Here we go… I don't own Soul Calibur… I am not making money out of this… I am broke and I owe every Saint a Candle… With that Said… ON WITH THE SHOW!
Once, Again, from the top….
"You Love Soul Calibur… You can't get enough of it… Well, Platinum EdgeMaster of the Dragon, can you dig this…?- Said the sexy VH1-like announcer.- Was Cassandra hiding something other than the recent model of her underpants….? Is there more to the Picking of Siegfried and Nightmare as the same guy? Are all characters of Soul Calibur Responsible? All this and much more tonight in… Somewhat Twisted Takes On… Soul Calibur 2 Strikes back…. And now your host… Miss. Michaelle Lambert…" Said the announcer as a blonde with blue highlights made it into a set where crazy fans of Soul Calibur waited for the moment of the return of their favorite fic… SHOW, Show I mean.
"Good Night… I will be your host…" The girl said with a smile and then was interrupted by the announcer.
"You know, people doesn't like bashing… are you going to bash?"
"Ahem… live… Live T.V…." Said the girl sitting in a throne-like chair.
"You hosts always think everything is a crisis… who cares about Soul Calibur?… I mean, nobody cares about my Career as a singer and I am cool with it…" Said the bitter announcer.
"Mr. Deep Voice… I have a show to run here you know…" She said looking up.
"Nobody cares that I am not famous and just a voice… voices have feelings you know…" Said the bitter voice.
"They… have?" She asked looking at the audience that was in a super what the fuck moment.
"NO-OH BODY KNOWS… THE TROUBLE I SEE-HE… NO-OH BODY KNOWS… MY SORROW…" The voice sang.
"Ahem… Mr. Deep Voice…" Mickey… let's call her like that… called on the deep voice.
'Yes?" Said the voice with a sniffle.
"Can I do my job?" She asked as she squeezed her hand notes a bit hard.
"Don't mind me and my mid-voice crisis…" She just sighed, was there anything named Mid-voice Crisis anyways?
"Ok… Yes, where was I? I am Mickey Lambert and this is Somewhat Twisted Takes on Soul Calibur 2…. Strikes back…. Now our 'guests'… Mr. Deep Voice…." She said leaning back….
"Guests in order of roll… Cervantes….- And Cervantes rolled like the Terminator in T2 and almost slashed the girl's legs with his swords.- Charade…- Charade looked like one of those desert bushes and ended in a corner of the set.- Cassandra….- Cassandra fell on her face with a Mc Donald's uniform.- What the f-beep-?" Cervantes was dusting his pirate pants and looked at Cassandra just as the host did.
"Cassandra?" Asked the Pirate…
"C… Cervantes….?" The Warrior freaked out.
"Miss. Alexandria…?"
"A T.V. Hoe…?"
"Host… Proceed…" Said Mickey aiming the Voice.
"Um… Yunsung….- Yun just rolled on his ass, bounced a few times and ended in Cervy's legs…- Talim….- Talim was thrown and fell on top of Yunsung….- BULLSEYE" The Voice yelled….
"Is that a Character from Soul Calibur….?" Asked Mickey.
"Nope… but we caught one with the big eyed Philippine wind girl…. Where was I? Ah, yeah…. Taki.- Taki fell on her chest bounced back and hit the back of her neck…- Heishiro Mitsurugi…- Mistusugi fell wearing his bathrobe and wearing some fluffy pink bunny sleepers…. Bunny sleepers with cute Anime eyes.- Um, Yoshimitsu….- He fell into a table and one of his arms detached…- I hope that one can be fixed…." Said the Voice as Cervantes went, showed the camera a tag on Yoshi's hat that read 'Some Assembly may be required….' And placed the arm back.
"Thanks Cervantes…." Said Yoshi sitting down.
"Yarg…." Cervy said with a pirate smile.
"Ok…. Xianghua, Kilik and Maxi…." All the mentioned rolled inside a huge sack.
"What the? Where am I….?" Xianghua's voice was heard from within the sack.
"In a huge potato sack…" Said Maxi breaking the sack and getting out looking wide eyed at the stage and the insane crowd and the blonde blinking numbly.
"Voldo….- Continued the Announcer and Voldo rolled in with some lettuce stuck in his claws.- Astaroth….- And Astaroth fell in a corner with a lumberjack suit.- Raphael….- And Raphael rolled down holding a glass of wine on his hand and in some miraculous way unknown to mortals and this Holy Writer of Doom, he didn't break it or spill a drop…- WOW, Ivy…- Ivy fell boobs first on Maxi's face, the dandy had the best view in the house.-… And Nightmare…." And Nightmare fell in the set with a cheap K-mart towel around his Demonhood and some foam on his hair and a rubber ducky on hand.
"Who will be my next in command when I rule the universe with my demon looks? You will Herr Quacky… yes you will…." He said to then notice everyone around him and the girl in the throne.
"Awkward…." Said the Blonde…
"Indeed…" Said the rest of the Cast of Soul Calibur.
"Ahem… Welcome be all of you to Somewhat Twisted Takes On, Soul Calibur 2-Strikes Back…" Said the host.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO…." Screamed the cast of Soul Calibur… They were doomed if another session of bashing with no remorse was about to take place.
