Title: What it Means to Be
Author: Sparklehunter
Warnings: Light shounen-ai, angst
Summary: Tsunade's reconciling what she did to Iruka, Iruka's reconciling his entire life, and Naruto's reconciling his skills as a ninja.
Part: Shinobi, 1/4
Author's Note: Please review. I'm getting nervous that the only one reading is Chibi-akuma-no-kage-sama, and discouraged enough to send her the rest and forget about it here. I don't want to beg (or threaten) for reviews, but I'm getting scared. Please?
Author's Note II: seven point ohin a series of snapshots about the aftermath of an almost-death. Sequel to Betrayal.
What it Means to Be
Shinobi
by sparklehunter
"You're a Shinobi," says Hokage.
Even Tsunade has to agree with the disgust in her tone. It's her fault, the entire situation (the part of her that is Hokage says she did the right thing, but it still hurts to watch Iruka wheel down the street) but Iruka still sulks, his eyes dark and despairing, and it makes her feel so guilty and stricken that she wants to scream. Iruka has made no effort to get over his injury, she thinks. He just sits there and sinks deeper into his own skin. Hokage wishes he could teach, Tsunade thinks that would pull Iruka out of his shell and back to himself, but twenty armed children seem unrealistic for a man who's banished to a chair for the rest of his life.
"I know, Hokage," Iruka says, and Tsunade sees the anger he's hiding in his eyes.
Tsunade thinks that Iruka needs to let the anger and hate and pain she sees in him out before he can truly heal. Iruka refuses to acknowledge his anger. Hokage had hoped that sending Kakashi back to war (where he is was always will be desperately needed) would force a reaction from Iruka, but the days pass and she sees no change.
"Do you?" Hokage asks. "What have you done for the village, in the last four months?"
You're a Shinobi, she thinks, and hopes he will understand what she can't say.
Iruka stares at her, something stirring in his eyes; she catches her breath and hopes for passion and a will to live.
"I let Kakashi go," Iruka says, and the life dies into embers of hate.
Tsunade mentally sways at that – it hurts to hear him hate her, hate Kakashi, need Kakashi – but Hokage just snorts. "What have you done, I asked? Not what has Kakashi given up to be a Shinobi, but what have you done?"
Iruka bites his lips and draws blood; his eyes die a little bit more. "What else can I do, Hokage? Teach – I can't teach ninjas, not crippled. Translate scrolls? You have half a dozen Shinobi who are ten times the cryptographers. Plan attacks and strategies? I don't have the clearance, Hokage."
Hokage snorts. "That's the coward –"
"– Hokage!" says a messenger, breathless, blood masking his left eye. "Hokage, it's about Naruto!" He's barely standing, and Hokage realizes he must have run from the front lines.
"What about Naruto!" Hokage and Tsunade and Iruka all say at once.
When they realize the implications, Iruka looks shocked and pained and exhilarated, and Hokage feels the war end and her village die.
"Hokage," Iruka says.
Hokage looks at him, and her eyes are old.
"Hokage, I'm a Shinobi," says Iruka.
TBC.