Chapter 2

Kerry remembered that face so clearly. She couldn't forget the face of the woman who had opened the door that cold day. The day Kerry had decided to tell Kim how she felt. No, she couldn't forget. She knew who it was. As she opened the ambulance door she saw her, plain as day. It was Lori.

Not only Lori, but… "Oh, my God." Kerry gasped. Kim lay on the gurney, her forehead bleeding, the side of her shirt ripped off, and blood, just everywhere. But her eyes would flutter open and then they would close.

"Kerry?" Kim's weak voice asked.

"Shh, don't talk." Kerry felt tears coming. Kim just laid there, her blonde hair spewed out everywhere, masses of blood caught in the waves. Kerry knew she couldn't help in this case, she just couldn't. "Carter, you're going to have to get someone else." Kerry said as they walked the gurney in to the hospital, heading towards the trauma room.

Carter was about to protest, but then he looked at Kerry and knew she wasn't ready to do this. He nodded and called for a nurse to find Luka. Kerry stayed with Lori right outside the trauma room, both focused on what was being done to Kim.

"We were just walking and then out of nowhere some bastard decided to run her over." Tears were streaming down Lori's face, but there was anger and contempt in her voice.

"Purposely?" Kerry asked, not taking her eyes off of Kim's face as the doctor's worked double time to save her.

"I think so, we were holding hands, you know. God, some people are so closed minded." Lori crossed her arms, having no better way to take out her anger.

Kerry just nodded. She went through the process in her head, watching as the doctor's played it out in front of her. She knew exactly when and what they would do next. The tears began falling over, and running down her cheeks.

"Is she going to be okay?" Lori demanded after a moment of silence.

Kerry watched for a moment more and then turned to Lori, "I'm not in a position to discuss that." She said coldly, trying to mask her tears, but they were too obvious.

"Hey, you're the dyke that didn't come out. Why do you care so much about her? If you really did then you guys would still be together." Lori cried, getting angrier by the second.

"Keep your voice down!" Kerry cried, noticing people were staring.

"No, you don't deserve to be here."

"I have just as much right to be here as you."

"Oh, really, then why are we still together and you guys aren't?" Lori demanded. Kerry knew she shouldn't get in to this fight, she should just walk away. Lori was experiencing post traumatic emotions. But Kerry had to defend herself.

"Okay listen here, Lori. I loved Kim. I loved her a lot. I didn't choose for her to leave me, I didn't want her too. I was dumb, yes I'll admit it, I haven't been straightforward about myself, but it just wasn't the right time. So back off." Kerry cried, the tears and anger blurring together. She noticed a small gathering around Lori and herself. They both glared at each other, but both were too emotionally drained to defend themselves any more.

"Kerry?" Carter had emerged from the room and Kerry turned abruptly. Carter looked at the two women and frowned. He decided he would talk to Kerry first because he had always suspected that something was going on between her and Doctor Legaspi. He would then get to the lover.

Carter pulled Kerry aside and out of ear shot. "How is she?" Kerry asked, knowing that by now her sexuality was no longer a secret and she had nothing to hide.

"We pulled her through. She'll be fine. A few ribs got smashed in the crash, but they'll heal." Kerry took a deep calming breath as she received the good news. Carter placed his hand on Kerry's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Kerry looked up at him and nodded through her tears. "Yeah." She nodded. "You'd better go tell Lori now. She'll probably care more since they're together."

Carter frowned. "Wait a minute. You care. I saw how you reacted when you saw it was her."

"Carter, please, stay out of this." Kerry had turned to leave.

"No, Kerry you need to at least talk to her when she wakes up."

"She won't want to." Kerry shook her head and began walking away from Carter, but he stopped her with a strong hand on her shoulder.

"Kerry, what is wrong with you?" He demanded. "You know I really didn't think you were as uncaring as they said you were, but now I'm beginning to think otherwise."

Kerry turned on him. "She left me, okay. She left because I wouldn't tell the whole world that I was a lesbian. There I said it. I am a lesbian." With that Kerry turned and hobbled down the hallway, avoiding the awkward stares, and went in to the doctor's lounge, collapsing on to the couch. She leaned forward, the tears flowing freely. It hurt so bad.

Moments later the door opened and in walked Carter who sat down beside her. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's not your fault. It's mine." Kerry shrugged, the tears subsiding.

"When did it begin?" Carter asked, running his hand gently up and down her back.

"Around last Christmas. I bought her a watch." Kerry smiled, remembering back to that day. "She made a big deal about not wanting friends, but she did want a lover, and she wanted me." Kerry sat up now. Carter nodded. "We started off kind of rocky, but it worked, or it did until she didn't want it to be a secret anymore. She wanted to show me off in public, but I couldn't do it." Kerry gulped back some tears. "So she moved on."

"Oh, Kerry." Carter could only sit there. He wasn't sure he could or should say anything. "You really loved her, didn't you?" He finally asked.

She nodded yes. It hurt to just think about how much she loved Kim.

"Well can I page you when she gets up; you know if you change your mind?" Carter suggested. "She kept asking for you in the trauma room." Carter suddenly remembered how before she had fallen asleep, Kim had been asking for Kerry.

"She did?" Kerry smiled, wiping the tears off of her face.

"Yeah." Carter nodded. "So can I page you?"

Kerry got up and shrugged. "I need to get back out there." She turned back to Carter. "Thank you."

"No problem, any time." Carter shrugged, staying seated on the couch.

Kerry nodded and went out the door. Several attendings and nurses stared at her as she emerged from the lounge. "What are you all looking at, get back to work." Kerry barked, taking her spot behind a computer once again.

Her heart skipped a beat every time her pager went off. Finally after two hours she felt it shake and upon looking at it she found that Kim was awake. She had been for the past hour, but Carter had decided to wait until Lori had left before contacting Kerry, just in case. Kerry didn't know if she really wanted to do this, but she felt she at least needed to go in and see how Kim was. Setting down a chart, Kerry walked slowly to where the trauma rooms were. She could see Kim before Kim could see her, and she watched her as she sat in the bed, her eyes half closed, tired from all the surgery, and probably sore. Kerry wanted to go in there and gather her in to her arms, but she couldn't. She knew she had lost that privilege.

Kerry moved closer to the door and she knew Kim could see her now. She pushed her way inside the doors and stood, awkwardly in front of them, and then methodically she moved to take the clipboard from the bottom of the bed. Flipping it open she began to review Kim's vitals and stats. "Kerry, you didn't come in here to be a doctor." Kim's voice, that beautiful voice, broke through the silence, surprising Kerry.

"I know." Kerry stuttered. "I came to see how you were. I was worried."

"So Lori tells me." Kim smiled that evasive smile.

"Listen Kim, I know we don't stand a chance anymore but I have to admit I really do miss you." Kerry moved a few steps closer, all though she was afraid to touch Kim.

Kim smiled even wider. "I miss you too." And reaching up, with an arm full of bruises and a needle for the IV, she stroked Kerry's face. Kerry took Kim's hand into her own and held it.

"I have to go. I'm sure Lori will be back in a little while." Kerry lay Kim's hand back down on the blanket and turned, leaving the room, a very puzzled Kim staring after her.

Carter caught her on the way out. "How'd it go?"

"She said she missed me." Kerry bit her lip.

"Really, is that good?" Carter asked.

"I don't know. She's still with Lori, so I don't know how good that is."

"Well I'm sure she'll come around." Carter shrugged just as Susan pulled him away to ask his advice on a patient.

Kerry, deep in her own thoughts, sighed.