Love Your Way
Acepilot

AN - The chapter that almost never was. I hope you enjoy it, anyway. It kind of fills a gap. I guess this is almost the end of this fic. Well, I'd say it's been fun to write, but that would be a lie. It's been an experience.

Disclaimer - Y'know the drill. Characters are KlaskyCsupo's, the song is Powderfinger's.

Phil

I watch her move quietly, determinedly around the room, trying to fight off the tears that are starting to prick at my eyes. I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry. I knew this was coming.

"So, you're leaving, then."

She nods, but doesn't look at me. "Yeah. I am."

I nod slowly. "Oh."

She pauses while picking up her blouse, and hangs her head. "Look, Phil, you and I both know this wouldn't work."

"Yeah, sure," I mutter, with no real commitment. I can't believe I ever thought this might have meant she'd choose me. "So, basically, just a quick sympathy fuck and then you're off back to Tommy?"

She finally looks up at me as she pulls on her top. But it's not particularly pleasant. She's got fire in her eyes. Normally I love watching her get riled up. But today, it's different. This situation is different. "It wasn't like that."

"Bullshit." I meet her glare with one of my own. She isn't going to paint this any other way than what it was. "It was exactly like that. You knew exactly how I felt about you. You knew - "

"I wasn't thinking," she cuts me off. "I wasn't thinking clearly." She finally steps back over to me, and reaches out for my hand. For once, I just let her, not fighting, not resisting. She takes my hand in her own, and I watch intently. Her small, smooth hand runs over my fingers, pale and callused from years of abuse on instruments. She's perfect, and I'm scarred. "Phil, you know that we'd never worked out. We tried once, remember - "

"I remember," I cut her off. "I remember."

"Then you know, Phil. You know it would be a mistake."

I shake my head slowly, looking up into her eyes. "No." I squint through the gathering tears. "It wouldn't be a mistake. The only mistake that seems to have been made here is what happened last night. Unless, of course, it was just some sick and cruel form of torture."

She leans back. "Phil, I know -"

"You knew I loved you!" I yell. "You knew that I wanted to be with you. So what? You kiss me! You fucking kiss me! You take me to bed! You practically drag me to bed! And we share this incredible night of passion and beauty and then you tell me that you're going off to fucking marry Tommy?" I realize vaguely that I've risen from the bed and am now towering over her kneeling form, but somehow it all slips away. "You're the coldest, most horrible person I've ever met, Kimmi."

She rises and I can see tears in her eyes for the first time. Something tells me that I'm being harsh, but I can't seem to find a way to care. This isn't my fault. "I admit it was a mistake, Phil. But I can't go back and change it now. I'm sorry that last night happened, that I put you in this position. I never wanted to. I don't know what came over me. But...I made a commitment to Tommy."

"Yeah, you made a commitment," I spit. "What happened to that commitment last night? Is it something you can just turn on and off at will?"

"No!" she cries, and I can vaguely hear helplessness creeping into her voice.

But I don't care. "Then what the hell is it, Kimmi?"

She turns away from my glare, under the pretense of hunting around for her skirt. "Look, Phil - "

"No, Kimmi. Just no. I thought last night might have meant something," I tell her. "Do you have any idea how much I've dreamt of something like last night happening? Do you have any idea how many times I've wanted to be with you like that over the years? Last night was a dream come true for me," I admit, realizing that the anger and hatred that had fuelled me to this point was slowly creeping out as I began to think more and more clearly.

"Phil..." she seems to search for the words. "I...I can't do this with you."

"Why not?" I ask. "We broke up years ago, sure. But I can change. I want to change." I feel all the energy seep out of me and I fall to my knees in front of her. I have a horrifying sense of deja vu. "Kimmi, I want to change. I don't want to be like this any more," I tell her, indicating the bandages on my wrists. I grab her hand and make her touch them. I look up into her eyes for once, and see tears there that must be in my own. But I can't feel them. "I've never hated anyone like I hate you right now. But you're my only chance to change. You're all I have. You're my salvation."

She wipes the tears in her own eyes away before looking back down at me. At me, kneeling at her feet, naked and freezing and trembling, all the aggression and hatred I've ever known creeping away from me. And despite all the wrongs she's done me, I'm begging for her forgiveness. For her to take me back. For her to leave him, and hold me, and love me, and be with me.
"I..."

I know what's coming. I know it. I don't know if she does, or not, but I cant tell what happens next. So I don't let it. I stand up, clutching her face in my hands, pressing my lips to hers in some desperate effort to put off the inevitable. I clutch her close, as if I'm never going to let go. Which, really, if I had a choice, I wouldn't.

But I don't have a choice.

I finally let her go, and the tears that were making her eyes misty before have fallen and are still pouring all over her face. Her beautiful face.

She grabs her skirt off the floor and runs.

Lil

I pull open my door to see just about the last person I expected at this hour of the morning.

"Kimmi?"

She nods. "Look, Lil...I just wanted to say sorry."

"What?" I ask, peering at her through sleep-deprived eyes.

"Just..." she struggles for words. "Sorry."

And then she's gone.

Shaken, I shut my door slowly.

"This is the final boarding call for flight 402 to London. All passengers for London please make their way to the Boarding lounge immediately."

please review. though this is the last chapter of this book, there'll be an epilogue. just to let you know how it all ends. or, kind of how the next book begins...