Rakka Eda ni Kaerazu
by RebLaw
Quick note, full notes at bottom:
This story takes place during Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex episode 25- it does mention some spoilers.
Mature audiences only please, this fanfic contains sexual content, alcohol abuse, and words your mother wouldn't approve of.
"I almost forgot to give you this," Batou said abruptly, after giving Motoko space when the treat was gone.
Despite having worked together for what felt like a couple lifetimes, being so physically close to her still made him uneasy. It wasn't that the big man didn't appreciate being so close to a woman, much less an attractive woman wearing so little; it was that he was tired, injured, missing an arm and he didn't need any further proof that a cybernetic body was not free of all of the inconveniences of a natural body.
He was too old to play boyish games with himself- he knew better than to bother to lie to himself, he wanted her. But "it takes two to tango" as the saying goes; while he was willing, he knew she was uninterested. The big man accepted that, he had no choice, he had grown to respect who she was as a person too much to want to change anything about her. To him she was perfect just the way she was- even though it meant no hope for him.
Batou knew Motoko; she wasn't a romantic or sentimental girl- her nickname was "the Major" after all. He wasn't entirely sure why he was doing this. He handed her the watch of hers he had just retrieved from her home. If it hadn't been for the two Tachikoma which had sacrificed themselves, it would have cost him his life. He knew why he did it; he felt it was worth it. She didn't seem to understand why he choose now to give the watch back to her, but she accepted it.
She wondered why he bothered to bring it, wordlessly. She hoped that the watch wasn't the reason he went to her home. No, it couldn't have been. He didn't know that she hadn't been home, he had probably come looking for her.
Motoko wasn't dense, she knew that Batou liked her, anyone with two eyes and a brain could see it. She always was straight forward about her intentions towards him. She tried to not encourage him, but being in a working relationship there was only so much she could do. He was her right hand man, she had to be able to trust and rely on him. Part of her had always thought disparagingly of his invitations for dates, she had enough to worry about without him trying to romanticize their relationship.
"No matter how many cyborg bodies you've used," Batou tried to explained knowing how she would likely react. Even if she disagreed with his reasoning, he still believed it. "This watch is the only thing that's always been with you right? Humans depend on things like that for their external memories, because they want to reaffirm themselves at a particular moment in time. That's the only 'external recording device' that defines you right?"
"Where did you come up with those lines?" Motoko asked after a moment's reflection. She was grateful to have Batou in her life, he was a reliable comrade in arms, but sometimes, he seemed, well, kind of silly. "The watch and weight training? We're holding on to irrelevant memories."
"We're probably the only ones in Section Nine who haven't been caught yet." Motoko mused, not looking Batou in the eye. She was dead serious, despite her almost mild tone, "We have to live. Let's leave our mark on history."
"I won't give up."
She was a strong person. He respected her as a person more than anyone else because of that. That was part of what bothered him about his lust for her, that he loved and respected her as well.
He almost wished she'd find a less feminine body that suited her. Something with less cleavage at least, with a wider waist or narrower hips, less organic maybe, something less sexy. He had mentioned the idea of a different body to her once in passing, but she dismissed it. She said that this was the only body that suited her. While he could sympathize a bit, he himself kept on weight training for the appearance, even though it didn't increase his strength, thanks to his prosthetic enhancements.
He remembers hearing Motoko once making a comment that indicated that she's was cyberized when she was a child. He thought he had heard something about it being due to an illness, but he never checked up on it. It didn't matter much anyway, whether sickness or injury she became a cyborg as a child.
Motoko never had the chance to see how her body would've developed into adulthood. Batou himself, he knew what his adult body was like before being cyberized. He had grown attached to it- always making sure that his current body resembled it. Motoko grew up in various cyberbodies, changing them as needed to accommodate her spinal cord's growth. If she had been allowed to keep her original body would she have grown up to have the amazingly attractive body she does now? He had always decided that it would've been even better, because it would have been hers.
As if in autopilot he followed Motoko who turned and was leaving the large living room of the safe house. After a couple steps he realized that missing most of his left arm was throwing him off balance, he put his right hand out to stabilize himself, resting it on Motoko. He carelessly placed it on the side of her side, where her skin was smooth but the muscles could be felt underneath. Batou knew he should remove, but he noticed that she didn't object to its placement and the feel of her body, moving and living almost intoxicating.
They entered a plain white room. Batou's reflect was to cover his eyes, as the white, while not glowing itself, reflected all of the light that entered the room. It was an almost blinding contrast to the room they had just come from.
"Geez," Batou said smiling and shrugging, removing his hand in the process. While the feel of her skin may be enjoyable, he didn't want to torture himself. "Interior decorating sure isn't 'the Major''s strong suit."
"Well," Motoko explained plainly. "I hadn't decided what I wanted for this room by the time the renovators wanted. This is the guest room, there is a bathroom through the door on the right of the bed, I'll be down the hall."
"Okay," Batou grunted. He walked over to the twin-sized bed and stood over it for a moment- being a big guy he had always slept in at least a full-sized bed. He heard the door slide shut and Motoko's footfalls grow more distant. He grimaced as he realized that he was sweaty, dirty, and injured. The sheets and bedding, like everything in the room, were a clean pure white. He shrugged to himself and decided to just be glad that he wouldn't be the one that had to wash them as he climbed into the bed.
