By Haruka's Knight
Yoshi Ten'ou died quietly in his sleep at the age of sixty. He left behind three adult children, a mother, two sisters and a brother. He fought against the cancer for eight months, but eventually there was just no strength left with which to fight.
Haruka Ten'ou, his youngest child at 21 years old, sat in the darkness of the living room, hunched over on the couch. She'd gone to the hospital that day, her friend Fred was crying when they entered the room. From that second Haruka knew she couldn't let her emotions down before any of them, she didn't need to show weakness and make it worse for anyone. 18 year-old Fred practically fell into a chair as he cried silent tears for the old man, the man who'd been like a father to him.
That day Haruka had gone with her older sister, to sit at their mother's grave. The two were mostly quiet, both knowing things had to be taken care of and that both wished they didn't. Her sister felt most worried for Haruka, as Haruka was alone. Her sister was married, her brother had a girl friend and both had a place of peace waiting at home. But Haruka had only a couch to return to, and a grandmother who believed Haruka hated her.
Her sister had driven her along the freeway, deciding that she needed at least needed her best friend. And so after the second day pretending to be okay, the second day of making morbid jokes to hide her feelings, Haruka sat in the darkened living room. Michiru had gone off to change so she could sleep but all Haruka could do was sit with her head in her hands. All the times she had gone to her father for advice, or to talk about work, all the jokes he'd told her flashing through her mind. The memories of being ten and knowing her mother would never come home, and now neither would her father.
Haruka's exterior cracked and she began to cry, silent tears running down her face as her back shook. She couldn't let this go in the light, couldn't let her pain effect her older siblings or the rest of the family, but in the darkness it was too much. As she was sitting there, trying hard to stop the tears, she felt a light hand on her back. Soon Michiru's voice came with reassuring words that she couldn't understand, she only knew that at least one person was trying to be strong for her instead of the other way around.
But as months passed after Michiru had gone home, Haruka felt it all building. The Ten'ous tried to erase all trace of her father as quickly as possible, tried to force her to think like them or to leave. And one morning she could no longer take it. No longer take the arguments, lies and back stabbing. No longer take the conceited and un-caring actions of this greedy family. Could not take it when they began to get rid of what little she had left of her mother's.
Haruka went to her grandmother, trying to talk sense into the old woman only to be ignored or cursed at. Her grandmother had hated her since her father died, turned her back on her completely when she found out Haruka was bi-sexual. She couldn't handle it anymore; it was too much from even the old woman who'd help raise her.
Haruka walked back to her room, swiftly opening a lock box she kept next to her bed. After glancing over the contents she grabbed one of the several knives. It was brand new, a butterfly knife given to her by a close friend. She walked back into the living room, flipping the butterfly open with unconscious ease.
"Will this make it easier on you? Will you feel better if I am gone?" She asked the woman she'd always felt loyal to, pressing stainless steal to her own arm with bruising force. As those eyes looked back at her with out caring she asked one other thing. "Or should go out side so that I don't stain your carpet?"
"That's the coward's way out, Haruka." Her grandmother said with out an ounce of care or compassion. "You're not a coward so stop pretending."
"I've no reason left to fight, why shouldn't I give in?" Haruka asked, wishing that her grandmother would show a hint of the woman she once was.
"You've got those friends of yours." This was said off handedly as the woman read her newspaper. "Like that Michiru."
"They don't replace family." Haruka said harshly as the blade pressed further into her skin, finally drawing blood. As she pulled the slightly too dull blade downward her grandmother didn't look up at her. "And I can't do this anymore."
Minutes later, at the sound of a loud thump her grandmother looked over toward the younger woman. The old woman was truly shocked to see that Haruka was crumbled on the floor on a large red spot on the carpet. Haruka was being engulfed by the darkness; her vision swimming as she vaguely heard the older woman speaking to someone on the phone.
"Besides." Haruka whispered weakly to herself, fighting to stay conscious a second longer. "What use is it to fall in love with your best friend, when they don't love you the same way? Sorry, Michi."
An hour latter the ER was busy but still one patient stood out that afternoon. A 21 year-old woman was on a bed in one room, her life signs weak and fading. Doctors had told those waiting, a sibling and a few friends, that she would not make it through the night, that she may not even make it through the next few hours. The blood loss before she fell to the ground was too much, and she'd lost even more before the ambulance arrived to rush her to the ER.
Three people stood in the room as the monitor beeped in the background, watching life drain out of the once so strong young woman. Her sister held a sad look, even as Fred followed her out of the room, neither could stand to watch her die. Setsuna, her long green hair in a messy bun, glared at the motionless body. She did not want her friend to die, but neither did she blame the woman for what had happened. Still, she felt angry with Haruka even as shouts were heard from the main room in the ER. Another woman ran through the door, aqua hair in a disarray as she stopped next to Setsuna.
"Why?" She asked, and Setsuna wasn't sure whom she was talking to.
"The neighbors said they heard an argument not long before she did this. They found her in the living room and her grandmother claims not to know why." Setsuna informed her. She looked down at Michiru, normally the young woman could hide all emotions but her eyes were beginning to crack today.
"She's lying." Michiru said bluntly, her companion only nodded and both knew it was true. Michiru walked over to the bed, gently sitting on the side as Setsuna walked out, closing the door behind her. She knew the other stood just behind that door, guarding them from the rest of the room so she could say what she needed. Her first words came out in a breath as she carefully took one cold hand. "My god, Haruka."
