Dark Addiction
By: Rogue Fox
A/N: Okay. I wrote a sequel. It's Ryou/Bakura, and don't ask me why. I don't know. I'm really worried about myself, though. I'm not eating, I can barely get out of bed, I'm writing mushy yaoi fics, and I've been avoiding my jobs. Namely, writing on TGOL and the school newspaper like I'm supposed to. That and doing school work. As we speak, I'm supposed to be working on geometry. But that bitch of a teacher didn't explain it to me, and I missed class yesterday! I don't know how to simplify radicals! I'm still not entirely sure what a radical is! v_v Okay, here it is. Corny fluffiness and yaoi ahead. You have been warned. Be sure to have your toothbrush handy to brush your teeth or you'll get cavities, and if you're the teary type, a box of tissues. I personally lack tear ducts! ^_^ Lucky me! Oh yeah. POV is the same throughout the fic, so don't worry about it.
Key:
" Blah blah" = You oughta be able to figure this out.
/ Blah blah./ Ryou to Bakura
// Blah blah.// Bakura to Ryou
P.S.: To those of you that don't know, Bakura is just a short way of saying Yami Bakura, and Ryou is the little aibou we all can't help but love. I don't want to type out Yami Bakura every time I say his name. Ryou also refers to Yami Bakura as Yami. Just so no one gets confused.
*+*+*
Silence. Just peaceful, beautiful, blissful silence.
Okay, I was a little worried. You know what they say about the eye of the storm? I live by that. But... I do love to have some peace and quiet every now and then. No car horns, no fighting teenage guys, no squealing girls, no radio blaring, no TV droning on and on. Just silence. Complete lack of noise.
I dropped my bag in the foyer and kicked off my shoes, stepping into the house. I listened carefully. To my knowledge, my yami hadn't materialized. But that didn't necessarily he actually hadn't. My Yami does a lot of things without me knowing. I'm not sure how, since I can't seem to have a thought without him knowing, but he does. But listening wouldn't do any good either. Yami didn't get past all the Pharaoh's best guards by making noise. He never makes any noise when he walks or moves. So I have to rely on sensing his presence to prevent myself from having a heart attack every time he decides to give me a scare. Which isn't very reliable, since that sense turns on and off on its own. So I have a lot of heart attacks.
I tiptoed through the house, unwilling to disturb the silence. Just me and the silence. And my ever present yami. But he was being very quiet as well, so I decided he must be napping in his soul room. If my yami doesn't care if someone sees him, then he's perfectly visible. If he doesn't want to be seen, then no one does. He has absolutely no inhibitions. He rarely uses soul speak. If he has something to say, he says it out loud. I wish I could be more like him. I wish that a lot. But I think about everything I do and say. I don't live in the moment like he does. But I suppose, if I was more like him, then he would have to be more like me. And that sort of defeats the purpose. One of the cons about having a yami. Everything you are, he contradicts. He has to, or neither of us would be able to exist. He's my other half.
" Could you possibly think quieter?" a voice asked suddenly. My heart leapt into my throat as I spun around. But even as it did, I knew who said it. Yami did. I don't know why he always startled me. You'd think I'd get used to it.
" You scared me!" I cried, placing a hand over my heart, trying to still its rapid beating. Yami rolled his eyes.
" I know, idiot. I feel everything you feel." He reminded me roughly. " You think too loud. I was trying to sleep."
" Sorry." I mumbled, casting my gaze downward. I hated making him angry. Not just because he got scary and violent when he was angry, even though that was a big part of it. But because I wanted him to be happy and proud of me. But I knew he thought I was just a weak, sissy thing. Sometimes I thought I wasn't worthy of being his hikari. Maybe there had been some mistake.
" There was no mistake, you dummy!" Yami cried, glaring at me. I winced. Of course, he hears my every thought. I only hear what he wants me to hear. " There's no such thing as mistakes with this kind of thing. Unless we're talking about that damn Pharaoh." He growled, stalking noiselessly into the kitchen. I watched him go, thoroughly confused, as always.
He always confused me. One second, he'll be touching my face and giving me this soft look that he saves only for me, the next he'll be calling me a wimpy idiot. I decided a long time ago that his often sudden changes from love to anger were from his own embarrassment at showing so much emotion. My yami is very moody. And very dangerous.
I often wondered about him. Did he really love me, or was it a simple heat of the moment sort of thing? He never said "I love you," even though his emotions were boiling to the point of madness. I may not hear his thoughts, but I feel his emotions. He can't hide that from me. The things he feels... they're so powerful and vibrant, painfully so. I hurt when he feels those kinds of things. It makes us both hurt. His every emotion is as clearly honed and sharp as a brand new knife. He gets lost in his emotions, and it scares him. More than he'd ever admit, even to himself. He'll do terrible things in the heat of his rage, and several times he's tried to kill himself in the depth of his sadness. And his passion... His passion is more than enough to consume us both. But did he love me? Or better yet, did I love him? Yes, I had lain with him in bed. Yes, I had made love with him. But did I love him? I sighed. Who was I to have thought I could advise Yugi on this?
