This warped idea crept into my mind one night while dealing with insomnia and having recently been exposed to an especially disturbing episode of Disney's 'Lizzie'. It is assumed that the reader is familiar with the very beginning of the 'Lizzie McGuire' episode entitled "Between A Rock and A Bra Place"
Disclaimer: I find it odd that many fan fiction writers include character disclaimers at the beginning of their stories. It seems to me that the whole point of this web site is to post writings using well known characters from popular culture. But I will say this, I have no affiliation with the Disney Corporation which created these characters, I do however reserve the right to someday own Walt Disney World in Orlando. No harm, no foul.
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Gordo, Guys and Gowns
"Lizzie, tell me the truth!" Jo McGuire shouted both with anger and suspicion at her daughter, Lizzie, who was clearly hiding the real reason that she and her best friend Miranda needed a ride to the Hillridge mall.
Lizzie finally just gave up and shouted for all to hear, "I WANT A BRA, OK? A BRA! A BRA— WE WANT A BRA! I WANT A BRA!
Those who were gathered in the McGuire's living room that afternoon handled the embarrassment of this moment in different ways. Sam McGuire, Lizzie's dad, started thinking about baseball. Miranda Sanchez, Lizzie's best friend and co-conspirator, turned as red as a freshly painted barn on a hot July afternoon, while Lizzie's little brother, Matt McGuire, responded in a typical sibling matter by shouting, "That's disgusting!"
The other two people who witnessed Lizzie's outburst had much different reactions. Not surprisingly, Lizzie's mom, Jo, who only moments earlier was angry with her daughter for lying, became almost weepy thinking of her little girl growing up. Jo McGuire would now willingly walk over shark invested hot coals to get her daughter to the mall for some quality 'women only' shopping. David 'Gordo' Gordon, Lizzie's other best friend, was also secretly glad to hear Lizzie's outburst. Finally, Gordo thought to himself with glee, I now have some girls to shop for woman's underwear with!
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Gordo had been a transvestite for about two years now. He wasn't exactly sure when the urge to dress in woman's clothing had first hit him, but it was probably sometime in the second grade. That was when his two closest friends, Lizzie and Miranda, had joined the 'Sunflower Girls'. Gordo had dearly loved the Sunflower Girls uniforms, which consisted of a chiffon yellow blouse, a navy blue skirt and a matching navy blue neck tie. Gordo had cried for a week when his mother explained to him that he could never ever be a Sunflower Girl.
As Gordo grew closer to middle school age, he began dressing in his mothers clothing at least two times a week. He would usually reserve Monday afternoons (mom's gardening group) and Thursday nights (parent's bridge club) for these brief journeys into femininity. At this time Gordo was strictly a 'stay-at-home' transvestite, but when he started attending Hillridge Junior High the following autumn, his cross-dressing habit would finally becoming out of the closet.
Soon after starting seventh grade, Gordo became close friends with two boys with whom he appeared to have little in common. David had always been a short in stature, hardly athletic, yet very bright student. While Ethan Craft was a tall, good looking, athletic kid who had the brains of an underachieving dairy cow. And Larry Tudgeman? "Tudge" was, to put it bluntly, a total geek. (or as Hillridge Junior High's resident "bad girl" Angel Lieberman would later call him. "A Major Double E") The fact that these three very different seventh grade boys became close friends was based on one single common interest. Wearing women's clothing.
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Jo McGuire wheeled the Ford mini-van into a parking spot just outside of the J.C Penney's entrance to the Hilridge Mall. "How's this for a spot!" she exclaimed, "We can almost see the intimate apparel from here!"
"Mom! Please! Why don't you just tell the whole world we're bra shopping," whined Lizzie. Miranda, still unable to even comprehend how she ever got in this horribly embarrassing predicament, covered her face and slouched down in the van's back seat. Gordo, now very excited to be this close to his prize, sat eagerly upright in the shotgun seat next to Mrs. McGuire and spoke.
"This is a great spot, Mrs. McGuire, and J.C. Penney's is a great place to start shopping for brassieres. "My mom buys many of her bras here. I really like…er, .. I mean SHE really likes the Penney's under-wire style's construction. She also thinks that Penney's does a better job of sizing their bras, especially the cups. Oh … yeah, I believe I heard that Penney's is having a 'two for one' sale this week on bras for juniors.
Jo McGuire looked at Gordo strangely, "Gordo, for a guy, you sure seem to know a lot about bras. I find that a little disturbing. Is there anything you want to tell me?"
Gordo mumbled to himself, "Me and my big mouth ……" He then answered, "No, No, nothing to tell. ……. You know us smart guys, gotta know a little about everything!"