"I swear I'd never speak to you again if you'd just open those damn teal eyes." She growled half-heartedly. She kept looking at the older woman before her, nothing in her nineteen years having prepared her to see a best friend die this way. She glared a bit playfully, though the other couldn't see it. "If you loved me so damn much, why are you dieing like this?"
"Because I'm tired." A weak voice responded, and Michiru jumped. Her hand tightened around her friend's a bit when she noticed the tiny slits of teal looking at her. Soon they closed again, seeming not to have the strength to stay even slightly open. "Gomen."
"Haruka, don't do this." Michiru spoke quietly to her friend, holding that cold hand in both of her own. "Hang on and fight, please. You aren't this weak."
"I don't." Haruka paused, weakening even more and leaving Michiru very worried. "Don't want to anymore. Want peace."
"Please Haruka, don't leave me here. We are supposed to be best friends and we were going to both get away from our families, leave all this stupid drama." Michiru pled with her friend, reminding the other of the plans to move out along with Setsuna. She raised one hand to stroke a pale cheek. "Please don't leave with out us."
"Gomen." Haruka managed weakly as her breathing slowed. She took a last deep breath, managing to force her eyes open and look into the deep blue of her friends. "I love you, sorry." She said, eyes falling closed and her breath slowing and weakening more.
"Damn you." Michiru muttered, smart enough to know these were her friend's last moments. On impulse she leaned forward and gently kissed Haruka's lips. It was light and short but the blonde was smiling weakly as she drew her last breath. The monitor started to flat line and Setsuna appeared again in the doorway.
Doctors and nurses rushed into the room, Setsuna pulling a now crying Michiru out as they worked to revive the blonde. Setsuna shook her head sadly, saying a silent good-bye to her old friend and knowing the doctors would not revive her. She led Michiru to the waiting room, hugging the shorter girl consolingly. As they entered Fred and Haruka's sister looked up, a hospital coffee dropping to the floor as they entered and splattering across the floor.
Haruka Ten'ou was cremated, her ashes placed in an urn modeled to look like an eagle before they were put to rest beside her father's. A brass plaque bore the names of both Yoshi and his 21 year-old daughter even years latter when two women and a little girl came to see it. A young man stood behind them, his black clothes neat but his tie pulled loose. The youngest of the four, a little girl with black hair, held tightly to Setsuna's hand as she watched her mother stare at the second name.
"Aunt Setsuna, whose name is that?" She asked, wondering why her always-calm mother seemed to look so hurt today.
"This is where they put your aunt Haruka to rest, Hotaru." Setsuna smiled gently at the little girl. She picked her up and let her touch the letters of the brass name. "She passed away just about a year before your mom adopted you."
"Is that the one in the picture mommy always has by her bed?" Hotaru asked innocently. Michiru choked back the sob that tried to escape even now, nodding quietly as Setsuna hugged the little girl.
"She was very special, even though she had a hard time seeing that." Michiru spoke quietly, Fred stepping up behind her and putting an arm around her shoulders.
"Wow sis, you really had a way to make girls cry." He muttered to the name as he looked over the upper one as well. "Hope your taking good care of dad."
"Why don't we take Hotaru to the car Fred?" Setsuna suggested. The young man nodded and took the nine year old into his arms. All three left Michiru to make her peace.
"I haven't been here since they sealed you in, Ten'ou Haruka." Michiru began to speak, her voice sounding as if she were scolding Hotaru for eating cookies before dinner. "And do you know why? Because I was mad at you."
"I was so mad at you for leaving me behind like that." Michiru sighed, the rational part of her mind telling her talking to the wall wasn't healthy. "You never saw it did you? God Haruka, I wasn't the same as you. I didn't have time to be in love, so I didn't let myself. Even when I started to think I always told myself 'after I finish my degree'. There should have been time, we weren't very old."
"Damn it Haruka, you didn't even stick around for me to let myself fall in love with you!" She almost shouted at the empty chamber. Taking a deep breath she calmed a bit. "You always had to run, you were never fond of the waiting. Pressure would build up and you would want to either know where it was going, or strike out and find a way out. Why couldn't you just wait? Setsuna and I moved out three months after your death."
"I wish you'd waited." Michiru spoke quietly. Her fingers brushed the name and she let out a deep sigh. "You wait for me on the other side, Haruka, or I swear I'll never forgive you."
With that Michiru walked out into the sunset. Setsuna and Fred stood beside a dark colored van, helping Hotaru to buckle her seatbelt and waiting for their friend. Michiru smiled at the concerned looks they shot her, waving them away as she climbed into the passenger seat and Setsuna got in the driver's seat. Once all were seated Michiru looked back at her daughter, who was flipping happily through something in Fred's wallet.
"When this one from?" The girl asked the man beside her, pointing at something.
"That was when your mom, Haruka and I went to see her father in the hospital." He explained. After that Michiru looked back out the window. She could almost see the small smile Haruka wore in that photo, and the number of poles the blonde tried to punch before the picture was taken.
'I hope you can stand to sit still for a while, Haruka.'
Author's Note:
Before anyone gets mad that I killed off Haruka let me say there is a long story behind this whole work. Parts of it, sadly, are a parody of my day today. The main difference starts with the knife; in real life the "Michi" I know answered a phone call and calmed me down, and the morbid romance stuff was non-existent. Sorry, this whole thing was written to get it all out of my mind. The end I know wasn't happy, but I felt the need to do something not happy tonight.
I couldn't type on either "A World Apart" or "Truly Madly Deeply" since I knew my feelings would have colored what I wrote.
Thank you for reading.