CINDERELLA: A Fushigi Yugi Parody

The rambunctious cast of Fushigi Yugi decides to perform the most beloved of Rodger and Hammerstein's plays. However, much to the chagrin of the director, not everything goes according to the script.

Written by Nashie

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CHAPTER 2:C – ENTER THE CHA-CHA SLIDE

The orchestra explodes into the first chords of "The Prince is Giving A Ball" while backstage, stage crew makes one of the fastest scene chances in the musical. Nashie and Mitsukake race out onto the stage even as the black curtain is still closing, and began rolling the bookshelf and the table back into the wings, getting assistance from both Nuriko and Hotohori. From stage right, MoonshadowJedi and Chiriko run to Chichiri, who is quickly murmuring spells beneath his breath for the wagons to come out. The flats for the palace scene are quickly being lifted, replaced by the village backdrop and the inn/restaurant flat.

Nashie shoves the table into a cranny in the wings, before running back on stage to give MoonshadowJedi a hand with changing Chichiri's costume. "Chiriko, go back to stage right, and make sure that the stepevils are ready for their parts. Teki, we need work lights. I can't see anything back here except for the black lights in the wings. It's pitch-black back here."

"Wait a sec," MoonshadowJedi says as she hands the video camera to Chiriko. "Chiriko, take that back to stage right and leave it in my chair. I have a flashlight in my pocket. I'll hold it while you put the vest on."

MoonshadowJedi pulls out the flashlight, flipping it on. Nashie makes a grab for the gold-and-violet embroidered vest hanging on her friend's shoulders, and quickly strips Chichiri of his suit jacket. The blue-haired young man is still currently concentrating on the spells, and Nashie makes sure not to disturb him as she slips on the vest and begins to button it up.

"Monks have very nice physiques..."

"Oh, no!" growls Sake. "You are NOT going after Chichiri, too."

"Sorry, Sake-chan. I can't do that one. Student's Desk Reference, page 336." She pats Chichiri on the shoulder. "There you go!" Chichiri looks behind him.

"The wagons are out."

"Yup. You're a life saver, 'Chiri." She gives him a brief wave before quickly walking back over to the stage left wings. "We've got an a-okay from the director!" She gestures towards Mitsukake who nods.

"Curtains, Bob."

The curtains open to once again reveal the village scene, the orchestra finishing up the introductory chord to "The Prince is Giving a Ball". Chichiri stands in the center of the stage, on top of a brightly colored crate, a bright spotlight on him as he unfolds the scroll given to him. More cheering from Chichiri fans in the audience.

'The prince is giving a ball!'

At the announcement, the villagers all turn and beginning murmuring among themselves, gathering around Chichiri as he peers down at the scroll.

'His Royal Highness Christopher Rupert

Son of Her Majesty Queen Constantina

Charlotte Germantrude Guinevere Maisey...'

Subaru appears from the midst of the crowd and frowns. "Maisey?" Chichiri gives an embarrassed shrug and nods.

"Maisey, no da. 'Margaret Anne…is giving a ball!'

'The prince is giving a ball!

The prince is giving a ball!'

The crowd separates into little groups, discussing quietly among themselves as Chichiri approaches the first booth, pulling out a small list from his vest pocket. Backstage, Nashie breathes a sigh of relief that the little scroll hadn't fall out of his pocket. Subaru hurries over to where Yui and Nyan-Nyan are at a booth, stuffing their face with chocolates.

'They've spread the message, far and wide!

The prince is giving a ball!

They say he wants to find a bride

He may find one at the ball'

Both of the girls look excited at the idea of being married to prince, and Yui twirls with a lollipop in her hand.

'Oh, if only he'd propose to me'

'I wish that he'd propose to me'

'Just leave the hair and clothes to me!'

"The prince is giving a ball!"

Chichiri has stopped at one of the booths, one that sells fabrics.

'And now if you please

The crown decrees some peau de soie with frills

A silky satin in aubregine

A red if someone spills'

The girls at the booth hold up various silken sheets, and Chichiri nods his head before slipping past them to the next booth. The girls flip the water-like satin over their heads, and do a short dance number before moving their wagon out of the way. The next booth belongs to a butcher, who spreads out his arms to show the variety of meats at the booth.

