Dark Addiction
By: Rogue Fox
A/N: Konnichiwa, everyone! I'm back again. And I bet your thinking, "Great, the crazy lady's on the loose again." You're right! ^_^ For lack of anything better to do, I'm gonna turn out a fic in a yami's point of view. Yami Bakura, just because he's so much fun. And I was in the mood for something a little on the evil side. We're still on the original plot, with the first three fics. Just so no one gets confused, because I spend half my life confused and it's not fun.
*+*+*
I swear, the people of this age are just damn weird.
For starters, the idiots cannot, let me repeat that, cannot make a decent alcoholic drink to save their lives. And I know this from experience. For example; January night. Cold outside, so much so I was starting to wish I hadn't left the house in the first place. I could be home with Ryou, my personal (not to mention super cuddly) electric blanket that would warm me up if I was laying on my back in the Artic. But no, I wanted a change of scenery. I needed some alone time. And I call that Pharaoh an idiot.
Anyway, cold January night. Just wandering around aimlessly, thinking my usual morbid thoughts. Like, exactly how much trouble would I be in if I ripped Ryou's latest bully's arms off and beat him over the head with 'em? I decided Ryou wouldn't take too kindly to the idea. Neither would the law, which is just as screwed up as the people it's supposed to be governing. Of course, I was always something of a rebel. I don't like people, or otherwise, telling me what to do. So I was cold. That was the predominant thing on my mind. Ryou says I live in the moment. I guess I do. How am I supposed to know? Damn, I sure get off track easy. Okay, I was cold, so I go into a bar. A bar, you ask? I look exactly like Ryou, and I, against my will, appear the same age as him. Seventeen. Under the legal drinking age, right? Obviously, you have not spent a fair amount of time near me. I think myself something of an actor, and I'm pretty damn good at it. All you have to do is act like you do whatever it is you're doing, which you probably shouldn't be doing at all if you're anything like me, all the time. And in the particular case, I did do this all the time.
So I ordered my drink and got it without a problem. All that barkeeper cared about was whether or not I could pay for it, anyway. Just to be on the safe side, though, I did cast a suspicious glance in the direction of a burly bouncer. Note to self, don't get into any fights, I thought in amusement. If this wasn't a public place, I could have torn that muscle- head's soul out of his body and put it in a nice inanimate object, like, say, a rock? Or perhaps an old beer can? I chuckled a little at the thought. That would be very amusing. Perhaps I would do that sometime. When Yami Malik was around. Then I could just blame him and avoid getting in trouble with Ryou.
Don't get into any fights. Easy enough. Or so I thought. Until that Pharaoh strutted his stuff into the room and sat at the bar a few seats down. I didn't even notice him at first. I was too busy scowling at that dumbass bartender's back because the drink he gave me was terrible. I guzzled it down anyway. I wanted the alcoholic effect more than the drink.
" Just give me a beer." A voice suddenly assaulted my ears. I almost fell off my stool. Not him, I begged, not him! I decided finally to sneak a glance. Okay, it's him. No problem, just stay cool. Do not go over there and try to murder him. Your chances of succeeding are not good anyway, considering that bastard's sitting right by the muscle-head!
So, what's former tomb robber to do in a situation like this? Trapped between doing what would satisfy that lust to kill my hated rival when he didn't even know I was there (which would probably be dangerous to my personal wellbeing, considering the bouncer), and doing what would most please my precious hikari. I decided on the hikari thing. So I took one last swig of my drink and waited for the moment to make my escape. I'd never been so happy that I don't get drunk. I just go to sleep once I'm sloshed. Unlike that Pharaoh, who's just stinking hilarious when he's drunk. How do I know this?
Okay, Malik (not the yami, mind you) and I were wondering how much it takes to get a Pharaoh drunk. So Malik stole some strong vodka his sister keeps for special occasions. Hey, don't look at me like that, it wasn't my idea! Malik was the one who suggested the vodka thing! And this was a special occasion! It was Ryou's birthday. Who knew Isis liked vodka? Anyway, we spiked the punch with it. And when I say spiked, I mean it seemed like a good idea at the time to dump the whole damn bottle in there. What did not occur to us was that Ryou would be drinking that punch too, as would Yugi. And here's a bit of advice to all you little kiddies; when you spike some punch, especially with a whole bottle of really strong vodka, do not forget you spiked it. I never knew Malik was such a light weight. He was gone after two cups! Passed out on the couch. Isis started to suspect then, and pounced Yami Malik. What that maniac was doing there, I don't remember. Of course, I think it was starting to get to me too by that point, because I don't remember very much. And then things started to get fun. Yugi got sick, and Ryou was fast after him, but I hardly noticed. Why would I, when I had Yami Yugi to pick on? That guy is so funny! By this time, just about everyone had figured it out. And Kaiba, who can take 'em as they come, sent a very woozy Mokuba home. So we turned it into a competition. Who could drink the most spiked punch? And Yami Yugi was right in the thick of it, totally plastered. All you had to do was point him in a direction, give him a shove, and he'd start walking until he hit something. And if you said "Greece," he'd go off on a tirade about arrogant Greeks that ended up being about how the interrupting cow knock-knock joke is so funny. Whatever he drank in that palace of his back in the old times wasn't strong enough. This is the guy that has iron control on himself. It got so bad that all me and Isis had to do was say "mirror" and he'd be rolling on the floor laughing. But then, we were on the floor with him. I woke up the next morning feeling a little sluggish, but otherwise just fine. Isis, who can really handle her alcohol, felt about the same. Kaiba had originally intended to go home that night, but he ended up sleeping on the floor with the rest of us. He couldn't walk straight, much less dial for a ride. So he woke up, on a floor, with hangover, and a very rotten disposition. Ryou and Yugi were royally pissed, not to mention really really sick, and demanded to know who the culprit was. When Isis found out that me and Malik had done it, she actually felt sorry she had yelled at Yami Malik about it, but then Ryou reminded her that he had probably done something worthy of a griping- out anyway.
