Title: Worth Something

Author: Sparklehunter

Warnings: Shounen-ai, angst

Summary: Tsunade's reconciling what she did to Iruka, Iruka's reconciling his entire life, and Naruto's reconciling his skills as a ninja.

Part: Explanations, 3/3

Author's Note: eight point nine nine in a series of snapshots about the aftermath of an almost-death. Sequel to What in Means to Be/Regrets.

Author's Note II: Please Review! And stop in tomorrow or the next day for part one of Breaking Symphonies, called Easy, AKA Iruka is found out.

Worth Something

Explanations

by sparklehunter

"I don't . . . need . . . your explanations . . . I don't need . . . ." says Kakashi.

". . . I . . . don't need . . petty . . . theories. . . "

" And I don't . . . need.. . ."

". . . I don't need your apologies. . . ."

"I . . . don't need your . . . c . . . cast off weapons, or symbols that . . . that mean nothing. . . ."

". . . I don't need . . . your fucking . . . pity. . . ."

"I don't need you . . . Iruka."

He's boneless on the floor, because his knees gave out under the stress, and his eyes are wide and dry. The room's destroyed; the room he and Iruka spent their last months together is obliterated. The windows are shattered and the bed is in shreds and there are white feathers falling over every not-so-decorative weapon that litters the floor. The pictures are broken and there's blood where his knuckles met glass and the door is twisted smoking wood on the floor.

He doesn't want to believe it, refused to believe it at first, tore the apartment to tattered rags and splinters, but there's dust all over and a huge black box on the bed – or, there was a huge black box, and there was a bed, but he's torn it all apart and now he has nothing left inside him. His eyes are dry, but he cried when he read the letter, and he's silently promising, as he screams what he doesn't need, that he won't cry over Iruka.

Naruto came by, his blue gaze haunted, said he just got a clean bill of health from Sakura and he was sorry he hadn't stopped by as soon as Kakashi had arrived, and just handed Kakashi the letter. He just stared at Naruto, because he'd come back home to see how Iruka was doing – abandoned the war, left Raidoh in charge – but Iruka wasn't in their apartment and there was dust all over and Kakashi had been worried but maybe he had a mission or something – Kakashi knew Iruka could still be a ninja, that he wasn't useless, that had to be the explanation – but Naruto came and knocked. Naruto was supposed to be captured, and he'd come home because Iruka would be upset about it . . . but Naruto handed him the letter, and apologized, then left.

"I don't . . . need . . . your explanations . . . I don't need . . . ," says Kakashi.

It comes out more like a moan or a plea than a declaration. The anger (how could Iruka be so stupid, throwing his life away like that, didn't he realize Kakashi . . . Kakashi. . . .) has drained from him, and so he lies on the floor amidst all the white feathers and tries to convince himself it's all some elaborate practical joke – Iruka had been a prankster as a child, right? It's payback for ditching him for the war, right?

"I don't need you, Iruka!"

"I don't need . . . you . . . anything . . . anything at all . . . not from you. . . . Iruka!"

Kakashi bites his tongue to keep from screaming, and claws at the floor. Hid nails splinter, the wooden floor splinters, and it hurts.

"Iruka . . . I . . . Iruka. . . ," he says, and it sounds like he's choking or dying.

"I don't . . . need . . . your explanations . . . I don't need . . . !" says Kakashi. But it comes out as a scream.

The End.

TBC in Breaking Symphonies