I shuddered a little as I walked up the stairs to my room. I had lain in the arms of killer. Someone who had almost killed me. Someone who had used me as a pawn, a tool to meet his ends. But then, that beautiful feeling of being complete, being one and whole... It sort of overrode all logic. And worst of all, I had enjoyed it. I enjoyed it when he kissed me. I enjoyed it when he gathered me close to him and held on to me like he was going to drown without me. I enjoyed thinking that he was my soul mate.
I thought back to when he first merged with me. He was bolder than Yugi's yami was. I remember waking up in a back alley with a bunch of bullies from school that had been picking on me laying around me, all unconscious. I got scared and ran home. The next day, I heard on the news that those bullies had been found, and apparently none of them could remember who they were. A few of them were reported to be stark raving mad. And that was only the beginning. I kept waking up in places I couldn't remember going. I'd fall asleep suddenly, too. In the middle of school. While I was cooking. In the shower. I remember considering going to a psychiatrist. I thought something was really wrong with me. I decided something was very not right when I started falling asleep while playing games with my friends, and when I would wake up, they had gone mad too. I decided to move, which I did. I knew for sure he was there, now. I thought I had multiple personalities, or something like that. I thought I could control him. Big mistake. No one can control him. He can't even control himself. And that's the scariest thing of all.
I had seen Yugi a few weeks back in school, and I had known, beyond all doubt. The hollow, shelled look in his eyes. The slumped way he walked and sat. He walked in the room, and my yami roused himself from his nap to see what had snagged my interest so suddenly. He became very awake very quickly.
// Ha! That stupid Pharaoh finally made his move!// he cried, thoroughly amused. // Damn idiot. Shook the kid up.// he added. I almost detected a hint of sympathy for Yugi. But he was back in his soul room before I could question him. So I approached Yugi about it. And I was glad I could do him some good. God knows no one could help me when it first happened to me.
It was Christmas Eve, when it first happened. I remember because my father was away on a dig, and my sister had been unable to come home from college. So I was alone for Christmas. With the exception of my yami, of course. But he neither understood nor celebrated Christmas, so that wasn't exactly uplifting. And back then, he was still very violent.
Despite popular belief, Yami has never hit me with the intent of actually hurting me. There have been a few accidents, which one has to expect with such a violently tempered guy in the house. Like when he threw the remote control across the room and I just happened to be in its path. And there were a few times when he lost control of himself. I still have a scar across my chest where he almost gutted me. He was so upset with himself afterward, he tried to kill himself with the same knife that almost killed me. I barely stopped him.
Back then, on that Christmas night, he was still confused about the new age he had found himself in, and still sore about Yami Yugi kicking his butt. So, he was very moody and very violent. He had gotten angry with the TV because all that was on was Christmas specials. And even though the idea of Christmas was well beyond his time, he had already figured out that it was one of those mushy holidays. And after Valentine's Day, he was quite wary. In his rage, he had kicked a bookshelf. Which, in turn, toppled over. And hit me in the head.
When I came to, I had a splitting headache and my vision was hazy. I was also extremely groggy. My sixth sense came on to make up for my distorted vision, and I sensed my yami moving, somewhere out of my line of sight.
" Yami?" I moaned softly, longing to see him. He was dangerous. He was scary. But I needed him. I remembered too clearly when Yami Yugi had sent him away. I remembered the pain as he was torn away from me. And I was terrified of losing him again. But it was more than the memory of the pain that drove me to call for him. It was a desire so deeply embedded in me, I could never begin to deny it. He was suddenly there, in front of me. Relief washed over me.
" Stupid little idiot. I'm not going anywhere. Where would I go?" he asked. There was no conviction in his voice, no snarl. He spoke softly, gently. I couldn't remember him ever talking like that. Ever.
" I... I don't know. I couldn't see you... I got scared... I'm sorry." I said finally, feeling stupider than usual. Yami got down on his knees next to the couch and leaned his head on my shoulder.
" You've got no reason to be sorry. I'm the one who needs to apologize." He whispered. I could feel my pulse quickening, and a blush spreading across my cheeks. No one, not even my father, had ever been so close to me. I didn't know what to do. // I'm sorry, aibou. I can't seem to keep you safe. You always seem to get hurt.// he told me, resorting to soul talk.
/ It's fine, Yami. I've been hit in the head before. It was an accident, anyway./ I thought back, both excited and frightened by his nearness.
// How can you do that? Forgive me so easily?// he asked in disbelief, raising his head to look at me. I smiled up at him.
/ Well, I know you didn't mean for the shelf to fall on my head, so there's nothing to forgive./ I said. He was silent for a moment, and I noticed a very faint blush spreading on his cheeks.
" Um, how does your head feel?" he asked, speaking out loud again.