Great night. Anyway, back to the bar. I seriously did not want that Pharaoh to see me. He's got way more self-control than me, but he can be just as scary and dangerous, if not more, once he is pissed. And if he, the almighty, unable-to-do-wrong, always-in-the-right Pharaoh, was sitting in a bar with that serious look on his face, I was willing to bet he was already on a short fuse. As a matter of fact, I had probably bought myself a one way ticket back to the Shadow Realm just for breathing the same air. That is, if he saw me. And I had no intention of letting him see me.
" Bakura?" he asked suddenly. Well, damn, I thought. Where's that hikari of his when you need him?
" Yeah?" I snarled. I was not going to let him get to me. Just act casual. And yes, I define a snarl as casual when speaking to him. He automatically bristled.
" What the hell are you doing here?" he growled.
" Why do you give a damn?" I shot back. The Pharaoh faltered.
" I don't know. And frankly, I don't give a damn. You could fall off the face of the earth and the only way I would ever care would be if Ryou's missing you affected Yugi." He spat. " And I'd still be glad you were gone, anyway."
" That's a pretty long winded insult." I commented.
" I really don't want to deal with your smart-ass remarks." He declared, turning away from me. Ah, I thought, caught you at a bad time, did I? Lady Luck is finally smiling on me!
" Well, isn't that just too bad?" I said, my voice dripping in mock friendliness.
" Don't make me crush your soul. I will. And I'll enjoy it." The Pharaoh growled at me.
" You wouldn't dare. It'd be all over the news. I can just see the headlines; Teenage Boy Without Records Kills Unidentified Teen Without Laying A Hand On Him." I snickered. " They'd lock you up, not to mention what your precious hikari would do."
" Asshole." That dumb Pharaoh spat at me.
" Yeah, that's real intelligent." I said with a laugh. " Well, I've got better things to do than waste my breath talking to you." I said, walking off with no further come-backs from His Royal Pain In the Ass. And that bouncer glared at me as I went.
The moon was high in the sky when I stepped outside, the cold air jarring my mind back to reality. I looked up at the moon out of habit, and determined the time to be about midnight. I checked the watch Ryou gave me to see if I had been right. Ah, I thought, off by fifteen minutes. It was fifteen after midnight. Still, not bad. So I started off in the direction of the house I called home. Home. It's really a very meaningless word. Or at least, that's what I thought before Ryou. Now, home is wherever he is. No matter how far I go or what I do, I can always come home to Ryou.
I say "before Ryou" like he's an event. He is, to me. He's what happened to me that made me human. Before, I was something of a monster. A thing no one cared about and everyone hated. But after, I became human... No, I became a man. Because without something to care for, the greatest man alive is without meaning. Ryou taught me that. I can't stand meaningless things. Meaningless violence, meaningless chatter... And they wonder why I'm always so annoyed. This entire age is annoying! Everything! People talk and complain and talk and complain some more, but no one ever does anything to make the things they complain about better. They go around and shoot each other just because they've got nothing better to do. Ryou's so different from all that. He's so pure and gentle and warm and everything good in my life. Everything I could ever love is in him. Sometimes I lay in bed and look at him and just marvel that he, this perfect, beautiful, incredible little god, could ever feel anything other than loathing for me, this hateful, bitter old coot that I am.
When I first made contact with him, I expected him to loathe me. Why not? Why should he be any different from anyone else I'd ever met? When he treated me with kindness, it blew me out of the water. When he smiled at me, suddenly I wanted to lay the world at his feet. And then, damn me to eternal fire, he loved me! My god, the one I worship, returned my feelings of love and adoration! The Pharaoh could have slit my throat where I stood and I couldn't have cared unless Ryou wanted me to. Ryou understands me better than I do. He understands why I do the things I do. He understands why I act like such an evil son of a bitch. And he doesn't mind. "If you're being yourself and you're happy, then I'm happy." He told me. He knows I drink. He knows I play pranks on just about everyone. He knows I shoplift sometimes (not often, because he doesn't really like that). He knows I threaten anyone who gets in my way with their life and sanity. Just so long as I don't call too much attention to myself, he doesn't mind. Just as long as I come home in the evening.
I walked into the house at one in the morning, surprised that the lights were still on. Ryou's father (if you can call that asshole that, always leaving Ryou alone) wasn't home. Ryou wasn't much of a night owl, and was always asleep before midnight. Unless I keep him awake. So I couldn't figure out why the lights were on. I kicked my shoes off and walked into the living room and saw the TV was on, and a sleeping Ryou was on the couch. A small book was resting open on his chest, and I found that odd. Why would he be reading a book and watching TV at the same time? Come to think of it, there's no title on that book, I noted. So I picked it up and glanced at the page it was open on. The words were written in Ryou's neat handwriting. Oh, I thought, it's his journal. That little book he writes in all the time rather than talk to me. I scowled a little, and thought about trashing the thing, but then I decided that anything my precious little idiot guarded so carefully was worth my respect.
