CINDERELLA: A Fushigi Yugi Parody
The rambunctious cast of Fushigi Yugi decides to perform the most beloved of Rodger and Hammerstein's plays. However, much to the chagrin of the director, not everything goes according to the script.
Written by Nashie
-à-à-
CHAPTER 2:D – LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS (OH, MY!)
MoonshadowJedi crosses onto the stage as her fellow stage crew members begin setting up the house scene, the camera still rolling. The set is probably the most detailed of all the sets, since Nashie had demanded that the inside look like a gaudy faerie tale nightmare. The set exploded with vibrant purples, oranges, and greens, with steel blue draperies and pink-tinted furniture. The backdrop hasn't changed from the village scene, although a pale blue flat designed as the side wall of the house had been lowered, completed with windows and a stairway that spirals out towards the audience. The stairs lead directly to a balcony on the flat on stage left. Unbeknownst to the audience, the black curtains hide another staircase for the thespians to descend from back into the wings. The flat on stage right is the front wall of the house, resilient with a large ornate double door and picture windows.
MoonshadowJedi approaches Mitsukake, who is currently testing out the spiral staircase. "Um...Mitsukake..."
"I think this will do...yes?" He turns around and gives the much shorter girl a smile. MoonshadowJedi scratches behind her head.
"Do you know if there are any big props for this scene? I mean, there probably are, but..." Mitsukake frowns and then nods.
"The broom, I think, for "In My Own Little Corner"."
"…broom?"
"It should be with all the other props in the make-up room."
"Really...oh, boy...um, thanks, Mitsukake. I'm gonna go and...er...yeah!" She runs off the stage, lightning quick, as Nashie approaches Mitsukake, wiping her forehead at having to move most of the large pieces of furniture.
"What was that all about?" Mitsukake shrugs.
"Something about a broom, is all I know."
"A broom, eh?" Nashie raises a suspicious eyebrow. "I wonder what she could possibly want with a broom." She sighs and rubs her neck, swinging her arm back and forth to work out the kinks. "Okay, off the stage people. We're exceeding the two minutes we're supposed to have. Off, off, off!" As the various stage members exit the stage, Nashie looks around, standing with her arms akimbo and biting her lower lip nervously. A thought races through her head as she makes sure every thing is correctly placed on stage.
"A broom? I know we need one for this scene, but it's already by the fireplace. So why would she...? Ah, well." She exits the stage to the wings on the left, and gives Mitsukake the signal. The curtains slowly open to the music of "Stepsister's Lament" to reveal the currently empty set. Teki brings up the lights to reflect off the motley of bright, garish colors, turning the living room into a ghastly rendition of a kaleidoscope on crack.
At that moment, the door swings open and Miaka enters, holding it open despite the load she carries in her arms as Subaru, Yui, and Nyan-Nyan sweep into the room. Subaru drops onto the couch, fanning herself as she removes her hat and her gloves and placing them onto the wrought iron table. Miaka quickly places the bags and hatboxes onto another table before attending to Yui and Nyan-Nyan.
"Cinderella, my hat!"
"Cinderella, my gloves!"
"Cinderella, it's cold in here! Where's my shawl?" Miaka takes a shawl from a nearby chair and drapes it around Subaru's shoulders, scampering from one side of the room to the next.
"Right away, right away." Subaru snuggles into the shawl, and then begins to look around the room in disgust, turning that look straight to Miaka.
"Cinderella, have you cleaned the floor today?" Miaka hesitates as she takes Yui's hat and Nyan-Nyan's gloves.
"…No, Stepmother. I've had a rather busy day." Subaru gives her a long look as Miaka begins putting away the outerwear.
"You've had a busy day?" Miaka nods as she places the other articles of clothing onto a long table situated aginst the wall underneath the balcony.
"Yes. I've been with you in town. Shopping." Subaru blinks, realizes this is true, but sees this reason simply as an excuse. She stands up, giving Miaka a cold look before moving to take a two books from table in front of her.
