CINDERELLA: A Fushigi Yugi Parody
The rambunctious cast of Fushigi Yugi decides to perform the most beloved of Rodger and Hammerstein's plays. However, much to the chagrin of the director, not everything goes according to the script.
Written by Nashie
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CHAPTER 1:B – ALL THE WORLD'S A STAGE…
Backstage, behind the closed curtains, Nashie is lying out on the set, staring up into the hanging lights overhead. After departing from the Kenshin party, she had run back downstairs in a rush, wondering why she had forgotten about the last minute check-ups on the stage. She has just checked the fog machines for the opening scene, yet the one character that was supposed to be in that scene is nowhere to be found. She has taken off her headset so that no one could reach her, and is staring up dismally at the darkened rigging far above her. At this point, the beloved director is beginning to have doubts whether or not they should still continue the play. More stuff went wrong within the past half-hour than the past few months combined.
"Why do I bother anyway?" gripes the jade-eyed girl, glaring up at the ceiling. "This is what I get for trying to make a faerie tale with the most rambunctious group of anime characters ever to be assembled on the face of the planet." She sighs melodramatically. "They better be glad I like every single last one of 'em."
Steps echo from the stage, and four figures join the depressed director on the stage. These are a handful of the members of stage crew: Teki, Mitsukake, Bob, and Chiriko, all of who are wearing face masks over their face. Bob and Chiriko are wearing elbow-length gloves and eye goggles.
Nashie frowns. "Where's the rest of the crew?" Mitsukake sighs, and runs a hand through dark hair.
"Sake-chan is finishing up with the sound system with C-Guy, and Miku is going over spotlights." He crosses his arms over the black sweatshirt he's wearing. "And, MoonshadowJedi is suffering from the headache of the century thanks to our leading lady." Nashie winces, suddenly remembering her friend's twitching form when she had walked from the dressing room.
"I'm going to have to talk to her about that yelling. And our actors?" Teki grins humouressly.
"Scattered. Yui is feeling better thanks to Subaru, who so happened to have some Tylenol with her. Tamahome STILL doesn't have his hearing back yet-"
"I'm working on that," Mitsukake interrupts.
"...we can't find Chichiri, Hotohori, Nuriko, or Tasuki." She shrugs. "I'm going to assume they fled as far away as they can when they realized Miaka was holding your kryptonite donuts."
Nashie blushes. "Joy."
"Well, the good news is that we found a pumpkin, at least," Bob adds, trying to soothe an embarrassed Nashie. "And we've coated it with orange spray paint and lacquer so Miaka won't attempt to eat it." Nashie wrinkles her nose.
"So that's that smell. You're a genius Bob, Chiriko."
"You think they'll be back within thirty minutes?" Chiriko asks, giving Nashie a sideways glance. The young woman sighs and shrugs.
"If they're not, I'm gonna roast every single last one of 'em. "
There are more footsteps, and a happily smiling Chichiri strolls up, obviously unharmed from the past screeching bestowed upon cast and crew by the darling leading star. He cocks his head to the side at seeing the grouchy stage manager and director, and sits down next to her and crosses his legs, lotus position.
"You look upset, no da." Nashie sticks her tongue out at him before returning to her morose state.
"I am..."
"Miaka didn't mean it, na no da."
Mitsukake raises an eyebrow at Nashie. "I believe it's more of a reaction for her to do that when she believes she's threatened." Nashie scowls.
"I WASN'T threatening her. I was simply asking for some donuts." Chiriko hesitates and then shakes his head.
"Nashie-san, you tried to take food away from Miaka. To her, that is a strong threat!"
"Lay off, I was just hungry," grumbles Nashie in her defense. "I haven't eaten since breakfast." As if to agree, her stomach growls loudly. "See? Or, uh, hear?"
"That's okay, no da," Chichiri interjects with a warm smile. "We're having a party after opening night, right? And the pizza's here, no da. You'll be okay until then, hopefully, no da."
"I'm not getting between Miaka and a pizza." The director
makes a face at the rest of the gathered crew.
"And if she even gets a CRUMB on her costume…"
Teki cups her her chin thoughtfully. "Wouldn't that add to her costume though? I mean, she IS Cinderella – cinders and dirt and all that jazz." The tall light goddess does a brief jazz hands move before winking. "You have to wonder though, how that girl manages to stay one hundred pounds. It's not natural."
"Your G-boy crush weighs less than that, y'know." Nashie pokes and prods Teki, who turns red, and tries to ignore her friend's teasings. The others roll their eyes or smile at the friends' antics, until Chichiri clears his throat slightly, causing all attention to turn to him.