And then, curiosity took over. I was a tomb robber, and I still am a kind of thief. A reformed thief, as Ryou calls it. I have uncontrollable curiosity. I absolutely cannot stand there being anything I don't know about Ryou. I have to know every little part of him by heart. And what better way to know it all than to read this little book? What better place to start than right here? I knew I shouldn't. But I'm not very good at listening to common sense or my conscience or whatever you call that stupid little voice. So I started reading;
"Dear Diary,"
Damn, he calls it a diary, I thought. Oh well. It just makes me love him more when he does stuff like that, as much as I don't want to admit it.
"Yami's gone out again. I hate it when he goes out for such a long time. I know it's stupid, and I know he'd tell me so, but I've got this irrational fear that he won't come back. I'm just being possessive. But, well, if I'm his, then isn't he mine? They say it takes two to tango. Well, we've got the tango part down. Now if I could just learn to trust him to come back. I feel so stupid. But I want him next to me when I fall asleep, when I wake up... I don't like it when he leaves. I know he needs his space. But I need him!
It's getting late, and I'm getting tired, but I want to be awake when he comes home. I want him to hold me and kiss me and remind me that I'm his. I like being his. If it was anyone else, I'd hate it. But with him... I know he owns me. I enjoy it. Wow, I'm so tired.
There's some dumb infomercial on TV. I think it's about some weight loss program. Whatever. I don't care. All I'm really listening for is the sound of the door opening and Yami's footsteps. Is that weird? I know his every single expression, the way he walks, talks, everything. I know the sound of his footsteps by heart. I even know the way he breathes and the way his heart beats. I like listening to his heart. I just want him to come home. He doesn't know how much it scares me when he leaves, and I won't tell him. He'd think I was being a wuss again. And I want him to be proud of me."
The writing stopped there. I decided he must have gone to sleep at that point. It scares him when I go out? He knows how my heart sounds? Suddenly I felt incredibly guilty. I just took it for granted that Ryou didn't mind my going out. And then I had the nerve to read his personal, private journal? I felt like the all time jerk. He wanted me to be proud of him? Damn it, I was proud. Proud and elated and ecstatic and so in love with him. Proud that he was my hikari. Proud that everything good was embodied in him. Proud to be able to say he was mine.
I looked down at him, still feeling incredibly guilty, which is a very strange sensation for me. I put down the journal and knelt down next to him, gathering him in my arms as gently as I knew how. I was still too rough, and he woke up. He moaned in his sleepiness as those intoxicatingly innocent eyes opened unwillingly and looked up at me.
" Uh... Yami?" he asked groggily.
" Aibou." I murmured, pulling him closer still. He pressed his sweet little face against my chest.
" What time is it?" he asked, sleep still drugging his voice.
" I don't know. I don't care." I said, suddenly feeling angry. Ryou looked up at me.
" What's wrong?" he asked. He knows as well as I do that I always get angry when I'm expressing an emotion like the intense passion that was evoked by him alone. Damn, it hurt! Like a thousand of the sharpest daggers ever made slowly piercing my heart and twisting ever so slowly until I just want to die to end it.
" I'm a jackass." I said suddenly. Ryou gave me a curious look.
" Okay." He said, sounding a little unsure.
" I read your journal." I told him. He gripped my shirt a little.
" How much?" he asked, sounding almost like he had expected me to say that.
" Just the last page. The most recent one." I muttered, still feeling angry and guilty.
" That's okay." He said, snuggling against me. Once again, he amazed me. That ability to forgive and forget is a true gift. I still remember every wrong ever done against me, and I've laid out very intricate plans on how to return each one. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed by the urge to kiss him, to touch him. So I did. Why not? He's mine, and I'm his. I kissed him furiously, crushing my lips against his. And he yielded to me without so much as a bit of struggle. That amazing trust I felt flowing through our link... His lips parted under mine, and I slipped my tongue in and re- explored the already well known regions of his mouth. I felt so damn complete... His hands gripped against my back, pulling me closer as I rolled to get on top of him.
I used to dream about Ryou. When I was young, back in the old times. I felt empty and unfulfilled. I slept with any woman who'd have me, but nothing soothed the yearning I felt. Every night I was visited in my sleep by an angel with eyes so dark against the pale face that framed them, it was like seeing two dark onyx orbs set against silver in a Pharaoh's tomb. An angel that touched my face and stroked my hair, my hair that cast me apart from everyone else. An angel that always fled before morning's light.
Now, five millennia later, I was laying with that angel. I was sore, like I always was after a night like that. Ryou was fast asleep and probably going to miss school. But I didn't care. I don't think he did either. All I cared about was that angelic face of his, that soft, beautiful body pressed against mine.