"The impertinence!" she exclaims arrogantly. "When your father died, people told me that I should have thrown you out, into the streets!" The white-haired woman places a book on top of Yui's head. "Graceful, Joy. Graceful!" She places the other book on Nyan-Nyan's head, and pats the girl's shoulder. "Be a swan, Portia." She turns back to Miaka, a cold, hard look on her face. Nashie, who has a full view of the bitterness in her face, gasps back a choke. She had no idea that sweet, if sometimes tough, Subaru could be so heartless.
"Damn good acting." Chichiri, who is standing next to her, nods.
"She has to prove that she's not a pushover, and that she isn't just a pretty face, no da. She probably took some lessons from watching the stepmother from Ever After. Now THAT was cruel, no da." Nashie nods in agreement.
"But I kept you here," continues Subaru haughtily. "All these years, and this is the thanks that I get." she turns her back. "You know, I've always been told that I have too big a heart."
"You have too big a heart, Mother!" Yui and Nyan-Nyan say excitedly, causing Subaru to simper and curtsy slightly.
"Touché! We will take our tea upstairs, Cinderella. Come along now, girls. It's time to get our beauty sleep. We want to look our best for the ball tomorrow evening." She walks towards the stairs, and begins to ascend, followed by Yui and Nyan-Nyan who are struggling to keep their books upright on their heads. Miaka hurriedly straightens up the living room, collecting certain dropped items and placing them on chairs and tables. "I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted." She yawns, covering her mouth in a ladylike gesture. Nyan-Nyan repeats the gesture.
"I'm tired too, Mother!"
"You're tired?" Yui snaps.
"Yes, I'm tired."
The three disappear into the door on the balcony. Yui and Nyan-Nyan descend the stairway in the back of the flat, and hurry to the far black curtain to cross over to stage right, waving at the crew of stage left as they do so. Miaka pauses in cleaning, having grabbed hold of the broom, and looks up to where her stepfamily exited. She seems to be deciding between something and finally calls out for Subaru, who returns to the stage, looking irritated.
Nashie sighs, rubbing her shoulders. "This is going just peachy, 'Chiri. Isn't it?"
"I'm surprised nothing extremely serious has happened yet, no da."
"I heard that!" Sake exclaims. "Last time you guys said that, I nearly killed Nuriko with an oxygen-depriving corset!"
"Yeah, but that was because we were in a hurry...it'll be fine, hopefully..."
Of course, 'hopefully' is always the most famous of the famous last words.
-à-à-
Sitting out in the audience, farther to the back, is the infamous black-cloaked figure, who is smiling quietly to herself as the action unfolds on the screen. Unbeknownst to the audience members sitting around her, she is holding a tiny Mage Globe, turquoise in color with a fiery-red center, crackling with emerald-green lightning. She rolls it between her gloved fingers casually, as Subaru rebukes Miaka for wishing to go to the ball.
"Such an intriguing play...yet it is certainly missing something..." She laughs quietly. "Like chaos..."
The mysterious figure holds her right hand up in front of her face, sideways, with her index and middle finger extended while her thumb, ring finger, and pinkie are all curled inwards. The Chichiri-style gesture captures the attention of a golden-contraption sitting next to a thirty-something man who is watching the musical with a dazed expression on his face.
"Hey...Joel...what's she doing...?" the robot asks. The man sitting next to him gives a brief shrug.
"Hmm...huh...? Oh, I don't know. I'd rather not know." He turns his attention back to the stage.
"It looks bad," the robot exclaims. A red gumball machine robot sitting on the other side of Joel, turns to Crow, shaking furiously, his arms dangling uselessly at his sides.
"Silence, you!"
"Bite me!"
"Argh!"
Meanwhile, the dark figure has already sent the mage globe flying towards the stage, still ignored by every person in the audience, even Big Brother and his...perceptive...friends. The tiny mage globe lands in Miaka's hair and disappears in a small flash of light that doesn't cause any reaction among the crew. Miaka sits down on the couch, still grasping the broom as Subaru exits. The lights dim so that now only the spotlight shines down on the leading lady, as she gazes sadly at the balcony.
Miaka mimics her stepfamily's commands. 'Cinderella, hot water. Cinderella, warm milk. Cinderella, Cinderella…" She trails off as the orchestra begins to play.
