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On the outside, looking in...
.:. insert picture of Adam standing outside the bookshop Joan works at with Joan in the background, visible through the window .:.
Adam:
Everything is different now. When I look at Jane, everything is different. She doesn't know. She looks at me and touches me in her usual affectionate way. She sees and feels the guy she loves, even though I still can't discern what she sees in me. She sees a guy she would never think would cheat on her.
I look at her sitting in the bookstore, ignorant of the horrible thing I have done, the horrible person I have become. She doesn't deserve me. She never deserved me. I wish I could tell her that, but she can't know. I should turn away right now and leave before I hurt her even more, but I so miss her exuberant smile, her loving touch, her eagerness to embrace life. I just need to feel her close to me now, feel with every fiber of my body what I almost threw away. So I take a breath, open the door and go in.