Chapter 3:

January 21 2002

I'm still shaking from the news...Me and my mother went to see my new doctor today, at the domino hospital. He looked at my transfer files and just shook his head. Said we needed to run more tests.

Oh...I should tell you...I have Lymphoctyic Leukemia...a type of cancer. I was diagnosed when I was 11...I still remember that day, like it was yesterday.

I was sitting in one of those short hospital gowns, my hands wrinkled together in my lap.

"Nozomi?" The doctor had called out as he entered the room.

"Hey! What's up doc?" I had joked. He just gave me a grim look.

"The Preliminary tests are back," his penetrating brown eyes looking grave with concern. My mother sat on the edge of her seat, waiting for the results, hoping it was nothing to drastic.

"the tests point to cancer, specifically, acute lymphocytic leukemia."

My mother had given a gasp and her face paled. But I didn't accept it. I was in denial; I just grinned and pretend that nothing had happened.

"H-How can dis be?" my mother asked in that strange Korean Japanese accent of hers.

"We thought it was just the flu..." She pressed her hand to her mouth and began to shake. I think that's when it hit me. So I sat there, and said nothing. I couldn't think clearly, much less talk. After a moment of silence I finally spoke.

"Will you be my doctor?" He shook his head and reached foreword and took my free hand.

"You need specialists for this Nozomi; I'm just a common doctor who treats colds and minor sicknesses."

My mother began to sob and rock back and forth. She began to chant in a mixture of Japanese and Korean.

"Uhm-ma! Please, I'm not dead yet!" I cried out, trying to calm her down.

"Mrs. Haru, please, listen to your daughter, she's not going to leave you anytime soon." The doctor tried to sooth.

He placed his hand on her shoulder. "Sanura, I know how you feel, I have a daughter myself and if I learned she had cancer I would be just as upset, but you can't act like this, Nozomi needs you."

I remember my mother shaking her head and glancing at me with watery blue eyes.

"What were the symptoms that gave my sickness away?" I had asked, puzzled, still hoping it was the flu.

"Chronic sore throat, swollen glands, weakness and constant fatigue...coupled with the unexplained bruises on your arms and legs, and bleeding without clotting..." he gave a sigh and shook his head.

"At the hospital, they will do the bone marrow aspiration test...that will confirm the diagnosis."

"Those same symptoms could just be the flu." My mother cried, while standing up.

"It isn't the flu..." my doctor said quietly

"How long will I be in the hospital?" I asked, afraid of the answer.

"Until your in remission."

My mother looked at him puzzled. "Remission?" she asked, taking in deep calming breaths.

"The state of keeping the cancer calls from spreading...and making your symptoms disappear." he defined.

"When do we start?" My mother had asked.

"Today."

I shot up. "That soon?" I still hadn't even told my friends or family.

"As soon as possible. We want to get this invader before it can spread any more, the sooner the better."

And that's how I found out I was dying...slowly really...and I still am as I write this, it's just that it's so dormant right now that it isn't affecting me. I took Chemo...or in other words Chemotherapy, which aloud me to go into remission. I'm glade really. Chemo makes me lose tons of weight, which I don't mind, I get sick and puke all over the place, and slowly my hair falls out. Thankfully it hasn't all fallen out yet. I'm one of the lucky ones. Also, when I'm on Chemo, I have to be in the hospital in a clean environment. You see Chemo kills and weakens the cancer cells but it also does the same to my normal cells, making my immune system weak. I simply don't have the inner resources to fight off an infection, not even a simple cold!

But anyways, back to my news, my doctor looked at my tests and told me that my cancer was starting to show again. That it was spreading at a large rate. This means I have to go back onto the Chemo. I don't want to, this time it's going to be stronger and longer considering my Cancer is stronger.

If my hair falls out, I'll through a royal fit!

Now about my day? Well, me and Ryou bear (My new nickname for him) went shopping after school. I bought my own set of cards and Ryou bear helped me build a deck. Mines made of dragons, which are the prettiest beasts alive! I envy Seto Kaiba, he has the only Blue eyes white dragons...I'll...BORROW them...because steal is such a harsh word... (Snicker)

Well, must go to bed, I'm feeling weak already. Goodnight my reader...

-Nozomi

Bakura read the diary aloud to Bakura, tears slipping down his face. He had never really known the full story of her sickness...now he did. He had no idea that she had been on Chemo before, or how she had reacted when she had first heard the news.