'I'm as mild and as meek as a mouse
When I hear a command, I obey
But I know of a spot in my house
Where nothing can stand in my way...'
Out in the audience, the figure chuckles quietly to herself.
"Let the show being."
-à-à-
Backstage, Nashie has once again made Tasuki into her resident armchair, and currently punching certain places in his costume to make it more comfortable for her to sit. Chichiri watches in amusement as Tasuki grumbles, but surprisingly takes the beating. Mitsukake stands on the edge of the wings, peering out as Miaka begins her solo.
"It's not comfortable enough, Gen-chan!"
"Go tell it to someone who cares."
"Argh!" She socks him good in the stomach.
"Oof!"
"If I were you," Chichiri notes in a bemused tone of voice. "I wouldn't try to tempt her for extra reasons to hit you, no da. As it is, you're going to be bruised by the time your next scene comes up, na no da." Tasuki mutters under his breath as Nashie snuggles back.
Miaka's soprano voice reaches back into the wings of the stage as the red-haired bandit continues to suffer beatings from the director.
'In my own little corner, in my own little chair
I can be whatever I want to be
On the wings of my fancy, I can fly anywhere
And the world will open its arms to me'
She jumps up from the couch and begins performing the choreographed moves.
'I'm a young Egyptian princess or a milkmaid
I'm the greatest prima donna in Milan
I'm an heiress who has always had her silk made
By her own flock of silkworms in Japan'
Nashie sighs, leaning back on Tasuki, as the music and Miaka's voice magically take her away into the imagination of a the poor tormented beauty. A soft smile comes onto her face – everything was going to be all right. No more disasters, no more near-death situations, no more-
"WHAT THE FUCK?"
Nashie leaps off her once comfortable position, sprawling on the floor, her hearing slightly deafened by Tasuki's infuriated shriek. She quickly climbs to her feet, staring in shock at Tasuki who is rising to his feet with a infuriated expression on his face, his fists shaking violently. Nashie is about to ask what's wrong when she sees the source of his obvious distress, and manages to choke out a somewhat coherent reaction.
"What in Suzaku's name...?"
Tasuki is now dressed as…a young Egyptian princess. His new costume is complete with a sheer white chemise with shoulder straps, a golden belted rope, and enough golden jewelry to put the Academy Awards out of business. Kohl eyeliner, a black wig made up of a multitude of braids, and sandals completed the outfit.
"WHO THE FUCK THINKS THIS SHIT IS FUCKIN' FUNNY? I'M GONNA FLAME THAT MOTHERFUCKER'S ASS WHEN I GET A FUCKIN' HOLD OF THE GOOD FOR NOTHIN' BASTARD!" Nashie winces and quickly covers his mouth.
"Shut up, Tasuki. You're gonna have everyone bleeding from the ears. Okay...um, we'll fix it. It's probably just..." She desperately turns to Chichiri. "You don't have anything to do with this, do you?"
Chichiri shakes his head. "I'm surprised you'd even blame me, no da. Especially since...I..." He trails off, his attention suddenly turned to Mitsukake, who returns the stare with a raised eyebrow.
"What is it?"
"...um...the greatest prima donna in Milan..." The monk sweatdrops.
Mitsukake looks down at his stage crew clothing, only to find them gone, replaced by a stereotypical female Viking costume from an opera, completed with the horned helmet and blonde braids. The tallest of the seishi turns an interesting shade of red as he meets Nashie's eyes in both embarrassment and confusion. Nashie shakes her head, looking around in confusion, as she still claps her hand over a raging Tasuki's mouth.
"What's going on out there?" Sake asks, sounding frustrated.
"Nothing. At least, I hope it's nothing." She glances at Chichiri. "You think it's just us?" Chichiri shrugs.
"I hope so. Where in the world could people's costumes be disappearing to?"
Out on stage, Miaka continues singing, completely ignorant of the crisis going on backstage. She spins around, her arms out right, crossing over to downstage right.
'I can be whatever I want to be
I'm a thief in Calcutta, I'm queen in Peru
I'm a mermaid dancing across the sea'
Nashie sighs, rubbing her temples wearily as a sudden shriek erupts from her headset. Mitsukake also hears it and staggers at the intensity of it.