Lizzie then spoke up, "Mom, since Gordo knows so much about bras, maybe me and Miranda could go shopping with him? You know, just the three of us. You could wait for us in the food court. You know how much you like the 'fruity' smoothies they serve there!"
Jo was about to say something about 'fruity' and Gordo, but thought better of it and instead answered Lizzie, "Okay, fine, but let me warn you, shopping for a bra is something none of you have ever done before, you're going to have questions. But go ahead and try it if you must. Here's forty dollars. I'll meet you at Sandy's Smoothies and Sardines Shoppe when you're all finished."
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Gordo, Ethan, and Larry had discovered each others love of dressing in drag quite by accident. One day in gym class, while learning ballroom dance from substitute teacher and future pal of Sam McGuire, Mr. Dig, the class head count was short three girls. This meant that three couples would have to consist of two boys each. As ballroom dance requires a 'lead' dancer in each couple, one guy in each twosome would have to be designated as the 'girl'.
When Mr. Dig asked for volunteers to present themselves as ladies, our three heroes: Gordo, Ethan, and Larry, shot their hands up in unison .The guys were made even happier when they learned they'd be wearing gowns and open toe high heels for the day! Mr. Dig wanted to maintain an air of reality in his dance instruction. Besides, the three actual guys who were to dance with the three 'girls' would need practice in avoiding stepping on their partners open toes.
After class, that day, Gordo, Ethan and Larry talked about they had just done. Each of them was surprised to learn that the other two had dressed as a woman before. Each of them was delighted to learn this about the other two. The three boys planned to get together very soon.
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Miranda reached into the rack and pulled out a "Xenia Warrior Princess" athletic bra and held it up at arms length. "Lizzie, what do you think of this?" she asked.
Lizzie looked up from her own browsing and answered, "That's so cute 'Rand, but remember, we've only got enough money to buy one bra each. I'm not sure that you'd want to wear that bra to the Seventh Grade Swing Dance next month. It might not look too good if you were to wear it under a low cut dress! Ha Ha!"
Miranda giggled too as she put the hanger back on the rack then said, "What are you doing now Gordo?"
Gordo was two racks away deep in concentration while operating his pocket calculator "Who me?" he responded. "I'm doing some calculations here. Do you realize that if I ask my parents for just another fifty cents a week in allowance, I'll be able to buy a new bra ..…. I mean ….buy my mother a new bra …. four times a year! Plus I'll still be able to replace those nylon stockings I keep …… I mean ...my mom keeps ruining. This is great news! Woman's clothing can get so expensive."
Lizzie and Miranda tuned out Gordo's babble and went back to looking through the many racks of bras in Penney's woman's department. After another ten minutes of this, the girls began to become frustrated. Lizzie's mom had been right. Shopping for an article of clothing for the first time wasn't easy, there were so many different sizes and styles of bras. It was at this time that the two girls looked up and saw Ethan Craft and Larry Tudgeman enter the department together.
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Gordo, Ethan, and Larry had scheduled a guys 'Dress-Up' day for the first Thursday in December. It had been about a week and a half since the ballroom dance section of Phy. Ed. came to an end. Gym class had now moved on to dodge ball. How barbaric.
Ethan and Larry arrived at Gordo's house right around 6:30. Mr. and Mrs. Gordon were just about to leave for their bridge game when the boys came up the walk. When Gordo's dad saw the large backpack that Ethan had with him and the old suitcase that Larry was toting, he joked, "What in the world have you boys got in those bags? You're not planning on moving in are you?"
"Negative to that speculation," replied Larry, "We earthlings are just doing some science homework tonight. Someday I hope to mathematically disprove infinity, but tonight we shall just be studying amphibians. Go now, and may the force be with you."
Mr. Gordon looked at Larry peculiarly as he asked Ethan, "Does your friend here always talk like that?"
Ethan answered, "Talk like what? You mean with his mouth? I think he does"
The Gordon's then promptly left. They thought David's new friends were rather odd. They didn't know the half of it.
The three boys made there way to Gordo's bedroom, where they tossed their bags on the bed and began changing into the clothes contained therein. Larry had actually brought his mothers wedding gown from home, but unfortunately the suitcase he used was a tad bit small. The gown was pretty badly wrinkled. "No problemo," thought Larry, I'll just use my spray can of 'Wrinkle-B-Gone' to blast these dastardly wrinkles back to their home planet." Ethan, not to be outdone, had brought a gorgeous low cut sequined gown his mother had worn back in the 1970's when she was a 'disco queen'. The two guys looked great in their dresses. So did Gordo, who was now wearing his mom's hospital candy striper jumper from her high school years. Gordo then opened his newly purchased Mary-Kate and Ashley makeup kit, and the guys dug into it.