They accuse us yamis of being possessive. Damn right. So I don't like my possessions being touched. And Ryou counts as a part of that. I'm possessive. Big damn deal. So is Yami Malik, and the Pharaoh puts him to shame. But I can give the Pharaoh a run for his money. The Pharaoh's been known to haul Yugi off when Anzu got too close. I shove myself in the middle when Mai hugs Ryou. Or when Ryou and Malik seem to be getting too cozy. Jounouchi and Honda have met the door rather abruptly quite a few times. And once, I went over to the Ishtar home when Malik was in the shower and I didn't know it. Yami Malik, the maniac, grabbed poor Malik (who was wearing only a towel) and carried him over his shoulder to a bedroom, where Malik was locked in until I left. The look on that maniac's face as he did it was somewhere between jealous protectiveness (how dare I so much as look at his hikari?) and unharnessed pride (Yeah, that's mine, buddy. Jealous?). Of course, I'm just as bad. I'll absolutely drape myself over Ryou to let the whole world know that he belongs to me and me alone. The Pharaoh won't rest unless Yugi is sitting on his lap. No chair or seat of any kind is good enough. Poor Malik has to put up with his yami, who is utterly unpredictable, and sometimes very infuriating. Did you know he once tried to carve the words "THIS BODY IS MINE!" on Malik's back with a knife? I chased him around the Ishtar residence with a bat for that. Then he chased me around with a chainsaw. Yes, a chainsaw. A real, running chainsaw. A very loud chainsaw. Do you have any idea how scary that guy is when he's got a chainsaw in his hands? Needless to say, I set a world record for getting out of that house and as far away as possible.
Yamis are protective. It comes with the job. Supernatural powers, immortality, a Millennium Item, and your very own super-cute hikari, all yours to hold, protect, and have great sex with. What a job. But I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. I wouldn't, for fear that the passion, the emotions would fade. For fear that the one I hold dearest to me would suddenly no longer be dearest. The very thought scared me silly. It made me tighten my grip on Ryou, who smiled a little in his sleep. Little idiot. My little idiot. He drives me wild with passion, pushes me to the edge of my sanity in annoyance, makes me melt in adoration, and holds me still in utter contentment and completion. And I don't even know if I love him. I say I love him, and I act it. But I don't know if it's really that thing people call love. It could very possibly be an obsession. And why not? I do obsess over him. Once, when we were out together (which was an event all on its own), he slipped and fell in a puddle and got all wet. I carried him all the way home right away and made him take a warm bath. Then I made him have hot chocolate, because that always made me feel better and that was all I could think of. He laughed at me and said I was being silly. I didn't care. Nothing, absolutely nothing would ever bring him grief as long as I was around. And I intend to be around for a very long time.
I'm well aware that the rest of the world would condemn us if only they knew the truth. About me, about Ryou. About what I really am. But damn it, can't they see? They call it unhealthy, our so-called friends talk about it all the time behind our backs. It's probably the only thing all us yamis agree about it. Their stupid belief that we're not "healthy" for our hikaris. Hell, I'll tell them what's not healthy! Taking Ryou away from me! Not healthy for Ryou, not at all. Not to mention the frayed edges of madness I'd be pushed to with the agony. And what happens to little mortals who get in my way when I'm like that? I find the thought amusing. But I do remember my last separation from Ryou. I thought... Well, actually, I can't really call what was going on in my head "thought." But I did feel. I wished I couldn't. Every single second, I was wrapped in maddening darkness with no light... I'm a creature of shadow, a child of the purest night. Without light to balance me, I'll slowly slip into madness, poisoned by my own darkness. That's what happened to Yami Malik, you know. Poisoned by his own being, his own shadow. Yami Yugi, too. Some of us recovered more than others. But none of us really came all the way back. Why are we possessive? Because, even that maniac Yami Malik remembers what it's like. It hurts, damn it! It hurts, just being a half. And the darker half, no less. In maddened rage we do the things we do, because death and blood and darkness are what we know. It's all we know. What's that saying Ryou once told me? "We will love only what we understand." Yeah. Or at least, that's part of it. I understand death and dark and blood and hate. And because of that, I love it.
But, then there's Ryou. My counterbalance that keeps me in the realm of sanity. If I was set loose on the world knowing that there was no way to get to him... well, I feel sorry for the world. The people of the world would take him away from me. It's not healthy to be in love with your other self. Damn it, I'm not Ryou. I'm not. I'm not sure who or what I really, truly am, but I know I'm not Ryou. We're very different people. Granted, we were made to balance each other out, but that doesn't make us the same person.
I swear, the people of this age are just damn weird
So there. I'm screwed up, but I adore Ryou. I like to think he feels the same way about me. And you know what? I don't care if it's not healthy. Because at that moment, on that January morning, he opened his eyes and looked up at me. And for me, everything in the world was suddenly right. Why should I care about anything? If I'm going to burn in Hell, then I'm going to have fun before I have to go. If all of Ryou's friends are scared witless of me, let them be. I don't give a damn. Because, moments like that one make or break a person. Ryou is mine. My reason, my world, my heart. So gimme a bottle of sun tan lotion and let those idiots start a Yami Haters Club. Even if I am only obsessed with Royu, and it's not really love. I don't care. Even if this all just a really good dream. Even if it's all going to end tomorrow. As long as I've got Ryou, I'm good to go.
A/N: Alrighty then. Not sure if I'm gonna continue... Send in some suggestions, if you want me to. ::Sigh:: Sorry for the long wait. I've hit a dry spell in the inspiration department. v_v I did write an AU yaoi fic, but I'm not sure whether or not to post it... It's a plot line separate from this one. Once again, gimme some suggestions. Please?