" A little painful, but it's not too bad." I said, sitting up. I swayed a little as I did, just a little. But that was enough. The next thing I knew, I was wrapped up in his arms like he would never let go. He buried his face in my hair and I relaxed into his grip, relishing in the feeling of being so complete... The feeling I would never have know without him. I owed him everything. I owed him my very existence. How could I ever repay him? Something wet hit my hair. I felt my eyes go even wider. Was he crying? No way. There was just no way. But... He was.
" Y-Yami?" I asked, scared all over again.
" I'm sorry." He said suddenly. But he didn't move. So I just held onto him as he continued. I sensed that he needed me to hold him more than I needed him to hold me. " I'm sorry." He repeated. " I'm the worst yami ever. I hurt my hikari, I can't do anything right. You deserve someone better."
" No." I said, surprised by the strength in my voice. " I don't care. I don't want anyone else." He raised his head and leaned close to me, so that our cheeks pressed together. We laid down on the couch together and he whispered to me, telling me everything. Why did he hate Yami Yugi? Because he was jealous of how everyone thought Yami Yugi was so much better than him. Because he knew, deep down, that Yami Yugi was the better yami. Why was he so violent? Because he was scared... Of so many things. Of this age, of his power, of himself... The only thing he wasn't scared of was me, and in a funny way, he was scared of me too.
We finally slipped into silence, laying there together and staring at the fire that had been burning all the while in the fireplace. We had talked for hours, at least. The night had fallen, but neither of us cared. In a way, we were both longing for each other. We were both so lonely. I guess I dozed off, because the next thing I remember is a rising to a groggy consciousness, feeling a gentle hand stroking my hair and touching my cheek. I opened my eyes, still partially asleep. I had been dreaming that I was a little kid again, and my mom was making cookies. I could barely remember my mother. So in my haze, I thought it was my mom. But the eyes that met mine weren't my mother's. She had dark blue eyes. The eyes I saw were identical to mine in color, but so different.
Emotions flooded through my veins, some of them not even mine. Our link was wide open. Everything he felt, I felt, and vice versa. Yami had picked himself up and had placed his face inches from my own. Our noses almost touched. My breath caught in my throat. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move. All I could do was lay there and look up at him.
He kissed me for the first time that night. I kissed him back. That was our first night together. The first night of many when I would lay next to him. The first time he showed me in entirely nonverbal term exactly how much I meant to him. We woke on Christmas morning on the floor next to the couch, wrapped up in each other's arms.
I blinked suddenly, returning to the present with a bit of a slam. I was standing in my room. I'm only seventeen, I thought. I was only sixteen last year, when it first happened. I wondered if I had made a mistake. If we had made a mistake. I had wondered that before, though. And I had always decided that it was impossible to tell right from wrong in a relationship like ours. The lines between reality and fantasy, right and wrong, and even between light and dark became blurred and unclear. When light and dark come together like we did, things are never the same. I didn't know if it was right, but a part of me didn't care. Yami sure didn't. All that mattered was being near each other. Whether it be talking mentally while he's in his soul room, or making love in bed.
Quite suddenly, the light in my room flickered and went out. I blinked, unsure as to what had happened. Then I heard a slam and crash downstairs.
" Aibou!" Yami bellowed. A small smile teased my lips and I looked at my alarm clock, which is battery powered. It was about seven in the evening. I had wandered a lot before I came home, mostly because I was bored.
" Yes, Yami?" I called patiently. I could hear him storming up the stairs. My door was suddenly flung open.
" What happened? Why'd the lights go out?" he asked. I smiled at him and pointed out the window. It had started snowing.
" The snow must have knocked down a power line." I said.
" Oh. I'm still not sure what happened, but that's okay." Yami said, stepping past me to peer out the window. He looked so cute with his nose pressed to the window.
" I'm going to light some candles." I said, starting down the stairs. Yami didn't respond. He likes to watch snow. I discovered that last year. It seems to fascinate him. He won't touch it, and he most certainly refuses to play in it with me, but it still fascinates him. I did go downstairs and light candles. I also started a fire in the fireplace. I was just finishing up as Yami came down the stairs. I sensed him coming long before he grabbed me from behind, but I jumped anyway.
" Merry Christmas, Aibou." He whispered in my ear, wrapping his muscular arms, that once hauled treasure from the tombs of great pharaohs away from their resting places, around my middle and resting his head on the top of my own head. Christmas was our special holiday.
" Merry Christmas, Yami." I whispered back, resting my hands on his arms and tracing the lines of muscle and sinew.
" It's already dark outside." He noted.
" Cause of the storm." I finished for him. He smiled into my neck.
" Let's go to bed." He requested. I saw that coming.
" It's going to get cold up there without the heater." I protested.
" We can warm it up." He responded, kissing my neck. I felt the goosebumps rising on my arms.
" I'm not going up there." I said stoutly.
