I felt as if I had been slapped in the face. Of course. I should have known that Christine would always remain the only woman in Erik´s heart. After all, I had seen them on stage together, merely hours ago. The sexual tension between them had been almost visible. And unintentionally I had provided him with an outlet for all those energy – me. That had been the reason for initially refusing me: He had wanted to wait with these things, hoping to experience them with her sometime. Even with him having finally given in to me, doubtlessly imagining to be with Christine, in a way he had succeeded. He´d be able to forget what had happened between us quickly and go on brooding about the chances of his beloved ever coming back to him.
My mind was racing. One second I wanted to yell at him how he could have used me like that. The next second I wanted to yell at myself. Why hadn´t I noticed anything? How could I have enjoyed what he had probably considered nothing but some meaningless caresses? And worst of all: Why did his body next to mine still feel so good?
I had to get out of here. Maybe I´d calm down when I´d be away from him. I could go to the kitchen and drink a glass of water, thinking about what to do. Yet as I tried to stand up Erik´s movements became stronger; his dream was probably turning into a nightmare. I realised that I couldn´t leave him alone in this state. He´d certainly fall from the sofa and hurt himself. The thought sounded quite appealing, but then my momentary meanness was gone again. At least I had to wake him up.
Bending over him I seized his shoulder and was about to shake it when he started uttering choked whispers, as if he was in pain. "Christine, no… please don´t… you cannot just go… I… don´t leave me!" Without thinking twice I put my arms around his shaking body, pulling both of us into a sitting position, and let his head rest against my bosom, rocking him back and forth. "Sh… It´s all right.", I muttered soothingly. "I´m here with you. You´re not alone." I repeated the sentences over and over till his breath became even again.
Moments later he lifted his head and looked up at me. To my surprise he didn´t object to being treated like a child, pressed against the very breasts he had caressed lovingly not too long ago. All he said was: "She´s gone, isn´t she?". "Yes, she´s gone.", I replied, wishing I could give him a different answer. "I thought that maybe I´d wake up and find out that everything has only been a dream…", he murmured before burying his face at my chest once more.
I noticed a warm liquid trickling down my skin and knew Erik was crying. I was sure my heart wouldn´t be able to take much more sadness without being torn to pieces by it, and I was only the witness. How did he cope with all this darkness in his own heart? Suddenly I knew I´d do anything to help him. Even if he didn´t appreciate the present I had given him, I´d do it again if it made him feel better. Why? The reason was simple.
His tears having subsided, he straightened up. Only now did he seem to realise the significance of the part of my body he had been leaning against. It was hard to tell without any source of light in the room, but I could have sworn that he blushed. "And the things which happened between you and me…" "…were not a dream either.", I finished. His gaze wandered down his body, then fell on mine. Noticing that we both didn´t wear anything he snatched his cloak and hastily tried to cover… not himself, but me.
"I can´t tell you how sorry I am for intruding into your privacy, Mme.Giry.", he said, staring at the candelabra intently, apparently determined not to look at me. "I shouldn´t have taken advantage of you like that. You only tried to comfort me, and I…" I frowned. How could his recollection of the incident be so crucially different from my own? "Erik, listen to me. You didn´t do anything wrong. I enjoyed all this.", I explained. Seizing my chance to find out what I had pondered on earlier I went on: "And you?".
For a second I was sure I had seen him give a small smile, as if the memory was a particularly pleasant one. But then something strange happened: Instead of showing signs of relief that he had not done things against my will he started picking up his clothes from the floor, eventually standing up to get dressed. When he was about to put on the first piece of clothing I managed to speak. "I guess your reaction means you didn´t like it.", I stated matter-of-factly. "Why didn´t you just say so? Do I matter so little to you that you didn´t even bother to tell me?"
The trousers fell from Erik´s hands as he sat down again. Slowly he brushed his thumb over my cheek. "On the contrary, Antoinette.", he whispered softly. The combination of his touch and the deliberate use of my first name made my legs go weak. "I do care for you, maybe more than you´ll ever know. But I must not forget Christine. When you and I… you know, I only thought about you. And our kisses… they were even better than with her! But how can that be?" "Maybe because I have more experience in kissing than Christine.", I said quite calmly, despite the warmth that had developed in my stomach at his words. He had thought about me? "Or because we were under less pressure. Or because…" I took a deep breath, summoning all my courage. "…because I love you."