Authors Notes: Italics equal flashbacks. I'm planning on using an awful lot more of them as the tale unfolds. Wait and see...
Secrets and Lies
Chapter 9
She perched uneasily on the stool, finding grace difficult in the last stages of this her third pregnancy, bathed in the half-light of the room and feeling distinctly unnerved by the atmosphere. Abby's gaze was fixed on the window, far in the middle distance. Even in the dim light, the ravages of her illness were clearly visible, the yellowness of skin and nails in stark contrast to the white sheets.
"Did you want something?"
Abby spoke sharply, not turning her gaze from the window. Sam faltered momentarily. What did she want? To make her see sense? To finally reveal the secrets that burdened her in this the autumn of Abby's life?
"To see you,"
She answered honestly.
"It's funny how everybody wants to see you when you're dying. It's like I'm some sort of freak show,"
Abby turned to her, eyes burning in the shadows.
"I…we only care,"
"What do you really want, Sam?"
Abby demanded breathlessly, and Sam flinched at the bluntness.
"Why do you want them here, Abby?"
"Why do you care?"
"After what they did? Yes, dammit, I care,"
She spat back, furiously. Enraged by the way she had been forced to lie those years ago and had been forced to continue to lie when they'd both walked away. Her own role in the situation, her own hand in Abby's demise burdened her.
"Why shouldn't I want them? Why shouldn't I drag them back? Tell me, why shouldn't I make them suffer?"
Sam found herself lost for words in the face of this painful honesty. But, she decided firmly, if they had to suffer then so did she.
"In that case, so should I,"
She muttered softly. Abby stared at her, alert and clearly curious.
"Sam?"
"I should suffer too,"
She whispered again, barely audible over the noise of the monitors. But Abby heard her all right.
"I knew you had ulterior motive,"
Abby quipped sarcastically. Sam shuffled her feet against the floor, forced to remember her guilty secret once more.
"I…. I…"
She turned away as quickly as she saw it, but couldn't forget what she saw. She heard furious, frantic shuffling behind her.
"Sam…"
It was Neela who spoke. She turned, fixed them both with a level stare.
"It's not…"
He began to speak, but froze when she whipped her eyes round and hardened her stare on him.
"…What I think?"
She finished, the question purposely sharp, the inflection in her voice saying everything her words didn't.
"I may only be a nurse, but I'm not an idiot,"
She continued, her words coming out razor edged, her eyes flicking impassively between them, noting the guilt and fear on both faces.
"Don't try and excuse yourselves,"
Neela moved to protest, but Sam threw up a hand to stop her.
"I'm not going to say anything,"
Sam felt her insides twist as she said it, knowing she'd live to regret it, knowing it forced her to lie. She took a long, slow breath, and then continued to speak.
"As long as this stops now…"
"You knew?"
Abby drew in a long, laboured breath, as if the revelation had winded her. Sam nodded sadly.
"You didn't tell me,"
"No,"
She admitted weakly, ducking her head to avoid the now accusing glare.
"What? I didn't deserve to know?"
Sam shook her head vigorously; knowing her position now seemed indefensible.
"You've got to understand the position I was in…"
Her protestation was futile, and even to her it sounded pretty feeble. Since when had she, Sam Taggart, not had the strength to stand right in the middle of conflict? Since when had she not told the truth and hang the consequences?
"Understand? All I understand, Sam, is that you lied to me,"