"What's the first special effect?" he asks. "I know you hadn't made up your mind a few hours ago about Tasuki's introduction, no da. Have you yet?" Nashie nods, her lips quirking up into a smirk.
"The first scene, when Gen-chan is introducing the musical. That's when all the fog comes on and the fans blow up the glitter from the floor. We don't need you for that, but I appreciate that you're still on the ball." She suddenly glomps onto Chichiri, who scratches behind his head, a faint blush appearing on his cheeks.
"Well, I am part of stage crew too, no da!"
"I know," Nashie whispers sincerely, giving him another tight squeeze. "And I love you for it!" She gets to her feet and brushes off her pants with an air of urgency. "Speaking of stage crew, can we get Sake, Miku, C-Guy, and MoonshadowJedi to meet up with all of us ten minutes before the show starts in the loft? You know, a pre-show pep talk? So nothing goes wrong and all?"
"I have to go pull Miku away from the spotlights now anyway," Teki explains, stretching out long limbs. "We have what, twenty minutes before the curtain rises? I'll be back in ten minutes then." She waves and walks off. The remaining crewmembers share looks before all simultaneously shrugging.
"I'm going to be with Bob on stage right," Chiriko pipes up. Bob nods.
"And you know I'm doing the rigging and making sure the scene changes are swift and flawless." He winks at Nashie, who squirms in an embarrassment. That's what you get for hiring an Orlando Bloom lookalike to help you out…, she scolds herself mentally.
Mitsukake pats Nashie on the shoulder. "Tama-neko and I are with you on stage left."
At this point, an adorable white-and-brown cat peeks from Mitsukake's sweatshirt hood and meows in agreement. The cat jumps from the hood and onto Chichiri's shoulder as the monk pets the small animal gently.
"And when I'm not on stage, I'll be with you and Mitsukake, no da."
Nashie rubs hands together. "Then that should take care of stage crew. Now, all we need to get is the chorus together and find our missing seishi and we're set! Easy as a walk in the park…"
Of course, Nashie forgot that bad weather can always put a damper on such walks.
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In the discussed loft of the stage, directly above and on stage right, three figures look down on the gathered members of stage crew, but make no sign to alert their presence. The triangle-shaped loft is comfortably sized and completely in the shadows, save for the one black light that's currently turned off. Various tools, coats, and open pizza boxes are scattered across sturdy tables that obviously saw more than one hammer-happy child and power saw-crazed stage member. In the midst of the tables, two beaten pea-green couches also overloaded with coats pass off as resting places for the hardworking members of stage crew. Above the loft, acting as a ceiling, is a suspended room, supported by two thick wooden columns, that serves as the "light command center", and can only be reached by a ladder and a key for the lock that was latched onto the gate barring access to the ladder.
The flame-haired one of the trio leaned over the railing to peer down at the stage members, a frown appearing on devilishly handsome features.
"Until I get some say in what I'm gonna wear, I ain't goin' back down there!"
"Honestly, Tasuki. It's a pair of WINGS. It's not like you have to wear a tutu or something. You could have to wear this miserable thing."
"I thought you like dressin' up in that kind of shit."
"Nashie made me wear a corset. You know how UNCOMFORTABLE this thing is? It's literally breathtaking."
The third member of the group sighs and rests his chin in his hands. "She is rather...insistent...over such matters concerning the authenticity of this musical."
"Then don'tcha think she coulda got some girls to play me and Nuriko's parts, huh?" A pause. "Well, maybe not Nuriko's part…ouch!"
"She did get one thing right."
"She didn't get anythin' right."
"By casting me as the king, she guaranteed that the role would be fulfilled with the proper dignity and grace that comes with having such a title."
Somehow, Tasuki manages not to facefault right over the edge of the railing at the comment. Nuriko sweatdrops, and scratches behind his head.
Below them, Sake-chan walks out the door connecting the hallway to the stage, balancing two pizza boxes in her arms. C-Guys follows with another two, though one of the boxes is open, and the pizza in the said box is missing a slice. That missing slice is currently being digested in C-Guy's system, and traces of its former existence can be seen on the corner of C-Guy's mouth.
"Pizza for the hardworking crew!" she whoops as she dumps the boxes on the floor next to Nashie. "And before you ask, I'm going to drop one of these boxes up in the light loft so Miku and Teki can eat during the show."
Nashie lifts one of the lids to reveal a barbeque chicken-and-pineapple pizza. "Actually, they're both up by the spotlights but they'll be down...soon...you remembered!" Without any warning, she glomps onto Sake, nearly sending them both flailing to the ground. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOU!" Sake sweatdrops and manages a brief V-sign. Chiriko gives Nashie a worried look as his eyes dart towards the closed curtains.