"MoonshadowJedi...?"
"It wasn't me...oh, what in the world...?"
"Talk to me, girl," Nashie advises, concern in her voice. "What happened?"
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you…" Nashie makes a face.
"I have a feeling I might."
"Um...it's Tamahome, Hotohori, and Nuriko...their costumes are suddenly…um…not there...well, I mean, they still have clothes, but...um...yeah..."
"Please tell me one of them isn't a mermaid."
"No...but...I think we have a queen from Peru, a thief from Calcutta, and a milkmaid...ahem...French maid, actually...hey, don't start crying...we'll fix it...wait, where are YOU going...get back here...OOF!"
On stage, Miaka grabs up her broom and pretends that it is a rifle, sneaking across the room as if she were pursuing something.
'I'm a huntress on an African safari
It's a dangerous type of sport, and yet, it's fun
When it's night, I sally forth to seek my quarry
And I've found I forgot to bring my gun
I am lost in the jungle, all alone and unarmed
When I meet a lioness in her lair...'
Nashie grabs Mitsukake and Tasuki by the arm and starts towards the curtains to make her way to stage right, muttering imaginative curses beneath her breath, though she is very tame when it comes to Tasuki's furious rant. Chichiri watches them go, shaking his head and murmuring to himself, when he hears a low growl close behind him. The magician freezes.
"I really hope that's not what I think it is, no da..." He slowly turns around…
…and looks right into the reflective eyes of a crouching lioness. Chichiri blinks and immediately goes into super-deformed mode.
"Daaa!"
-à-à-
Nashie emerges on stage right, dragging two unfortunate seishi behind her. She pulls them up to where Chiriko and MoonshadowJedi are standing, ignoring the protesting profanity coming from Tasuki. Chiriko takes one look at Mitsukake and another at Tasuki, who has whipped the wig off his hair and has thrust it at Nashie.
"Oh, my..." Chiriko murmurs, green eyes wide. MoonshadowJedi rubs the back of her head.
"What's up here, Nashie?" The director bites her lower lip, looking far too hassled for her own good.
"I don't know...it just happened..." She looks around. "And where is the terrible trio…?"
MoonshadowJedi points behind her, towards three currently occupied seats. Nashie shifts uncomfortably before heading towards them, wondering who was affected with which costume. A few feet away, she stops dead, and wonders whether to burst out laughing at the ridiculously insane costumes, or to start a rant just as verbally-creative as Tasuki.
Tamahome has had the honour of being dressed in the outfit of queen from Peru, and is currently muttering and cursing beneath his breath, his arms folded over the rich reds, greens, and yellows. His crown is slightly tilted to the left, and is in danger of falling off any second. Hotohori sits next to him, and wouldn't have looked out of place if he had been auditioning for the lead role in the next Zorro movie. However, the mask lies discarded in his lap as he looks up at Nashie's approach. She gives him a brief, apologetic smile before turning to Nuriko, who is dressed in a black-and-white French maid outfit, completed with the ruffle white cap and apron.
The third seishi is looking none too happy at his current outfit.
"I look like a hussy!"
"Oh, boy...I didn't think milkmaids looked like THAT...um, don't worry, Nuriko...we'll fix it..."
"Alright, people," Teki calls over the headset, sounding both irritated and confused. "Whatever's wrong, you better fix it soon. Miaka's nearly finished with the song, and after that, it's to the palace scene." Nashie groans and slaps the side of her head.
"Craaaaap." She glances at the five magically-dressed warriors, manages not scream her head off in a show of brief insanity, and takes in a deep breath. The others can tell that she's counting to ten in her head. "Okay...I'm going to go check the dressing rooms for your costumes..." Tasuki, slightly calmer now, frowns at Nashie.
"Who the fuck did this to us?"
"Language, Tasuki. Language." The tall girl sighs. "And I honestly don't know. It seems familiar, but I can't point my finger to anyone. Yet. But when I do..."
