Well, well, if it isn't my favorite people in the world… AKA My readers… Here you have something special. I don't own Soul Calibur… so, if anyone knows how I can own it… tell me… OK? ON WITH THE SHOW!
Insanity with a View
"Ok, so... welcome back to STTO… Soul Calibur Style…" Mickey said brushing her blonde hair out of her face.
"What's an STTO Mein Herrin?" Nightmare asked looking at Mickey with a raised brow.
"Somewhat Twisted Takes On… I am going to run out of breath before I finish that sentence… Take a summer job, said my dad, it will be fun dear… he said… you will meet new people… Right…" She said as she looked at the notes and the feminine audience was gaining their cool after having such a close call with the towel and staying empty handed.
"Can you like… Hurry this up?" Asked Xianghua as Taki excused herself to go to the bathroom and was followed by a lot of kidnappers…. Err… security guards, yes, Security guards.
"What is your hurry Miss. Xianghua?" Asked Mickey as she looked at Nightmare trying uniforms on Herr Quacky. Uniforms for when he was Führer he could wear them and have a nice Axis with matching uniforms. Uniforms were cool for him… then again rubber duckies were fun for him and worthy to rule Tokyo, Michigan and Australia.
"I am hungry…" Xianghua said as she looked at Voldo making a nice BLT salad with his lettuce and hissing at her for even looking. He then pulled a sign that read "MY SALAD… MINE' and break-danced to a corner with the plate.
"It seems she is always hungry…" Mickey said as she examined notes from past hosts on the behavior of the cast.
"So we hear…" Kilik said as he leaned back and looked at Voldo trying to eat the salad as fast as he could and he looked like a hamster with his cheeks all puffy. Maxi just kinda looked like he was looking at everything with a straight brow and indifference… then again since he is dual-browed he could have been raising a brow and looking annoyed… How exactly the anatomy of Maxi's brow works? It's a mystery.
"But… I thought you guys got paid generously… Right Mr. Deep Voice?" Asked Mickey as she looked up at wherever the voice came from. She assumed it came from above.
"So our hackers… I mean, team of experts… say… very generously…" The voice said with a nervous chuckle. Mickey just sighed… that damn voice was going to get her arrested.
"Then why is she so hungry?" Asked Mickey looking at Nightmare, which was checking out gowns for women. Why? Maybe he was serious about the whole Herrin thing.
"Well, you know, since China is so overpopulated, cool place but too crowded…- Kilik started explaining…- They tax people for stupid stuff… like breathing and such… so Xianghua is broke…" Kilik Explained. Mickey looked at Kilik wide eyed.
"Lad… do you even know that's true?" Asked Cervy being the voice of conscience in the group.
"Ask Yoshimitsu and Mitsurugi…" Kilik said very proud and secure on his sources. The other two limited themselves to look wide eyed at him, meanwhile they stopped their current activity of look at Astaroth carving a huge bunny on a wood log.
"Why should he ask us?" Asked Yoshi.
"Because, you both have 'mitsu' in your names…" Kilik said as if it was pretty obvious.
"So?"
"Well… Um… That's what Nightmare said… that you two knew it all because you were Mitsus and such…." Kilik said looking at Nightmare who was giving a Medal of Honor to Herr Quacky.
"Kilik… -Yunsung began- Your source is a blonde moron half-a demon with a Rubber Duck as Right hand…?"
"Y…yes…" Kilik whispered trying to hide inside his World trotter jacket. He fell in the claws of the demon's 'logical' thinking which had nothing of Logical and was in a court issue to prove it was thinking at all. Mickey in her side just coughed, that group of people was insane.
"O…k… forgetting the Mitsu part… Xianghua is broke?" Mickey tried to bring the subject back on tracks.
"Yes…" Answered Cassandra fixing the cap of her MickeyD's uniform.
"Really?"
"Yes…- reaffirmed Cassandra.- Right Nightmare?" She asked so Nightmare was brought into conversation once again so maybe something funny, stupid, weird or all of the above may happen.
"Ja…" Said he whom had powers from the underworld with a huge smile.
"Um… Aren't you a demon, Führer of Insanity?" Mickey asked Nightmare.
"Ja…- He answered smiling to then look at his Lord in Chief.- See Herr Quacky? Mein Herrin called me Führer. I told you she was going to like the idea…" He spoke to the rubber duck.
"So… Dad…- Said Ivy.- You were saying about bipolarity…?"
"Never mind my dear…" Cervantes said hitting his head with his hand.
"Um…- Mickey continued.- Then what's up with the smiles….?" She asked. So far she thought demons were evil and mean and freaky. Maybe German Demons were different… but Germans Perce don't smile that much, so maybe demons that came from Germany liked to smile and play with bath time toys.
