Disclaimer: All concepts of Heralds, Velgarth, etc belong to M. Lackey, not to me.

Chapter 9 Twitchy Changes

Life had definitely changed since that fateful day when I decided to make Valdemar my new home. For one thing instead of the warmth of summer, with cool twilight breezes to ease transition into night, now we had cold fall rain, making life as dreary as the sky. The trees were losing their leaves rapidly now, borne to the ground by a whipping wind. That same wind pierced through warm cloaks, mittens and any layers of clothing put on to protect against the chill.

Simplistic life doesn't mean an easy one however. Since that day in the salle when Kero had "invited" me to train, I'd been there a good two candle marks or more a day. I usually left, feeling like a tenderised piece of especially tough beef. Kero had, however, encouraged me to keep up my balance beam work. It helped keep me limber, no matter how sore she made me.

Weapons was usually in the morning, before dawn, and before the first group of Trainees came in. I was glad of it. The last thing I wanted to do was completely embarrass myself in front of a bunch of kids. Prideful, maybe, but at least honest.

After that, I could be found exercising one of the horses from the Royal stables. Or taking said horse into Haven to sell or trade one of my carvings. More often than not I simply traded for something, but the jingle of coins in my pocket was now my own money and not a handout from the throne.

I still helped Tun sometimes with tack, or if one of his stable boys were ill. I didn't mind the physical work and Tun was really a hoot. Often times, I walked out of the stables my sides aching not from the physical labour but from laughing so hard.

Evenings were truly my own. I usually saved all my sanding for the evenings since it was such an undemanding task, and I was usually too tired to be trusted around sharp objects. Of course, just because my hands were busy meant my mind must be too. Hence why I was often at the little mini-Vale that Firesong had created for himself and Silverfox. Of course, I always made sure to announce my presence first. Walking in on them once was enough!

The two gentlemen and I had become friends over the last four months or so. They had decided to stay in Haven at least until spring. I was quite happy to keep them company. Firesong and I had gotten into several heated arguments about my choice of clothes. He wanted to dress me not in Tayledras robes but in more colours than I currently wore. I wanted to wear my typical black and be left alone. The insults we tossed were good natured if pointed. Silverfox usually just chuckled and kept out of it.

Alberich had actually thawed toward me. Now he wasn't so much the "Mr. Personality" that he had been but I still had trouble reading him. Then again, he'd never told me about how he just knew where I was, when I'd ran that time. Or how he knew I would sneak out of Healers. Or really, anything at all. He wasn't the most loquacious of men.

In fact, that was what Firesong and I were arguing over one evening while, he and Silverfox were playing hinds and hounds. I was sanding one of my carvings, barely making any contribution to the conversation at all.

When I'd finally gotten comfortable around the two of them, and had realised they were just men and not meant to be on pedestals, I'd begun asking questions. Since I was drawing impaired and couldn't even trace a decent picture from a book, Firesong had agreed to use a little magic for me and "draw" me pictures of the different races. I also had pictures of the different species of bondbirds that could be found in any vale.

Aya, himself, had deigned to be copied in the pose he had chosen, with his wings spread and him looking up. A very Phoenix type pose. I liked it and had secretly been working on the carving I had planned for the drawing when I wasn't here. I had it planned for a MidWinter present for him.

There were several other people I had presents either planned for or already done. To Darkwind, since he always took time to answer my questions about the Tayledras, when Silverfox and Firesong weren't available, I had a completed carving of Vree in full flight. For Elspeth, I had recently completed a carving of Gwena for her with Vree riding her back. (Firesong had convinced both of them for me, since I couldn't. They had willingly complied once they realized what it was for.) For Selenay and Daren, I had carved a relief of a rearing Companion with a lightning bolt behind it (inconspicuously in a corner of that one I had carved two small hearts intertwined. Caryo had given up the hair for the mane and Jasan had donated some for the tail.)

For Talia, I had traded for hers with a carving of my own. She always was working so hard and I had noticed her love of small brightly coloured things that could be worn with her Whites. Hers was a small, bright green ribbon that she could wear in her hair, embroidered with tail hair taken from Rolan, done in simple geometric patterns. Dirk had been hard to figure out. So I did a simplistic carving of a mother and babe in arms, transposing Talia's features onto the mother. Jemmie was definitely older now but I thought he still might like it.