" Fine. We'll stay here." Yami agreed. " I like the fire. Better yet, I like the way you look in firelight." I tried to pull out his grip, but he had me tight. Then he nibbled on my left ear. I hate it when he does that, because I always melt. He did it for the first time one of our first nights together, and I almost went mad. Since then, he does it when he wants me in bed and I won't come. And, as always, I melted into putty in his hands.
He pushed me down to the floor, in that gentle yet urgent way I knew too well. His questing hands tickled up my chest, searching for the buttons of my shirt. His lips pressed against mine hungrily, and I could feel his every emotion surging forward. Painful emotions that just made him press against me harder. And I felt my own joy. He was mine, and I was his. His hikari, my yami. I didn't care if I was tying myself to him forever. I didn't care, because I could never escape from him anyway. I didn't want to.
I lay awake a few hours later. Yami had already drifted off to sleep, but I was restless. I stared at the flickering fire that danced in the fireplace, casting twisted shadows over my soul mate's face. He lay between me and the fire, covered by the blanket he had dragged from upstairs. His skin was pale, but darker than mine at the same time. My skin, he often told me, was like pale porcelain. His was a sort of dusky light peach, the bare remnant of a once darker tan. Of course, he could never have been as dark as Yami Yugi is now, and most certainly never Malik. But he was once at the darkest he could be, and the remains of that old glory could still be seen, along with old calluses and the muscles that came with his hard lifestyle. He retained his leanness.
Right and wrong, light and dark, they had become confused in my mind. My yami... The very title means dark. He's dark, evil, dangerous, wrong... But at the same time, he was so wonderful. I loved him. There was no doubt in my mind. I did love him. Whether it was real, true love, or an obsession born of the beautiful things that he made me feel, I didn't care. I am a part of him. He is a part of me. Without Darkness, Light cannot exist. Without Light, Darkness cannot exist. So why fight against something so primal and basic?
I looked at the clock on the wall and saw it was nearly midnight. The fire was burning low, and most of the candles had burned dangerously low. So I pulled myself out of our makeshift bed and put a few more logs on the fire, and blew out the candles. I shivered. I wasn't wearing anything, and it was cold, so I hurried back to Yami's side. Unfortunately, I had woken him.
" Where did you think you were going?" he asked gruffly.
" To fix the fire and blow out the candles." I whispered, hoping I hadn't angered him. He closed his eyes and heaved a sigh.
" Little idiot." He muttered. I smiled. He wasn't angry. So I lay down next to him and cuddled close against him. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders as I closed my eyes, finally feeling sleepy. " My little idiot." He corrected himself, making me smile again. And then the room went quiet as he slipped back into his sleepy sanctuary. Where I would soon join him.
Silence. Just peaceful, beautiful, blissful silence.
I think I am obsessed with him. But that's okay, because he doesn't mind. We are bound together for all eternity. He's obsessed with me, too. And I don't really care about right or wrong anymore. All that matters is light and dark, and that those two never be separated. I'm living a life you might find harmful. Don't worry about it, though. That's what a yami does. He protects his hikari. I'm in good hands. I'm always in good hands.
A/N: Eeeek! Cute fluffiness! *_* It's too much for me. Okay, I officially think that was way worse than Dark Addiction. But whatever. You guys are the judges. O_o? Am I screwed? Oh, yeah! Merry Christmas! I hope you all had as good a Christmas as I did! Or whatever else you celebrate. Me and my bros got a Playstation 2! I luv it! ^_^ I'm playing Kingdom Hearts and I am officially getting my butt kicked by that dumb three headed dog thing (forgot its name)! And I mean, a very serious butt kicking. As in, that hurt! _ I don't take to losing very well. By the way, if anyone cares, the reason Ryou and Bakura lost power is because we lost power at my house in this big snowstorm. I live in Oklahoma! Our idea of a snow day is three inches! It's nearly a foot out there! ;_; And I can't go out there cause Mommy said no! Oh well. Merry Christmas!
Yami: (cuddles Yugi) She's crazy.
Amanda: ^_^ You get used to it.
Me: _ How'd you get out of your soulroom?
Amanda: ^_^ He let me out. (points to Ryou, who smiles innocently)
Me: Grrrr... If your yami wasn't draped all over you, I'd hurt you.
Bakura: ^_____^
Me: (points to Amanda) Meet my hikari. Mushy little idiot. And I am in no way attracted to her! Ick!
Yugi: Rogue Fox brought us all here to give you something cute to look at and wish you a Merry Christmas.
Me: Hey, where's Malik?
Yami: _ Iunno, and frankly, I don't care.
Malik: (comes running in from foot deep snow outside) Sorry I'm late! Rogue Fox, your neighbor's cows are out again.
Me: v_v; Alright, just cuddle and look cute.
Everyone else: (does so)
Amanda: I made cookies!
Everyone except Rogue Fox: YAY! ^_^
Everyone: Merry Christmas to all!
Amanda: And to all a goodnight!
Me: (grab Amanda and muffle her) Get back in your soulroom!
