Secrets and Lies
Chapter 15
Sam watched Mina intently. The 5 year old was busily drawing with the few crayons Sam had managed to garner from her bag. Simple, colourful, childishly innocent pictures.
She searched for any hint of her father in Mina. But the girl was all her mother – dark skin, chocolate brown almost black eyes, black hair. Where was he in this child's genetic make up? She wondered idly. Mina was a beautiful child. Even tired from being dragged all the way to Chicago, she seemed peaceable. Neela had done well by her.
Sam heard the door open, felt the breeze chill the back of her neck, but didn't realise it was Susan until the attending spoke.
"Hey,"
Susan's gaze was intent on the bowed black head, instantly suspicious.
"Who's our visitor, Sam?"
Sam twisted in her seat to see what she suspected – the bright tone was purely artificial.
"This is Mina, Susan,"
She answered, her tone equally artificial and even. The girl looked up. Susan slid into the seat next to her.
"Hi Mina, I'm Susan,"
"Hi Susan,"
Mina greeted brightly. Her innocence stabbed Sam hard the heart. She rubbed her own bump thoughtfully and thanked God her children would never end up pawns like Mina was.
"What are you here for?"
Susan continued to press the child gently for information.
"Mommy brought me,"
Sam winced, knowing Susan would look to her for an answer now. Mina went back to her picture seemingly unperturbed, oblivious also to the nuances of the expressions of her companions.
"Who's Mommy?"
Susan addressed Sam, a note of bitterness already in her voice. Sam could see she already knew, her job was only one of confirmation.
"Neela,"
She admitted softly, the word escaping seemingly of its own accord. Susan arched her eyebrows in shock, took a moment to process the information.
"How old are you, Mina?"
The girl looked up again, frankly puzzled, her delicate features twisted and curious.
"I'm 5,"
She answered, wearing her age as a badge as kids did at that again. Susan's jaw set. The door opened again and 3 sets of eyes all locked onto Neela instantaneously.
"Mommy!"
Mina cried ecstatic to see a familiar face. Neela's face was set though, flicking her eyes from Sam, who looked vaguely sheepish, to Susan, who looked downright furious.
"Mina, honey, do you want to come with me? You must be tired,"
Sam broke the tension. Mina looked at her briefly, and then fixed on her mother again. Sam sighed, knowing children's tactics only too well.
"Come on, we'll find you somewhere quiet to sleep,"
She insisted, desperate to take this child out of the conflict she felt brewing. She offered her hand to Mina. The child gazed desperately at her mother, craving her attention.
"Go with Sam, Mina,"
Neela said without moving her eyes from Susan.
"But Mommy…"
Mina insisted tearfully, her voice a high-pitched whine now. Neela averted her eyes from Susan, spoke again more firmly.
"Mina, it's way past bedtime."
Neela pressed the point home, her tone final. The tiny hand slipped reluctantly into Sam's, and she led the child from the room. Mina dragged and scuffed her feet along the lino – exhausted and understandably tetchy.
It was mere seconds between feeling the draft from the door swinging closed behind Sam, and the moment Neela felt the full force of Susan's vitriol.
"You weren't content with screwing her over were you? You had to go and get yourself pregnant too!"
The tone was vicious, stinging, the finger pointed in her direction accusingly. Susan was a woman possessed – by grief, by anger, but not, she knew, by guilt. Susan had nothing to be guilty for. She had never been anything but a friend to Abby, which is more than the rest of them could now say for themselves.
"Susan…"
She began to plead softly, but cut herself off when she saw the bitterness edging the blue eyes. The ice cold, sharp irises bored into her soul.
"Did she not even mean enough to you to be careful?"
Neela visibly flinched, and Susan latched onto this discomfort instantly. Her fury was breathless, terrifying.
"Don't tell me you were. She's all the proof I need,"
Susan spat accusingly. There was nothing in her eyes bar pure hatred. Her bitterness was setting her alight.
"I had no choice, Susan, I had bring her,"
She said, keeping her tone as even as she could. She would defend her decision until the end of time, but getting herself wound up about it wouldn't help anyone.
"Course you did. You are just still the same vicious, self-centred whore you were back then aren't you?"
Neela's intake of breath was sharp, because the words stung as physically as if Susan had struck her.
"Susan! Susan, will you listen to yourself?"
Sam entered the conversation with a sharp reprimand, scolding the older woman. Susan whirled to face her, her vitriol now directed elsewhere. Neela allowed herself a long breath. She hadn't expected this to be so…so vicious. Sam crossed the room to where Mina's rucksack lay and began to rummage through it.
"Come to defend her have you? Great to see she's got such firm support from someone so morally upright,"
Sam clenched a fist tightly by her side, her expression fixed and stony. Neela watched her very closely.
"Where's Mina?"
Neela asked quickly, focussing her attention on the nurse.
"She needed her teddy, Luka's with her,"
Sam answered coolly, producing the tattered bear from the bag with a flourish. She straightened, and turned to face Susan.
"You knew…you goddamn knew about it, Sam, and you didn't say anything,"
Susan rounded on Sam, her fury increasingly out of control. Sam's jaw was tight, her mouth a thin line, desperate not to react. She exchanged brief worried looks with Neela. Susan's emotions had clearly gotten the better of her; she was completely out of control.
"She didn't say anything because she thought it was over, OK? She thought I'd ended it,"
"Neela, you don't need to defend me. I can do it myself,"
"Damn right you can…how did you live with yourself? How did you come into work every day and lie to her the way you did?"
"Do you think if I'd told her earlier we wouldn't be here now? You think if I'd told her when I found out, we wouldn't still be here? That somehow knowing sooner would have been less of a body blow? You're delusional, Susan, you don't know what you're saying,"
Sam's words rushed out, each subsequent word running into one another in a desperate bid to be more important, to have more emphasis. Susan snapped back in shock.
"She'd still be dying, Susan, the only difference is that she might have died sooner,"
Susan's face crumbled, defeated by what she knew was the truth in Sam's statement.
"I'm sorry, Susan, I just don't see the point in blaming anyone any more. And at the end of the day, she came back when Abby asked her to…even you've got to give her some credit for that,"
The nurse reached a hand to touch her shoulder, but she shrugged it off.
"I'll get back to Mina,"
Sam stated, emotion gone from her voice as suddenly as it appeared.
"I'll be there in a minute,"
Neela called after her. Sam acknowledged with a mere wave of her hand as she disappeared down the corridor.
"Susan…"
Tears flowed freely over the older woman's cheeks. Neela felt herself choke up at the sight.
"Go away, please,"
Susan said, fury replaced by sadness, and hate by overwhelming loss. Neela turned on her heel and left without another word.