"I am not bald… I am not Bald…." Yelled Maxi as he rolled around hugging his legs, looking actually like a runaway beach ball
"I am not stupid…. NO, I am not…" Xianghua accompanied Maxi.
"We beg to differ Me Las…" Said Cervantes as he looked at the confused host.
"Um… Hello, I am your Host, Mickey Lambert…" She tried to continue.
"Don't you mean, Hostess?" Asked Xianghua after getting out of her panic attack.
"No… I am not a Twinkie…" Said the annoyed blonde.
"But… you are equally delicious, Mein Lieben…." Nightmare said putting Herr Quacky on his head and putting some foam over the head of the yellow rubber ducky.
"Ah hah, that is coming from a pseudo-demon with a rubber duck on his head….a rubber duck with a name…as I was saying, I want you all to sit back, relax and to answer a few questions…." She said crossing a leg.
"Why is she dissing Herr Quacky?- Asked Nightmare to Taki which was raising an altar to the holly heavens so the towel will roll down Nighty's hips.- Herr Quacky will rule Michigan and Tokyo and Australia when I am Führer…" Said the cutie of a Demon with a huge pouch and watery eyes.
"There there…We believe in the Almighty Herr Quacky…." Said Kilik leaning back on his chair.
"Really?" Nightmare asked with big hopeful eyes.
"Yeah…. And the Almighty Herr Crackpot that will rule the universe in a towel and with a rubber ducky as his right hand…" Whispered Mitsurugi to Taki while nightmare smiled proudly while sitting in the floor and his hair making sure the TV show didn't go to X rated.
"Well, if the sisters are done chatting…" Scuffed Mickey.
"Proceed Me Lass…" Said Cervy sitting beside Ivy. Maxi looked at him wide eyed
"What are you doing…? Don't you see I had to undertake therapy after all the pain the other hosts made me go trough… I don't have more money for psychologists…" He yelled…
"Therapy?" Asked Mickey, Maxi looked at her wide eyed….
"And you listen to me… I am telling you I am not BALD…. –he said pulling his hair left and right in painful strengths. - NOT BALD!" He pointed an accusing finger at her face.
"Why is he accusing me?"
-Flashback to other Somewhat Twisted….-
Scenes
Maxi's wig falls to the side…
Someone calls Maxi Koyak….
Maxi is being compared in a frame with a bowling ball… actually that never happened in any past versions of Somewhat Twisted but I thought it would be fun to see a dual browed bowling ball.
-End of Flashback-
"…Do you hear me? I am not bald…" Maxi panted like a lion. Although all lions this writer has seen are sleeping and not panting but it is better than saying he was panting like a furious lioness.
"I hear you my Dandy Pirate with two eyebrows for the price of one… you are not bald… but you are whacko in the head…" Mickey said leaning on her chair away from Maxi's maniac look.
"We are clear on the detail of his whacko-ness…" Said Ivy with a sexy smile.
"SHUT UP IVES! The Bipolar here is Sieggy/Nightmare not me…" Yelled Maxi sitting down with a frown. Nightmare just smiled
"Ivy dear… Bipolarity is not something to joke with…" Cervantes said scolding Ivy.
"Spare me the lecture Dead Dad…" Ivy replied looking at Taki placing a safety pin on Nightmare's cheap K-mart towel and tying it to a small string to pull it off and leave him naked.
Nightmare stood up….
Taki secured her string and smiled a sick piranha smile…
Nightmare Smiled and took Herr Quacky off his head…
Taki was joined by Cassandra and her MickeyD's uniform, Xianghua, Talim and Ivy…
Nightmare scratched his head at the crazy looks and the Fans on the stands with forks and knives looking at him….
And Nightmare Walked… -the hopeful faces-
And the Safety pin slipped the towel and nothing happened….
"Do you like Herr Quacky?" Nightmare asked Mickey….
"It is… Adorable… I guess…."She said with a sad smile on her face. Taki was trying to bite an arm off… only it was Xianghua's not hers.
"So close…. Yet so far…" Talim said going back to her chair. Ivy caressed her hair.
"I hear you sister woman…" Said Ivy.
"When I am Führer you could be Mein Herrin…"( Mein Herrin… I think means My Mistress….) Nightmare said with a huge smile, like an excited child.
"Sure Blondie… whatever you say… - Mickey said with a sigh patting nightmare's head.- This is going to take forever… Take us to commercial Break Mr. Deep Voice…"
"Uh…?- Said the Voice with a Yawn.- Ah… Ok… Will we answer any of the questions I just asked in the beginning of this crack hole we call Show? Will Herr Qacky get to rule over Tokyo and Mickey will be the Führer's Herrin …? All that plus… Cassandra's secret life when we come back to Somewhat Twisted Takes on… Soul Calibut 2, Strikes back… But first… this public service announcement….
-EOT-
Hey Dudes and Dudettes… To the ones that have read the previous versions of Somewhat Twisted Takes on… I know this one is slightly different but I think it is still enjoyable…. For those reading it for the first time, Enjoy… Please Review, Make your Manson happy today and Review…. Toodles….