Title: Playing House (real title pending)
Chapter: 00 - Prologue (though I suppose that it could stand alone as a drabble of some sort...)
Pairing: Roy x Ed
Genre: Romance, yaoi, humor
Summary: Roy's womanizing past catches up on him when he least expects it... how will he an Ed handle this?
Rating: Currently PG-13 (for potty-mouth Ed), but may end up higher in later chapters.
Note: This is based on an old RPG I used to run... The idea just wouldn't leave me alone so I had to write it out. I suppose in some ways you could say that my Edward (littlepen) is a co-author, at least for the first few chapters.

-

"You know, you'd make a really good dad." Ed stated offhand to his lover, whom was lying beside him in bed. Roy merely raised an eyebrow in response.

"If you were a woman I would be feeling really uncomfortable right now, Edward." He commented, cuddling the boy closer to him. Edward scowled and batted at the man's arms in a silent protest of the affection.

"I just mean that you are very paternal, Colonel Shit! You know, how you always look out for me and Al." he clarified.

"Well, I have to look out for you. You tend to act before thinking." Roy explained rationally. Ed didn't seem too pleased with this explanation.

"I DO NOT!" Ed protested, fuming, Roy just shrugged it off and let Ed calm down on his own, "...okay. So maybe I do. But that still doesn't change the fact that you look out for me and Al."

"Well, if you two aren't in one piece I won't get any sex."

"Al doesn't give you sex. At least he better not, or I'll be forced to kill you in a very prolonged and painful manner."

"Okay, okay. If Al isn't in one piece you're too busy worrying about him to give me any sex. Is THAT better?" Roy offered. Ed looked thoughtful.

"Okay. True enough, bastard. But you are still really paternal. I wish my dad had been more like you instead of a total asshole... Not that you aren't a total asshole, of course. You're just not as bad as him."

Roy smirked and pinned the younger man to the bed, starting to nip at his jawbone.

"Enough talk, Edward..."

"Hey! Cut it out you nasty pervert! I'm not in the mood!" Edward protested loudly. Roy didn't pay it any attention.

---

It all started, innocently enough, with a knock on the door to the apartment that Roy Mustang lived in with his sometimes-housemates, the Elric brothers.

"Get the door, would you, Roy?" Ed demanded, looking down from the book he was reading at the dozing man.

"I'm naked, Edward." Roy pointed out. Edward shrugged.

"So am I. But I'm reading, so you can get up and answer the door. Besides, it's your fault that we're naked to begin with."

"Let Alphonse get it."

"Al's out shopping, dumbass!" Edward snapped, attempting to push his lover out of the bed and onto the floor.

"Ah. I suppose he would be, with the amount that you eat... Surprising, judging by your size, really..." Roy muttered, without really thinking.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE SHOULDN'T NEED TO EAT ANYTHING TO STAY ALIVE?"

Roy attempted to drown out his lover's ranting by pulling a pillow over his head. It didn't work.

"I suppose we really ought to go get the door..." He suggested, trying to change the subject.

"Yeah, well... I'm not going to go answer it. Besides, this isn't really even MY place. You answer it." Edward reasoned, thrusting a bathrobe in Roy's face just as it emerged from under the pillow. Roy grumbled but got up and slipped it on, heading out of the bedroom to answer the front door.

Edward, apparently pleased that he won their morning argument (ah morning, the time when Roy was most likely to yield just to shut Edward up), put on his own robe and trailed after the man looking curious.

Roy glanced at the clock on his way to the door. It was already almost noon. He'd really slept in today. Oh well, it wasn't often he had a day off, and Edward's... youthful enthusiasm had really tired him out.

He wasn't getting OLD. Really. He was only thirty, after all. That was still fairly young.

"Hey old man! Why are you just standing there? Answer the goddamn door already!" Edward demanded, giving Roy a look akin to that of a curious child. Roy tried not to twitch over the 'old man' comment and opened the door.

And stared.

There, standing on his doorstep and staring back up at Roy, was a little boy with dark brown eyes and messy black hair. The kid couldn't have been older than four years old.

"Papa?" The child asked, thrusting an envelope towards Roy. Roy took the envelope hesitantly, a feeling of dread pooling in his stomach as he pulled out and read the letter inside.

Roy-
This is your son, Zachary, age four. I am no longer able to care for him and am leaving him with you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner.

Roy lowered the letter and stared back at the child, mentally trying to go over all the women he'd slept with four years ago in an attempt to figure out who could have left the boy on his doorstep. Edward, of course, took a much less rational path.

"You ASSHOLE! You said that you never fucked ANY of those women without a fucking CONDOM! I can't fucking BELIEVE this! I'm SO leaving you!"

tbc