By: Rogue Fox
A/N: Konnichiwa, everyone! I'm back again. And I bet your thinking, "Great, the crazy lady's on the loose again." You're right! ^_^ For lack of anything better to do, I'm gonna turn out a fic in a yami's point of view. Yami Bakura, just because he's so much fun. And I was in the mood for something a little on the evil side. We're still on the original plot, with the first three fics. Just so no one gets confused, because I spend half my life confused and it's not fun.
*+*+*
I swear, the people of this age are just damn weird.
For starters, the idiots cannot, let me repeat that, cannot make a decent alcoholic drink to save their lives. And I know this from experience. For example; January night. Cold outside, so much so I was starting to wish I hadn't left the house in the first place. I could be home with Ryou, my personal (not to mention super cuddly) electric blanket that would warm me up if I was laying on my back in the Artic. But no, I wanted a change of scenery. I needed some alone time. And I call that Pharaoh an idiot.
Anyway, cold January night. Just wandering around aimlessly, thinking my usual morbid thoughts. Like, exactly how much trouble would I be in if I ripped Ryou's latest bully's arms off and beat him over the head with 'em? I decided Ryou wouldn't take too kindly to the idea. Neither would the law, which is just as screwed up as the people it's supposed to be governing. Of course, I was always something of a rebel. I don't like people, or otherwise, telling me what to do. So I was cold. That was the predominant thing on my mind. Ryou says I live in the moment. I guess I do. How am I supposed to know? Damn, I sure get off track easy. Okay, I was cold, so I go into a bar. A bar, you ask? I look exactly like Ryou, and I, against my will, appear the same age as him. Seventeen. Under the legal drinking age, right? Obviously, you have not spent a fair amount of time near me. I think myself something of an actor, and I'm pretty damn good at it. All you have to do is act like you do whatever it is you're doing, which you probably shouldn't be doing at all if you're anything like me, all the time. And in the particular case, I did do this all the time.
So I ordered my drink and got it without a problem. All that barkeeper cared about was whether or not I could pay for it, anyway. Just to be on the safe side, though, I did cast a suspicious glance in the direction of a burly bouncer. Note to self, don't get into any fights, I thought in amusement. If this wasn't a public place, I could have torn that muscle- head's soul out of his body and put it in a nice inanimate object, like, say, a rock? Or perhaps an old beer can? I chuckled a little at the thought. That would be very amusing. Perhaps I would do that sometime. When Yami Malik was around. Then I could just blame him and avoid getting in trouble with Ryou.
Don't get into any fights. Easy enough. Or so I thought. Until that Pharaoh strutted his stuff into the room and sat at the bar a few seats down. I didn't even notice him at first. I was too busy scowling at that dumbass bartender's back because the drink he gave me was terrible. I guzzled it down anyway. I wanted the alcoholic effect more than the drink.
" Just give me a beer." A voice suddenly assaulted my ears. I almost fell off my stool. Not him, I begged, not him! I decided finally to sneak a glance. Okay, it's him. No problem, just stay cool. Do not go over there and try to murder him. Your chances of succeeding are not good anyway, considering that bastard's sitting right by the muscle-head!
So, what's former tomb robber to do in a situation like this? Trapped between doing what would satisfy that lust to kill my hated rival when he didn't even know I was there (which would probably be dangerous to my personal wellbeing, considering the bouncer), and doing what would most please my precious hikari. I decided on the hikari thing. So I took one last swig of my drink and waited for the moment to make my escape. I'd never been so happy that I don't get drunk. I just go to sleep once I'm sloshed. Unlike that Pharaoh, who's just stinking hilarious when he's drunk. How do I know this?
Okay, Malik (not the yami, mind you) and I were wondering how much it takes to get a Pharaoh drunk. So Malik stole some strong vodka his sister keeps for special occasions. Hey, don't look at me like that, it wasn't my idea! Malik was the one who suggested the vodka thing! And this was a special occasion! It was Ryou's birthday. Who knew Isis liked vodka? Anyway, we spiked the punch with it. And when I say spiked, I mean it seemed like a good idea at the time to dump the whole damn bottle in there. What did not occur to us was that Ryou would be drinking that punch too, as would Yugi. And here's a bit of advice to all you little kiddies; when you spike some punch, especially with a whole bottle of really strong vodka, do not forget you spiked it. I never knew Malik was such a light weight. He was gone after two cups! Passed out on the couch. Isis started to suspect then, and pounced Yami Malik. What that maniac was doing there, I don't remember. Of course, I think it was starting to get to me too by that point, because I don't remember very much. And then things started to get fun. Yugi got sick, and Ryou was fast after him, but I hardly noticed. Why would I, when I had Yami Yugi to pick on? That guy is so funny! By this time, just about everyone had figured it out. And Kaiba, who can take 'em as they come, sent a very woozy Mokuba home. So we turned it into a competition. Who could drink the most spiked punch? And Yami Yugi was right in the thick of it, totally plastered. All you had to do was point him in a direction, give him a shove, and he'd start walking until he hit something. And if you said "Greece," he'd go off on a tirade about arrogant Greeks that ended up being about how the interrupting cow knock-knock joke is so funny. Whatever he drank in that palace of his back in the old times wasn't strong enough. This is the guy that has iron control on himself. It got so bad that all me and Isis had to do was say "mirror" and he'd be rolling on the floor laughing. But then, we were on the floor with him. I woke up the next morning feeling a little sluggish, but otherwise just fine. Isis, who can really handle her alcohol, felt about the same. Kaiba had originally intended to go home that night, but he ended up sleeping on the floor with the rest of us. He couldn't walk straight, much less dial for a ride. So he woke up, on a floor, with hangover, and a very rotten disposition. Ryou and Yugi were royally pissed, not to mention really really sick, and demanded to know who the culprit was. When Isis found out that me and Malik had done it, she actually felt sorry she had yelled at Yami Malik about it, but then Ryou reminded her that he had probably done something worthy of a griping- out anyway.