"Wow, that's some powerful shit right there, that almost made me cry." Bakura said standing up and stretching.

"Is your heart that cold? You can't even cry just a little?"

Bakura glared at his host. "I saidI ALMOST did! Isn't that good enough for you, I mean this is ME we're talking about!"

Ryou shook his head and returned to the book.

January 22 2002

I'm proud of myself, I've been writing in this book often! Usely I can't stick to something. But anyways, I'm worried for my Ryou bear. He came to school today with a black eye and a swollen cheek. I asked him what happened and he just shrugged it off, as if nothing had happened. But I prefer that then the old "I ran into the door" excuse. At lunch he just sat there and stared at the table top, as if his food would magically appear.

"Aren't you going to eat something Ryou bear?" I asked him, pushing my pudding in his face. He made a face then pushed it back.

"I'm not hungry." he whispered back to me. I didn't like where this was going. I had this weird feeling that he was starving himself. So, I set out to fix that.

"Your coming home with me after school." I stated.

He just nodded his head in agreement and turned his attention back to the table top. After school, we walked like normal to my place. But the moment I got him inside I shoved him down into a seat.

"Now Ryou bear. You will eat everything that I sit before you, and then afterwards, you will sit beside me for four hours, until your food has digested!"

I saw his face pale as I declared this.

"Ryou bear, if your starving yourself, you better knock it off, or I will do this every god damn day until your so fat, you can't fit through my door!"

And with that I placed Myulchi bokeum and sogogi jangchorim in front of him along with a glass of warm green tea.

"Eat!" I commanded. He looked down at the food then pushed it away.

"Please don't take this away from me..." he whispered. That's where he had me puzzled, what was I taking from him?

"What? I'm not taking anything from you; if anything I'm GIVING you stuff."

He turned his pale face away from my view and that's when I began to worry.

"I can control just this one thing...my eating, if you take that away from me, I have nothing left..."

I must say, I was shocked.

"Ryou bear, snap out of it! What do you mean by 'the one thing you can control?'"

"I'm fat." he whispered, and that's when I laughed. The poor boy was smaller then ME! And I'm pretty small considering of all the medical things I've been threw.

"Ryou bear, your not fat at all! Now, EAT!" And that's when I broke out the sweets. The Yak Kwa (Cookies) and the ever famous, yet fattening TWINKIES!

"Open!" and when he opened his mouth I shoved one into it. Almost causing him to choke.

"If I see you ever starve yourself again Ryou bear, then I will smack you senseless! Understood?"

Fear jumped into his eyes then and I didn't know what to think.

"I was kidding Ryou bear...I would never hit you." It took him awhile to understand my words and I sighed.

"Someone's beating you huh? Is it your dad?" Ryou swallowed the Twinkie and looked up at me with tear filled eyes.

"No...No ones beating me...I'm fine...I got to go..." I sighed and aloud him to move away from the table.

"Fine, but I want you to take food home with you."

He just nodded and headed towards the door. I grabbed a paper sack and shoved cookies, Twinkies, kimchee and his bowel of steamy food into it. I handed it to him with a warm smile.

"You better eat it, and you better eat lunch tomorrow."

He gave me sad look then nodded good bye.

You know my reader, he scares me...there's something he's keeping from me...but then it evens out huh? Cuz I'm keeping my sickness from him.

-Nozomi

Ryou sighed as he closed the diary.

"Ah! I'm coming up soon! I wonder what she thought about me...come on Ryou, read more! Read more!" Bakura chanted as he danced around the small room.

"No, I'm tired and I have tons of homework.

Ryou's thoughts, however were still on that day. When he left her house he threw the sack of food away, feeling a lump form in his throat. He wasn't going to ruin the one thing he could control and had been controlling for a month. The moment he reached his house he shoved his fingers down his throat, forcing the small amount of food she managed to shove down his throat up into the bowel. He remembered staring hard and long into the bathroom mirror, loathing the reflection he saw.

"Yo, Ryou! Hello!" Bakura dragged him out of his trance.

"Yes Bakura?"

"You look like your about to start spouting tears!" Bakura said with a frown.

"And? What's it to you..." Ryou sighed then turned off his light.

"Goodnight Bakura..."

Bakura stood in the darkness. "Damn your a wreck without Nozomi..."

Well? Let me know how I did on this...I had writers block so, I thought I came out a little...dum? Oh what the heck, I'm the author, I'm not aloud to criticize it!

R&R