"I'm going to rip his heart out with my bare fingers...argh!" Tamahome mutters, taking the crown off his head and looking ready to throw it at the nearest wall. He lifts his head to argue with Nashie until he catches sight of Tasuki, who is muttering anatomical impossibilities beneath his breath. His eyes light up, and a slow grin slips onto his face, his own discomfort gone. "Yo, Tasuki. Nice dress." The red-haired seishi flushes, and he glares at his brother seishi darkly.
"Shut the hell up!"
"C'mon, is that any way to treat your best friend...?"
"Fuck you!" Tamahome grins as Tasuki begins to steam.
"Nah, I've got a girlfriend…" This statement makes Tasuki's eyes flash angrily, and his control on his temper disappears.
"DIE!" He makes a leap at Tamahome, but is stopped by Nashie, who grabs him in a bear hug, and begins dragging him back to the make-up room. Of course, Tasuki is not making it easy, flailing and cursing the entire way.
Finally, Nashie gets a tic in her left cheek, and she thwacks him on the head – she is too irritated to pull out the Big Stuffed Fish. Nashie, it seems, has reverted to her ghetto side to get her point across. The stress of the magical disaster is starting to weigh in on her.
"You wanna mess with me right now, Suzaku no Tasuki? I don't THINK so! So GET your butt in the make-up room NOW! GET IT?" Tasuki winces at the volume, and takes a step back.
"Got it..." As he retreats, he thinks to himself, She has never gotten that mad before…whew…
Nashie now turns back to where Tamahome is blinking at her anger, and she storms up to him, grabbing him by the collar of his dress, and bringing him down to eye level with her. "You say ONE word to make him even more mad, and I'm gonna jam Miaka's friggin' broom up your a-hole! Now go back to the costume room, find the damn costumes, and do it fast!"
Tamahome blanches at the visual image Nashie's words present. He pulls away quickly, and makes the move to run behind the curtains to stage left, when he violently runs into Chichiri, who staggers out from behind her curtains. They both go hurtling to the floor, in a crumpled heap. Nashie, in no mood to be sympathetic towards anyone, stomps over to both of them and yank them from the ground. She pauses slightly when she sees Chichiri's disheveled state.
"'Chiri...?" she gasps quietly, blinking large green eyes. Chichiri manages a small smile.
"'Lost in the jungle, all alone and unarmed, when I meet a lioness in her lair...'" He winces. The other seishi standing around are shocked, and Tamahome puts a concerned hand on the monk's shoulder.
"Chichiri..." Nashie looks at the exhausted monk, with tears in his clothing revealing some deep scratches, bleeding freely into his costume. For a second, no one says anything. Finally, Nashie's jaw trembles slightly, and she pulls her favourite blue-haired monk into a gentle, yet fierce hug, cursing beneath her breath. Chichiri flinches slightly, but makes no move to pull away.
"I'm so sorry! I should have known something like this could have happened..." Chichiri quietly strokes her hair.
"It's not your fault...but obviously, someone has placed a hex on the cast and crew back here, no da. I sensed it when I faced the lioness, who thankfully disappeared after Miaka finished the song, na no da." Nashie's head snaps up so fast she nearly clonks Chichiri right in the chin.
"She's done?"
"Yes, she's done," Teki scolds from her spot in the light command center. Her tone, however, is curiously less reprimanding and harsh than it should be. "And I've been waiting for a cue to dim the lights…but, since something is obviously messed up backstage, I'll do it without a cue." Bob takes this as a hint to start closing the curtains. A few moments later, a pleased Miaka strolls back into the backstage area, but stops short at seeing the condition her seishi are in. Her hand flies to her mouth as she looks from one Suzaku warrior to the next, a look of shock imprinted on her features.
"What...happened...?"
"A long story," Nashie mutters. "But it's going to be at least five minutes before we have this all straightened out. And that's five minutes we really don't have. The crowd is going to get antsy if we don't do something soon..." She begins to chew on her fingernail. "Think...Nashie...think..." Chichiri puts his hand on her shoulder, and gives her a comforting smile before turning to the rest of the actors and crew assembled.