By: Rogue Fox
A/N: Okay. I wrote a sequel. It's Ryou/Bakura, and don't ask me why. I don't know. I'm really worried about myself, though. I'm not eating, I can barely get out of bed, I'm writing mushy yaoi fics, and I've been avoiding my jobs. Namely, writing on TGOL and the school newspaper like I'm supposed to. That and doing school work. As we speak, I'm supposed to be working on geometry. But that bitch of a teacher didn't explain it to me, and I missed class yesterday! I don't know how to simplify radicals! I'm still not entirely sure what a radical is! v_v Okay, here it is. Corny fluffiness and yaoi ahead. You have been warned. Be sure to have your toothbrush handy to brush your teeth or you'll get cavities, and if you're the teary type, a box of tissues. I personally lack tear ducts! ^_^ Lucky me! Oh yeah. POV is the same throughout the fic, so don't worry about it.
Key:
" Blah blah" = You oughta be able to figure this out.
/ Blah blah./ Ryou to Bakura
// Blah blah.// Bakura to Ryou
P.S.: To those of you that don't know, Bakura is just a short way of saying Yami Bakura, and Ryou is the little aibou we all can't help but love. I don't want to type out Yami Bakura every time I say his name. Ryou also refers to Yami Bakura as Yami. Just so no one gets confused.
*+*+*
Silence. Just peaceful, beautiful, blissful silence.
Okay, I was a little worried. You know what they say about the eye of the storm? I live by that. But... I do love to have some peace and quiet every now and then. No car horns, no fighting teenage guys, no squealing girls, no radio blaring, no TV droning on and on. Just silence. Complete lack of noise.
I dropped my bag in the foyer and kicked off my shoes, stepping into the house. I listened carefully. To my knowledge, my yami hadn't materialized. But that didn't necessarily he actually hadn't. My Yami does a lot of things without me knowing. I'm not sure how, since I can't seem to have a thought without him knowing, but he does. But listening wouldn't do any good either. Yami didn't get past all the Pharaoh's best guards by making noise. He never makes any noise when he walks or moves. So I have to rely on sensing his presence to prevent myself from having a heart attack every time he decides to give me a scare. Which isn't very reliable, since that sense turns on and off on its own. So I have a lot of heart attacks.
I tiptoed through the house, unwilling to disturb the silence. Just me and the silence. And my ever present yami. But he was being very quiet as well, so I decided he must be napping in his soul room. If my yami doesn't care if someone sees him, then he's perfectly visible. If he doesn't want to be seen, then no one does. He has absolutely no inhibitions. He rarely uses soul speak. If he has something to say, he says it out loud. I wish I could be more like him. I wish that a lot. But I think about everything I do and say. I don't live in the moment like he does. But I suppose, if I was more like him, then he would have to be more like me. And that sort of defeats the purpose. One of the cons about having a yami. Everything you are, he contradicts. He has to, or neither of us would be able to exist. He's my other half.
" Could you possibly think quieter?" a voice asked suddenly. My heart leapt into my throat as I spun around. But even as it did, I knew who said it. Yami did. I don't know why he always startled me. You'd think I'd get used to it.
" You scared me!" I cried, placing a hand over my heart, trying to still its rapid beating. Yami rolled his eyes.
" I know, idiot. I feel everything you feel." He reminded me roughly. " You think too loud. I was trying to sleep."
" Sorry." I mumbled, casting my gaze downward. I hated making him angry. Not just because he got scary and violent when he was angry, even though that was a big part of it. But because I wanted him to be happy and proud of me. But I knew he thought I was just a weak, sissy thing. Sometimes I thought I wasn't worthy of being his hikari. Maybe there had been some mistake.
" There was no mistake, you dummy!" Yami cried, glaring at me. I winced. Of course, he hears my every thought. I only hear what he wants me to hear. " There's no such thing as mistakes with this kind of thing. Unless we're talking about that damn Pharaoh." He growled, stalking noiselessly into the kitchen. I watched him go, thoroughly confused, as always.
He always confused me. One second, he'll be touching my face and giving me this soft look that he saves only for me, the next he'll be calling me a wimpy idiot. I decided a long time ago that his often sudden changes from love to anger were from his own embarrassment at showing so much emotion. My yami is very moody. And very dangerous.
I often wondered about him. Did he really love me, or was it a simple heat of the moment sort of thing? He never said "I love you," even though his emotions were boiling to the point of madness. I may not hear his thoughts, but I feel his emotions. He can't hide that from me. The things he feels... they're so powerful and vibrant, painfully so. I hurt when he feels those kinds of things. It makes us both hurt. His every emotion is as clearly honed and sharp as a brand new knife. He gets lost in his emotions, and it scares him. More than he'd ever admit, even to himself. He'll do terrible things in the heat of his rage, and several times he's tried to kill himself in the depth of his sadness. And his passion... His passion is more than enough to consume us both. But did he love me? Or better yet, did I love him? Yes, I had lain with him in bed. Yes, I had made love with him. But did I love him? I sighed. Who was I to have thought I could advise Yugi on this?