Great night. Anyway, back to the bar. I seriously did not want that Pharaoh to see me. He's got way more self-control than me, but he can be just as scary and dangerous, if not more, once he is pissed. And if he, the almighty, unable-to-do-wrong, always-in-the-right Pharaoh, was sitting in a bar with that serious look on his face, I was willing to bet he was already on a short fuse. As a matter of fact, I had probably bought myself a one way ticket back to the Shadow Realm just for breathing the same air. That is, if he saw me. And I had no intention of letting him see me.
" Bakura?" he asked suddenly. Well, damn, I thought. Where's that hikari of his when you need him?
" Yeah?" I snarled. I was not going to let him get to me. Just act casual. And yes, I define a snarl as casual when speaking to him. He automatically bristled.
" What the hell are you doing here?" he growled.
" Why do you give a damn?" I shot back. The Pharaoh faltered.
" I don't know. And frankly, I don't give a damn. You could fall off the face of the earth and the only way I would ever care would be if Ryou's missing you affected Yugi." He spat. " And I'd still be glad you were gone, anyway."
" That's a pretty long winded insult." I commented.
" I really don't want to deal with your smart-ass remarks." He declared, turning away from me. Ah, I thought, caught you at a bad time, did I? Lady Luck is finally smiling on me!
" Well, isn't that just too bad?" I said, my voice dripping in mock friendliness.
" Don't make me crush your soul. I will. And I'll enjoy it." The Pharaoh growled at me.
" You wouldn't dare. It'd be all over the news. I can just see the headlines; Teenage Boy Without Records Kills Unidentified Teen Without Laying A Hand On Him." I snickered. " They'd lock you up, not to mention what your precious hikari would do."
" Asshole." That dumb Pharaoh spat at me.
" Yeah, that's real intelligent." I said with a laugh. " Well, I've got better things to do than waste my breath talking to you." I said, walking off with no further come-backs from His Royal Pain In the Ass. And that bouncer glared at me as I went.
The moon was high in the sky when I stepped outside, the cold air jarring my mind back to reality. I looked up at the moon out of habit, and determined the time to be about midnight. I checked the watch Ryou gave me to see if I had been right. Ah, I thought, off by fifteen minutes. It was fifteen after midnight. Still, not bad. So I started off in the direction of the house I called home. Home. It's really a very meaningless word. Or at least, that's what I thought before Ryou. Now, home is wherever he is. No matter how far I go or what I do, I can always come home to Ryou.
I say "before Ryou" like he's an event. He is, to me. He's what happened to me that made me human. Before, I was something of a monster. A thing no one cared about and everyone hated. But after, I became human... No, I became a man. Because without something to care for, the greatest man alive is without meaning. Ryou taught me that. I can't stand meaningless things. Meaningless violence, meaningless chatter... And they wonder why I'm always so annoyed. This entire age is annoying! Everything! People talk and complain and talk and complain some more, but no one ever does anything to make the things they complain about better. They go around and shoot each other just because they've got nothing better to do. Ryou's so different from all that. He's so pure and gentle and warm and everything good in my life. Everything I could ever love is in him. Sometimes I lay in bed and look at him and just marvel that he, this perfect, beautiful, incredible little god, could ever feel anything other than loathing for me, this hateful, bitter old coot that I am.
When I first made contact with him, I expected him to loathe me. Why not? Why should he be any different from anyone else I'd ever met? When he treated me with kindness, it blew me out of the water. When he smiled at me, suddenly I wanted to lay the world at his feet. And then, damn me to eternal fire, he loved me! My god, the one I worship, returned my feelings of love and adoration! The Pharaoh could have slit my throat where I stood and I couldn't have cared unless Ryou wanted me to. Ryou understands me better than I do. He understands why I do the things I do. He understands why I act like such an evil son of a bitch. And he doesn't mind. "If you're being yourself and you're happy, then I'm happy." He told me. He knows I drink. He knows I play pranks on just about everyone. He knows I shoplift sometimes (not often, because he doesn't really like that). He knows I threaten anyone who gets in my way with their life and sanity. Just so long as I don't call too much attention to myself, he doesn't mind. Just as long as I come home in the evening.
I walked into the house at one in the morning, surprised that the lights were still on. Ryou's father (if you can call that asshole that, always leaving Ryou alone) wasn't home. Ryou wasn't much of a night owl, and was always asleep before midnight. Unless I keep him awake. So I couldn't figure out why the lights were on. I kicked my shoes off and walked into the living room and saw the TV was on, and a sleeping Ryou was on the couch. A small book was resting open on his chest, and I found that odd. Why would he be reading a book and watching TV at the same time? Come to think of it, there's no title on that book, I noted. So I picked it up and glanced at the page it was open on. The words were written in Ryou's neat handwriting. Oh, I thought, it's his journal. That little book he writes in all the time rather than talk to me. I scowled a little, and thought about trashing the thing, but then I decided that anything my precious little idiot guarded so carefully was worth my respect.
