Secrets and Lies

Chapter 24

Ray watched Sam's back recede across the cemetery, taking long purposeful strides. Clearly fleeing the scene, he thought. She swiped a couple of times at her hair, torn loose from its ponytail by the wicked wind and swirling uncontrollably around her head.

She was fiercely stubborn, utterly determined and probably feeling that awful twist of guilt for kicking someone when they were already down. He averted his gaze from the petite nurse, and looked instead at Neela and Luka. Luka happened to look up, and something – he wasn't sure what – passed between them. An unspoken agreement – that Luka would take care of Neela if Ray wanted to go after Sam. It probably wasn't the way it should be – Luka was after all her husband – but he suspected the older doctor knew Ray had more to say to his wife at the moment than he did. And that he'd be little to no use dealing with Neela, as the two of them were barely on speaking terms.

The Croat placed a hand gently on Neela's arm, met her sad gaze with a soft smile, and wordlessly they began to walk back towards the car park. Ray, however, turned and made tracks after Sam. He scanned ahead of him, but she had disappeared from his line of vision entirely. His face folded into a frown as he looked, following the path across the graveyard he'd seen her take moments before. She was heavily pregnant – 7 or 8 months gone – so he reasoned that she couldn't have gotten very far without stopping.

He probably would have walked right past her if he hadn't heard the strangled sounds of someone struggling to regain their breath; his ears keen to the sound.

"Sam?" He reached out a hand to touch her shoulder, but her head snapped up, as his hand was mid-air so he recoiled. Her curls fell haphazardly back, a few sticking to the damp skin on her face, and she was quick to scrape them away and scrub her eyes.

"You OK?"

The question came naturally, and he watched her try to smile. He sat down beside her, careful to maintain a safe distance, and she turned to him.

"Braxton-Hicks." She stated matter-of-factly, her breath still slightly shallow. Ray considered her carefully, but said nothing. "I got them with Alex and Louisa too."

"Are you sure? You don't want to - "

"No, thanks. I'm sure. I just need to sit here for a while," He wasn't sure whether she was annoyed by his interference, but she hadn't told him to get lost yet so he supposed that was positive. "Guess the last few days haven't been that great for the baby."

One hand rubbed her stomach thoughtfully, considering Luka's words to her just after Abby died – when she was rushing around, trying to get a million and one things done. He'd told her to slow down. The look currently on Ray's face said pretty much the same thing, now she thought about it. Was he concerned? Had they suddenly crossed into a parallel universe where he actuallygavea damn?

"Probably not." He agreed eventually. "Look, if it gets worse - "

She nodded. "What did you really come here to say? Because I get the feeling it wasn't to enquire after my health."

He averted his eyes, stared intently at a small patch of bare ground between his feet. The silence hung there, and he knew he had to fill it.

"What you said back there to Susan - " He faltered, excess words falling from his lips in an effort to avoid saying what he really needed to. "I guess I owe you thanks for that."

Sam's eyes widened.

"Honestly?" She said sharply, catching his attention back and meeting his eyes again. "Honestly? I didn't do it for you…the secrets and lies, Ray, they had to end sometime."

He nodded an acknowledgement, sensing Sam wasn't quite finished.

"Susan - " Sam paused, aware of the hypocrisy of her next statement. "Susan was working with half a story."

A smile touched the corners of her mouth.

"And yes, I do know how hypocritical that statement seems coming from me."

"Susan wanted to believe the best of her friend." The words were thoughtful, contemplative even. He drew in a long breath, attempted to play down the bitterness. "Even though there was no best to believe in."

Ray sighed.

"Making Neela and I the bad guys? You know yourself how easy that was."

Sam opened her mouth to protest.

"Sam, don't. OK. I didn't come here to fight with you again." He shrugged, defeated. "What's the point? All that's said has been said and it's not like we can hurt each other any more."

Her jaw dropped very slightly.

"No." She managed eventually. "No, I guess that's true."

"Luka took Neela home," He offered – trying to fill the silence with something useful. "In case you wondered why it was me that came after you."

"Yeah. I figured." Sam's words were heavy and knowing, followed by a long exhalation. "She's been staying with us."

The information registered, but barely mattered.

"She…she looked pretty upset." His tone was shaky. He was broaching what was still a touchy subject for him, and wasn't sure what Sam's take on the whole situation actually was. Clearly, she wasn't mad anymore.