I shuddered a little as I walked up the stairs to my room. I had lain in the arms of killer. Someone who had almost killed me. Someone who had used me as a pawn, a tool to meet his ends. But then, that beautiful feeling of being complete, being one and whole... It sort of overrode all logic. And worst of all, I had enjoyed it. I enjoyed it when he kissed me. I enjoyed it when he gathered me close to him and held on to me like he was going to drown without me. I enjoyed thinking that he was my soul mate.
I thought back to when he first merged with me. He was bolder than Yugi's yami was. I remember waking up in a back alley with a bunch of bullies from school that had been picking on me laying around me, all unconscious. I got scared and ran home. The next day, I heard on the news that those bullies had been found, and apparently none of them could remember who they were. A few of them were reported to be stark raving mad. And that was only the beginning. I kept waking up in places I couldn't remember going. I'd fall asleep suddenly, too. In the middle of school. While I was cooking. In the shower. I remember considering going to a psychiatrist. I thought something was really wrong with me. I decided something was very not right when I started falling asleep while playing games with my friends, and when I would wake up, they had gone mad too. I decided to move, which I did. I knew for sure he was there, now. I thought I had multiple personalities, or something like that. I thought I could control him. Big mistake. No one can control him. He can't even control himself. And that's the scariest thing of all.
I had seen Yugi a few weeks back in school, and I had known, beyond all doubt. The hollow, shelled look in his eyes. The slumped way he walked and sat. He walked in the room, and my yami roused himself from his nap to see what had snagged my interest so suddenly. He became very awake very quickly.
// Ha! That stupid Pharaoh finally made his move!// he cried, thoroughly amused. // Damn idiot. Shook the kid up.// he added. I almost detected a hint of sympathy for Yugi. But he was back in his soul room before I could question him. So I approached Yugi about it. And I was glad I could do him some good. God knows no one could help me when it first happened to me.
It was Christmas Eve, when it first happened. I remember because my father was away on a dig, and my sister had been unable to come home from college. So I was alone for Christmas. With the exception of my yami, of course. But he neither understood nor celebrated Christmas, so that wasn't exactly uplifting. And back then, he was still very violent.
Despite popular belief, Yami has never hit me with the intent of actually hurting me. There have been a few accidents, which one has to expect with such a violently tempered guy in the house. Like when he threw the remote control across the room and I just happened to be in its path. And there were a few times when he lost control of himself. I still have a scar across my chest where he almost gutted me. He was so upset with himself afterward, he tried to kill himself with the same knife that almost killed me. I barely stopped him.
Back then, on that Christmas night, he was still confused about the new age he had found himself in, and still sore about Yami Yugi kicking his butt. So, he was very moody and very violent. He had gotten angry with the TV because all that was on was Christmas specials. And even though the idea of Christmas was well beyond his time, he had already figured out that it was one of those mushy holidays. And after Valentine's Day, he was quite wary. In his rage, he had kicked a bookshelf. Which, in turn, toppled over. And hit me in the head.
When I came to, I had a splitting headache and my vision was hazy. I was also extremely groggy. My sixth sense came on to make up for my distorted vision, and I sensed my yami moving, somewhere out of my line of sight.
" Yami?" I moaned softly, longing to see him. He was dangerous. He was scary. But I needed him. I remembered too clearly when Yami Yugi had sent him away. I remembered the pain as he was torn away from me. And I was terrified of losing him again. But it was more than the memory of the pain that drove me to call for him. It was a desire so deeply embedded in me, I could never begin to deny it. He was suddenly there, in front of me. Relief washed over me.
" Stupid little idiot. I'm not going anywhere. Where would I go?" he asked. There was no conviction in his voice, no snarl. He spoke softly, gently. I couldn't remember him ever talking like that. Ever.
" I... I don't know. I couldn't see you... I got scared... I'm sorry." I said finally, feeling stupider than usual. Yami got down on his knees next to the couch and leaned his head on my shoulder.
" You've got no reason to be sorry. I'm the one who needs to apologize." He whispered. I could feel my pulse quickening, and a blush spreading across my cheeks. No one, not even my father, had ever been so close to me. I didn't know what to do. // I'm sorry, aibou. I can't seem to keep you safe. You always seem to get hurt.// he told me, resorting to soul talk.
/ It's fine, Yami. I've been hit in the head before. It was an accident, anyway./ I thought back, both excited and frightened by his nearness.
// How can you do that? Forgive me so easily?// he asked in disbelief, raising his head to look at me. I smiled up at him.
/ Well, I know you didn't mean for the shelf to fall on my head, so there's nothing to forgive./ I said. He was silent for a moment, and I noticed a very faint blush spreading on his cheeks.
" Um, how does your head feel?" he asked, speaking out loud again.