"Smiles?" Nightmare asked as he looked to the side and saw Cassandra smiling like a maniac.
"What's up with the evil smile Cass?" Asked Maxi.
"Wait for it double-0 brows… wait for it…" She said as she looked like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons.
"Yes, so far you have been playing with a Rubber Duck and Smiling like a kid on a candy store…" Mickey explained the demon. Nightmare looked at himself and noticed he was smiling all along and then he stood up.
"Here… it comes… here it comes…" Cass said as she got out of nowhere a bag of pop corn and Talim and Ivy joined her and Xianghua was jaws-ing (You know like Jaws the shark) around the pop corn bag. Nightmare just pulled out Soul Edge…
"SOULS…. GIVE ME….- And as he pulled his arms up the towel rolled down and left him naked… He felt the bitter coldness on his skin almost immediately,- Clothes…" He said as he covered his shame with the sword and Soul edge plainly blinked twice and closed its multiple eyes shut. Mickey just blinked…
"I TOLD YOU I TOLD YOU…" Cassandra yelled as the other girls simply laughed of hysteria, shame, excitement and shock at the same time. Laughter was the best reaction they could get.
"God I love my job…" Mickey said with a great smile on her lips and an ironical raised brow. All while Nightmare was getting a standing ovation from the people on the audience.
"RIGHT ON!" Said Ivy, Talim, Cassandra and Xianghua.
"Um… Clothes…?" Nightmare asked Soul Edge. Usually when he asked the souls for strength, the souls gave him strength… now he needed clothes. Were the souls off to buy him clothes or were they off to lunch? Do souls have lunch in the first place? He better find out about that later. Then The STTO staff handed Nightmare a pair of boxers and a sleeveless shirt. He put them on, placed Soul Edge to the side and sat down and hid inside his hair to fight the shame for a while. Then Taki came back.
"What did I Miss?" She asked as she looked at all the girls blushed, something that was either Nightmare or the Uncle Thing from the Adams Family in the floor and the Host had her face all blushed and was drying it with a hankie.
"It is just as the
stories said…" Talim said as she looked at Ivy.
"Well…
Long live stereotypes…"
"Please… tell me he didn't loose the towel while I was in the restroom…" Taki asked desperately at Ivy trying to grab her by the shirt but grabbing her by the boobs… (Yes, I am a girl but I figured that since girls had their share, boys needed theirs too…) Ivy just looked at Taki wide eyed.
"WOW…" Maxi, Kilik and Yunsung said. Ivy pushed Taki away and showed her Nightmare's towel in the corner. Taki retired to a corner to weep her loss.
"I can see it when the show airs… right?" She asked.
"This is Live TV Miss. Taki…" Mickey explained, the ninja just wept even harder.
"So Sad…" Ivy said with an ironical smile.
"Yes. Allow me to play you a sad song in the world's smallest violin…" Cassandra said as she leaned back and smiled at the weeping Taki.
"Shut up Ronald McDonald…." Taki said as she wept.
"Harsh…"
"Ok…Ahem… back on tracks… let's start the questions… If you could be anyone, who would it be and why?" Mickey said as she looked at the souls thinking.
"I would love to be Donald Trump…- Maxi said.- He has great hair… and I would love to say… You're fired…" Mickey just sighed.
"There he goes with the hair again, are you sure you are not bald…? NEXT"
"I want to be Hugh Heffner…" Yunsung said.
"Who?" Mickey asked.
"YOU BASTARD… I wanted to be Hugh Heffner…" Kilik said as he frowned.
"Wow… Playboy dude…" Astaroth said as his bunny was finished and he was coating it with some enamel.
"OK… Yunsung the Pimp… NEXT" Mickey said before they went on and on with the Playboy Pimp thing.
"I would be a Vampire…- Said Raphael.- I would love to sneak up on someone with my hand on my face and say… 'I'm going to drink your blood…'" He said as he lounged on the sofa and drank some more wine… to what we are concerned it is wine.
"O..k.. Cassandra…"
"I would be… A faerie from A Midsummer Night's dream… Oberon is hot… and I would love to say… Peach Blossom…" Mickey chocked. What was it with being the fairy that only said 'Peach Blossom…'? Mickey looked for some sense in the conversation.
"Mr. De Leon?"
"I would love to be… Darth Vader…- He said as even Nightmare popped out his head from his hair fortress.- I would love to say… IVY… I… Am your father…"
"Oh Dear… Xianghua…"
"I Would love to be a Gremlin…" She said as she thought on how cute Gizmo looked in those old movies.
"But… you are already a Gremlin Chia…" Nightmare said as he sat beside the host. Mickey decided not to even wonder.
"She is Nightmare? I mean… how do you know…?" Kilik decided to make Nightmare say something again.
