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Don't I get a hug?
.:. insert picture of Adam hugging Joan in the school yard, his brow furrowed, a troubled look on his face .:.
Adam:
'You look like you're gonna hurl.' That's what she said to me. She wasn't far wrong. My stomach turned when I saw the airbrush she got me for our anniversary. She looked so happy, so expectant. And a little disappointed when I didn't joyfully jump up and down or even managed a smile. The exact opposite is what I wanted to do.
When I hugged her, all I wanted to do is let the guilt form those words of apology that had been nagging at my very insides, every minute of every hour that had passed since I had exited Bonnie's apartment. I wanted to break down in front of her and tell her I was sorry, so sorry that nothing could ever undo what I had done. But I couldn't, because I knew it would destroy our love. And the fear of that was bigger than all the guilty feelings put together. So I hugged her, stroked her soft, wavy hair and prayed that I could forget the little freak that had had my body that one time.
Joan:
What is up with Adam today? He seems even more subdued than normal. He yelled at an overexcited kid who knocked over my bag when running past me. That is so not Adam. And when he accidentally found the airbrush present, he didn't look happy at all. I had cherished this moment ever since I decided to buy it for him. I was looking forward to the look of surprise on his face, that grateful glint in his eyes, the soft smile that would slowly creep into his tender features when I would give it to him.
But none of that happened. It was like the opposite, actually. He had a sad, dull look on his face, like he was gonna puke. Like I had just punched him in the stomach. I have a hard time believing it was just because we agreed on not giving each other big presents.
When he hugged me, I felt a strange sensation of distance, and yet the need for him to keep me close, show me his affection. But maybe he's just having a bad day. Or dealing with things inside that will eventually bubble out. That's one side of Adam Rove I have learned to accept, he cannot be pressured into talking about what bothers him, he has to come out with it in his own time. Maybe I just need to cut him some slack.