"I wasn't sure how much more Neela could take - " Sam broke off, her hazel eyes intense as they scrutinised him for a reaction. He worked very hard to keep his expression neutral. "It's been a tough few days."

"Yeah."

The word escaped as a sigh, and his head dropped to rest on his hands, staring at the ground once more.

"I know it's been tough on you too." Sam admitted softly. "And I didn't really help that by going off at you."

"It's - "

She shook her head vehemently.

"No, Ray, it's not OK." She stated firmly. "I was out of order, and I apologise."

Nowthiswas a parallel universe, she thought, taking the dent in her pride smoothly in stride. Ray heard what Sam was saying, but it took a moment before the words fully registered. And when they did, what they meant registered sharply.

"I was out of line. I acted like an idiot." She gave a bitter laugh. "I went off with half a story, and I messed up."

She paused again.

"And God knows, you have no reason to believe I'm sincere. I've lied to you before, right? And that makes me as bad as Abby and Neela - " She threw up a hand to stop him from interfering. "No. It does. You've been lied to and you've been cheated and you have absolutely no reason to trust either of us again."

"But you have to - " Sam impressed heavily. "I don't need you to trust me again. But I need you to trust her again."

"Sam – I appreciate what you're saying…"

"We conspired to keep Mina from you, consciously or unconsciously, and that was wrong." Sam admitted, brutal honesty in her expressive, ever-changing hazel eyes, which caught and held his gaze. "But in my experience, life isn't in the habit of handing out second chances lightly."

She sighed.

"Lost time is lost time, and I'm sorry for my part in that, but there's a whole future to be a part of. Mina's got a lot of growing to do yet."

Sam thought back to the days when Alex had been 5. Time flew – her son was nearly 18 – and she suddenly felt very world-weary.

"And something tells me given half a chance, your daughter would be the daddy's girl from hell."

Sam tried to laugh, but found instead that a tear slipped from her eye. He maintained the eye contact – trying to take her words on board without submitting to his own emotions. But as she broke, he knew he probably would too.

"The only person in this you owe anything to is your daughter."

His daughter? Those words still felt ever so slightly foreign. He'd been rolling them around in his brain for nearly three days now – and still the exquisite little creature that had been introduced to him as his little girl still didn't seem real. How could he possibly have created somethingthatperfect? Sam wasn't finished, and her words soon captured his attention again.

"Trust me when I say – once there's a child involved, you don't come first anymore. You both owe it to Mina to try and get along." Sam stressed.

"Don't exclude yourself because of how you feel about Neela. Go and visit on weekends and get to know Mina."

In a former life, he would probably have laughed at the idea of Sam dishing out parenting advice but now – and this was odd – she sounded worryingly like the voice of reason. Her words rang true but his heart ached because he knew how difficult it was going to be. Change was never easy.

"Otherwise, you will regret it for the rest of your life."

The truth in the solemn words was allowed to hang in the air for a second, before Sam animatedly gestured back along the path they'd both traversed mere minutes ago.

"Abby is finally dead. When she died, everything she did ceased to matter. She ceased to matter – to any of us, not just you." Her voice strained to breaking point, the pain in her heart finally swelling to consume her entire body. "She's no longer an issue."

The words were high-pitched, almost desperate. The lump in her throat caught her off guard, and she knew her next words would be a struggle. What was this? The funeral couldn't make her cry buthecould?

"So please, promise me one thing will you? Work it out." The words were sharp in his ears, pleading and desperate.

"Make this work, Ray, prove that you're worth something. Prove that you were worth the love she felt for you."

She impressed the words with all the meaning she had left, but her voice cracked and more tears trailed down her cheeks, salted and stinging her skin. She sniffed and covered her mouth with one hand, embarrassed.

"Sorry. Damn hormones." The more she tried to cover her crying, the worse it seemed to be, and the further it pushed him towards tears himself. She reached for her bag with her free hand – in need of a tissue to stem the tide – found herself fumbling with the zip. "I'm not normally - "

"Sam - " He broke across her emotional babbling. His hand over hers stilled the frantic search and she looked up, surprised. He bit his lower lip, tried to put a hold on the emotion in his voice. The sheen on his eyes belied him – but that he didn't try to hide. "I promise."