"Everyone who's in the next scene needs to find their costumes now, no da. Nuriko, Hotohori, Tamahome, and I will look for our costumes. Miaka, go to the make-up room and wait there with Subaru and Yui until we can figure out who's causing this mess, na no da. MoonshadowJedi, Chiriko, Mitsukake, and Bob, set up the palace scene while Nashie stalls the audience." Nashie gulps.
"Me?"
"Yes, you. You're the only one the audience will listen to, no da. We'll take care of things back here, if you take care of things out there, okay?" Nashie blinks, realizes the truth in this statement, and nods reluctantly.
"Yeah, well, I guess. I mean, I'm the director, after all. Teki, have the spotlight ready on stage right." She gives the group and thumbs-up sign and makes her way to the curtain, trying to figure out what to say. Suddenly, a shout interrupts her, and she turns to see Tasuki running up behind her, having quickly changed into jeans and a sweatshirt. She blinks as he joins her side. "Gen-chan...?" Tasuki grins at her, cuffing her playfully on the arm.
"I'm goin' out there, too. I mean, I'm not on until the next two scenes anyway. So I'll be just fine with facin' the crowd, if they still remember me. Besides, I know you have a case of stage fright, so I'm gonna help you out."
Nashie seems stunned at his offer to help, and stares up at his handsome face with a thankful expression. She grabs his hand, gives it a squeeze, and parts the curtains to enter onto the stage, praying that whoever has cast the spell decides not to embarrass her any further with more antics on the stage. She gives Tasuki one final look before they both step out into the spotlight.
-à-à-
Author's Note: (4-07-04) Dumb AP Calculus test…anyway, the most recognizable change in this chapter is Tasuki's stage fright changing to his being embarrassed having to play a godmother. Knowing Tasuki, I'm surprised he didn't burn down the theatre to make a point. That wouldn't have looked good on my permanent record.
(1-29-04) Whoa...that's one ridiculously long chapter...I mean, the last one was twenty-seven pages, this one is…(tries counting on fingers)...thirty-eight? Thirty-nine? Well, whatever it is, I don't think I've written a chapter of this extremity before in any of my fanfictions. At least, not to my recollection (and since Nashie's recollection is a shabby piece of paper towel, we won't rely at all on THAT part of her mind)
This story is coming along quite nicely. HAH! Yeah, right! I nearly mauled my poor Chiri-baby to death! How dare I make him face a lioness alone! Well, look on this side, at least he wasn't put in Mits-san's prima donna getup! Yeah, that image will stay with me for awhile. (shudders) Wait until I find out who's disturbing my play! Nashie will soon be a force to be reckoned with! YEE-HAAAAWWW!
Oh, and a few side note disclaimers. Sharp-eyed readers will notice that the black-cloaked figure was wielding a "mage globe". Well, as far as my knowledge in fantasy stories go, the only book I've read that have mage globes is the Exiles series by Ms. Melanie Rawn, whom I absolutely adore. So, no, I didn't make the mage globe thingy up on my own – I'm simply not that creative. And I also gave my buddies from Mystery Science Theatre 3000 a cameo. I'm a super-fan of the show, though I can never ever seem to watch the full two-hours of it, no matter how hard I try.
And what's this now? THREE Mysterious Figures? If you miss the Matrix couple, their important role will emerge in upcoming chapters (poor Nashie...). And as for the third mysterious figure…well, lets just say that her mystery will take a little while to solve…oh, dear…
And I promise, to those who are still waiting, I AM working on "Aeternum Vale" and "Ad Astra Per Aspera". I promised myself that I WILL finish them since I've started on them already. I think "Aeternum Vale" is going to be a spring project for me, while "Ad Astra Per Aspera" is heading towards the summer dates for completion. HOPEFULLY, I won't get any more rabbit story ideas between now and then. I'm planning on finishing this story first before I continue working on "Aeternum Vale". So, bear with me, faithful readers, if I haven't scared you off yet. More is to come in the future!
The next chapter: How is the audience dealing with the delay? Who is the mysterious cloaked figure? And who is that disgustingly perfect couple that gives Nashie migraines? The next chapter answers these questions, plus singing and dancing, terrible jokes, and entrepreneurship.
Until then, dasvidanya!