'Now surely I'll need

A side of ham and lots of beef fillets

A marbleized steak, a rack of lamb

And veal to raise to braise'

The butcher flips a knife in the air, end over end, and Chichiri expertly catches it before tossing it back to him. The butcher starts chopping at something on the board, in beat with the music. Chichiri watches for a moment before he moves to the next booth, which has different types of cheese piled high on it. The couple behind the booth perks up as Chichiri approaches.

'Limburger, Swiss, and Gourmandize

Cheddar, Gruyere, and Bleu

Chunks of Swiss, in barrels please

Make sure that it's wholly, too'

He tosses a chunk of Swiss cheese to the man behind the counter, who nods and holds up another chunk, which is full of holes. Chichiri gives him the okay sign before turning around, and bumping right into the baker, who is holding a chocolate cake in one hand and a strawberry cake in the other. The baker twirls to the music as Chichiri places a piece of paper in his mouth.

'Puddings and pies and rum soufflés,

Succulent chocolate rounds

Cream puffs, they can chew away

To gain some royal pounds'

The baker does a brief jig, and tosses one of the cakes to Chichiri. Chichiri manages to grab it before it hits the ground, as the crowd suddenly starts dancing, taking the baker with them. Chichiri stares at the chocolate cake in confusion, until the baker manages to come back and grab it from him. But as he's leaving, he accidentally pushes Chichiri into the dancing crowd.

The first to perform the corps de ballet are the women, who mingle tour en l'air and jéte with the much more recognized American fox trot and pirouette.

In the wings of the stage, Tasuki winces at the intricate, coordinated moves. "That's some fuckin' messed up shit. How do they get their legs to do that?"

"Easy...they had their legs broken as children, so now they are extremely flexible as dancers."

"I think not, Nashie," chastises Teki. Nashie can almost see her rolls her eyes in the light loft. "And don't tell him that either – you know Tasuki will believe you." Nashie looks over at Tasuki, and just as Teki had predicted, Tasuki's are wide and he looks absolutely flabbergasted.

"Ya mean somebody would actually do that to their kid? Fuck!" Nashie wrinkles her nose at him.

"Not now, Tasuki. There are people watching." Groans issues forth from over the headset. Tasuki sticks his tongue out at the director, seriously annoyed.

"Wench."

"Bastard."

"Now, now, children," Mitsukake says, shaking his head. "Don't make me send you into the time-out corner. Besides, after the dancing scene, we're going to have to switch to the stepevils house – which, thankfully, will last more than five minutes." A wretched smile curls onto Nashie's face as she approaches the tall assistant director with a prowling step in her walk.

"Ooooh, pooor Mitsukake. Is your back hurting you? I an fix it!" She jumps onto the tall man's back and nearly sends them both hurtling to the floor. Tasuki blinks and falls over laughing at the sight of Nashie clinging onto Mitsukake, her arms wrapped around his neck, with his arms windmilling to keep his balance. Tama-neko has charged out of his owner's hood and his currently latched himself to the top of Mitsukake's head, hissing as his fur stands on end.

"Meow-ouch!"

"Yee-haw, mule!"

"This is not helping my back," mutters the unfortunate doctor as he tries to knock the young woman off his back. Nashie, however, sees the futile effort, and wraps her legs around Mitsukake's waist to make it nearly impossibly for her to fall off. Now, Nashie herself is tall and isn't exactly made of cotton – she is a sturdy, muscular girl who has her fair share in the weight department. Not exactly overweight, but not model thin either.

And she is currently sending Mitsukake's equilibrium into chaos.

"What's going on over there?" asks MoonshadowJedi as Nashie's cheerful chidings echos over everyone's headsets along with Mitsukake's mutterings. "Aren't you guys watching the musical? The guys are about to start dancing!"

"Ha! Go to the edge of the wings, mule! Yah!" Mitsukake grumbles beneath her breath about being a slave of manual labour but does as the all-powerful director asks. Nashie peeks out over his shoulder to see a small group of men start performing a short tap dance number on top of various crates. She grins as she sees Chichiri in the middle, expertly pulling off the complicated dance moves. "I picked the right person for my Lionel. Chichiri is such a good dancer."

