Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Men or the other cast of X-Men Evolution. I do own Raven, Rachel, Twinkle and Lightning.
Reviews:
To kyo-kitty: The Little Mermaid has already been done as a Jott, and I only have it on VHS. I've got to go buy a new VCR. . . I don't own the sequel to it, but Rachel would fit. . . Glad you liked the line, it was the first thing that came into my head. Lol.
To Cat2Fat900: SQUIRRELS FOR WORLD DOMINATION! Oops, sorry, Randall got a hold of my keyboard. . . Thank you for your review. . . hedgehogs are evil . . .I don't think Raven would take it away if he just attacked Scott with it, though. . . Actually that's Sabretooth's part, but I think he'll have a hand in it behind the scenes. . .C-ya at the SFWD meeting. Randall's baking cookies.
To Crash Slayer: Lady Kluck is Maid Marion's lady-in-waiting. Mind out of gutter (unless it's implying something about Jean who is playing the mother)! Read CF's "Why You Should Never Listen to The Senile Bald Dude," where Professor Xavier and Magneto have both lost their minds. I'd love to see Logan in a chicken suit. I have no idea why, though. Glad you like the beginnings of Kiotr. :) I feel my loyalest readers need a special treat. It's kinda like when a little boy has a crush on a little girl and so he pulls her hair and throws things at her. Same situation with Wanda. Yes, because Little John wears a tunic in the movie. He is called Little Piotr because Little John is always called Little John and always played by a rather large individual. It's an irony thing. They were walking, nothing else. There will be absolutely no Piotremy in this story. That is fun to say though. I thought Pyro was perfect for the part, plus hee hee his name is John. Oh there's a lot of Prince John beating Sir Hiss in Robin Hood. Thank you very much.
To Lyrit Liltrick: Aladdin's already been done, it's a Jott. Same with The Little Mermaid. But I could never write a story that focuses on Jott. I'd get too sick. I've never read Pride and Prejudice. I want to though. I don't know about Jean Luc, but he was in the show, so he might so up as an extra. . .
To Nightshade-89: My inspiration for this story. I don't think Logan would fit as Lady Kluck, he'd tear up the set, kill Raven, attempt to kill Lightning, and half the cast of Evo then run off in a horrible rage and turn into a evil scary villian. . . Thanks, I'm sure they'd like you too. I've forgotten that part. But I chose Piotr because I thought he would be closer to Remy than Blob. I'm glad you hand is healing nicely. :) Get all better soon. I've never seen Quest For Camelot, but I know there is a parody of it on FFnet somewhere, with Rahne as the star I think. You're Welcome and Thank you.
To Chica De Los Ojos Cafe: Thank you.
To Foxy-Glove: Thanks, I'm an inspiration? I feel special. Thanks a lot.
Remy Hood
Scene 2: Rob The Rich
Raven and Lightning walk into the studio in the middle of a battle. Sabretooth and Wolverine are at it again. Even though Wolverine isn't in his costume. Raven rolls her eyes and decides to ignore it. They aren't needed for the first part anyway. She just grabs a bagel and spreads cream cheese and her trusty cayenne pepper on it.
Scott happens to be walking by when she takes the first bit and shudders. "Cream cheese and cayenne pepper."
"It's got to better than powdered donuts and cayenne pepper," Jean mentions.
Scott nods.
The professor and Magneto eventually break up the fight by knocking both Logan and Victor unconscious. "Thank you." Raven remarks. "Now, let's get to work. Lights! Camera! Action!"
The scene starts with Remy and Piotr running through the forest, hurridly trying to finish putting on the rest of their costumes. They are both wearing dresses and wigs. They reach the side of the road where the procession is going by. Tabby blows her horn.
"Now vhat about that for luck?" Piotr asks as he ties a red scarf over his blonde wig. "It is only a circus. A peanut operation."
Remy rubs his hands together excitedly. "'Peanuts'? Why, you cancre. (1) T'at's t'e royal coach. C'est Prince John himself."
"The prince?" Piotr asks. "Vait a minute. There is law against robbing royalty." He starts to walk off. "I vill catch you later, comrade."
Remy runs out to stop him. "What? And miss t'is chance to perform before royalty?"
Piotr places his hand on his head, "Ah, here ve go again."
They hop out into view. "Oo-de-lally! Oo-de-lally!" Remy calls in a feminine voice that promisses several of the other cast members will blackmail him later. Especially Rogue who is holding a tape recorder. "Fortune-tellers!"
"Fortunes forcast! Lucky charms!" Piotr calls in his normal voice, tossing up a crystal ball. Remy glares at him. Piotr shrugs with a slight smirk.
"Get t'e dope wit' your horoscope." Remy says in the feminine voice, pulling out a scroll. In his normal voice he asks, "Who t'e idiot who came up wit' t'at line, huh?"
