Sam Carter once again leaned against the door while on a familiar porch, waiting for a man she knew all too well to greet her. Once again, she was nervous and uncertain, uncertain about what to say and how to act. This time, Daniel Jackson was not behind the door.
Sam had left work early to make the drive from Colorado Springs to Denver. That afternoon, the drive had felt much longer than she'd remembered. She'd had plenty of time to think about what to say and what to expect. . . too much time.
She'd come alone. Daniel had assured her he was just a phone call away.
As Pete pulled the door open, Sam stood to face him. "Hey, hon. Why didn't you just use your key?" He beamed with a radiant smile that once would have melted her heart. This time, it dropped into her stomach. Pete noticed, and his face filled with concern. "Sam, are you okay? You didn't sound good on the phone, but I thought once you got up here, you'd. . ." His voice died away. He must have noticed, suspected something by now.
"We need to talk," she repeated from their phone conversation earlier that day.
His face fell. "Yeah, sure." He stepped aside to let her pass.
She took a seat on the sofa, and Pete followed. Sam took a deep breath. "Pete, I don't know exactly how to say this. It's very hard for me to do, but--"
Pete cut her off. "Wait." He looked into her eyes, searching them for an answer. He glanced down at her left hand. Her ring finger was noticeably bare. Disbelief and sadness filled his voice as he leaned forward and practically whispered, "Sam, are you breaking up with me?"
He knew her too well. Sam fought back the nerves building in her stomach and creeping their way upward. She nodded. "Yes."
Silently, Pete stood and paced the room. Sam watched his every movement. "I'm sorry. Pete, you're a wonderful man." She shook her head as she tried to soften the blow. "I wanted this to work so badly, but. . ." Her voiced trailed off as she questioned how much to reveal to him.
Pete stopped pacing to face her. His eyes filled with pain. He didn't raise his voice. "It's Jack, isn't it?"
Sam's back straightened. She'd never suspected that Pete knew anything about those feelings. "No, it's not Jack."
Pete looked at her skeptically. "Sam, can you honestly tell me this isn't because of him? I've seen the way you look at him, the way you talk about him." He crossed the room to sit next to her once again. "I know you have feelings for him. I'd always hoped you loved me more, but if that's the reason, you can tell me." He did his best to force a smile. "I can't promise you I'll be ecstatic for you both, but in some way, I'll be happy for you."
Sam looked into his eyes and squeezed his hand. "Pete, I promise you that I'm not breaking up with you to be with Jack."
"Oh." He sighed and nodded. "Then why? I don't understand. Aren't you happy?"
"Yes. No." She shook her head and amended, "Almost."
"Almost?"
Sam took a deep breath. "Pete, you're wonderful. You're everything I could have ever asked for in a man." Sam searched for the right words. "But something's missing." Her eyes left Pete's as she found herself fighting against the feelings she still held for him. "I just can't give you my whole heart."
He shook his head. "I don't understand."
Sam met his eyes as she explained, "My heart belongs to someone else. It has for quite some time, and I could never give it fully to anyone but him." She shook her head. "Not even you or Jack."
Pete's face filled with confusion. "Who?" His brain was obviously working overtime to come up with an answer.
Sam bit her lip then admitted, "Daniel."
"What?" Pete exclaimed. His voice was tinged with jealousy. "Are you kidding me?" His face dropped to his hands. "I don't believe this." He resumed pacing. "I had this feeling there was something between you the second I saw you together. I even asked the nurses who took care of me on the base about you two. They laughed at me. They said you were like family." He shook his head. "I can't believe I convinced myself I had nothing to worry about. Here I was worried about Jack all this time, and you tell me you're in love with Daniel." He looked at her with agony and accusation in his eyes. "Why were you even with me if you were so in love with him?"
His pain might as well have been a dagger thrust into Sam's heart. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I just never realized it before."
Pete collapsed on the sofa and sighed. Slowly shaking his head, he uttered. "Yeah, okay. I don't really understand that, but okay."
"Pete--"
"No, Sam, really. It's fine. I can accept that you didn't realize you loved him. Just tell me this: Did you ever love me?"
"Of course, I did. I still do. But we're just not meant to be together." Sam pulled the engagement ring from her pocket and placed it in Pete's palm. "You deserve someone who can give you back the kind of love you've given me." She placed her hand over his as he closed his fingers around the ring. Tears threatened to escape her eyes. "I wish I could have been that person."
Pete nodded, and with a bitter smile, he answered, "Yeah, me, too."
They remained in silence for several seconds. Sam glanced at Pete. He didn't look at her. Mustering up her courage, Sam broke the silence. "I brought your things from my house. I can go get them out of my car now if you want."
Pete stood and sat the ring on his coffee table. "No, I'll get them."
Sam argued, "No, I'll--"
He lifted his hand to silence her. "I'd rather have you pack up your things while I'm getting mine."
"Okay." Sam nodded and handed him her keys. She went about collecting the items she'd left in his house over the course of their time together. Tears made their way down her cheeks as she retrieved her things from his bathroom. Her toothbrush, her hairbrush, her shampoo. . . she remembered when she'd first bought them specifically to keep at Pete's instead of transporting the ones from her house back and forth each visit. She'd been so happy even as she'd doubted whether she was doing the right thing. She mourned the loss of that happiness.
Sam finished putting everything into the bag she kept in Pete's closet and met him in the living room. He was sitting on the sofa with the boxes he'd removed from her car next to him. His eyes were red and puffy, still damp with tears.
"I've got everything," Sam announced, trying to avoid meeting his gaze.
He nodded. "Good." He tapped his hands against his leg and looked at the floor. "So this is it?"
She bit her lip. "Yeah."
He stood and stretched out a hand to return her car keys. "Well, good luck with everything."
Sam looked at the bag filled with one half of everything that used to be a part of their life together. "Thanks. You, too." She took a step then turned back to him. "I mean that." Swallowing back a fresh wave of tears, she quickly made her way out of Pete's house.
Sam silently closed the door behind her and paused to take a deep breath. This was it. Her engagement was off. She'd probably never see Pete again. She strode to the edge of the stairs and stopped, then turned back to look at the life she was leaving behind. She wondered if she'd made the right decision. Even as she'd broken up with him, Pete had never stopped being the same loving and kind man she'd known. He hadn't yelled, hadn't blown up at her. He'd simply accepted her decision. Sam couldn't help but think about how her mother had always said that a man who truly loved her would want her to be happy even if it wasn't with him. Maybe she'd acted hastily. Maybe she was giving up on her one true love.
As Sam felt the warm rays of the setting sun, she looked up at the sky. It was the color of Daniel's eyes.
A smile worked its way across her face as she remembered everything he meant to her. Pete loved her very much, and she was giving up a lot to let go of that, but she could never love him the way she loved Daniel.
Sam hitched her bag over her shoulder and stepped off the porch. She looked up at the sky once more. Never had a sky on this planet or any other looked so beautiful. Tossing the bag into her car, Sam climbed in and headed for Colorado Springs.