The John Pelley Show
The opening credits begin as the theme song for this episode, Relient K's "More Than Useless" plays.
Narrator: Tonight on The John Pelley Show; "Miss Scandle" Bra Brief, Superhero versus Super Saiya-jin Showdown: Broly, Goku, and Vegeta vs. Superman, Martian Manhunter, and Captain Marvel, Co-hosted by Starfire and Raven. And here's your host; JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHN PELLEY!
John walks onto stage in a black "Leno Who?" T-Shirt and his normal jean shorts and sandles. Following close behind are Raven and Starfire, both in their normal uniforms, only with "Connan Fears John" and "All Night Long" T-Shirts on respectively. John shows off his new co-hosts and the girls are seated at the newly created and super long desk that bares the John Pelley Show logo. John remains standing as the audience roars infront of him.
Brismo: Hey John, over compinsating for something with the desk?
John: Shut up you little rodent! Anyways, hey peeps. I'd like to welcome you to a brand new addition of the John Pelley Show co-hosted by Starfire and Raven.(clapping) Why are you clapping? Is that darn sign back!(turns to find no applause sign) Oh you must really like me then.(begins to cry)You like me! You REALLY like me! Oh no wait a second!(notices the sign has changed location to over his head.) That's it you darn sign! It's GO TIME! SHAZAM!(a bolt of 'magical' lightning strikes John giving him the powers of SHAZAM and adding a cool little cape behind his shirt. However Captain Marvel somehow rushes onto the scene)
Captain Marvel(DC): Hey! You can't steal my powers! I challenge you to a fight to the death over the power of SHAZAM!
John: Okay, but we have to do it without using the powers of SHAZAM.
Captain Marvel(DC): Okay fine! SHAZAM!(in a flash Captain Marvel is transformed into a human named Billy Batson)
John: SUCKER!(John charges the weak little boy and pummels him with the super strength given by the power of SHAZAM. Raven and Starfire rush out to hold John back.) Like taking candy from a baby...speaking of which(John flies over to a baby in the audience with a lolly pop and takes it.) Wow! That WAS easy.(throws the lolly back to the kid.) Well anyways we got a great show for ya! Don't touch that red x in the upper right hand of the screen. Well go ahead, as long as you don't do it with the mouse.
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SHOW WHATSOEVER. IT IS A COMMERCIAL. Y'KNOW THOSE ANNOYING THINGS BETWEEN MONOLOG AND DIALOG. ANYWAYS WATCH AT YOUR OWN RISK.
Narrator: Are you a loser? Do you have peach fuzz that will most likely NEVER become a mustache? Do you aspire to be things you'll never be for example; Pro Basketball Player or heck even College?(laugh track) Do you envy John Pelley in every way, shape, and form? Then this commercial is for you! Introducing the John Pelley Workout, complete with absolutly EVERY tip John has to offer. But don't listen to me, just hear from these "non-paid" actors.
Un-paid Actor #1: Ya, de John Pilly Workedout Program reely Pumped(clap) ME UP!
Un-paid Actor #3: I'm getting paid for this right? Oh, yeah, John's program really works. Can I get my money now?(gunshots.) Oh my God! You shot me in the bleapin' Eye! Youbleapin' bleap I'm gonna bleapin' kill you!(more gunshots) AH! MY BRAIN! Y'know a shot like that could have killed me!(more gunshots still) Okay man! That was my heart! That's not even cool! Just give me my money and- -(again more gunshots) You shot me in the knee!(man falls dead.)
John: OhmyGod! You just killed a guy! And it wasn't even on my SHOW! You guys suck!(busts a serious cap in the heads fo shizzle) Yeah Boyee that's how we do it on the South Side(assistant comes and wispers in his ear)What, you mean there is no South Side? Wow, my entire life of crime is allfornot? Oh well, back to my show!
WARNING: HAS IT OCCURED TO ANYONE ELSE THAT A GUY JUST WAS KILLED BY BEING SHOT IN THE KNEE? THAT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME! NOW BACK TO THE SHOW!
The theme begins to play as the show comes back on air and we see John standing center-stage, still empowered with SHAZAM.
John: Sup my peeps? Well up next we have the ultimate clash between Super- -(Superman and the Martian walk up.) What do you want?
Superman: You just killed our partner!
John: That guy on the commercial was Captain Marvel?
Martian Manhnter: No! The man before the commercial break!
John: Oh yeah! Well who's going to replace him?
Superman: You are!
John: Sorry I can't. It wouldn't be fair. But tell you what, how about you find a third man, and I'll jump in with Raven and Starfire to fight as a new team? That sound good?
Superman: NO!
John: Too bad, it's my show!(claps, magically causing Goku, Vegeta, Broly, Batman, a wrestling ring, and a refferee to appear.) Now let's get it on!
The three teams look at one another, the first men in from each team will be John, Goku, and Superman respectivly. John laughs at the weak-by-comparison last sons of their planets. Goku charges up a Kamehameha wave and launches it at John, only for it to bounce off of John's body somehow and incenerate Superman, bringing in Martian Manhunter. The Manhunter tries to tap into John's mind but is stoped by Raven's somehow stronger mental powers. Goku on the other hand goes to tag out to Broly before having his head pounded in with one punch from John. Broly comes in. John turns his attention for whatever reason to Manhunter and after quick thinking and a call to the Pentegon the Martian is captured by the US Government and taken to Area 51. Which does not exist(brain neurolizer flashes) Anyway, then John and Broly stare each other down.