For Alberich, I had been hard pressed to figure out something he might like. I had taken a cue from several things. One was that he was terribly practical. So, I did what I could and had spoken to several weapons dealers down in Haven. One, with a trade had agreed to fix a knife handle onto two blades that I had picked out. I was carving two handles. One for Alberich to carry and one for "Knives". The one for the Herald featured his Companion lying down, wrapped around a Firecat. Both had more than willingly agreed to help when I told them what it was for. The one for "Knives" was a very plain handle with small carvings so that the handle wouldn't be slick.

Silverfox was the one I was fretting over. I could just give him the plans for my beam with a written explanation of what I did on it. But I didn't like that idea. Still, right now it was the best one I had. Everything else I could think of just didn't seem appropriate. I couldn't carve him much for his trade (not that I knew much about it). Still, I was stuck and quite frankly it was annoying. Tomorrow I would be going down to Haven with more carvings to trade perhaps something would jump out at me then.

Drawing myself from my thoughts on Midwinter, (and ignoring the pang of longing for Christmas back home) I realized that Firesong was nattering at me, still, about the merits of changing my clothes. "You would look stunning in blues and greens. Not the green that the Healers wear, obviously, but several shades of it interspersed with blues and maybe even a light buff colour." He was watching the game board, watching me out of the corner of his eye. "You should change your colours."

I snorted, sanding the back feathers of the gryphon. "What is wrong with my black clothes? I have always worn black. I like black. Besides every woman knows black is slimming."

That got what sounded like amused snorts from both men. Firesong was the one to answer me though. "You don't need to wear anything 'slimming'. You've got a great body and you should flaunt it."

Silverfox looked at his lover, a smile tugging at his lips and one eyebrow arched. "Really now? Something you'd like to tell me, ke'chara?"

Firesong chuckled from behind his mask and reached over to squeeze his lover's hand. "Just that you know I'd never leave you."

"Would you two knock it off?" I asked, rolling my eyes, before addressing Firesong's previous comment, both men chuckling. "As to my clothes, peacock, I'm not wearing an array of colours to satisfy you." I put up my carving for a moment and stretched my hands out before they got too cramped.

"You should try something other than black, Sarana." Silverfox said, finally making his moves, releasing Firesong's hand.

I just kept my peace after letting out a gusty sigh. It was an argument we had most days and would continue to have until MidWinter was over. Then, if they were still here, it would probably be the Equinox Festival. Somehow I just couldn't convince them that I was quite comfortable in my black. It was the most comfortable colour for me here. I couldn't exactly wear white, or green, or red (though with red hair the red would look horrible anyways).Granted during high summer it might not be the most comfortable, but it made me feel my best. I didn't wash me out as a lot of colours did. And as my skin darkened and my hair lightened, during the warmer months, it really set my looks off. Even during the winter when my skin paled and my hair darkened, I still looked good.

Yes, I'm a tad bit vain. If you lived around people that just oozed confidence and sex appeal at times. You'd be a tad more aware of what you were wearing as well. Besides, I like wearing black. I'm never mistaken for anyone.

It, also, made dressing easy. I never had to worry about what colour was appropriate and who I would possibly offend. Everyone knew I wore black. It was a given and I was too paranoid about my position here to change anything that could possibly be construed as an insult.

I didn't go to many Court functions. In fact, I avoided them at all costs. Still, there were times I did go, like when a Bard (or Bardic student) was playing that I enjoyed. Or even if I had been specifically requested to go, as had happened on very few occasions by Selenay herself or someone else. Why bother with all those different outfits that had to be coordinated and dithered over when three sets of formal clothes and five more of "everyday" clothes in black served just as well?

I had said as much many times but it always put Firesong in a dither so I kept my mouth shut this time. I picked up the carving yet again and kept working on it. "I could take you into Haven and help you pick out clothes. Or better yet, have the merchants come here. Selenay won't mind." Firesong was becoming animated about the subject so I figured it was time to stop him before he began making too many plans.