Sleep did not come to Batou, not that he really expected it to, he knew he had been through a lot-- but still, he did figure physical exhaustion would eventually override it. After tossing and turning for what seemed like forever, he decided to get something to drink. He could still taste a little of his own blood. He got up and reached for the door knob for the bathroom. Of course, being Motoko's safe-house, there was no doorknob. He felt around for a touch-pad or something, but had no luck.
Just as well, he decided. Maybe it was a sign that he should have a drink that was stronger than water, he smiled thinking as he found the mechanism to open the bedroom door fairly easily.
A soft glow illuminated a room off to the side, the door was open. Batou, deciding to let his curiosity get the best of him decided to investigate- he wasn't expecting Motoko to be up and about. But who knows, maybe she couldn't sleep either, it really wouldn't surprise him either way.
"Hey Major-" the big man began as he poked his head into the room. It wasn't a big room, it was pretty small, it wasn't even really a room, more like a walk in liquor closet. Bottles lined the walls. Motoko sat on a short stool, partially slumped over, she was drinking sake. Her face was flush, it obviously wasn't her first glass, Motoko was no lightweight by any stretch of the imagination- cyberbrains metabolize alcohol fairly fast.
"Batou!" Motoko greeted the big man almost chirping with uncharacteristic happiness. Batou smiled to himself, she was a happy drunk this time- it was a relief. Half the time she'd be loud and obnoxious or angry and most of the rest a cry-baby. "Want some sake?"
Batou nodded grunting a "yes." The Major handed him a cup, he sat crouched by the doorway, as there wasn't really any other place to sit, and started drinking.
"Motoko-," Batou began- only to decide to not finish.
"You're a good man," Motoko said seemingly randomly but without much weight. "I'm glad to work with you. I couldn't ask for a better team, you all do a great job."
Batou smiled, he was happy. Despite being on the run, a fugitive from an administration gone corrupt. It didn't matter that he was missing an arm, it didn't matter that their coworkers from Public Safety Section 9 had all been corralled up, it didn't matter that they themselves were being hunted down. It was enough for him that she approved of him as a person, he would not ask or hope for any more ever.
Batou groaned upon waking. His head felt as though there was a clamp around it, too tight but only tightening. The sound of his own groan hurt almost worse than any bullet he'd taken. There was an odd taste in his mouth, he didn't want to wake up. He decided that the best course of action would be to continue to lie in bed and hope that whoever the Narc squad sent would kill him quickly.
Something was wrong though. It didn't feel right, the bed was too warm. He turned on his eyes, to discover he was not alone. He saw fair skin and purple hair. He started cussing himself out. His mind was wide awake and reeling to try and remember what happened last night. He remembered drinking with Motoko, he couldn't remember doing anything more.
How did it come about? Batou wondered, visibly frowning. It wasn't a good thing for them to do with each other. He knew she didn't love him romantically. Did she take advantage of him?
He knew she respected him enough not to use him- no she'd never use his feelings for carnal pleasure. Did he? The large man shuttered at the mere thought of forcing himself on her in any way. He was drunk enough to not remember what happened, Motoko probably could've easily stopped him if he tried. But, even so, he'd never forgive himself if that was what happened.
Motoko stirred, just then. Her eyes fluttered open gently but quickly. Batou buried his head in the pillow, not wanting to face her. She sat up, the bed sheet falling down, revealing her nakedness. The purple-haired woman's eyes began to search her surroundings, a confused expression on her face. She didn't have to look too far to see Batou, his face buried in a pillow.
"Fuck," Motoko muttered in wide eyed shock, her brow frowning. She bit her thumb absentmindedly as she tried to make sense of the situation. It seemed obvious enough, but, she could remember only fragmented bits and pieces. "Batou?"
"Yeah," Batou grunted, pulling his face out of the pillow. He realized that hiding wasn't right.
"What happened?" Motoko asked plainly, as she grabbed her shirt off of the floor. She pulled her shirt on. She silently cursed herself, it was her fault; she shouldn't have gotten so drunk.
"I don't remember," Batou said without much emotions, still unable to look Motoko in the eye. "I remember drinking with you, and I was here when I woke up, but it's pretty evident what happened."
"I'm sorry," Motoko said looking away, finishing putting on her clothes. She wasn't very happy with herself, but, as the saying went 'Rakka eda ni kaerazu' a fallen blossom cannot return to the tree it fell from. All she could do was try and control the damage.
Batou had decided to wait until Kusanagi left the room before getting out from under the sheets. As stupid as it sounded, he wanted to maintain some modesty, despite what had happened.
"We can deal with it later," Motoko decided as she started walking towards the door. It was what she did, put off emotions she didn't want to deal with.
It wasn't like they could very well sit down and have the honest heart to heart right now. They had the best chance of surviving together, being the top two agents of Section Nine- having a long history of working together, they had to be work partners, to work together. Neither would survive if they let emotions get in the way.
"I'm going to take a shower," Motoko said blandly as she turned at the doorway and look Batou in the eye. Much to her relief he wasn't looking at her any differently than normal. "Get dressed, there's food in the fridge; we're going to have a long day ahead of us if we're lucky."
Fin.
Author's note:
While I could never see Batou and Motoko having a romantic relationship when I first saw episode 25 of the series, I thought that the scene with Motoko and Batou in her safe-house had a lot of sexual tension in it. It's kind of a 'what if' type thing, I honestly don't believe that the events I wrote about could be cannon. I hope you enjoyed this fanfic, feel free to leave any comments you feel are appropriate. :-)
I do not own Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex, Section 9, Motoko Kusanagi or Batou.