Title: Worth Something
Author: Sparklehunter
Warnings: Light shounen-ai, angst
Summary: Tsunade's reconciling what she did to Iruka, Iruka's reconciling his entire life, and Naruto's reconciling his skills as a ninja.
Part: Regrets, 2/3
Author's Note: eight point six six in a series of snapshots about the aftermath of an almost-death. Sequel to What in Means to Be/Hello and Goodbye.
Author's Note II: Please Review! And stop in tomorrow or the next day for part three of Worth Something, called Explanations, AKA Kakashi discovers what's going on. Oops.
Worth Something
Regrets
by sparklehunter
"No regrets," thinks Naruto.
He's running, running through a forest of dead leaves and mist. The leaves go 'crnckrckrcck' if he doesn't watch his step, so he's careful, careful moving so he doesn't let his pursuers know where he is or where he's going. He's gambling that they won't pay attention to the forest floor, because Iruka said that ninja always take the high ground so they aren't surprised; it's instinctive, so use that against your enemy. He tries to use that against the enemy, now. He knows that they know how weak he is, but they don't know that he can still think, and how his survival instincts are enough to overcome a decade of training.
Naruto almost regrets all the whining he gave Jiraiya, and Kakashi, and Iruka, when they taught him about tracking and covering tracks. It's boring to learn – a lot of 'be quiet think every action through' – but he's glad they taught him. He just wishes he could be sure he's not forgetting something important. He wishes he'd paid more attention. Iruka always told him (when he was so exasperated his left eye began to twitch) that his lack of focus was going to get someone killed.
Was that lack-of-focus going to get him killed, now, like it had gotten Iruka killed (abandoned in a cell to buy Naruto time so he can escape to freedom, to fight the war Iruka can't, to protect the village and guard the vows Iruka can't)?
Iruka. . . .
He kinda hates himself for going along with the plan. He knows he hates Hokage for going along with the plan. Iruka's crippled. As in paralyzed. Iruka's useless. Useless, save for suicide missions, like switching places with a comrade to save them.
Useless, save for missions like this one.
It hurts that Iruka's such a fucking martyr.
"No regrets," thinks Naruto.
That's what martyr-Iruka told him, appearing like a ghost-in-chains outside his cell. The village needs you Naruto you're our best hope to win the war don't look so surprised nitwit they need you more than they need a cripple. This is my final act as a Shinobi, Naruto.
Run, Naruto, and don't look back. Get back to the village safe, get to Kakashi for me. Tell him I'm sorry.
The village needs you, Naruto, so . . .
"No regrets," thinks Naruto.
TBC
Review Responses:
To Everyone: Thank you for your support, and I hope you continue reading!
Polka dot: Well, I guess Iruka's safe, then! Although, having Kakashi throw the letter back in his face is an interesting idea . . . .
Turtle Demon: It's going to be a bit before Iruka actually fights someone . . . but, er, he's kinda nasty when he actually does . . . I've said repeatedly that Iruka's expendable, so he's not brilliant at fights, but he is a Shinobi and has been living with Kakashi for a while, and he is a teacher, and . . . you'll see!
Dk-joy: Kakashi and Iruka . . . are adorable. I happen to be a fan of spicy!Iruka (though sweet!blushing!Iruka has many good points), so Iruka's reflecting that in this fic (when he's not busy pitying himself). As for the angst . . . it's just so yummy! I think it would be hard for any soldier/assassin to tell someone they love goodbye, especially when there's been as many problems between them as Kakashi and Iruka have had. It was hard trying to put everything I wanted Iruka to say into words, because he had a lot of time to make up for in a few short words. Silly boy.
El Gaara: thanks!
Chibi-akuma-no-kage: a little angst never hurt anyone, right? Hmm, as for the ending . . . reverse psychology won't work! Honest!
Nezuko: Iruka's mission . . . well, it turns out worse that he'd hoped. Kakashi's reaction is next, along with a few tidbits on how Naruto is actually handling Iruka's death. Thanks for encouraging a natural ending, and not a forced happy one.