"Firesong, sweet, I appreciate the thought but really, I don't want to have more clothes." I said sighing. "I really don't see the point. I don't have a place with the Court. I'm not noble, or a Trainee. They really don't know what to do with me." I chuckled a bit and sanded a bit more on the gryphon. "Frankly I have no desire to be a part of them. I like my clothes the way they are. Now could we please leave it alone?" I looked at Firesong who looked ready to say something more but Silverfox shook his head and Firesong held his peace much to my relief.

You know, I think it bothered him that I really had no place here. He thought that I needed to be "adopted" into the Court and couldn't understand that I was quite happy where I was. That may have been the Tayledras way but the Court was not going to take in someone that they had no idea how to place. Really, I think I scared them. I had no particular place that they could stick me in. No title graced my name; no money insured my place. Everyone was sure that I was off limits, either for marriage associations or for romantic liaisons.

Elspeth, Darkwind and the others had made sure everyone knew that I was under their protection. So what was I good for? Could I be used to get close to said personages? Or could I be used against them? No one could exactly be sure about any of it. And if there was one thing no member of the Court did was move without being sure of most of the ramifications.

Here I sat on the outreaches. I was almost part of the Court and almost merely working class. I took instruction from Alberich on weapons, yet I took no class at the Collegium. Everyone knew of me but hardly anyone knew me. I was an enigma, an unknown. I created fear in some and distaste in others. None could count on my movements, so could not plan accordingly. In fact, right now, there was probably the least amount of plotting going on in the Court than there had ever been!

I stretched and gathered up my supplies, sweeping my mess into the fireplace. Silverfox and Firesong were engrossed in another game. I walked over and studied the board. They were playing at a level beyond me. I just shook my head, ruffling my loose hair slightly. I bent over and kissed both men on their cheeks and left. Yes, probably forward of me, but neither minded.

I trudged through the gathering gloom back toward my rooms at the Palace. I had gladly taken some unused rooms in a sparsely populated wing of the Palace. The only other beings near me were Elspeth and Darkwind and the gryphon mages. That suited me just fine. My rooms consisted of a sitting room, a bathing room and a bedroom. I tried not to spend too much time in them to keep my spirits up but it was hard. At home, I was used to hibernating during the cold weather and staying put until a spring thaw. Only going out when I had to.

I smiled a bit sadly. The kids always had wanted to go out and play in the snow. While the nanny, me, wanted to crawl under blankets and ignore all the "pretty" snow. It was damned cold and I just wanted it to go away.

Here I didn't want to do that since there was still so much for me to learn. Firesong and Silverfox had brought dyheli with them and I had taken advantage of that and learned Karsite and Tayledras, since I could already speak Valdemaran. It had given me one hell of a headache, but it had been worth it. Firesong was quite happy to use my Tayledras when I was with him.

As to how I knew Valdemaran, I wasn't quite sure. I just did. I also just knew that Valdemaran wasn't English. I'd taken to swearing in English. No one understood it, but generally, they got the gist. I laughed a little, knowing that Alberich and Kero had picked a few of them during our training sessions.

The Library still held wonders in it that needed explored, mostly about history that hadn't been covered in my books. Some of it was, of course, that I still couldn't decide this was real and the history made it a bit more so. I had also begun reading into some of the treaties and such that Valdemar had with its neighbours. That information would be invaluable to me when I had to leave Haven. If I ever had to.

Ever have the gut feeling that you know something is coming? I did. And it made me twitchy. I didn't like not knowing what or when it was. Still, it was there and there was nothing I could do except worry about it and give myself ulcers. Not exactly the best thing to do.

I finally made it to my rooms and sighed with relief that the servants had been in to add fuel to the fires and make sure the rooms were warm. A person could certainly get spoiled by having people do for them. Granted the servants barely did anything for me. I cleaned my own rooms and gathered my own laundry and made sure it was outside my door for them to take to the laundry. About the only thing the servants did do for me was fetch wood and keep the fires going.