And then, curiosity took over. I was a tomb robber, and I still am a kind of thief. A reformed thief, as Ryou calls it. I have uncontrollable curiosity. I absolutely cannot stand there being anything I don't know about Ryou. I have to know every little part of him by heart. And what better way to know it all than to read this little book? What better place to start than right here? I knew I shouldn't. But I'm not very good at listening to common sense or my conscience or whatever you call that stupid little voice. So I started reading;
"Dear Diary,"
Damn, he calls it a diary, I thought. Oh well. It just makes me love him more when he does stuff like that, as much as I don't want to admit it.
"Yami's gone out again. I hate it when he goes out for such a long time. I know it's stupid, and I know he'd tell me so, but I've got this irrational fear that he won't come back. I'm just being possessive. But, well, if I'm his, then isn't he mine? They say it takes two to tango. Well, we've got the tango part down. Now if I could just learn to trust him to come back. I feel so stupid. But I want him next to me when I fall asleep, when I wake up... I don't like it when he leaves. I know he needs his space. But I need him!
It's getting late, and I'm getting tired, but I want to be awake when he comes home. I want him to hold me and kiss me and remind me that I'm his. I like being his. If it was anyone else, I'd hate it. But with him... I know he owns me. I enjoy it. Wow, I'm so tired.
There's some dumb infomercial on TV. I think it's about some weight loss program. Whatever. I don't care. All I'm really listening for is the sound of the door opening and Yami's footsteps. Is that weird? I know his every single expression, the way he walks, talks, everything. I know the sound of his footsteps by heart. I even know the way he breathes and the way his heart beats. I like listening to his heart. I just want him to come home. He doesn't know how much it scares me when he leaves, and I won't tell him. He'd think I was being a wuss again. And I want him to be proud of me."
The writing stopped there. I decided he must have gone to sleep at that point. It scares him when I go out? He knows how my heart sounds? Suddenly I felt incredibly guilty. I just took it for granted that Ryou didn't mind my going out. And then I had the nerve to read his personal, private journal? I felt like the all time jerk. He wanted me to be proud of him? Damn it, I was proud. Proud and elated and ecstatic and so in love with him. Proud that he was my hikari. Proud that everything good was embodied in him. Proud to be able to say he was mine.
I looked down at him, still feeling incredibly guilty, which is a very strange sensation for me. I put down the journal and knelt down next to him, gathering him in my arms as gently as I knew how. I was still too rough, and he woke up. He moaned in his sleepiness as those intoxicatingly innocent eyes opened unwillingly and looked up at me.
" Uh... Yami?" he asked groggily.
" Aibou." I murmured, pulling him closer still. He pressed his sweet little face against my chest.
" What time is it?" he asked, sleep still drugging his voice.
" I don't know. I don't care." I said, suddenly feeling angry. Ryou looked up at me.
" What's wrong?" he asked. He knows as well as I do that I always get angry when I'm expressing an emotion like the intense passion that was evoked by him alone. Damn, it hurt! Like a thousand of the sharpest daggers ever made slowly piercing my heart and twisting ever so slowly until I just want to die to end it.
" I'm a jackass." I said suddenly. Ryou gave me a curious look.
" Okay." He said, sounding a little unsure.
" I read your journal." I told him. He gripped my shirt a little.
" How much?" he asked, sounding almost like he had expected me to say that.
" Just the last page. The most recent one." I muttered, still feeling angry and guilty.
" That's okay." He said, snuggling against me. Once again, he amazed me. That ability to forgive and forget is a true gift. I still remember every wrong ever done against me, and I've laid out very intricate plans on how to return each one. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed by the urge to kiss him, to touch him. So I did. Why not? He's mine, and I'm his. I kissed him furiously, crushing my lips against his. And he yielded to me without so much as a bit of struggle. That amazing trust I felt flowing through our link... His lips parted under mine, and I slipped my tongue in and re- explored the already well known regions of his mouth. I felt so damn complete... His hands gripped against my back, pulling me closer as I rolled to get on top of him.
I used to dream about Ryou. When I was young, back in the old times. I felt empty and unfulfilled. I slept with any woman who'd have me, but nothing soothed the yearning I felt. Every night I was visited in my sleep by an angel with eyes so dark against the pale face that framed them, it was like seeing two dark onyx orbs set against silver in a Pharaoh's tomb. An angel that touched my face and stroked my hair, my hair that cast me apart from everyone else. An angel that always fled before morning's light.
Now, five millennia later, I was laying with that angel. I was sore, like I always was after a night like that. Ryou was fast asleep and probably going to miss school. But I didn't care. I don't think he did either. All I cared about was that angelic face of his, that soft, beautiful body pressed against mine.
