The Wedding Chronicles
Acepilot

AN - For once, I have nothing really to say. Except thanks to all who have given me feedback. Couldn't have done it without you guys.

Disclaimer - The AGU characters are KlaskyCsupo's. No song in this chapter!

I don't know if I've ever felt this way before. Actually, I don't even know how it is I feel. This is...this is indescribable. I don't htink there's any other word for it.

I slept with him. Again.

And then I left without a word.

"Sorry," Suzie mutters as she walks in through the dressing room door. I watch her in the mirror. "Things got nuts at recording."

I smile softly at her. "That's okay. You didn't miss anything."

"Yeah, but I'm still late. And you know how I hate to be late."

I chuckle and nod. No matter how hectic the music industry gets, Suzie Carmichael is still the one woman in it who can be organized enough to get to everything - and I mean everything - on time.

She disappears behind a screen with her dress. "Speaking of late," she comments, "I left at seven this morning. But I couldn't help but notice you sneaking back into Camp Bridal Party at about four." She pauses for effect. "Bit odd considering you left the party early."

I shrug. "I went for a walk."

"For four and a half hours?" She queries. I can hear the blatant amusement in her voice.

I sink into my seat. "I had some things to think about."

She sighs and appears from behind the changing panel as her ever-perfect self in a dress that is sure to leave even me overshadowed. "Kimmi, how long have we been best friends?"

I don't even have to think about it. "Since I was four years old."

She walks up and rests a hand on my shoulder. "Then don't you think I deserve the truth, instead of this crap you're running?"

If there's one great thing about having Suzie as my best friend, it's that she's not broadly inclined to mince words.

I'm tempted to insist that she's imagining it, that everything's fine, that I wouldn't lie to her. And she'd accept it, because that who she is. If I was insistent, then she wouldn't push. She'd take it and we'd go on. She wouldn't believe a single word of it, but we'd go on. Like best friends do.

But it'd be wrong. And I know it. Something is wrong. I'm lying to her. And we've come too far, too long, as best friends, to start lying now.

"I cheated on Tommy last night," I admit, and I feel the shame and guilt creeping into my body. But this is the first time that I have, really, I realize, and that just makes me feel ashamed further.

Suzie gasps and covers her mouth with a hand. "I'd..." she's struggling for words. "I'd assumed you'd been with Tommy."

I nod. "I thought you might have."

She hangs her head. "Oh, Kimmi..." she takes a deep breath. "Who was it?"

I sigh. "Look, Suzie, don't blame him. I went after him, I should have left him alone. I knew what would happen."

"Phil," she says. It's not a question. It's a fact. She knows it.

I nod. "Phil." One syllable. Just Phil.

"Would I be correct in guessing," Suzie begins, still clearly rattled by recent revelations, "that this is related to why he tore out of here four years ago?"

I nod slowly. "I slept with him then, too," I confrim, and I feel this fantastic weight rise from my shoulders. For the first time in almost half a decade, I've admitted to sleeping with Phil. Not only to another person, but - more significantly - to myself. Never, in all this time, have I said it out loud.

Suzie, for the first time since I've known her, seems lost for words. "Kimmi..."

I cut her off. It's not that I don't value what she has to say. If ever there's someone I can count on to offer a valuable opinion, it's Suzie. But now it's more important for me to talk this through to myself. "I slept with him just after he got out of hospital," I tell her. "I...It's not that I don't know why, it's that I don't want to admit why. I knew he loved me, he told me. And so I slept with him, because I felt guilty. I slept with him to make me feel better about ripping his heart out. About driving him to suicide and being to self-absorbed to notice. And he begged me to stay - but..." I feel tears creeping into my eyes. "But I ran to Tommy. I was so confused...and so scared...I didn't even think of what I was doing..."

At this point, I just can't hold it in any longer, and I finally collapse, tears streaming down my face. Suzie wraps her arm around my shoulders, pulling me in close and allowing me to cry into her. She drops to her knees and I cry on her shoulder. She whispers soothingly, but I can't hear her. All I can hear over my own sobs is Phil's voice begging me to all but rescue him from himself.

Suzie grabs a bottle of water off the bench and presses it into my hand. "Here, drink."

I make a few shaky attempts at taking a sip before I finally manage to get some water into my mouth. I don't realize how hot my body has gotten until the water starts cooling me off. I'm still choking out sobs, but I've got to finish. I can't stop now. "I didn't think of what I was doing to him," I confess, tearfully. Painfully. "I was just so focussed on the fact that I'd risked everything with Tommy that what I felt for Phil or what he felt for me didn't matter."

Suzie nods, pulling back slightly. "And what did you feel for Phil?"

I shake my head. "I didn't know. And I didn't seem him again. I spent three days at Tommy's, and when I got back...he was gone." I gasp and have to take some more water to bring my body back under control. "But last night..." my lip trembles. "Last night, I saw him again, and I was trying to hard to hate him. For running away," I elaborated, quickly. "But I couldn't. Because it was my fault. I...I used him, I let him think that I would leave Tommy for him. I took some kind of sick advantage of him. I was telling myself that I was helping him, but I knew I was doing just the opposite."

Suzie nods. "So what was last night?"

I take a deep breath. What was last night? An apology? No, I know better than that now.

"Last night was perfect," I tell her. "The singular most amazing experience of my life. It was so impossibly right that it was almost painful."

"If last night was perfect," Suzie asks, "then what are you doing sitting here, about to get married to a man who doesn't inspire such feelings of perfection in you?"

I know. I didn't want to admit it, but I know. "Because I don't deserve him." I look down shamefully at my feet. "Not after what I did to him. Not after I abused his love like that."

"Was he awake when you left?" she asks.

I shake my head. "I couldn't face him. I just couldn't."

"But you're so afraid that he hates you because you abused him! Leaving him to wake up alone doesn't count!"

I realise I'm crying again as I throw my hands up in some kind of pathetic self defence. "I know! I know!" I collapse against her again. "Suzie, I'm so confused..."

"I can tell," she tells me. She pulls up a seat and drops down to my eye level. "Do you want it straight up or sugar coated?"

I sigh. "Straight up."

She heaves in relief. "Good. I didn't know how I was going to put a good spin on this." She takes one of my hands in her own. "Kimmi, Tommy's a great guy. And he'll work for the rest of his life to make sure that you aren't left wanting. He loves you." She shakes her head at me slowly. "But you don't love him." I'm about to tell her that I do when she presses a finger to my lips. "Not really. Not the way you love Phil. Because, girl, you love Phil. There's no point denying it any more. So you can walk down that aisle and marry Tommy, but it'll be wrong. It'll all be a lie."

I nod. "I know."

"I can't make a choice for you," she tells me. "And it would be wrong for me to try. But you've got to make one. And it has to be now. Because in two hours, you're going to be expected at a wedding. So either come with me and walk down that aisle, and marry Tommy, who loves you. Or don't, and try and find Phil, and tell him you love him. It's your choice."

I frown. "I know."

Suzie kisses me on the forehead. "Do you want some time alone to think?"

I nod slowly. "Yeah, I think I do."

She clasps my shoulder again as she rises. "No matter what happens, Kimmi, you have friends who love you."

I grasp her hand. "Thanks."

"Anytime."

And then she's gone. And I'm alone.

So. What next?

what next indeed. please review.