" A little painful, but it's not too bad." I said, sitting up. I swayed a little as I did, just a little. But that was enough. The next thing I knew, I was wrapped up in his arms like he would never let go. He buried his face in my hair and I relaxed into his grip, relishing in the feeling of being so complete... The feeling I would never have know without him. I owed him everything. I owed him my very existence. How could I ever repay him? Something wet hit my hair. I felt my eyes go even wider. Was he crying? No way. There was just no way. But... He was.
" Y-Yami?" I asked, scared all over again.
" I'm sorry." He said suddenly. But he didn't move. So I just held onto him as he continued. I sensed that he needed me to hold him more than I needed him to hold me. " I'm sorry." He repeated. " I'm the worst yami ever. I hurt my hikari, I can't do anything right. You deserve someone better."
" No." I said, surprised by the strength in my voice. " I don't care. I don't want anyone else." He raised his head and leaned close to me, so that our cheeks pressed together. We laid down on the couch together and he whispered to me, telling me everything. Why did he hate Yami Yugi? Because he was jealous of how everyone thought Yami Yugi was so much better than him. Because he knew, deep down, that Yami Yugi was the better yami. Why was he so violent? Because he was scared... Of so many things. Of this age, of his power, of himself... The only thing he wasn't scared of was me, and in a funny way, he was scared of me too.
We finally slipped into silence, laying there together and staring at the fire that had been burning all the while in the fireplace. We had talked for hours, at least. The night had fallen, but neither of us cared. In a way, we were both longing for each other. We were both so lonely. I guess I dozed off, because the next thing I remember is a rising to a groggy consciousness, feeling a gentle hand stroking my hair and touching my cheek. I opened my eyes, still partially asleep. I had been dreaming that I was a little kid again, and my mom was making cookies. I could barely remember my mother. So in my haze, I thought it was my mom. But the eyes that met mine weren't my mother's. She had dark blue eyes. The eyes I saw were identical to mine in color, but so different.
Emotions flooded through my veins, some of them not even mine. Our link was wide open. Everything he felt, I felt, and vice versa. Yami had picked himself up and had placed his face inches from my own. Our noses almost touched. My breath caught in my throat. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move. All I could do was lay there and look up at him.
He kissed me for the first time that night. I kissed him back. That was our first night together. The first night of many when I would lay next to him. The first time he showed me in entirely nonverbal term exactly how much I meant to him. We woke on Christmas morning on the floor next to the couch, wrapped up in each other's arms.
I blinked suddenly, returning to the present with a bit of a slam. I was standing in my room. I'm only seventeen, I thought. I was only sixteen last year, when it first happened. I wondered if I had made a mistake. If we had made a mistake. I had wondered that before, though. And I had always decided that it was impossible to tell right from wrong in a relationship like ours. The lines between reality and fantasy, right and wrong, and even between light and dark became blurred and unclear. When light and dark come together like we did, things are never the same. I didn't know if it was right, but a part of me didn't care. Yami sure didn't. All that mattered was being near each other. Whether it be talking mentally while he's in his soul room, or making love in bed.
Quite suddenly, the light in my room flickered and went out. I blinked, unsure as to what had happened. Then I heard a slam and crash downstairs.
" Aibou!" Yami bellowed. A small smile teased my lips and I looked at my alarm clock, which is battery powered. It was about seven in the evening. I had wandered a lot before I came home, mostly because I was bored.
" Yes, Yami?" I called patiently. I could hear him storming up the stairs. My door was suddenly flung open.
" What happened? Why'd the lights go out?" he asked. I smiled at him and pointed out the window. It had started snowing.
" The snow must have knocked down a power line." I said.
" Oh. I'm still not sure what happened, but that's okay." Yami said, stepping past me to peer out the window. He looked so cute with his nose pressed to the window.
" I'm going to light some candles." I said, starting down the stairs. Yami didn't respond. He likes to watch snow. I discovered that last year. It seems to fascinate him. He won't touch it, and he most certainly refuses to play in it with me, but it still fascinates him. I did go downstairs and light candles. I also started a fire in the fireplace. I was just finishing up as Yami came down the stairs. I sensed him coming long before he grabbed me from behind, but I jumped anyway.
" Merry Christmas, Aibou." He whispered in my ear, wrapping his muscular arms, that once hauled treasure from the tombs of great pharaohs away from their resting places, around my middle and resting his head on the top of my own head. Christmas was our special holiday.
" Merry Christmas, Yami." I whispered back, resting my hands on his arms and tracing the lines of muscle and sinew.
" It's already dark outside." He noted.
" Cause of the storm." I finished for him. He smiled into my neck.
" Let's go to bed." He requested. I saw that coming.
" It's going to get cold up there without the heater." I protested.
" We can warm it up." He responded, kissing my neck. I felt the goosebumps rising on my arms.
" I'm not going up there." I said stoutly.
