Title: Harry Potter (The-Boy-Who-Scored) and the Half-Blood Prince (Get it On): A Blooper Reel

Authors: ph34r teh sistahs (Impatient and Sage)

Rating: M ((For... ummm... stuff...) Chapters will be rated separately though)

Disclaimer: This is Jo's, not ours. Thanks Jo.

Author's Note: This would be best if read alongside the book. Not only are there incredible SPOILERS, but the bloopers will just make much more sense that way.

Chapter Two

(The End of) Spinner's End

(Rated T)

The harsh cry startled the fox, now crouching almost flat in the undergrowth. It leapt from its hiding place and up the bank. There was a flash of green light, a yelp, and Cissy fell down dead.

"Shit." Bella laughed.

"We... we are alone, aren't we?" Narcissa asked quietly.

"Yes, of course. Well, Wormtail's here, but we're not counting vermin are we?"

He pointed his wand at the wall of books behind him and with a bang, a hidden door flew open revealing a hidden staircase from which two gorgeous, sexy, young, blonde sistahs tumbled (gracefully, of course).

"What the hell are you two doing there?" Bella shrieked. Cissy burst into tears.

"What," Snape sneered at the giggling mass of woman, "have you done with Wormtail?"

"Wormtail?" The girls asked innocently, "Isn't he from book three or four?"

"I am not your servant!" He squeaked, avoiding Snape's eye.

"Really? I was under the impression that the Dark Lord placed you here to assist me."

"To assist, yes – but not to make you drinks and – clean your house!"

"I had no idea, Wormtail, that you were craving more dangerous assignments," Snape said silkily as Sirius sidled onto the set grabbing Wormtail around the middle and dragging him off to stage right 'inconspicuously,' "This can be easily arranged: I shall speak to the Dark Lord–"

"Ummm... Snape... Wormtail... left," Bellatrix stammered.

"He what?"

"SIRIUS!" Impatient bellowed stalking onto the set from stage left. "Bring Wormtail back this instant, you filthy clepto!"

"He just stole a person," Sage murmured astounded, walking on behind Impatient. "That's kinky."

Snape held up a hand to stop her, then pointed his wand again at the concealed staircase door. There was a loud bang and a squeal.

"Impatient! I'm dying!" Sage's wails carried through the door.

"Snape! You killed her!" Impatient cried indignantly from off set.

"My apologies," said Snape.

"You ask why I did not attempt to find him when he vanished. For the same reason Avery, Yaxley, the Carrows, Greyback, Lucius" – He inclined his head slightly to Narcissa – "And many others did not attempt to find him. I believed him finished. I am not proud of it."

Cissy began to giggle and quickly hid her face from view.

"I was wrong, but there it is."

Cissy's giggle was quickly becoming contagious as Bella cracked a smile, but still Snape continued straight-faced.

" ... If he had not forgiven we who lost faith at the time, he would have very few followers left."

By the time he finished Bella and Cissy were both rolling on the floor in a fit of not-so-silent giggles.

"Wow. Snape's a really good actor." Sage pointed out. "Too bad he's not hot, the smarmy git."

"Like your 'friend' the clepto?"

"Severus," she whispered, tears sliding down her pale cheeks. "My son... my only son... He doesn't sleep anymore. He lies awake in his bed, crying... All he talks about these days is Harry Potter – "

"Cissy, you shouldn't go around telling people these sorts of things about him." Bella sniggered.

Snape said nothing.

"Sorry... I got carried away. It's just so sad... my only son..."

"In other words, it doesn't matter to him if Draco is killed!"

"The Dark Lord is very angry," repeated Snape quietly, "He enjoys smiting the weak."

Cissy sobbed.

"My only son... my only son..."

"Are you sure? Are you sure there isn't another one lying around? You're house is pretty large. Maybe it's inside one of those nifty cabinets." Bella questioned her sister.

Sage sighed. "Wrong. The vanishing cabinets are placed elsewhere. And that wasn't your line. Again Cissy."

"My only son... my only son..."

"You will need your wand, Bellatrix," said Snape coldly.

She drew it, still looking astonished.

"And you will need to move a little closer," he said.

She stepped forward so that she stood over them.

"And a little bit closer."

Bella took another step closer.

"And a little bit closer."

Again, she moved closer, her heaving bosom brushing their linked hands.

"Snape! You're a pervert!" Impatient roared.

"Who knew?" Sage asked.

Off set, Hermione's well-practiced hand flew into the air.

There was a moment's silence. Bellatrix watched, her wand upon their clasped hand, her eyes wide.

There was a flash and pop as the Dark Lord apparated onto the set.

"Where did those girls go? I need to smite something. They looked good,"he hissed.

"We're certainly not hiding behind the door again." sounded Impatient's voice from behind the door.

Spinners End exploded, leaving the Dark Lord standing on a pile of ash, looking quite pleased with his work.

Author's Note: Our juke box went missing. Either Voldemort was really happy yesterday or Sirius decided he needed some music to entertain him beyond the veil. Sorry. Perhaps it reappear.