"Well, don't look at me!" Raven calls, "I'm just the director, not the author!"
Remy shrugs. Pyro parts the curtains of the coach and peeps out. "Fortune-tellers! How droll. Uh, stop the coach!" The group of Jaime clones who are pulling it try to slow down. They drop in handles with a sigh of relief.
Scott peeps over his shoulder. "Sire, sire. They may be bandits."
"Oh, poppycock. Now there's a funny word. Poppycock. Poppycock."
"Uh, Pyro, the script?" Lightning calls.
"Oh, yeah, Female bandits?"
"And why wouldn't they be female bandits?" Jean calls. "Just because men are. . ."
She is cut off by Raven saying. "Prince John just isn't smart enough to realize that, Jean Grey!"
"What next? Rubbish." Pyro calls. He is the only one there that sounds remotely English, being Austrailian and all. He laughs insanely. "Um, um, my dear ladies." he says as Remy and Piotr curtsy to him. A camera flashes and Pietro is wearing a rather large smile. "You have my permission to kiss the royal hands." Said hands are covered in gold rings. The rings are each set with a remarkably large jewel. The jewels aren't set very well and look as if they could easily come off the ring. "Whichever you like, first."
"Oh, How gracious!" Remy says while removing the ring off of one hand. Pyro doesn't even notice as Remy kisses his hand. Another camera flash. Then, takes out a bar of soap and starts rubbing it across his lips. Raven and Lightning roll their eyes. "and generous."
Scott gasps. "Sire! Sire!" she whispers into Pyro's ear. "Did you see what they. . ."
"Stop!" Pyro says laughing. "Stop hissing in my ear." He rubs it to stop the timgling.
Meanwhile, Piotr kisses the three rings on the other hand and the jewels come right out. Scott looks at him and he smiles, revealing the jewels. Scott immediately returns to stammering directly in Pyro's ear, tickling it again. "Ah!" Pyro calls, grabbing Scott by the neck. "Scott! Oh, you've whispered your last whisper!" He strangles Scott once again and Scott is struggling for breath afterwards. Then. Pyro sees a large basket with a lid. He shoves Scott into it, and sits on it. The basket caves in a little, crushing Scott thoroughly. "Suspicious snake." Pyro mutters.
"Masterfully done, your excellency." Remy says, entering the coach and standing next to him. He chuckles and pulls a rope, shutting the curtains. "Now close your eyes . . . and concentrate. Close your eyes. Tight shut. No peeking, sire." He says as Pyro was just peeking. Pyro closes them tightly. Gambit chuckles again and glances at the bag of chocolate coins on the floor. "From the mists of time," he says, waving his hands back and forth. "come forth, spirits." He says more to the curtain than the spirits. "Yoo-hoo!" he calls nervously.
"Okay, little fireflies. Glow, babies, glow." Piotr is shaking a clear globe filled with fireflies, which is attached to what resembles a fishing pole. He picks up the pole.
"We're waiting!" Remy calls. And the fireflies enter the coach. "Ah, oh! Look, sire. Look!" Remy points to the ball. Pyro looks up.
He looks shocked. "Oh, incredible. Floating fire-spirits." He reaches out to touch them, but Remy smacks his hand.
"Ah, oh! Naughty, naughty. You mustn't touch, jeune homme." (2)
Pyro nurses his sore hand, still not noticing the emptiness of his rings. "Oh, how dare you strike the royal hand."
"Shh! You'll break t'e spell. Just gaze into the crystal ball." The ball lands in the middle of the table that is between them. "Oo-de-lally! Oo-de-lal . . .oh!" Remy says. "A face appears." Pyro gasps. "A crown in on his noble brow."
"Oo-de-lally." Pyro chants, just a little too believably. "A crown! How exciting!" He holds his hands to the one on his head.
"His face is handsome, regal, majestic, loveable." Pyro is eating it up. Piotr listens in disgust. "a cuddly face."
"Handsome, regal, oh! Majestic. Loveable. Yes, yes. Cuddly." He laughs. "Oh, that's me to a "t," shelia. It really is. Yes."
He doesn't notice Remy reaching for the bag of "gold." Scott however is peeping out of the basket and manages to stick his hand through a hole and smack Remy's before he can get the bag.
"I. . ." Remy says rubbing his hand.
"Now what?" Pyro asks.
"I, uh," Remy chuckles, "I see, um, your illustrious name."
"I know my name! Get on with it!" Pyro blares.
Meanwhile, Scott is grabbing the bag and pulling it closer to the basket. Remy reaches once more for the bag, grabbing it, and says, "Your name will go down, down, down," He finally pulls it out of Scott's hand. "in history, of course." He hands the bag, out of the curtain into Piotr's waiting hands.