"Nashie-san, you must keep quiet! The audience is already coming in!" Nashie winces and throws up her shoulders in an apologetic shrug.
"I'm sorry. But you guys know how much I love chicken-and-pineapple pizza." She grabs a slice and begins chewing on it. "The best kind there is for a vegetarian."
Chichiri scratches his head. "Well, technically speaking, you're not a vegetarian because you're still eating chicken, no da."
"I'm not eating a mammal though."
A pause and then a sigh. "True, na no da."
Up in the loft, Tasuki glances at Hotohori and then Nuriko. "Whatdya say about stealin' a pizza?" Nuriko glances down at the stage members and shakes his head.
"If you can get down there fast enough without them spotting you. You know how possessive Nashie is about her pizza…" He wrinkles his nose as Tasuki grins, a plan already forming in his head.
"Piece of cake." Hotohori gives him a look.
"Didn't we promise Nashie that we would attempt to act mature backstage?" Tasuki shrugs.
"Only when the show starts. Until then, we can act as immature as we wanna be." Nuriko pauses, considering his words and then suddenly grins.
"Then what are you waiting for? Go on!" He gives Tasuki a slight push which nearly sends the red-haired bandit flailing over the railing. The flame-haired seishi shoots daggers at him and he blushes. "Oops...sorry, Tasuki."
Tasuki mutters, "Ya just conveniently forgot yer own strength again, right?" Nuriko gives a slight abashed shrug, an innocent smile on his face. "Don't give me that look. I'm goin' already. In fact, I'm already gone." He disappears in a flash. For a moment, all is silent. Then, Hotohori gives Nuriko a brief, exasperated look.
"Was that so wise?"
"What did I do?"
Hotohori points down the cluster of stage members, and Nuriko turns his head to see. Having attempted to steal Nashie's beloved pizza, Tasuki has once again found himself on the receiving end of the Big Stuffed Fish, and lies half-dazed in the middle of the set. Nashie is obviously trying to control her temper and indignant rage over the fact that someone would try to steal HER pizza. Bob watches, silently chewing on a slice of pepperoni pizza while Mitsukake and Chichiri check Tasuki for any serious brain damage. Chiriko cocks his head to the side, and watches as Nashie hovers protectively over her food. Sake trying to suppress laughter while C-Guy chooses to look conveniently confused.
"Calm down...Nashie...(giggle)...it's not that...(snort)...bad..." Sake manages to choke out.
Nashie, meanwhile, glares at Tasuki. "How dare you try to steal MY pizza, Gen-chan! There are five whole pizzas in the cast room!"
Tasuki tries to clear the birds from flying around his head. "Whatdya mean, Miaka scared us out of there with those decibels of hers…y'know how hard it is to recover our hearin' with a shriek from the dead like that…" Mitsukake kneels next to Tasuki as the seishi tries to sit up, lets out a groan, and falls back onto the stage floor.
"I wouldn't try to move so fast. Nashie has a strong arm with that fish."
"I wasn't even tryin' to steal your nasty pizza…"
THWUMP!
Bob winces as a now unconscious Tasuki collapses to the grounds, his eyes swirly. "Ouch...that must hurt." He turns to Nashie. "You do realize that he has to be conscious by eight? He is in the first scene, after all." Nashie scowls, holding the Big Stuffed Fish over Tasuki with a dark look in her green eyes.
"He shouldn't have said my pizza was nasty," she mutters. "It tastes very good, thank you very much." The others groan at Nashie's antics, wondering whether it was true or not if the transformer dropped on her head as a child really did do brain damage (most likely, comes the answer in most of the assembled's minds).
"Not to interrupt or anything," Chiriko suddenly says as Tasuki continues to twitch on the ground, "but did you notice that he said 'scared us' and 'our hearing'?" Sake gets a thoughtful look on her face and nods.
"Miaka did get manage to get rid of Hotohori and Nuriko..."
Up in the balcony, a scowl crosses Nuriko's face as Hotohori frowns.
"Get rid of...?"
Chichiri also nods in agreement. "Chiriko's right, no da. I think someone else was with Tasuki…"
"Well, I'm going to kill every single last one of 'em if they don't show up soon." Nashie, of course.
Sake's eyes light up and she gestures frantically. "That's right. I still have to get the mikes on our people." She turns to C-Guy, who automatically pulls out the mike box from his windbreaker. Nashie sweatdrops, wondering how in the world such a slim young man can hold so many bulky things in his pocket.
