Title: Bliss
Summary: The one time she was willing to tell him, He didn't want to know.
Rated: PG
Disclaimer: I could so be Clamp.. What, with my five different personalities and all.
Enjoy
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Syaoran's PoV.
For all the years I'd been around her, I couldn't help but shift uncomfortably in her presence once in a while. This feeling I had, this knowing.. I couldn't shake it from the iron grip it had on my chest. There always seemed to be this underlying sense of regret around her; her strawberry pupils always seemed to glisten with held-back tears, and I could never comfort her from the thing I knew not of which made her sad.
And that was what it seemed to be. Sadness. The plainest word to describe it, and also the most meaningful.
I never asked her why she'd always acted so; never tried to fit the puzzle together. It seemed at the time, had I asked, it would have been the enzyme to have set her to tears. And though I cared so much about her Another detail I had figured out much later, I was unwilling to be the one to cause her emotional hurt.
It carried on like this for a very long time, so it seemed. And on one of those nights held in the long time that this had dragged, we found ourselves on a stoop; The stoop that lead entry into her home, only, she seemed unwilling (as she was with many things) to go inside.
We sat on the cold concrete for a very long time, I think. She began to shudder occasionally with a chill, but she did not seem to mind the want of warmth her body seemed to plead for; She was deep in thought. Her nose was wrinkling with the familiarity I had identified it with, and her eyes held a far out gaze that seemed to shade her hues to a deeper color.
And as she was lost to her gaze, I found myself lost within mine. Then I had been to young to take in the fragility of her features; The soft pink underneath both eyes; the strawberry blonde wisps that defiantly played around her face and shoulders; the way she continued to bite nervously upon her bottom lip so that it became red and puckered...
It didn't dawn on me that her gaze had shifted, until I looked up and was met by her eyes.
"Syaoran-kun." My browed furrowed at her voice- it rang with cruel finality. And I realized she was going to tell me something I had been needing to know for a very long time now, but I found myself hopefully seeking the blissful ignorance she had allowed me. I no longer wanted to know of this thing her words echoed with.
I said nothing in return. She must have seen it in my eyes, because she looked down at her hands with a guilty look. Her palms were both pressed on the dirty concrete that they both sat on, and he watched as they curled into small, loose fists.
"Syaoran-kun...Gomen ne..."
She looked up at me, her pupils sparkling in the glow the porch light above them gave off. I jerked my head away, glaring heatedly at the step.
She was crying.
"I have to tell you, Syaoran-kun.. I'm-"
"Iie."
I turned to look at her, and saw the look of confusion that stared back at me. Her brows were furrowed, and her mouth was slightly ajar at being cut off so abruptly. All I could do, then, was smile sadly back at her. This was the Sakura I'd missed. The Sakura who was full of naivety, and clumsiness. The Sakura who wasn't always so sad.
"Iie, Sakura. Don't tell me."
Her features softened, and tears were running down her cheeks again. She leaned forward, placing all her weight on her palms, a frustrated look in her eyes. She wanted to tell me. She didn't want to hold it in, and harbor guilt at not telling me. But, I was selfish.
"Li, I have to tell you that I'm-!"
I was selfish, and I wouldn't let her tell me. Instead, I wrapped an arm around her waist, and pulled her forwards into my embrace. I felt her stiffen, but then, I didn't care. It was almost as if I knew Sakura wouldn't be there anymore. That that smile I would no longer see. So I pulled her closer, and rested my forehead on her shoulder. My eyes burned with unshed tears, but I would not let them out.
"Onegai, Sakura.... I don't want to know. Please, don't tell me."
I pulled away, looking at her again with some semblance of a smile. She looked desperately at me, her hands clenched in tight fists on her knees now. But soon, she relented. Her shoulders slumped, and she returned the barest hint of a smile.
"Hai, Syaoran-kun."
Moments later, I watched as she stumbled wearily back into her house, and again as she smiled at me through the crack in the door before it shut. Seconds later, the porch light flickered out, and I realized I was left in the dark of reality. I turned and left quickly, avoiding all shadows and the constant reminder they carried.
That night, it took me past early hours to fall asleep, and I dreaded going to my school. For the lovely cherry blossom whom I adored wouldn't be there.
And as the morning came, and classes began, I peered over to her desk with a low sigh, before forwarding my gaze at the chalkboard in front of me.
I'd been right.
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Sakura's PoV
She'd tried to tell him. Honestly, truly, without a doubt tried. It had taken her three years of raising her courage and fighting down blushes to do so, but she thought it had been worth it.
But he said no. He'd said he didn't want to hear it. Didn't want to hear what she was finally ready to tell him. And now, he was gone, and she was crying. Her back had hit the door after she'd shut it, and her legs felt like they couldn't hold her any longer.
Why had he said no? Did he know what she was going to say to him?
Her brother, for the most part, continued to watch in hopeless silence. He didn't want to intrude, but he wasn't going to let her out of his sight for the most part. He had already chalked up her tears to another cause, anyways. he didn't know it was her friend who was responsible for them. When her tears finally dried, he walked over to her, ruffling the sandy wisps atop her head.
"Have you finished packing, kiddo?"
"Hai, Oniisan. All my luggage is already upstairs."
He smiled and started for the kitchen, glancing back at her as he disapeared into the room.
"You said goodbye to your friends, ne? We have to leave early in te morning if were going to make the plane." He called from the stove.
Sakura bit her bottom lip, her gaze darting to the door again.
Syaoran-kun...
"Hai, Oniisan. I said goodbye."
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Should I continue this?