"Yes! I knew it! I knew it!" Pyro yells excitedly. "Do you hear that, Scott? Oh, you. . ." He hears Scott mumbling through the basket. "He's in the basket." He starts punching the basket. "Don. . . Don't you forget it."
Piotr is stuffing the bag of coins into the bosom of his dress, creating a rather larger effect than before. He's walks away and pauses when he notices the hubcaps on the coach. "Hmm, vhat have ve here? Solid-gold hubcaps. He manages to hide all four of them underneath the dress, which creates a larger butt for him. "Oo-de-lally! The jackpot." He says, noticing the trunk. Taking a knife, he drills in the bottom of the trunk. Amazingly, enough the guards don't notice him. The gold falls into his dress, making the bosom even larger.
Fred hears the noise and makes a suspicious face, but all he sees is the well-endowed Piotr in drag, walking away. He gets happy and whistles. Pietro flashes another picture. Piotr makes a flirty face and waves at him while batting his eyes. Then runs off around the corner of the coach into the woods. Remy runs out of the coach, carrying yet another bag of chocolate coins and wearing the robe, Pyro had been wearing. They bump into each other, causing gold to fly everywhere. They pick it up quickly.
The curtains open and Pyro is standing there in long underwear and the crown. He watches the "fortune-tellers" running away. He notices the laughing Remy is wearing his robe. "Robbed! I've been robbed! Scott! You're never around when I need you!" Scott pokes his head out of the basket. He climbs out and runs up to Pyro. "Ahem. I've been robbed."
"Of course you've been robbed!" Scott says.
Remy is shown running away, shouting "Oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally!"
Piotr is running after him, holding the train of the robe, "Fortunes forcast! Lucky charms." He waves at Fred, who waves back at him.
"After them, you fools!" Pyro orders. Fred, Pietro, Hank and Mastermind grab axes that happen to be lying around and chase after them. The Jaime clones pick up the handles of the coach and start running too. However, it so happens that the hubcaps were keeping the wheels on the axles and they come off. Jaime's clones keep pulling the coach and Pyro flies out the back, straight into the mud, where the guard trample over him. He starts throwing a temper tantrum and shouting, "No, no no no!"
Scott has also fallen out into the same puddle. "I knew it. I knew it. I just knew this would happen." He says, picking up his muddy hat and placing it on his head. "I tried to warn you, but no. You wouldn't listen. You just had to. . ." Pyro is seen holding the mirror up over his head. "Ah, ah, ah! Seven years' bad . . ." The mirror slams down on Scott's head. "Ooh! Luck. That's what it is. Besides, you broke your mother's mirror."
Pyro wails, "Mommy!" He sticks his thumb in his mouth, and his hand to his ear, though he isn't happy about it. His thumb is muddy and he pulls it out. "I've got a dirty thumb."
"And cut!" Lightning shouts. "Well, it was a little better than yesterday."
"Only because Pyro likes his part." Raven says.
"Got that right, shelia." He winks at her and Wanda gets angry, but not enough to do anything. She just stands there, her face growing red and clutching her fists.
Rogue is laughing as Remy tears off the dress and wig. He throws them at the floor with relish. "Remy ain't wearing drag ever again."
"Ah, but ya looked so cute, Miss Lebeau." Rogue teases.
He glares at her, "Rogue, chere, t'ere is little you can do t'at'll make Remy mad, but keep it up, sister, and Remy will get very mad, very quickly."
"Right. . . That'll be the day." Rogue mutters. Remy does get mad and starts chasing her around the studio. Eventually, he forgets he's mad and just enjoys the chase and Rogue's rare, but beautiful laughter.
Raven shakes her head. "Lawr, are we ever that bad?" She points at them.
"Yes!" yells half the cast.
A distinct scream is heard, coming from the showers, where Scott is alone, washing off the mud. "No! No! Not that! Anything but that!"
Everyone shrugs and goes back to what they were doing before.
Kitty comes up to Piotr and hugs him. "Like, you were so great!"
"Do you really think so, Katya?" He is pulling off his own dress and wig.
"Like totally."
"Well," sighs Raven, "I guess I'd rather be like Rogue and Gambit than Kitty and Piotr."
"Yeah. . . I suppose. . ."
"What do you mean, you suppose?"
"What did it sound like I meant?"
"So, you're not happy with our relationship?"
"That is not what I said!"
"That's what it sounded like!"
"You're so cute when you're angry." he smiles at her.
She throws her hands up in the air, screaming with frustration and walks into the shadows to disappear.
Lightning follows her with a smirk and so shall we. . .
A/N: lol. Well, I hope you all enjoyed Remy and Piotr in drag. Plus Scott bashing, literally, and Pyro getting robbed. . . Next up . . . It's Bobby Bunny's Birthday. . . and of course, Sabretooth will want to ruin it. . . Have fun and review please. :)
Translation:
(1) "dunce"
(2) "young man"