John: Y'know Broly there's one thing you saiya-jins can't do that we humans excell at.
Broly: K-Kakarot!
John: No, not Carrot, CHEATING!
At that instant The Audience, led by Raven and Starfire begin to shoot at Broly, ultimately crushing him somehow. In come Vegeta and Batman.
John: Sup guys! It's cool(does secret handshake with Vegeta and Batman) I WIN! We'll be right back after these short messages.
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING REALLY IS POINTLESS.
Some Stupid Kid: I'm going to say the Alfabet acording to the computer. 1 2 3 4 5 5 6 7 8 9 0 - ( ---------backspace) Q W E R T Y U I O P \ A S D F G H J K L ; ' (enter) Z X C V B N M , . /(shift)
Thank you.
WARNING: SEE POINTLESS!
We reopen with John siting at the desk(finally) with Raven and Starfire.
John: Whoa, after that extremly short commercial break(turns to the camera), Thank you P! Television, I'm thirsty, you guys thirsty? CYBORG!(the former Titan turned Vending Machine by John enters and gives John a John Ade)
Raven: John, why do you have a drink named after you?
John: Why don't you?
Starfire: Oooo What the now! In your face friend!
John:(barely not laughing) Star, why are you talking like that?
Starfire: I continue to attempt to master your Earth lingo. Please, that was good yes?
John: That was good no! Don't try that again kay?
Starfire: Okay friend John. I shall not attempt to do that again. Homie-G.
Raven: Starfire, just quit.
John: Seriously, it doesn't work for you.
Starfire: I see. Apparently I must dress more gang-ster to master the dialeque.(begins changing cloths on screen)
John: You might want to not do that until we're NOT on national television.
Starfire turns to the camera wide eyed and begins to super-blush. She covers herself and shuffles offstage to the wistles and applause of the crowd.
Raven: Well, now that that image is scared into my mind forever- -
John: And what an image it was.(begins to chuckle)
Raven: John, your a perv.
John: And you love me for it baby.
Raven: NoIdon't!(pitcher of water dematerializes as a result of her powers)
John: Whoa! I think I may have acctually struck a nerve! Sweeeeeeeeeet. More on this in a minute, but right now we need to introduce our guest- -
Starfire walks back onto stage, now dressed from head to toe in thug clothes complete with purple do-rag, Lakers basket ball jersey, and baggy purple pants.
Starfire: What is up For the Shizzle Homies!
John: Star, it still doesn't work. But we need to get on with the show, ladies and gentlemen Bra Brief!
Bra walks out and has a seat in the chair next to John's desk.
Starfire: Tell me friend John, why doesn't the gang-ster look work for me?
John: I'll tell you after the show. Now Bra, lots of scandle going on after the release of your second sex tape "accidentally". I've got quite a few questions for you after this one.
Bra: Go ahead John fire away.
John: As much as I could burn you after that, I'm just going to ask the questions. Okay, first, I heard that you almost had a breakdown after the first tape is that true?
Bra: Well, I almost did yes that's what the doctors said, but I'm all better now.
John: So, I'm guessing this one wasn't as much of a shock then because you seem fine to me now.
Bra: Acctually, I've decided to imbrace this tape and I'll even be releasing the two tapes on DVD in two months.
John: Wow really? So what are you going to become a porn star now or what?
Bra: Acctually, I'm going to do any role that's offered to me. If it's a porn job then I'll do it but I'm really an actress.
Raven: coughslutcough
Bra: Youbleaping bleap! How dare you critisize my work just because I've done it with more guys than you've ever even met!
John gets between the two holding them back.
Raven: John, get your hand off my breasts.
John sweatdrops.
John: Sorry, But anyways I'm sure you can settle this like rational human beings.
Bra: Oh yeah? How?
John: I'm glad you asked!(winks at the camera and magically the wrestling ring reappears with a pit of mud in the center of it. He winks again and both Raven and Bra are transported into the pit, now clad in bikinis.) Wow two fights on one show. This really IS the best show on television.
Starfire: But friend John, this is not on television.
John: Yes it is.
Starfire: But- -
John: Yes It Is! Anywho, LET'S GET IT ON!
Raven and Bra begin to roll around in the mud. Rolling. All over each other. Grabing each other and throwing each other around. Does this sound really perverse yet? Good. Anyway they really are fighting. Raven picks up several peices of technical equipment and breaks them over Bra's head. After about five minutes of this, Bra is bloody and barely standing when Vegeta flies in to save her.
John: Hey you, Vegie, that's not very fair.
Vegeta: Don't tell me what to do John! And don't call me 'Vegie'
John: I'll tell you what to do, how to do it, and when to do it to little punk! Hey why are you only the prince of the Saiya-jins? Your dad's dead man, you should be King! And I'll call you Vegie any time I want to! Vegie Tales, Vegie Tales!
Vegeta: Why you little!(charges at John at full power, only to have his head punched in by John's finger.)
Meanwhile back in the puddle of mud, Raven has beaten Bra within an inch of her life.
John: Okay Raven that's good. Well folks, that's a wrap for tonight. Stay tooned for Vegeta Tales.
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