Chichiri glances around the stage, a frown disrupting the usually cheerful façade of his mask. "Anybody see which direction Tasuki came from?" Sake shrugs, placing her hands behind her head in a typical Duo-fashion, a Cheshire-like smile spreading across her face.
"Oh, let whoever it is stay in hiding. Probably has stage fright, anyway."
In the loft, there is a growl of resentment.
Meanwhile, Sake starts digging through the mike box, completely oblivious to the pounding feet on the stairway behind her in the wings. "And I'm a much better singer than anyone here, so I should have a part in the play, don'tcha think? A-ha, here we go!" She pulls out a body mike and closes the top to the box.
Suddenly, from out of nowhere, one of Bob and Chiriko's lacquer-covered pumpkins comes flying from stage right and connects right into the back of Sake's head, causing the pumpkin to explode into orange goo and making Sake heavily fall face first onto the floor, making a nice Sake-shaped dent in the floor. Everyone blinks, and then looks up, wary of seeing more orange projectiles hurled their way. Instead, they see a royally pissed off Nuriko and a slightly less pissed off Hotohori.
"Screw you!" Nuriko mutters before turning and storming off the stage in a huff. Hotohori simply shakes his head.
"'Get rid of?' 'Stage fright?' Woefully inaccurate phrases." With that, he follows Nuriko off to the make-up room.
The remaining members of stage crew turn to the limp-figure of Sake, and then at the retreating actors. C-Guy pulls a broom out of his windbreaker, and pokes at her to see if there will be any reaction. A low painful moan issues forth from the hapless victim, and Chichiri ventures over to her to turn her over. The unfortunate sound manager twitches, her face oddly reminiscent of Tasuki's, swirly eyes and all.
Mitsukake looks up from where he is healing Tasuki, a frown on his face before shaking his head in vexation. "This may not be the best time to tell you this Nashie…but the play starts in less than twenty minutes, and one of your actors and your sound manager are both out for the count." As if to agree, Tama-neko mimics Sake and Tasuki's twitching positions. Nashie sighs and scratches behind her head.
"Well, Sake's already brain-damaged, so another blow to the head won't really show through, don't you think?"
"Of course, she could be dead, no da." A low moan from Sake cancels that hypothesis and Chichiri kneels down to check for any serious concussion. Sake still twitches pathetically.
"You think Nuriko would have done that on purpose...?" Chiriko asks, glancing at Bob. The young man gives a brief shrug of his shoulders.
"People can do strange things when they're mad..." Mitsukake gives Nashie a pointed look as she blinks innocence.
"Like pull out giant stuffed fish and do harm to leading actors..."
The now irate director throws up hands in exasperation. "Alright already! I made a mistake! Get off my case. Chichiri, get the first aid kit – it's in the make-up room. Mitsukake – your job is with Tamahome. Make sure his hearing is recovered before the first scene. Chiriko, Bob, if that pumpkin is broken, fix it. AND I still want to meet with all of crew ten minutes before the show starts." She rubs her head, looking like the perfect picture of a hassled leader. "Can we do this, people?"
She is met with sullenly nodding hands and a monotonic 'yes' and immediately cheers up.
"Great then! I'm going to go and calm our king and queen down. Bye!" Without any further ado, the young woman scampers off to stage right.
The remaining members of stage crew share looks. For a few seconds, no one does anything.
"You don't think that she...?"
"I highly doubt she'll even consider..."
"If it happens, there'll be trouble..."
Just as Chiriko finishes that statement, a high-pitched squeal comes from the make-up room followed by a series of three consecutive crashes of something extremely expensive and rare. And THAT was followed by inane laughter, furious yelling, and more sounds of stuff breaking. After a long, almost comical pause on stage, Chichiri sighs and shakes his head.
"I really don't want to go in there, no da." Mitsukake puts a hand on Chichiri's shoulder and gives a reaffirming squeeze.
"I don't blame you..." He pauses. "You would think Nashie would know better than to enter into a danger zone like that. Especially when Nuriko was THAT mad, and Miaka still thinks she'll get attacked for her doughnuts."
"If there are any left..." notes Bob dryly. The others nod at this very true statement unaware that Tasuki is starting to come to behind them. The fire-heared seishi opens his eyes and then squeezes them shut as mighty powerful headache erupts in his skull.
"Stop talkin' so loud, wouldja?" he mumbles incoherently. "My head is killin' me..." Chichiri glances over at Tasuki and then turns to the rest of the crew, a short sympathetic look appearing on his face.
"We should go, no da. The show starts soon and I don't want to annoy Nashie any more than she already is..."
The four young men nod in agreement, and turn their attention back to the still unconscious Sake and the recovering Tasuki.
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