Jack woke slowly, rolling onto his side to face the back of his sofa. He kept his eyes closed hoping to catch sleep again, not completely conscious. But it didn't come, instead his mind began to focus and he started to remember the events of the day before. He had barely opened his eyes when he closed them again at the memory, it wasn't something he wanted to think about; but he knew he had no choice. He pushed the earlier highlights away and concentrated on the later events, mainly Brad Hammond, Tony's arrest, Chase's condition and how he had injected heroin into his own veins once again. He yawned as he thought about how good that last fix had been, the weight had fallen from his shoulders, his body had relaxed and his mind, more importantly his conscience, had completely shut down. He had been void of thought - and he would never experience that sensation or freedom again.
Of course it hadn't been physical freedom, in that sense he had been cursed. But mentally, he was free from the guilt and pain which haunted him. He just hoped that in getting rid of the drug, the pain somehow vanished too. It wasn't logical and probably wouldn't happen either; but he could hope, in the very least. For he would never get the dullness or the nothingness again; but he would get his life back, was that enough? It didn't matter if he didn't get the peace again; he had taken his last slice of freedom, and it was over. Time to move on, get past this and regain his self control. He'd had enough down time, now it was time to clear out his system and start up again. Otherwise he would fade away, and what would be the point of living then? Their wasn't one, just like their was no choice - it was over.
He rolled back over, careful not to fall over the edge of the sofa and pulled himself into a sitting position slowly. His stomach still ached but that was probably the aftermath of holding out so long the day before. The withdrawal from that last shot wouldn't kick in for a while yet, afternoon at the earliest. As he wrapped his arms around himself he finally looked around the room. He remembered falling to sleep in a drugged haze, but it was still strange waking up here. It reminded him of another low time in his life, when he had no choice but to sleep in his office, unwelcome in his own home. He compared the two situations and wondered which was worse, the earlier, easily. The pain he must have caused Terri if she had to throw him out, he hadn't been able to forgive himself for that. It gave him some hope, knowing that although he was down, he had survived worse. Forced away from his family, Terri's death… If he had survived those, he would beat this. He had to.
He glanced over at Brad who looked as rough as he imagined himself to look. He had a shadow over his face which Jack had never seen before, he and Nina had once joked that Brad hadn't started growing facial hair yet. He smiled, not at the memory of Nina and he, but at the way Brad had treated him. He didn't expect respect or compassion from anybody, but Brad Hammond of all people? He was grateful for his effort, and knew he had to thank him once this ordeal was over. Who knew what his plans would have been for today if he hadn't collared him into sorting his problem out. He had been in bad shape yesterday, physically and mentally, Chase's hand making everything seem even worse, his conscience even darker. He had felt sorry for himself when he had cried in the car, but now he realised how selfish that was. If Brad hadn't talked to him, or given him that last shot, who knew where his mind would be. Not thinking about a future, no glimmer of hope, that was for sure. 'Thank God Brad dragged me up to the surface,' he thought with genuine appreciation.
Brad grunted in his sleep and the sound motivated Jack to get up, if Brad woke to find Jack staring at him he would feel more than uncomfortable, freaked out definitely. He painfully stood on his two feet, wobbly; he had been curled up all night on the couch and his body had a hard time straightening itself back out. He stretched and yawned before pacing the office. A bag of his was on the floor, next to his locker. It looked full and he assumed Brad had sent somebody to pack the things he would need to save him the trouble of going home. He then noticed the backpack next to it, it was Kim's he was sure of it. He she been involved in this, he wondered? If she did, she would know he was clearing his head or she wouldn't have had to bring his things over. He silently prayed that she would forgive him for this. He knew the best way to earn forgiveness was to get clean; it seemed strange that so many motivating factors were suddenly involved in this. Before it had seemed like the whole world was against him, so he continued to shoot up and hide himself and his habit away. Now it was in the open he felt lighter, and somehow more willing to get rid of it. He knew the sense of urgency was because of Kim's involvement; he could do this for his little girl.
He wondered over to the bags wanting confirmation it was Kim's. Before he lifted it up he glanced in the bin it was placed next to and saw the drug kit, sat awkwardly over some screwed up pieces of paper. He stared at it for a moment, feeling nothing but hatred and betrayal. It had brought him happiness and peace, but at what cost? He would never give in again, he thought as he turned away from it, wondering if Brad had put his bags there on purpose.
He staked back over to the couch, wanting to take the tint from the windows even thought he couldn't - he had to grant Brad his privacy. He knew he shouldn't leave the office, CTU would be alive outside this room and he wouldn't be invited to help clean up the mess he had made. So he continued his pacing, until he noticed the closed CTU file on the floor by Brads feet; he had dropped it in his sleep.
Jack stalked over and cautiously picked up the document, knowing what it was. He leafed through the file, their was no overall report, but a list of offences and then possible defences to Tony's actions, along with Brads own recommendations of how to deal with Tony. He felt anger swill up inside of him, why was Brad giving him a chance but slamming the door in Tony's face? He felt some satisfaction knowing he would be a key witness in the trial, he would do everything he could to save Tony. Once again, more motivation to get clean quickly, it he was on the drug he wouldn't be given the opportunity to save Tony; and he was the only person who could make a difference.
"That has CLASSFIED written on it for a reason," Brad croaked, making Jack jump, he hadn't noticed Brad stirring before him.
"This isn't right Brad," he said, holding the folder out to punctuate his words, before dropping it on the table and moving away. He turned back around and saw Brad looking down at his feet, he looked guilty of something. Jack wondered if he really wanted Tony to go down or if he was just following his orders. He had no idea Brad's guilt was due to the charges that Jack didn't know about, waiting for him to be clean before they hit him with them. That way he couldn't postpone the process as Tony had. That action, Brad did feel strongly about - but it was out of his hands, all he could do was prepare Jack for it; and that meant rehab.
"I see somebody got my stuff," Jack said, easing the tension in the air and hoping he'd find out that Kim was involved in this, that she wasn't mad enough to not help.
"Yeah," Brad muttered pulling himself up from the couch and brushing the sleep from his eyes, "Kim rang, she wanted something to do so I asked her to pack your things."
Brad couldn't help but notice the way his eyes seemed to brighten at the mention of his daughter, and Jack couldn't help but smile. "She called, what did she say?" He was aware of the whine in his voice, he sounded overjoyed but desperate too. He didn't care, those were the emotions he felt, well, those and fear; fear she may still be mad or hurt because of him.
"She wanted to talk to you, and I told her you were sleeping. She asked if she could stop by tomorrow before you leave, I said I'd ask you and give her a call with your decision. I didn't know if you'd be up to it or not…" His voice trailed off as he yawned.
Jack was nodding to his words as he listened intently, thinking the situation over. Did he want his daughter to see him like this?
"I'm going to the locker room to take a shower, I'll have made my mind up before I get back."
He picked the backpack up not bothering to go through it here, before looking at Brad, he looked uncomfortable and Jack couldn't blame him he knew exactly what was running through his mind.
"When I get back you can update me on where I'm going and the procedures that are in place until I return."
The briefest of smiles filtered onto Brads face before he nodded in agreement. He didn't know how Jack was able to read him so well, it scared him at times but right now he was happy for it, he didn't want to voice his concerns out loud. But their was no need anyway, Jack already knew what his problem was. He watched as Jack left the room, bag slung over his shoulder; then activated the windows to clear, without the darkening tint. He grinned again as he watched Jack calmly walk through CTU, uncaring of the eyes following him; he had guts - he had to give him that.