A/N: I'm sorry this chapter is so short...they get progressively longer, I promise!

Chapter One: My World is Over

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken

me?

Why are you so far from saving me,

so far from the words of my groaning?

O my God, I cry out by day, but you do

not answer,

by night, and am not silent."

-Psalm 22:1-2

The sun was just rising as my feet slowed to a stop. I had been running all night, and I didn't want to pause. But it was not weariness that made me halt. It was this place that I had arrived at.

Could a day be any more cursed?

Weeping freely (as none were around to see me) I sank down upon the short, rough grass and buried my head in my arms. My whole body began to shake, racked with sobs, but I didn't care. I wanted it.

My whole world was over.

Everything I had wanted, everything I had needed, was gone. Gone with the night breeze.

Éowyn, my beautiful wife, was dead.

The words were slow in surfacing, and when they did, I buried them again. It was unthinkable! My sweet innocent bride---my white lady---was gone. The one who had given me life again, the one who had swept away the dark nightmares and memories with a wave of her pale hand...dead! I sobbed harder, losing myself in the aching hole where my heart should have been. But she had taken it with her.

It was early evening when I had first heard the commotion. I was in my study doing several quick tasks before I retired for the evening to my family. I couldn't wait for them to be done with. Being the Steward was not, as it might seem to some, all fun and games.

Previously I had spent time with my oldest boy, Elboron (named for my brother, Boromir) and my daughter Morwen, teaching them a bit about the harp. They seemed interested enough in the instrument, and I believe it was the fact that their younger brother, Feomir, was naturally gifted on the harp that had spurred this sudden musical interest. I enjoyed teaching my children, and the hour and a half passed quickly enough. It was then that I retired to my study to sift through papers for an hour or two, with the promise that I would read to them before bedtime came around.

I can still remember as clear as day the shout that came from the gardens. It was high-pitched, mixed with fear and pain, and I would know it anywhere at all. My wife. In a bound, I was up from my chair and racing through the corridors toward the garden, praying all the way. A part of me was trying to convince myself it was nothing...she had probably stepped on a wasp or something to frighten her. But she would not scream like that for a wasp; I was sure of it.

With her scream ringing in my ears, I skidded into the garden and pounded toward a group of servants at the far end. It was then that the day ceased to be a day anymore, and turned into a nightmare. A long, long, nightmare.

"Move!" I cried, bowling over several servants. I broke through the ring and gasped. Éowyn lay on the ground, clutching Feomir to her breast. Her face was deathly pale, and on one hand I saw a red welt.

"What happened?" I breathed, kneeling next to her in the dirt. She was motionless. I reached out and touched my son, who immediately moved and looked up at me.

"I didn't mean to, Father!" he whimpered. At five, he was just a small thing. My head was spinning out of control, but I managed to nod and hold open my arms. He crawled into them, and I pressed his head against my shoulder. He did not need to see this.

"Well?" I asked again. One of the servants, a young man, pointed to a snake lying about five feet away. "It was killed," he said slowly. I squinted at the creature, trying to keep my panic at bay. It was a Calengurth, or "green death" in the common tongue. Very, very poisonous.

I gave short cry of dismay and looked down at Éowyn again. She was turning slightly green; I almost gagged. But in a flash, I handed Feomir to a servant and picked her up in my arms. I felt her body turning cold under my touch. They said a calengurth's bite took ten minutes to kill. Only ten.

"Éowyn, my sweet," I breathed as I hurried inside with her, "Stay with me. We need you here. I need you!"

Healers flitted in and out over the next twenty minutes. Éowyn held on for a long time, but near nine o' clock she opened her eyes and looked at me one last time.

"I love you," she gasped, barely audible. "Take care of the children for me."

And then Éowyn, Daughter of Kings, slayer of the Nazgûl, died.

All I remember after that was running. I was always taught never to run from pain, fear, or grief. But this was too much. So I ran.

And then I was there, in the ruins of Osgiliath. Efforts had been made to rebuild it, true, but the fact remains that it was still a ruin at that point in time. So many memories were bound up in that spot I had to stop. I had to sit---my legs just would not support me anymore.

Some people seem to think weeping will help grief. My uncle Imrahil is one of those people. "Just let it out," he would say. "Trust me! Let us see your grief, and we will share your burdens." But I know better. I know that no matter how hard you cry, how loud you wail, nothing will fill the hole inside. And that is a fact.

It was only when I heard the bell tolling as the sun rose over the mountains that I stopped weeping. It was tolling for my Éowyn. And she was dead. Weeping is all very well and good, but when I realized truly that she wasn't coming back, real grief began. Real grief; what an odd thing to say. But it's so true. Real grief is knowing that nothing you do will ever set things right. Real grief is having no hope. Real grief is wanting---really wishing---that you were dead.

On that day and for many days after it, I felt real grief.

I do not clearly recall much of my visit to Osgiliath that morning, but one thing I remember:

"What do you want, Eru? What is it? Do you want my life next? No, you are too cruel for that! You would not bless me with death. You wish to see me suffer, long and hard, and for that you must slowly take away the goodness in life. Well fine! Take it all away, see what you've made me! I don't care, do you hear? I DON'T CARE!!!!!"

...To be continued...