On stage, the men jump off the barrels, and join with a handful of women as they do a combination of the two-step, the Charleston, and the black bottom. Fangirls in the audience cheer at Chichiri's easy, flowing movements into the difficult dance steps. He gives them a slow smile and a small wave as the crowd once again parts into two groups to perform the...

"I am NOT seeing this!" MoonshadowJedi gasps, a note of astonishment and horror in her voice. I am NOT seeing this. NASHIE!

"Argh! What?"

"I better not be seeing this either." Teki seems to be a bit more calm than MoonshadowJedi, but Nashie can hear the threat of murder in her voice. "That's not the dance I THINK they're doing either, is it?"

"Um…well, look on the bright side...at least, 'Chiri's not gonna do it..."

"What? What's going on?" demands Sake.

Of course, the pop culturally-wise members of stage crew are staring at the stage in a mix of trepidation and horror at the dance being performed. It may have subtly been changed to resemble the swing style dances of before, with far more grace and class than it usually has, but for the discerning eyes of the stage crew members, the dance is easily recognizable.

It's the dreaded Cha-cha Slide.

"Why don't you just start with the stupid DJ already?" MoonshadowJedi growls, ignoring Nashie's manic laughing in the background.

"Take it back now, y'all," she crows. "One hop this time. One hop this time. Turn around. Slide to the left. Slide to the right. Crisscross! Crisscross! Everybody Charlie Brown." She jumps off Mitsukake's back and begins performing the steps. Tasuki stops laughing, and gives her a baffled look.

"What the hell are you doin'?"

"The Cha-cha slide. C'mon. Do it with me. You too, Mitsukake." She grabs both of their hands. "Just do what I say. Okay...um...take it back now y'all. That means we go back! Like this." Nashie demonstrates, having easily conquered the steps of the Cha-cha slide many a moon ago, and also manages to throw in some hip swivels and sleek shoulder movement. Tasuki gives her a long, hard look, before shrugging, and repeating the same movement with natural ease. Mitsukake shakes his head, and crosses his arms, content on just watching. "One hop this time!" She hops, throwing her hands up in the air. "One hop this time! Turn around!"

Tasuki, laughing, repeats the same steps.

"Slide to the left! Slide to the right!" The director does the movements, easily coinciding with Tasuki. "Take it back now y'all! Two hops this time! Two hops this time!" Nashie shows Tasuki the movement and they both do it. "Cha-cha, real smooth!" Nashie grabs Tasuki, and spins him to face her, as they both do the Cha-cha with ease. Tasuki grins, and spins Nashie into a dip. They both hold the pose, laughing hysterically. Mitsukake laughs deeply while removing Tama-neko from his head, and replacing him back into the hood of his sweatshirt.

"Very elegant, you two."

"Don'tcha know?" chirps Nashie with a wink. "That's the ghetto version of the Hokey-Pokey! So says the wise Martin Lawrence."

"Well," Teki murmurs with a click of her tongue, "while you guys have been doing the Hokey-Pokey, the song is ending. We're about to change to the stepevils house, so you guys better get a move on."

"Yes, O Special One."

Out on stage, Chichiri is paging through the scroll, looking exasperated as the villagers sing and dance around him.

'His Royal Highness...200 orchids, 400 poppies, 600 roses, 800 lilies...

Christopher Rupert...4000 oranges, 2000 plums...

Windermere Vladimir Carl Alexander

Raspberry, blueberry, strawberry, gooseberry

François Reginald Lancelot Herman

Son of Her Majesty, Queen Constantina

Chocolate and cheddar and Charlotte and Maisey

Son of His Caviar, King Maximillion

Godfried Ladislan Leopold Sidney...'

The chorus stops dancing and all turn to Chichiri with stunned looks on their faces. "Sidney?" Chichiri throws the scroll in the air and sits down hard on the crate.

"Sidney, no da!"

'Is giving a ball!'

The baker and the butcher pick up the crate Chichiri is sitting on, and carry it out towards the stage left wings, while the chorus performs one more quick dance number as they return to their designated booths. As they part, Miaka steps forward into the spotlight on the downstage area, watching as the two men carry Chichiri off.

'The prince is giving a ball!' she sings belatedly and then smiles.

The black curtains close to the applause of the audience. Nashie does a small dance in place as the lights dim on stage, and the chorus exists to the extra green room.

"Woo-hoo!"

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