looked up at me but didn't walk over. One stood to the outside. I knew it was Rolan. He had a certain luminescence about him that marked him separate from the others.

I thought I knew exactly what the Companions were. In fact, I still do. My theory is that all Companions were former Heralds continuing their duty to Valdemar. Kings, Queens, any and all could choose to come back as a new Companion. The Groveborns were different though. I wasn't exactly sure what they were but again I had a theory. If all the Companions were former Heralds, then perhaps, just possibly, Groveborns were avatars. God or Goddess linked, straight in to the Havens. As to why they were usually only for the Monarch's Own, I had no idea.

Gwena was of course, an exception. I suspected that Elspeth had needed that link to keep her grounded during all her adventures, or misadventures depending on how you looked at it. Still, Elspeth had ended up with one hunk of a Hawkbrother. In fact, I envied her. Not for her troubles, oh no, not that. I envied her her love, her connection, her sense of belonging where she was. I wanted that. Had thought I had found that with the Gillespies. Now all that had been taken from me.

So had the children. I swallowed a lump in my throat. I'd avoided thinking about them until now. It hurt too much. But... they were as gone as everyone else. My fingers ached to braid hair, or throw an arm over bony shoulders that would soon begin filling out, congratulating on a good baseball game.

I would have cried, but what was the point? Tears would not change the facts as they were. I had already cried. The tears needed to be over. But the children...

I sighed to myself, shunting away the memories, and leaned against the fence. Nothing to do now but work myself to exhaustion and it was too late in the evening for much. Still, my beam was ready and would suffice for working up a sweat.

I went into the salle's back entrance and changed clothing. I heard something coming from the salle and went to investigate since now I was no longer a prisoner.

There, Kero and Alberich were sparring energetically. I leaned my shoulder against the doorway and watched them. They were like poetry in motion. Each movement was fluid and perfectly executed. I could only say, I was in awe of their grace. It was like watching a perfectly choreographed dance where every dancer matching another's move. There have been times I wished I could do things like that. Even when I'd been in gymnastics I hadn't had that kind of freedom of movement. The reason I hadn't made any competitions was I didn't have that kind of grace.

Finally they broke apart. Kero was the first to notice me. She waved me in, face impassive. I walked over cautiously, wondering what she could possibly want with me. She nodded to me and wiped her face. "You still want to learn?" She asked me. I only nodded my mouth going dry as the two Heralds shared a look. She handed me a practice sword and Alberich moved away. "Then let's begin." She said, dropping into a stance.