A/N-I do not own Degrassi, or the characters Jay Hogart or Paige Michalchuk. I don't own the lyrics to "Seasons" by Good Charlotte, even though I love that song.
"Summer air reminds me of all the feelings of your love,
And what it was like when we were together,
Walking all along the beach, you were never far from my reach,
And you held me through the stormy weather."
I walked down the street, in downtown Toronto on a warm summer afternoon. I can't help but remember Paige Michalchuk; I saw her picture in the newspaper last week. Her eyes are the same as they were when we parted for the first and last time. She was there for me through everything, my father's death, my mother's remarriage. But I don't think I was there for her enough.
Flashback
We walked down the beach in Wasega. I had brought Ellie and Emma out to see Sean, Paige had hitched a ride. We walked in silence for about twenty minutes, until she grabbed my hand.
"I'll always be here for you Jay." She said to me, that's all she said. But at that moment I knew that I was in love with her, I couldn't stop if I tried.
End Flashback
If only I had kept my promise. I remember when I wanted to be with her more than anything, but I couldn't bring myself to call her. I want to love her so much, but I can't call her…I can't remember the past.
"And I, I want to fall in love tonight,
And I remember when you said 'everything is gonna be alright'"
I sit down on the city bus bench, waiting for the bus to come and take me away from here. I made a mistake, coming to try and find Paige. I walked around the city all day in my old black hat, with my sunglasses on top, hoping she'd see them and remember. I can't forget what she wore the last day I saw her, hoping that I'd see her in the city wearing it. Her engagement ring, from me. That's the only thing I remember.
Flashback
"Jay, what are you doing?" She asked me as I kneeled. "Jay! What are you doing!" I pulled a velvet box out of my pocket and opened it.
"Paige Michalchuk, will you marry me?" I asked her hoping she'd say yes. Tears fell out of her eyes, tears of joy.
"Yes! Yes! Of course I'll marry you!" She said grinning as I put the ring on her finger. I'd never been happier in my entire life.
End Flashback
The bus pulls up slowly, the brakes squealing. The door opens to let a bunch of passengers on. I see a blonde girl, her hair exactly how Paige's used to be. I take another glance at her; it isn't her…the one that I love. I sit on a seat in the back of the bus, just wanting to get home, to be with my friends.
Flashback
I walked to her house at three in the morning, in the rain. I'd been crying and as soon as she opened the door she could tell, pulling me into a tight hug. She didn't care if she got wet.
"My…my dad, he's gone." I said between sobs. A man like me shouldn't have been crying, but I couldn't hold it all in.
"Don't worry Jay, everything will be alright, don't worry." She said hugging me tightly still, and pulling me into her house.
End Flashback
"Laying in the summer grass, you told me not to talk so fast,
As I told you how I feel,
You made me feel right at home,
You told me I was not alone and you knew just how I feel"
I yawn as the bus stops to pick up more passengers. A bunch of people carrying briefcases step on and sit around me. I'm the least dressed out of all of them, wearing jeans and a t-shirt. With my hat and sunglasses.
Flashback
I lay down on the ground in the ravine, thinking about everything that had happened since Paige and I began dating. Every memory filled my heart up. She walked down and lay next to me, smiling.
"Paige…I need to tell you something." I said looking at her squinting. She nodded, not sure what to think. "I love you Paige." I said quickly, trying to say it without being afraid.
"There's no need to be scared Jay, I love you too." She said holding my hand and kissing me softly on the cheek. I smiled, not being able to say anything else. For a minute we sat in silence, truthfully I don't know how long it was.
"You're amazing Paige, I don't think I'd be here without you in my life. You changed me...I'd probably be in jail without you."
End Flashback
"I know we talked about it, I just can't get around it,
I just want one more night with you"
The bus door closes as we drive farther in the town. I live in the outskirts, in some cheap apartments. I've lived there for five years, since Jimmy Brooks told me that Paige lived in downtown Toronto. Every Friday and Monday I take the bus into town and walk around the whole day, checking places she might be. Coffee shops, newsstands, little cafés, but she's never there. I sometimes wonder if Jimmy was lying to me, to get me out of his basement where I lived, but Jimmy never seemed like the person who would do that.
…
"October air reminds me of all the seasons of your love,
And what it was like when we were together
The smell of fall is everywhere and though it seems,
I just don't care, 'cause now you've gone away"
It's the first Monday of October and I step off of the bus onto the street. I have been into Toronto everyday for a year, exactly. Last year, the first Monday of October, I started coming here. I walk to the coffee shop down the street to get a cup, it's a little chilly. I walk into a park on the college campus to drink my coffee. I sit on a bench and glance around at all of the college students, in love, laughing and holding hands.
Flashback
"I got accepted to University of Toronto!" I told Paige happily over the phone. "We can be at college together!" I said.
"I'm really excited for you Jay, but I got accepted to UVic. I was thinking of going there." She said to me.
"Oh, ok then." I say holding back my tears.
"We'll still see each other over breaks." She says to me, sounding disappointed.
End Flashback
I saw Paige every day over the summer, but I remember the day she left. August twenty-sixth. Ten years ago she left me, never to come back. I haven't seen her since then, she never called me, except for once.
Flashback
"Jay? It's Paige." She called about six months into school.
"Hi Paige! How are you?" I asked her. "I miss you so much."
"I'm fine Jay…I haven't talked to you for a while, I'm sorry. School has been a big hassle." She said.
"Yeah, well…I guess you're right. I've been having a lot of fun." I lied to her. I couldn't tell her that I missed her, and that I never left my dorm except to go to class and the grocery store.
"Jay…I'm sorry, but I can't go on kidding myself." She said, I could hear her sniffling on the other end.
"What do you mean Paige?" I said getting upset.
"I met someone, his name is James…and, I can't continue to be your fiancée." She said starting to cry.
"Ok, then, it's nice knowing you." I said hanging up before I could cry into the phone.
End Flashback
After that point, I never wanted to see her. I was upset to the highest extreme. I'd hear from Jimmy, or Hazel that she was coming home for break, then I'd stay inside until she'd leave. Or I'd go to New York for a few days.
"I, I wanna fall in love
I, I wanna fall in love tonight"
I feel a tap on my shoulder, I turn around expecting it to be a homeless person asking for money.
"Hi." She said. "I've seen you every Monday and Friday for a year, you walk past my office. On those days I never leave, because I didn't want to see you."
"Paige…why didn't you want to see me?" I ask her, looking up into her eyes.
"Because, I love you too much. I hurt you, and I know it. I never took off the ring." She said holding up her hand.
"I love you Paige, I never stopped, I cried myself to sleep for the first year." I said putting my bad boy image aside.
"I love you too Jay." She said before kissing me. Just one very passionate kiss.