I quickly shed my cloak and hung it by the fire to dry, sighing as I stood near the fire soaking up the warmth. I poured myself a glass of warmed wine from the pitcher on the hearth. That was another thing that I'd gotten used to in a short period of time. There wasn't much I could honestly say I missed, food-wise, but I did miss hot chocolate and my soda. And pizza. There had been many times that I'd dream of being able to call up some one and just order a pizza, having it delivered right to my door. Of course, I could do the same thing with the servants but it wasn't the same.

I'd even thought a couple of times of invading either the Palace kitchen or the one at the Collegium. Then, I saw the actual kitchens. Intimidating is far to gentle a word. Granted, Mero was nice enough, but I didn't want to mess up his kitchen.

I quickly went into my bathing room and ran myself a hot bath from the water kept warm over the stove in there. Getting cold water wasn't a problem that ran straight from a cistern on the roof. I stripped and began to soak some of the cold from my muscles.

As I lay soaking I began to ruminate a bit. For all my rooms were in a distant part of the Palace, they were warm, well cared for and pleasantly decorated. My sitting room was done in muted tans and blues that flowed together easily. My bedroom took that theme a bit further adding in creams and few yellows too. My bathroom was white for the most part, with accents added here and there in all the colors of my other rooms.

I enjoyed staying in here and although I had been given the authority to change them about the only thing I'd done is add a few cushions here and there and two more bookshelves. I had traded for some older books but mostly I used them for carvings that were in various stages of being done. In fact on the shelves in the bedroom, sat the ones I was planning on giving as gifts. Since no one but me and a servant went in there, I figured it was as safe as anywhere.

Sighing heavily at any thought of moving I reluctantly got out of the cooling water and dried off, quickly donning the robe hung by the stove.

As I feel asleep that night, I stared at my carving still in progress for Firesong. It had begun to take on more and more aspects of Aya. I couldn't wait for it to be done.

· · ·

I awoke to the sound of rain battering my window and knocking on my door. I had adopted Tayledras sleeping gear during my time here, so I crawled out of bed and put on a robe. I walked sleepily through to my sitting room, barely noting that it wasn't even dawn yet.

Running a hand through my hair, I yanked open the door to find a disgruntled servant standing there. He looked about like I did. "Her Majesty wishes to see you." He delivered his message and quickly left. I just grunted and closed the door.

The other advantage to wearing only one color was that I could dress for an audience in an instant. I threw on my formal clothes and yanked a brush through my hair, leaving it lose. If Selenay had wanted it done she wouldn't have called for me before dawn. Ready in a trice, I walked out my door to trudge my way to Selenay's quarters.

The way wasn't actually that long but it felt like it took forever. Selenay was waiting, dressed, in her room when I arrived. Daren, Darkwind, Elspeth and Firesong and Silverfox were there as well. (Why is it those two can look like they got a full night's sleep in only a few hours?) Apparently, all they were waiting for was me. I closed the door behind me and came in and sat down. One thing they'd all learned was that I very rarely stood on ceremony.

"Since we're all here, I'll keep this brief so we can return to our beds." Selenay said briskly. (Yet another person chipper in the middle of the night. I believe I mentioned before I don't do chipper.) "Earlier tonight, several of my ForeSeers came to me and told of several coming disasters. The problem is they can't tell where or when these disasters might strike and nothing after them at all. The one thing they all agree on is that you, Sarana, are in the middle of all of it."

I could feel everyone's eyes on me at that point. I didn't move keeping myself as blank as possible. Considering I had been yanked out of bed, it wasn't too hard. My mind was still moving fuzzily and stray remnants of my dream kept evading me. I couldn't say anything simply because I didn't know what to say.

My mind wasn't fully awake, but one thought penetrated its fog. Huh? Oh. Twitchiness explains this. If the ForeSeers are seeing me doing something… but what?

So my mouth was kept shut, since I couldn't form a coherent sentence if I wanted to. Selenay looked at me shrewdly but didn't press. "So, if anyone here has any ideas?" Everyone looked especially blank considering the late hour. "I'm sorry to have disturbed your sleep then." Now that was clearly a dismissal. I readily took it to escape from the questions that pressed in the air around me.

As I walked back to my rooms I could feel Elspeth and Darkwind's speculations as they walked behind me. I just nodded wearily to them as I gained my room. I stripped off my formals and threw them on a convenient chair and threw myself back under my covers, naked.