Honesty is a hard attribute to find,
When we all want to seem like
We've got it all figured out.
Well let me be the first to say,

That I don't have a clue,
I don't have all the answers,
Ain't gonna pretend like I do.

Just trying,
To find my way.
Trying
To find my way, the best that I know how…

The next few days passed by slowly for Jack. He stayed in his room all night following his conversation with Jane, mulling over her words. Had she meant everything she said? She had sounded sincere. He felt selfish when he thought about her, she had devoted her life to helping people like himself. People who too had devoted their life to saving people, but had failed in doing so.

Of course not everybody who chose drugs were trying to do the right thing. Others were lazy and wanted a nice easy ride through life, they did it simply because they had nothing better to do. He was sure he was better than those people, he hadn't had a choice when he started taking heroin.

Or had he… ? Sure it had been part of his cover, but more importantly, it was the only way to hide from the shadows which followed him in his mind. How could he work when he thought of nothing but the crimes committed by his hands? His own bare hands…

But heroin had been the lesser of two evils, he had decided. If he didn't shoot up, he couldn't hide from the demons. If he couldn't hide from the demons, he couldn't focus, couldn't work; couldn't save lives. He had had no choice, he once believed. But now he understood why he had really shot up. Yes there had been demons and he had wanted to save lives but he had always felt guilt and still managed. But once it got too much he gave in, he had acted cowardly and hid behind a needle. Weakness was what made him shoot up, and his inability to accept his short comings, his failures.

He mused the thoughts over in his head examining them from all angles. After a few hours he had been tired, his head was a mess but he felt better for it. He was now certain drugs were something he would never sink to again, no matter how low he got. He would never go back there, he didn't want to lose everything again.

The following morning Jane came by to see him, a serious expression on her face as she closed the door behind herself. It worried him slightly, had he dome something wrong? Maybe Dr. Hart was still mad at him for his outburst and was going to refuse to see him. Would he have to leave here if that was so? he didn't want to leave.

Jack and sat up on the made bed making room for Jane who sat on it crossed legged, something bundled in her hands.

"Jack, I shouldn't do this," she said, "but because I like you so much I decided to make an exception," she added which made him smile, even though he knew she was playing.

"What's up?"

"The centre received mail for you. But you know as well as I do that rule 17 strictly forbids any kind of outside contact to a patient, including mail. However, seen as you have been so glum I think this would do you some good. But... It would have to stay between me and you, I would be in serious trouble if this was discovered."

"Okay," he said seriously, showing her he appreciated the risk she was taking. He was excited at the thought of a letter, he wondered who it was from. He herd the voice in his mind asking him who would bother writing to him but he ignored it. He hadn't forgotten about his worries of Kim leaving him but he knew a letter would mean his fears weren't true. Otherwise he wouldn't know of there future together until he was out, and that was too long a time to spend in doubt.

"There's a catch though," she said, noticing how he seemed tense, as though he wasn't allowing himself to get excited. He was preparing himself for defeat she realised, feeling more sympathy for this patient who was slowly becoming a friend.

"Go on," he said, eyeing her suspiciously.

"Because of the nature of your visit here, I have to read the letter before you can see it. Its why there's no contact - for all I know it could be a escape plan for you. Hell it's a heavy letter how do I know there's nothing stashed in here for you? I know it sounds ridiculous and no I don't believe you would be happy if this were the case, but still - I have to do it. If this were to come out, and they realised I gave you material without checking it, I could be prosecuted."

Jack said nothing, he studied the large envelop in her hands silently. Jane wondered what he was thinking, she was intrigued by his mind and the way he thought. Jack thought about her words, he could understand why such precautions were to be taken, he didn't feel like she didn't trust him, and he himself was surprised by that. It was a small confidence booster, it made him feel even better about his ability to overcome the drug, he knew that the day he left the centre was the day a new life would begin.

"How long do I have left here?" He asked, thinking.

"Two to three weeks, depending on your evaluation."

He nodded thoughtfully, knowing he had to know what was in the letters, he couldn't wait it out. He had to know if Kim had accepted him. He realised he was too confident Kim had written, why should she? He looked at Jane who was watching him curiously, he trusted her, he realised. He didn't like the thought of anybody reading his mail, he was a very private man. But, he realised, if somebody did have to he knew Jane was the best person to do so. He trusted her. Trust, he realised, something he hadn't allowed himself since he built up his bond with the needle. Heroin had taught him to trust nothing except itself, but not anymore, he thought.

He smiled and nodded a yes at her, glancing at the clock when she said she'd be back within the hour. He rolled onto his back with his hands behind his head as he thought about trust. He was glad he could do so again, it was another step, he thought, towards a free life.