The three boys ended up having a very fun evening. They took turns modeling, doing each others hair, and even had time for a game of 'Truth or Dare'. I would venture to guess that not one 'dare' was turned down that night by any of our three ambitious young drag queens.
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Lizzie and Miranda quickly ducked down as they saw Ethan and Larry walk directly up to the store's bra racks. "What in the world are those guys doing here!" Lizzie half whispered and half squealed. "I'm going to die of embarrassment if they see us, especially Ethan!"
"I know!" whispered Miranda. "But, what do you suppose they're doing here anyways? Do you think they're shopping for their moms? Would you ever buy your mom a bra? I wouldn't either, and we're girls!"
As Lizzie and Miranda continued to hide under the clothing rack they'd been browsing at, they couldn't help but overhear Ethan and Larry who were looking through the rack of bras just one aisle over.
"Hey! Whadda you think of this strapless one, Tudge?" It's a 38, I've been wearing a 36 up 'til now, but this one is really righteous!" said Ethan.
Larry answered, "That is a fine, fine example of female undergarment technology indeed, my fellow clothing explorer. But before we commit to any purchases, let us first travel to the unexplored land of Victoria's Secret. I shall keep my phasor set for stunning."
While Lizzie and Miranda were still deciding on whether to scream or giggle, They heard Gordo approach Larry and Ethan.
"Hey guys, you've got to get out of here! Now! I'm here with Lizzie and Miranda, and you know that they don't know about, ……. well, …. you know what! So com'on guys get lost before the girls see you!"
Ethan and Larry quickly and quietly agreed. In mere moments they were out of the Penney's store completely and headed off to Victoria's Secret. Gordo then began to look around for the girls. "Hey, Lizzie, Miranda, where are you? I think I found the right rack for you guys to look at. Lizzie? Miranda?"
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After the fun they had cross-dressing together the first time, Gordo, Ethan and Larry got together whenever they could. If one of them found himself home alone, he was sure to call the other two immediately and the next drag party was on. The three of them became almost inseparable. In Gordo's case, since Lizzie and Miranda were seeing much less of him, they assumed it must be a girlfriend occupying his time. With Ethan, everyone assumed it must be a slew of girl friends. And with Larry? Well, no one really noticed that Larry had been missing some of his Star Flip .. er .. FLEET, I mean, Star Fleet Command meetings.
One particularly memorable night had the three boys dressing as Hillridge High cheerleaders for homecoming. The guys paraded up and down the sidelines of Hillridge stadium terrifying the student bodies of both schools. Gordo had said many times later that he'd wished he'd brought his video camera along. Not only were the fans reactions hilarious, but Ethan's hemline had never looked straighter.
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Lizzie and Miranda carefully slipped out of their hiding place and walked over to Gordo. "Here we are, Gordo!" Lizzie called. "What did you say?"
Gordo stumbled, "Nothing … I said nothhh … Oh yeah, I found a rack of junior stuff I think you two should look at. Follow me, it's right over here."
The two girls followed Gordo three aisles over to an all juniors section of women's wear. In just a few minutes, and with Gordo's help, each of the girls were able to select a bra that she liked and was sure would fit. That David Gordon, what a guy!
After paying for their purchases Miranda noticed that Gordo was also carrying a J.C Penney's bag. "What's in your bag, Gordo," Miranda giggled, "Did you buy a bra too?"
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David, Ethan and Larry's cross-dressing really became serious over Christmas vacation that year. That's also when Gordo's parents found out about their only sons unusual hobby.
Since the guys had no school for two weeks, and with their parents off at work during the days, idle hands were definitely the devil's workshop that holiday season. Everyday of their school break Ethan and Larry arrived at Gordo's house before noon and never left before four. Some days Larry or Ethan would bring a few of their mom's or sister's outfits, on other days Mrs. Gordon's dresses were the soup de jour.
On the Thursday of the second week of vacation, which was also the final day of Hanukah, the boys were at it as usual. That morning Ethan had brought three of his older sister's stewardess uniforms, complete with mini-skirts. The guys were planning on joining the "Mile High Club", so to speak. But unfortunately Gordo had forgotten that his mother was planning on a special Hanukah dinner that evening. Mrs. Gordon left work early that day, she wanted some extra time to prepare the holiday meal.
When Mrs. Gordon walked into her kitchen that afternoon her sense of normalcy was changed forever. Just what does a mother say when she finds her son and two of his friends dressed in short flight attendant skirts, sitting on the kitchen table painting their toe nails 'passionate pink'?
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As the three friends headed out into the mall making their way to the food court, Miranda repeated her question, "Com'on Gordo! What did you buy back there?"
Gordo sort of shrugged as he replied, "It's nothing, I just had to get something for my mom. It's her hmmm …….. birthday! That's right it's her BIRTHDAY next week."