"I am not a Gremlin…" Xianghua defended herself.
"Yes you are Chia… that is why we don't get you soaked in water… you would multiply und we would have a lot of annoying Sailor Moon wannabes.. Und we don't feed you after midnight because you would go berserk and eat our legs…" Mickey burst into laugher with that one. Nightmare was officially cracked up. The image of Xianghua going berserk to eat legs was pure hilarious.
"Come to think of it… He's right…" Cassandra said as she leaned back and looked at Taki who kept weeping in a corner.
"Who knew?" Talim asked as she frowned. She certainly didn't want a lot of Xianghua's saying that Justice will prevail at the same time over and over again… that was creepy.
"YOU GUYS… I AM NOT A GREMLIN…" Xianghua tried to defend herself.
"Sure you are Xiangy… and I would love to be Paris Hilton right now… Because She's hot, I am hot and I would love to say.. That's hot…"Maxi said with a sexy Paris Hilton-like look. Mickey looked at the situation astonished as hell. Maxi as Paris Hilton, Cervantes Vader and Raphael wanted to sneak on people and drink their blood…. Not counting that Yunsung and Kilik were arguing for who was the Pimpiest of the both so they could decide who could be the Ultra Quintessential Pimp of Pimps, Hugh Heffner and own the Playboy Mansion The discussion between the souls continued.
"What's wrong Liebste Meine? (My dear)" Nightmare asked as he looked at the blonde hostess.
"This is nonsense…" She said as she looked at the Gremlin-based argument.
"Welcome to Somewhat Twisted Takes On… Soul Calibur Style… we are an alter Universe ourselves…" Said the Blonde that was supposed to be a moron. Mickey just sighed.
"I couldn't have said it better Mein Führer, Deep Voice… Take us to commercial Break…" She said leaning back and Nightmare placed Herr Quacky on her head.
"Ok… So, Is this going to keep up? Will we find out if Xianghua is indeed a Gremlin? –Xianghua: "NOTY A GREMLIN…!"- Will we say Hail Siegfried one of these days? All that plus… Voldo's true identity when we come back to… Somewhat Twisted Takes on Soul Calibur 2, Strikes back… MAN THAT'S A MOUTH FULL… But first… The "What The Fuck…" Moment of the Chapter…
Nightmare stands in black leather pants in front of a Microphone…
"Du…. Du hast… Du Hast Mich…. Du… Du Hast… Du Hast Mich… Du Hast mich gefragt, Du hast Mich Gefragt und Ich hab nichts gesagt… - Sang Nighty.- Willst du bis der Tod euch scheidet treu ihr sein für alle Tage…? NEIN…- He said with a Maniac Look.- Willst du bis zum Tod, der scheide sie lieben auch in schlechten Tagen? NEIN…." Nightmare stood there looking all sexy and German. Because Germans are sexy… that is common knowledge.
"I always wanted to sing 'Du Hast' on Live TV…." Nightmare said as he answered the question from Mickey… he wanted to be Till Lindemann, the lead singer from Rammstein, and sing 'Du Hast' in Live TV.
-EOT-
Well People… there's Chapter two of The Super Insane concentrated version of Somewhat Twisted, Please Review and I do not own Rammstein either. If people say something I will make Nightmare Sing 'Du Hast' in English later. Because not all can be German… sadly… But Now… This Public Review announcement:
To Sir Dik Dik: I knew you would be overjoyed… I am glad you like it… About the food quote… I am on my way…. Be sure this is just the beginning of all insanity breaking loose.
To A Certain Priest: Well Well… Shall I call you… Priest not of the Cloth… Thanks for reviewing oh My Sexy German… -meanwhile hugging the Priest- Yeah, he's mine… Ok… now, Good luck with your stuff and I don't know about the paper of the 30 words on shoelaces… I can try….. I will… Soon! Bye Bye Liebling… For those wondering, Priest is the reason I enjoy my Germans even more… Though I don't know him… LOL
To AthaMaarit: I know you love Sieggy… I love Sieggy too… Mmmmm Sieggy…. Thanks for reviewing… and if I don't make Sieggy cute, the world will come to an end
To DarkFaeries: Well thank you… I shall also thank VH1 for their amazing randomness which inspired the format of this fic… About Link, well, he's cameo-ing (Is that a word?) in some other fic I'll see what I can do….
To Lysander: The Cassandra thing… I will see what I can do… I liked your review… I didn't know people remembered Spaceballs… That movie rocked…. Thanks for reviewing Ma' man
Well, thanks again for reviewing and please do not forget to do it again… I WILL FEAST ON YOUR REVIEW….! Very Cervantes-like… Thank you Thank you… Stay tuned for more… Toodles