Chapter 7

Feb 14 2002

Today I will be seeing my mother and Ryou, that's if he comes to visit. Right now I'm sitting propped up in my hospital bed. Flowers surround me, from people I don't even know. How could so many people know about my sickness? I have told no one...unless somehow Ryou told...

Well it's only fair; i kept it from him...from everybody. And now when I go back to school everyone will be looking at me weird.

I've been so shaky today. I'm still trying to put my words together for Ryou bear. I still don't know what he thinks...if he's mad at me or not.

I don't want Ryou bear to see me, I look horrible, but I know that I have to speak to him. Confront him about my sickness, and explain my story. It can't be put off any longer. I don't think he'll recognize me...

I was looking in the mirror, and almost didn't recognize myself. For a full minute I didn't know who the girl was staring back at me. If the image hadn't moved when I moved I would not have believed that it was truly me.

I look like a victim of a concentration camp, gaunt and thin. My skin is stretched across my bones. My skin is pale and ashen, and seems transparent. It looks as if it might tear if I press to hard on it. My lips are chapped and cracked, and what's left of my hair is dull and flat.

I'm truly ugly now, not that I was ever pretty to begin with.

When I told my nurse this she just smiled and patted my head.

"Your alive." was her only reply. I know looks can come back...but must I really talk to Ryou looking like Frankenstein? And if Ryou doesn't laugh, I know Bakura will. But once my Chemotherapy is done, my looks will be back...I hope…

Now to turn the subject, I was digging through my flowers and get well baskets when I came across a card from Ryou bear. It was a cute card, with a bear on it. It made me smile as I realized its meaning.

Zozo,

Get well soon. I'll come to see you as soon as they'll let me.

Love,

Ryou Bear

I know it wasn't much, but it's the thought that counts. Besides, I hid this from him. And what was I expecting him to say? Hey Zozo don't die? Or why the hell didn't you tell me Zozo? His simple writing tells me he's scared and confused. Which he should be. This kind of just sprung on him without a warning.

Well...I'll write later...after I speak with Ryou. I have a feeling this is going to be very uncomfortable. If worst comes to worse...I'll pretend I'm tired...it always works, and I'm great at fake snoring.

-Zozo

Ryou's fingers glided over the cream colored paper. "Zozo, it's as if your still here with me...even though your not." Ryou sighed and turned the page.

"So, have you thought of any ideas yet?" Bakura asked while sitting back in his chair. Ryou shook his head.

"I'm hoping that reading her diary will give me some. The ceremony is only a few days away. And I still haven't made the slide show yet, let alone pick the song to go with it. It's all very frustrating!" Ryou gave a frustrated cry and tugged on his white locks.

"Don't stress over it Ryou. In the end you'll pull through and it will come out perfect, like always. You're good at pulling all nighters." He waved his hand at the diary still in his hands.

"Well? Are you going to continue? I must say, this is really interesting. You should have it published."

Ryou glanced down at the diary. "Should I?" he asked in a soft confused voice.

"I was kidding Ryou bear! Just read the damn book already." Bakura folded his arms under his head and closed his eyes, waiting for the boy's voice to float in the air.

"Don't call me that! Don't ever call me that again!" Ryou shouted instead. Bakura's eyes popped open in surprise and stared at Ryou.

"What the hell is your problem? Don't call you what?" Ryou held firmly onto the diary, his knuckles turning white.

"Don't ever call me RYOU BEAR again!" Bakura blinked in surprise then smiled. "Alright, I get it. Just read the book...don't need to get your panties in a bunch."

Feb 15 2002

Ryou came last night...he looked, sad. He kept looking at the floor and playing with his hair.

"Ryou bear...please, come here." I said while patting a free space on my bed. He slowly trudged to my bed and sat down slowly. He still wouldn't look at me, making me feel even guiltier.

"I'm sorry, Ryou. I should have told you...that day at the fair would have been the perfect time. But I chickened out. I was afraid of what you would think of me. I should have known better, and now I've betrayed our trust...our friendship. I'm sorry Ryou...will you forgive me?"

Silence greeted my apology and I felt as if I had been struck in the heart with a sludge hammer. Which I'm sure would hurt. Finally he looked up at me with watery brown eyes.

"Zozo, I forgive you...I understand, you were scared. And I'm sure that your past friends didn't take it to well. I just wish you would have told me sooner, but then again I didn't tell you about my problems. Zozo, I must be honest...I cut myself...starve my self...I'm bulimic...and I'm always in a state of depression...except when I'm around you. Nozomi, I thought I almost lost you..."

Tears that he had been holding back now slid down his face. "I wanted to tell you about my problems...but I just couldn't...and now that...this happened..." this is where I reached out to him. I grabbed him into the warmest hug I could give. We sat like that for the remaining time of his visit. When we pulled away I patted his spiky hair down and smiled.

"I'm glad we had this talk...now...when I get out of here, there are going to be many changes...be ready for them..." Ryou smiled and wiped at his still watery eyes.

"Did my ugly face make you cry?" I laughed. He gave a weak, unsure smile and shook his head.

"Looks will come back. Remember, 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,'" He quoted with a large smile "I think you're absolutely gorgeous." this made me smile and somewhat blush.

"Thanks Ryou bear...that makes me feel better, really it does." He smiled and left my room with a wave. After he left my mother showed up with tons of food. Which I'm grateful for! HOSPITAL FOOD TASTE LIKE SHIT! They say it's good for you, but I think if anything, they're trying to kill us off faster!

And I'm pleased with my somewhat complete poem. Soon it will be finished and I'll copy it down in here.

Well, this is where I end today...I'll write more when I have the energy.

Good night my mystery reader, who ever you are.

-Zozo

"AWWW!'I think you're absolutely gorgeous!'" Bakura cooed while fluttering his lashes. Ryou shot him a glare. "Don't make fun of the truth. She was pretty and you know it."

Bakura grinned. "More like she was sexy...she had a body that made Britney Spears look like a man. Not that I was looking or anything..."

Ryou ignored his perverted yami and placed the diary back into the black box. "I wonder what this writing means...I think it's in Korean..." Ryou said brushing his fingertips over the engraving. Bakura glanced over his shoulder and peered at it. He shrugged then sat back.

"Why don't you ask her mother...wouldn't she know what it means?"

Ryou nodded his head in agreement and placed the box under his bed. "I will, when I see her tomorrow."

Bakura nodded his head then gave a yawn.

"See ya later Ryou, I'm tired." and with that he disappeared into the ring, leaving behind a rather sad Ryou.

"Zozo..."he whispered

That's where I end today! I'll write more tonight! R&R!