The girls didn't buy it for a minute. Lizzie suddenly tried to yank the sack out of Gordo's grip but instead it fell to the ground and ripped open. David Gordon's recent purchase from J.C. Penney's was now exposed for all to see. It was an intimate, lightly lined, full figure, Wonderbra. This was clearly no gift for a mother. Gordo dropped to his knees scrambling to pick up his purchase as his face turned beet red. He then took off running across the mall, Lizzie and Miranda ran after him calling out his name.
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Mrs. Gordon's initial reaction to her only son's lack of sexual identity was, not surprisingly, denial. She had calmly said, "Hi boys. Are you rehearsing for a new school play? Of course you are. Let me guess, does the play have an airline flight in it? Sure it does. Am I right? Of course I am!"
Gordo looked at his mother with bewilderment in his eyes. He figured by now she must have suspected something was a bit off. After all, how many junior high boys have two girls as best friends, yet no girl friend? How many middle school boys have magazine subscriptions to Woman's Day and Cosmo? And how many thirteen year old boys truly enjoy Phy-Ed showers? Yes, there had been warning signs all along this twisted highway.
While these thoughts raced through Gordo's mind, as he looked at his clearly upset mother, Ethan the brilliant spoke up, "How do you like our stewardess outfits Mrs. G? My sisters a flight attendant at United Airlines, she got these for us. Don't we look like totally hot!"
Mrs. Gordon left the kitchen without saying another word. She had only two thoughts on her mind, a quick call to her therapist and the nearest bottle of gin.
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Lizzie and Miranda continued chasing Gordo through the mall. As they ran past the Victoria's Secret store, Miranda spotted Ethan and Larry leaving the stores checkout line. Miranda called out, "LIZZIE STOP A SEC!" But Lizzie kept right on running so Miranda continued on after her.
A few minutes later the girls caught up with Gordo in the food court. David had stopped to rest at a bench near the mall's Orange Julius stand. When Gordo saw Lizzie and Miranda walking over to him for just a moment he thought about running again, but instead said, "Okay, I give up. I guess I have some explaining to do. But before I do, you guys have to promise you won't hate me after I tell you all this."
Lizzie and Miranda looked at each other suspicious. Lizzie thought to herself, Just what could Gordo being talking about here? Us hate him? This must be serious. She then turned back to Gordo, "You can tell us anything, Gordo! How could we possibly hate you? We've all been friends since grade school."
Gordo spoke, "You're right. And I guess that it's really not that big a deal after all. It's just that …that…. I'm not quite sure how to say this ….. so …so… I'll just say it straight out. I LOVE TO WEAR WOMENS CLOTHING! I DAVID GORDON, AM A TRANSVESTITE!"
Lizzie and Miranda both stepped back, partially from what Gordo had said and partially from his yelling. Gordo continued, "YOU HEARD ME! I'm a cross-dresser! I'm sick and twisted! I wear women's clothing whenever I can and women's underwear is the choice of this man!"
With that very poor rhyme still ringing in the air, Gordo lifted up his Dwarflord T-shirt and revealed to the girls the bra he was wearing. Lizzie and Miranda both screamed and turned to run, but as they turned they found themselves face to face with Ethan and Larry.
The two other boys had just arrived at the Food Court, and when they saw Gordo lift his shirt to the girls, they followed suit and showed off their bras too! Lizzie and Miranda screamed again even louder this time! The girls took off running across the crowded mall as fast as their legs would carry them. Suddenly men and boys all over the mall were lifting their shirts and revealing their brassieres too! Every male in the whole town of Hillridge was a cross-dressing freak!
Lizzie and Miranda ran and ran until they were out of Hillridge mall and back at Lizzie's mom's mini-van. Miranda, still trying to catch her breath, spoke up, "Lizzie, I am like totally freaking out here! What just happened back there? I don't know if we imagined all that or if it was real, but let's get out of here! Let's go home now!"
Lizzie, also still panting, answered, "It was real alright! I am so, so over Gordo for good! Do you believe I actually had a crush on him in fourth grade! And what about all those other men wearing bras? Men are pigs! I'm never, ever going to be a guy girl!"
Lizzie and Miranda climbed into the mini-van and just sat there quietly for a few minutes. Miranda finally spoke, "We were supposed to meet your mom at the Food Court, you know."
"I know, but I'm not going back in that mall ever again. Those freaks were everywhere! Maybe we should just walk home. We could call my mom on her cell when we got there," answered Lizzie.
"That's a good idea, Lizzie!" replied Miranda, We'll just call your mom up and tell her we left the mall because we had to go shopping elsewhere for…some… school supplies. That's it, we had to go shop for some school supplies!"
The End