Standard Disclaimers Apply: Harry Potter and Co. belong to JK Rowling and I am making no profit from this.
Hermione's Valentine
"First love is a little foolish and a lot of curiosity."
- George Bernhard Shaw
Dumbledore's Decision
"Pardon me, everyone! I'm sorry to interrupt your supper, but quiet down!" Hogwarts Headmaster Albus Dumbledore rose from his seat at the Teacher's Table in the Great Hall, swaying slightly. His left fist clenched a goblet filled with amber liquid, and he was making wandering gestures with his right hand.
"You don't think he's sloshed, do you?" Ron Weasley whispered to Harry Potter, who was gazing longingly at a mountain of scones and tarts that would have to wait until after Dumbledore's surprise announcement.
"Huh?" Harry replied absently, tearing his famished eyes away from the tantalizing sweets. Oliver Wood had worked the Gryffindor Quidditch team extra hard that afternoon, running them through numerous complicated drills until even Harry's back was damp with sweat in the chill February air. They hadn't left the pitch till near-dark, when it was so murky that Oliver hadn't seen the Snitch that slipped accidentally from his Seeker's sweaty fingers. Afterwards, a frazzled Madame Pomfrey had told the nausea-wracked and weeping Gryffindor Keeper that no charm worked so well against a swallowed Snitch as simply letting Nature take her course.
Poor Wood, Harry thought guiltily.
Fred and George Weasley, having performed Mastication Muteness charms on each other, were silently and happily gorging themselves with meat pasties and apple pie. Harry wistfully wished that he or Ron knew that spell. Hermione Granger probably did. But she was sitting across from them and had her eyes studiously trained on Dumbledore. He didn't think she'd be any help.
Ron tried again. "Dumbledore. The man's looking seriously tipsy up there. Think he's had one too many?"
Trying to ignore the heard of stampeding elephants in his stomach, Harry turned his brilliant green eyes to the Headmaster, who was dressed even more outlandishly than usual. His robes were of the rosiest pink, and several large red ribbons were tied in his silver beard. Instead of his usual half-moon spectacles, a pair of heart shaped sunglasses perched on his long nose. Harry grinned. "Nah," he replied casually. "Dumbledore always looks like that. Or maybe he's just got tight underwear on or something"
Ron snorted.
"Ron!" Hermione hissed. "We're supposed to be paying attention"
Ron's mouth dropped in astonishment. "Bloody hell, Hermione!" he said, his voice rising and growing more rapid with each word. "That was Harry, not me! I didn't even - "
"Shh!" Several faces turned their way in accusatory suspicion. Ron clamped his mouth shut and sunk down on the bench, ears flaming. He lobbed a kernel of creamed corn at Hermione in a mild act of mute retaliation. It missed. Hermione grinned wickedly, winked at Harry, and turned her full attention back to Dumbledore.
"Professor Miro, our new Muggle Studies instructor, approached me yesterday with what I may say was an excellent suggestion." Dumbledore waved a gracious hand in the direction of a young witch dressed in jeans and a David Hasselhof t-shirt. She smiled and nodded, snapping her bubblegum enthusiastically. Simultaneously, Dumbledore glanced kindly at Professor Snape, who had his arms crossed and was glowering in a darkly rebellious manner.
"Whatever it is," Harry murmured viciously to Ron, "Snape's not too keen about it"
"You could say that - "
"Ron!"
"Hermione, lighten up! Why not yell at Harry? He's the - "
"Shh!" the chorus went again. Harry saw Ginny Weasley look their way in curiosity. He felt his cheeks warm. Uncomfortable, he turned back to Dumbledore.
"Tomorrow is the Feast of St. Valentine. Since we don't perform the ritual wizarding ceremony here at Hogwart's for reasons of which I'm sure many of you are aware -"
There were several snickers from the older students. Fred and George Weasley stopped eating long enough to make exaggerated smacking noises in the direction of Angelina Johnson and Alicia Spinnet, who giggled, blushed, and looked deeply embarrassed.