" Fine. We'll stay here." Yami agreed. " I like the fire. Better yet, I like the way you look in firelight." I tried to pull out his grip, but he had me tight. Then he nibbled on my left ear. I hate it when he does that, because I always melt. He did it for the first time one of our first nights together, and I almost went mad. Since then, he does it when he wants me in bed and I won't come. And, as always, I melted into putty in his hands.
He pushed me down to the floor, in that gentle yet urgent way I knew too well. His questing hands tickled up my chest, searching for the buttons of my shirt. His lips pressed against mine hungrily, and I could feel his every emotion surging forward. Painful emotions that just made him press against me harder. And I felt my own joy. He was mine, and I was his. His hikari, my yami. I didn't care if I was tying myself to him forever. I didn't care, because I could never escape from him anyway. I didn't want to.
I lay awake a few hours later. Yami had already drifted off to sleep, but I was restless. I stared at the flickering fire that danced in the fireplace, casting twisted shadows over my soul mate's face. He lay between me and the fire, covered by the blanket he had dragged from upstairs. His skin was pale, but darker than mine at the same time. My skin, he often told me, was like pale porcelain. His was a sort of dusky light peach, the bare remnant of a once darker tan. Of course, he could never have been as dark as Yami Yugi is now, and most certainly never Malik. But he was once at the darkest he could be, and the remains of that old glory could still be seen, along with old calluses and the muscles that came with his hard lifestyle. He retained his leanness.
Right and wrong, light and dark, they had become confused in my mind. My yami... The very title means dark. He's dark, evil, dangerous, wrong... But at the same time, he was so wonderful. I loved him. There was no doubt in my mind. I did love him. Whether it was real, true love, or an obsession born of the beautiful things that he made me feel, I didn't care. I am a part of him. He is a part of me. Without Darkness, Light cannot exist. Without Light, Darkness cannot exist. So why fight against something so primal and basic?
I looked at the clock on the wall and saw it was nearly midnight. The fire was burning low, and most of the candles had burned dangerously low. So I pulled myself out of our makeshift bed and put a few more logs on the fire, and blew out the candles. I shivered. I wasn't wearing anything, and it was cold, so I hurried back to Yami's side. Unfortunately, I had woken him.
" Where did you think you were going?" he asked gruffly.
" To fix the fire and blow out the candles." I whispered, hoping I hadn't angered him. He closed his eyes and heaved a sigh.
" Little idiot." He muttered. I smiled. He wasn't angry. So I lay down next to him and cuddled close against him. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders as I closed my eyes, finally feeling sleepy. " My little idiot." He corrected himself, making me smile again. And then the room went quiet as he slipped back into his sleepy sanctuary. Where I would soon join him.
Silence. Just peaceful, beautiful, blissful silence.
I think I am obsessed with him. But that's okay, because he doesn't mind. We are bound together for all eternity. He's obsessed with me, too. And I don't really care about right or wrong anymore. All that matters is light and dark, and that those two never be separated. I'm living a life you might find harmful. Don't worry about it, though. That's what a yami does. He protects his hikari. I'm in good hands. I'm always in good hands.
A/N: Eeeek! Cute fluffiness! *_* It's too much for me. Okay, I officially think that was way worse than Dark Addiction. But whatever. You guys are the judges. O_o? Am I screwed? Oh, yeah! Merry Christmas! I hope you all had as good a Christmas as I did! Or whatever else you celebrate. Me and my bros got a Playstation 2! I luv it! ^_^ I'm playing Kingdom Hearts and I am officially getting my butt kicked by that dumb three headed dog thing (forgot its name)! And I mean, a very serious butt kicking. As in, that hurt! _ I don't take to losing very well. By the way, if anyone cares, the reason Ryou and Bakura lost power is because we lost power at my house in this big snowstorm. I live in Oklahoma! Our idea of a snow day is three inches! It's nearly a foot out there! ;_; And I can't go out there cause Mommy said no! Oh well. Merry Christmas!
Yami: (cuddles Yugi) She's crazy.
Amanda: ^_^ You get used to it.
Me: _ How'd you get out of your soulroom?
Amanda: ^_^ He let me out. (points to Ryou, who smiles innocently)
Me: Grrrr... If your yami wasn't draped all over you, I'd hurt you.
Bakura: ^_____^
Me: (points to Amanda) Meet my hikari. Mushy little idiot. And I am in no way attracted to her! Ick!
Yugi: Rogue Fox brought us all here to give you something cute to look at and wish you a Merry Christmas.
Me: Hey, where's Malik?
Yami: _ Iunno, and frankly, I don't care.
Malik: (comes running in from foot deep snow outside) Sorry I'm late! Rogue Fox, your neighbor's cows are out again.
Me: v_v; Alright, just cuddle and look cute.
Everyone else: (does so)
Amanda: I made cookies!
Everyone except Rogue Fox: YAY! ^_^
Everyone: Merry Christmas to all!
Amanda: And to all a goodnight!
Me: (grab Amanda and muffle her) Get back in your soulroom!