They accuse us yamis of being possessive. Damn right. So I don't like my possessions being touched. And Ryou counts as a part of that. I'm possessive. Big damn deal. So is Yami Malik, and the Pharaoh puts him to shame. But I can give the Pharaoh a run for his money. The Pharaoh's been known to haul Yugi off when Anzu got too close. I shove myself in the middle when Mai hugs Ryou. Or when Ryou and Malik seem to be getting too cozy. Jounouchi and Honda have met the door rather abruptly quite a few times. And once, I went over to the Ishtar home when Malik was in the shower and I didn't know it. Yami Malik, the maniac, grabbed poor Malik (who was wearing only a towel) and carried him over his shoulder to a bedroom, where Malik was locked in until I left. The look on that maniac's face as he did it was somewhere between jealous protectiveness (how dare I so much as look at his hikari?) and unharnessed pride (Yeah, that's mine, buddy. Jealous?). Of course, I'm just as bad. I'll absolutely drape myself over Ryou to let the whole world know that he belongs to me and me alone. The Pharaoh won't rest unless Yugi is sitting on his lap. No chair or seat of any kind is good enough. Poor Malik has to put up with his yami, who is utterly unpredictable, and sometimes very infuriating. Did you know he once tried to carve the words "THIS BODY IS MINE!" on Malik's back with a knife? I chased him around the Ishtar residence with a bat for that. Then he chased me around with a chainsaw. Yes, a chainsaw. A real, running chainsaw. A very loud chainsaw. Do you have any idea how scary that guy is when he's got a chainsaw in his hands? Needless to say, I set a world record for getting out of that house and as far away as possible.
Yamis are protective. It comes with the job. Supernatural powers, immortality, a Millennium Item, and your very own super-cute hikari, all yours to hold, protect, and have great sex with. What a job. But I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. I wouldn't, for fear that the passion, the emotions would fade. For fear that the one I hold dearest to me would suddenly no longer be dearest. The very thought scared me silly. It made me tighten my grip on Ryou, who smiled a little in his sleep. Little idiot. My little idiot. He drives me wild with passion, pushes me to the edge of my sanity in annoyance, makes me melt in adoration, and holds me still in utter contentment and completion. And I don't even know if I love him. I say I love him, and I act it. But I don't know if it's really that thing people call love. It could very possibly be an obsession. And why not? I do obsess over him. Once, when we were out together (which was an event all on its own), he slipped and fell in a puddle and got all wet. I carried him all the way home right away and made him take a warm bath. Then I made him have hot chocolate, because that always made me feel better and that was all I could think of. He laughed at me and said I was being silly. I didn't care. Nothing, absolutely nothing would ever bring him grief as long as I was around. And I intend to be around for a very long time.
I'm well aware that the rest of the world would condemn us if only they knew the truth. About me, about Ryou. About what I really am. But damn it, can't they see? They call it unhealthy, our so-called friends talk about it all the time behind our backs. It's probably the only thing all us yamis agree about it. Their stupid belief that we're not "healthy" for our hikaris. Hell, I'll tell them what's not healthy! Taking Ryou away from me! Not healthy for Ryou, not at all. Not to mention the frayed edges of madness I'd be pushed to with the agony. And what happens to little mortals who get in my way when I'm like that? I find the thought amusing. But I do remember my last separation from Ryou. I thought... Well, actually, I can't really call what was going on in my head "thought." But I did feel. I wished I couldn't. Every single second, I was wrapped in maddening darkness with no light... I'm a creature of shadow, a child of the purest night. Without light to balance me, I'll slowly slip into madness, poisoned by my own darkness. That's what happened to Yami Malik, you know. Poisoned by his own being, his own shadow. Yami Yugi, too. Some of us recovered more than others. But none of us really came all the way back. Why are we possessive? Because, even that maniac Yami Malik remembers what it's like. It hurts, damn it! It hurts, just being a half. And the darker half, no less. In maddened rage we do the things we do, because death and blood and darkness are what we know. It's all we know. What's that saying Ryou once told me? "We will love only what we understand." Yeah. Or at least, that's part of it. I understand death and dark and blood and hate. And because of that, I love it.
But, then there's Ryou. My counterbalance that keeps me in the realm of sanity. If I was set loose on the world knowing that there was no way to get to him... well, I feel sorry for the world. The people of the world would take him away from me. It's not healthy to be in love with your other self. Damn it, I'm not Ryou. I'm not. I'm not sure who or what I really, truly am, but I know I'm not Ryou. We're very different people. Granted, we were made to balance each other out, but that doesn't make us the same person.
I swear, the people of this age are just damn weird
So there. I'm screwed up, but I adore Ryou. I like to think he feels the same way about me. And you know what? I don't care if it's not healthy. Because at that moment, on that January morning, he opened his eyes and looked up at me. And for me, everything in the world was suddenly right. Why should I care about anything? If I'm going to burn in Hell, then I'm going to have fun before I have to go. If all of Ryou's friends are scared witless of me, let them be. I don't give a damn. Because, moments like that one make or break a person. Ryou is mine. My reason, my world, my heart. So gimme a bottle of sun tan lotion and let those idiots start a Yami Haters Club. Even if I am only obsessed with Royu, and it's not really love. I don't care. Even if this all just a really good dream. Even if it's all going to end tomorrow. As long as I've got Ryou, I'm good to go.
A/N: Alrighty then. Not sure if I'm gonna continue... Send in some suggestions, if you want me to. ::Sigh:: Sorry for the long wait. I've hit a dry spell in the inspiration department. v_v I did write an AU yaoi fic, but I'm not sure whether or not to post it... It's a plot line separate from this one. Once again, gimme some suggestions. Please?