Title: What it Means to Be

Author: Sparklehunter

Warnings: Light shounen-ai, angst

Summary: Tsunade's reconciling what she did to Iruka, Iruka's reconciling his entire life, and Naruto's reconciling his skills as a ninja.

Part: Remember, 4/4

Author's Note: seven point seven five in a series of snapshots about the aftermath of an almost-death. Sequel to Betrayal/Only I.

Author's Note II: Please Review! Even if you want to tell me this part is crap and just Expendable with a different name. There are some hints in here that are important for later, though, so you may want to read anyway . . . . And stop in tomorrow or the next day for part one of Worth Something, called Hello and Goodbye, AKA Iruka's goodbye letter to Kakashi.

Author's Note III: A question, the next part has three sections. Should I tack them onto WiMtB, or should I post them as a separate title?

What it Means to Be

Remember

by sparklehunter

"Iruka's expendable, remember?" says Hokage.

She's seated at her desk in her office, watching the sun set and trying to ignore the hardheaded idiots who are second guessing her. She wants to shout that she's Hokage for a reason, dammit, and even if she doesn't really want the job, Konoha is at war and she'll do everything in her power to keep the village safe. Sending Iruka to save the one person who will save Konoha (and Hokage knows it's not positive that Naruto will save Konoha, but the evidence is astounding) may hurt, but pain has never deterred her. She's not about to let it start.

Kurenai opens her mouth to protest. Sakura beats her to it.

"Iruka's not expendable, he's a foundation for both Naruto and Kakashi. If he dies, we could have two of our best Shinobi out of commission for months!" Sakura looks incensed, her pretty green eyes (when had Sakura's eyes grown so old?) blazing. "Naruto's already off kilter because of Sasuke, now you want him to live, knowing Iruka's sacrificed his life for him? And Kakashi –"

"They're Shinobi, Sakura, Kurenai." Hokage finds her voice is glacial, and she feels older than Sakura's eyes, knowing how this scene, and the next, will play out. "And because they're Shinobi, this loss will not destroy them. You think they're not strong enough to survive?"

"I think Kakashi will blame himself for this, Hokage, and you know it. If Kakashi finds out you sent Iruka to die for Naruto –" Kurenai says.

Tsunade stands and slams her hands onto her desk. "If you have the slightest notion how ridiculous you sound, Kurenai, you'd be baring your neck in apology! It is neither of your business what I do, and whether or not I permit Iruka to stage his little rescue mission is no concern to any Shinobi in this village.

"Iruka's expendable, remember? He's a paralyzed ninja who's fallen into depression, unable to be of use to the village and wasting our resources," says Hokage.

Sakura pales, but Kurenai turns a deep red from fury as Hokage continues.

"If he succeeds in this last mission – and Iruka has never failed a mission in his life – then he will have lived and died a Shinobi, not a burden, and that is all any of my Shinobi can ask for! He requested this mission, and out of respect for his abilities and relationship with Naruto, and knowing his desire, even injured, to still be a ninja, I let him have his last request. If Naruto and Kakashi cannot respect that, then they'll just have to remember that a Shinobi's duty is first and foremost to Konoha, and that Iruka lives and will die by that oath." Hokage takes a deep breath, and sinks back into her seat as Kurenai tightens her jaw.

It surprises both of them when Sakura is the one who understands.

"I know, Hokage, but – why didn't you let Iruka say goodbye?" Sakura says. Her voice is soft and pleading, and Tsunade realizes that she's grieving, as well.

Tsunade crosses her arms over her chest, and stares at the setting sun. "Iruka didn't want to," she says.

They leave.

Hokage bites her lip and does not say the words because she's sick of justifying her actions. But she thinks them, anyway.

Iruka's expendable, remember?

The End

To Be Continued in the next Arc, Worth Something

A/N IV --I was going to put in review responces, butI don't have time . . . you'll see them in Worth Something, definitely, so review!