Authors Notes: Sorry for the delay. Enjoy. Again italics mean flashbacks!

Secrets and Lies

Chapter 10

Neela glanced down at her watch. 9:30pm. An hour and a half since the phone call, and here she was on a bus nearly halfway back to Chicago. Mina had fallen asleep, her small dark head resting in her lap. She couldn't seem to shake the feeling that Jenny had been right to be concerned. The closer Chicago got, the more her nerves twisted inside her and the bigger the knot in her gut became.

She wasn't sure how this was supposed to make her feel. Her best friend was dying. Her former best friend, she corrected automatically. Was she brave enough to do this? Was she strong enough? Abby had made it perfectly clear exactly how she'd felt.

"It isn't what you think…Abby, it isn't…"

His voice trailed off uselessly. A hand clamped down on her shoulder, the grip vicelike. She was wheeled round mid-step. Before she could say anything, Abby's free hand struck her full across the face.

"It's exactly what I think,"

Abby spat acidly. She screwed her eyes shut, tried to recover herself from the blow. Her skin pricked with thousands of tiny red-hot needles, the pain suitably sharp and bitter.

"How could you? Just tell me, how could you?"

Words failed her completely. She just stared blankly at her friend's fury. The tiny frame shook with anger, and her silence seemingly frustrated Abby. The first shove was tentative, a warning shot.

"Go on…try and explain yourself…."

Abby challenged, pushing her again, a little harder this time. She was forced to take a step backwards.

"Tell me it didn't mean anything…that you didn't mean to hurt me…"

The impact came deliberately harder this time. As she took her backwards step, her foot caught on the uneven surface. Unbalanced, she felt her weight crash towards the ground. Her eyes remained tight shut, bracing herself for the impact. She landed awkwardly, her hip cracking off the asphalt surface.

"Abby…"

He sounded almost shocked. Her eyes opened again, and she looked up just in time to see Abby round on him.

"What? Come to defend her honour have you?"

One hand rubbed her sore hip; the other touched her stomach tentatively. He glanced down at her fleetingly.

"Abby…hear me out…"

The all too familiar crack rang out again, and she felt the sting anew.

"Screw you,"

Footsteps stormed off across the ambulance bay. The words buried themselves deep in her heart. Silence hung in the air between them. She couldn't move, physically or mentally, she was frozen.

"Well, that went well…"

His trademark sarcasm kicked in, as familiar a defence mechanism as denial. She snapped her eyes up, ready to lay into him. A hand covered the side of his mouth, the skin around it red and angry.

"Are you OK?"

He asked gently, focussing his gaze on her instead of in the middle distance. She tried to nod, feeling for the first time a tight band of pain around her stomach.

"Neela?"

He questioned again. Again, she tried to nod, but the pain intensified. She struggled to get back to her feet, but found her limbs no longer under her control.

"Let me give you a hand,"

She took his offered hand, allowed him to pull her to her feet. He regarded her with a puzzled look on his face.

"I'm fine,"

She said evenly, pulling her hand away sharply. Her hip ached, and she knew it would be a cracking bruise, but it was the pain in her stomach she was really worried about. She couldn't tell him that though. She limped slowly back into the hospital and across to the elevator.

She laid a hand flat against her cheek, still able to feel the sting of skin on skin. She'd deserved it. She'd more than deserved it. The bruise had been spectacular, black and purple mottle, spreading over her entire upper thigh. In the days after, she'd sat at home, shut in her room, and prodded it periodically. Just to make it hurt. Just to keep it all real, to stop her head from spinning away from her.

Would Abby have done what she did if she'd known? Would she still have reacted with such violence? The bitter words, the fury, she could almost cope with. It was the fact that she'd turned violent. She'd been completely out of control. But if she'd known…even in her betrayal would Abby have risked her friend having to go through the very same thing that had driven them all to that bitter end in the first place?

"Neela?"

Janet Coburn fixed her with a stare that was somewhere between businesslike and mothering. She fidgeted nervously on the edge of the bed.

"Thanks for seeing me,"

"What can I do for you?"

The OB pulled a stool to the side of the bed in a swift and efficient movement. Neela played the hem of her shirt backwards and forwards between her fingers nervously.

"I've been having stomach pains…I took a fall and I just want to check everything is OK,"

The OB nodded, making a few quick notes.

"How far along are you?"

"I think I'm about 12 weeks,"

Janet nodded, again scribbling. She allowed herself a wry smile. She didn't think she was 12 weeks, she knew exactly how far along she was. She could pinpoint the night of this baby's conception.

"If you just want to lie back, I'll just check things out for you,"

"I don't want to lose this baby,"

Despite herself, tears prickled at her eyes, as she shifted uncomfortably back onto the bed. She looked over to the older doctor, and almost thought she saw sympathy in her eyes.

"One step at a time, Neela, let's check you out first,"

Janet gestured to her shirt as she finished speaking. She pulled it up to reveal her already slightly rounded stomach.

She had been genuinely terrified. She had seen the devastation that a miscarriage could cause close up, and she wasn't sure she could have gone through that. She'd been lucky though. For whatever reason, her little girl had been a fighter from day one. Mina had had to be. Her young life hadn't been easy.

The baby was taken from her in such a hurry, she knew something was wrong. The PICU team worked furiously on the tiny infant who was completely, deathly silent. She looked at Jenny, frantic but too exhausted to show it.

"You have a baby girl,"

The OB resident said softly, trying to distract her.

"What's wrong?"

Jenny found her voice, and used it for both of them.

"She's having a few difficulties breathing. She'll be fine, you'll be able to hold her soon,"

How helpless it felt to sit there and watch them work when she knew exactly what they were doing she could barely bring herself to describe.

"I'm going to lose her,"

Fear invaded her voice, and Jenny picked up on it.

"No, you aren't. She's going to be strong, just like her mother,"

Jenny reassured, fingers entwined tight around hers. Sure enough, the cry they'd all waited to hear filled the room. It was sound she would come to dread, but in that moment, it filled her heart to bursting. Her daughter was alive.

Mina stirred gently in her sleep, her dreams clearly active and exciting. She paused in her nostalgia and looked down at her daughter. Mina was a bright, beautiful 5 year old. She couldn't help but be proud of herself. Barely an adult herself in any real sense when she'd brought this life into the world, she'd coped by herself, and raised a pretty good kid. She couldn't regret for a minute keeping her. Her life withoutMina would be sad and empty, and she shivered just thinking about it.

So she sat there, one hand stroking her daughter's hair, and allowed the bus to take her back to a past she'd thought she'd escaped, allowed the memories she'd thought long buried to resurface.