Hi everyone. My name is Homer Starrun, an author, of fanfiction dot com. Right now, I'm with the Homestar Runner crew and the Brother Chaps at the Runner Ranch, and you may as well notice that it's a parody of the Skywalker Ranch, but it's not, for it is, for it's not is. Whatever. Well, all of you are probably waiting for not only George Lucas' Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith on May 19th (for most people), but you're also waiting for my story parodying the movie, Homestar Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (A Dark Story). Anyway, you're all dying for the release of those two (or at least the first one). So, that's why I'm going to give you something to help ease your pain of waiting. The written versions of Matt Wilson's Bonus Stage over 60 episodes!
Episode 1: Car
It was a normal day in a city in New Jersey, USA, named Charismaville. Unfortunately, normal wasn't a term normally used in Charismaville, for almost everything that happened there was abnormal, so I shouldn't have said a normal day. Okay, it's a normal day in Charismaville by Charismaville's standards of normality. In the house of Phil Argus, Joel Dawson (a guy in his 20s with black hair, a blue cap, red shirt, and blue pants) and Phil Argus (a guy in his 20s with spiky orange hair, triangular black eyes, a yellow shirt, and brown pants) were sitting the couch in the living room, probably watching TV.
"Look," began Joel, "everyone knows auto mechanics tamper with the battery, so you have to back to them in a week. But you can't do jack 'cause they're, you know, tied… to the… mafia. …I know this fascinates you… you fascinator.
Phil's reply was, "Uh… you don't have a car."
"I have a car! I bought it! And you can't drive it, it's expensive and it's… and it's… European," retorted Joel.
So Joel and Phil went outside to see Joel's "car," a cardboard box with a black puddle around it.
"Yeah… that's a box," remarked Phil.
"It is now thanks to my mechanic, Brad, whom I shall now call Brad the bad… guy," replied Joel.
"Uh, what's with the puddle?" asked Phil.
"Uhhh… oh! He gave it a free oil change. Yeah, that's something they glorify to make you ignore the fine print, but I don't buy that," explained Joel.
"So… it's always been a cardboard box."
"Phil, it's a transformer. It becomes a hover jet, and we're gonna go find the mini-cons, and… uh, you're not invited," explained Joel.
"Oh, sure it is! I mean, why should I doubt Brad the bad?" asked Phil sarcastically.
"Because he's five years old, Phil. That's why you do it."
"Wait, what?"
Realizing his stupid mistake, Joel went to Brad's house while Phil continued looking at the box. Joel then met with Brad, a little boy with brown hair, big, gaping, black eyes, and grayish blue shirt with blue pants.
"You swindler! I demanded that my car be new and improve, not replaced with your post-G1 technology. That's not improved. That's… duh, de…proved," complained Joel.
"All sales are final, stinky!" replied Brad.
"You know NOTHING of my odors!" retorted Joel.
So, Joel met Phil outside by the box, again.
"Uh, let me just get this straight. You bought a car, and then you gave it away to a five-year-old?" asked Phil.
"That's right, I did it. I made worse deals in my life," replied Joel.
"Like what?"
"Like this one time, I sold our house to buy a car."
Obviously, Phil was extremely pissed-off, which was just as usual, considering Phil's usual attitude.
"You know, the details are… largely unimportant," added Joel.
"You sold our house!" asked the bewildered and angry Phil.
"There are starving children out there, Phil," explained Joel, "And what kind of man would I be if I didn't give them a little happiness?"
Phil, still angry and now annoyed, asked, "Where do WE live!"
Joel's angry reply was, "Shut up and get in the box!"
Episode 2: Zombie
One week later in Charismaville, Joel and Phil got their house back (or maybe they already did), but they still kept Brad's box that Joel traded for his car. However, there was going to be another wacky antic today, which was once again caused by Joel, but this one was more abnormal than the last one, for this one isn't possible in real life, unlike the last one (if there are people as stupid as Joel was at that time).
In Phil's house, Joel was starting to go crazy in front of Phil, who was in the living room, playing a video game on a console similar to the PS2.
"What have I done? WHAT HAVE I DONE?" asked the crazed Joel.
"Why do you keep saying that?" asked Phil.
"I have created a bastardization of modern science," replied Joel, "Also, repetition is soothing."
"It's not another Powerpuff Girl, is it?" asked Phil, remembering that time when Joel made one in High Score.
"Phil, this is no time for edgy, subversive comedy."
Then Phil and Joel went to Phil's bed in his bedroom. There was a t-shirt on the bed that said "ha, ha, ha".
"So is this the bastardization?" asked Phil.
"Phil, it's a t-shirt ZOMBIE!" cried out Joel.
"I can't think of a non-cliché way to react to this," muttered Phil.
"Now, I've killed zombies before, but a t-shirt zombie? Probably hard," explained Joel.
"I'm no scientist, but this seems waaaay too unfeasible. And retarded," remarked Phil.
"Hey, don't mess with retarded science!" retorted Joel before holding up the t-shirt (zombie), "That's what this t-shirt was going to say. But then, it started saying other things…"
Suddenly, the t-shirt's words changed to: "leave the house."
"It's alive?" exclaimed Phil.
"Yeah, we're past that phase now. Keep up, Phil," replied Joel.
"Well, have you tried burning it?" asked Phil.
"You know, this is why I don't come to you for advice, YOU BEER-GUZZLING IMBECILE!" shouted Joel before saying, "Actually, that's a good idea, I should probably try that."
So, Phil and Joel went outside and burned the t-shirt that said, "what are you doing."
"Well, everything worked out in the end," said Joel.
"Why'd it want us to leave the house?" wondered Phil.
"You know, let's not dwell on it, because it probably has nothing to do with anything," replied Joel.
But then, Phil and Joel saw some mutations on Phil's house. The windows turned into eyes and the door grew sharp teeth.
"Uuh, are those eyes and teeth?" asked Phil.
"Yes, and they have always been there. NOW SHUT UP! Let's go get lunch," replied Joel.
"Uuh, where?" asked Phil.
"Wyoming," replied Joel as he began walking away, westward.
Episode 3: Character
One week after the T-shirt zombie possessed Phil's house, was sent away somehow, and Phil and Joel had lunch in Wyoming to pass the time, Phil and Joel were once again in Phil's house. Phil was making fanfiction of his life.
The fanfiction figure of Phil says, "Our love is too strong to be imaginary!"
The fanfiction figure of Elly says, "Oh, Phil! I cannot deny it anymore!"
Okay, I was just teasing you all. Yeah, I haven't seen the movie yet either, so I can't make the parody right now. But I know it's going to be good with my instincts. And, don't go to supershadow's website and read the official script of Star Wars Episode III (and I swear, I didn't read it), and do know that I am going to make the parody of Star Wars III, not anybody else. Okay? Okay.
So overall, keep your pants on, for real. And I should say that to myself.
"Homer Starrun, keep your pants on, for real."
Oh, and by the way. This is going to be rated T, or PG 13, you know, since Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith has the same rating, so I have to keep safe too. Expect some swearing in the following story, but you can tell me not to put in swears.
Also expect surprises in the story, and not the surprises George Lucas made, but my own surprises.
That's all.