" - Professor Miro has suggested that we celebrate schoolwide in Muggle fashion"
The snickers vanished. The only noise was Neville Longbottom's stunned squeak.
Dumbledore looked mildly amused. He absently tied and retied one of the red ribbons in his beard. "To that end, I've provided the prefects with something Muggles call 'art supplies.' To keep as close to the spirit of Muggle Valentine's Day as possible, magic should not be used in making Valentines for your friends"
More silence.
"Participation is not required. But Professor Miro has said she will give ample extra-credit to those of you who do"
Harry saw Hermione, who had been looking glum, perk up somewhat at the mention of extra-credit. Ron, however, continued to stare dejectedly into his bowl of stew.
"If you're not in Muggle Studies, however, Professor Binns has kindly consented to add that extra-credit to his end of the year exam"
Snape's snort of derision was audible throughout the Hall.
Ron was looking up cheerfully. "Excellent," he whispered to Harry in a low and excited voice. "That's my worst class"
Harry grinned and nodded in agreement. His History of Magic grade could certainly use some padding too.
"I'm sure this will be a very enjoyable diversion for everyone," Dumbledore continued. "And may I take this opportunity to say that I expect an especially pretty card from you, Madame Hooch." He wagged his finger at her. "You've been making sheep's eyes at me all year."
The wild-haired flying instructor looked surprised. But as everyone was laughing, she smiled gamely and waved an exaggerated kiss to Dumbledore.
"And I'm sure that those many young, strapping swains of yours, Professor McGonagall - "
The Head of Gryffindor House stopped laughing and gasped. "Albus! You promised"
"Now, now, Minerva. All in good fun." Dumbledore gave her a sweet look. McGonagall stopped fusing and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear self-consciously. Harry thought that she looked rather flattered.
"Everyone will be excused from homework tonight so that they can work on the project"
The Hall roared in enthusiasm.
"That's all for now!" Dumbledore sat back down with a sweep of his robes. "And if Fred and George Weasley have left any food at all, you may return to your feasting."
/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0
"This is going to be awful," Hermione groaned to Harry as they and Ron swept out of the Hall with the other students. "I mean of all the Muggle holidays, why Valentine's"
"I know," Harry said sympathetically, pretending to sound glum. But he didn't really know why Hermione was so upset. It sounded like a perfect plan to him. Slap some cards together, get extra-credit, and everyone should be happy. Especially Hermione. After all, she could use the spare time tonight to 'work ahead'
But Dean Thomas was also blue. "I was so relieved when I found out we didn't have to do all that stuff first year," he muttered darkly. "Professor Miro should be fired for cruel and unusual punishment"
"I don't get it," Ron said around a mouthful of pastry he had nicked from the Hall. He saw Hermione glaring at him and swallowed hurriedly. "What's so terrible abut it? I mean, we've got no homework tonight, sounds brilliant to me."
Hermione shook her head, poofy hair flying about her like a cloud. "It's a perfectly ghastly time, Ron," she said bleakly. "You're supposed to give your sweetheart cards and candies and flowers and stupid little stuffed animals. And if no one gives you anything, you're supposed to feel all sad and lonely or something. Really, it's just a commercial marketing ploy for the card and candy companies," she said dismissively.
Ron grinned and waggled his eyebrows. "Sounds like someone didn't have a boyfriend"
Hermione gave him a withering look. "Some of us had more worthwhile things to spend our time on than chasing boys," she said haughtily.
"Like reading," Ron replied with complete solemnity.
"Exactly! Like reading . . "
"I've heard you've only made it through the dictionary twice . . ."
Harry snorted with laughter. Hermione glared at them both. "Honestly," she muttered, juggling the mound of books in her arms. She gave them a disgusted look and scurried ahead to join Ginny Weasley and Luna Lovegood, who had their heads together and were in fits of giggles.
"Well!" Ron huffed, watching Hermione flounce away. "If she's going to be so sensitive about it!"