In a remote tropical Island filled with riots and violence…. One single wannabe writer fights it all armed with a Sharpie and a Strawberry Bagel… She is Lady Manson…. And she has a statement…. 'I don't own Soul Calibur…' Coming soon to a theatre near you.
The 'U' Incident and some more jabbers…
Now, after having something to eat, the souls were nicely resting and the audience was just as peaceful.
"Welcome be you all to Somewhat Twisted…. Strikes back….- Mickey said as she looked at Astaroth with a Turkey thigh on hand. Xianghua got some radishes and was finally quiet.- Before we peacefully continue with this transmission that seems to come out from the wildest imagination of someone with nothing to do and an excess of sugar in his bloodstream…. I need to ask…. Nightmare… why the flesh display in our last intervention?" She asked as Nightmare was looking at Herr Quacky which was wearing a Knight's armor and had a small Rubber Duck version of a Zweihander.
"Well…. If I did it while wearing the shirt…." He was interrupted by Ivy.
"Mickey dear… you seem not to understand the facts of life…." She said.
"Oh No…. NOT THE FACTS OF LIFE AGAIN…." Yelled Yunsung. Raphael Shrugged.
"It's been a while since I heard that one… BARTENDER…." And a Bartender came to Raph who was now almost falling from where he was sexily lounging in all his French Superstar Diva Glory and seemed a bit drunk.
"You see… the facts of life are simple….- Taki explained.- There is a Germanic Knight here, who seems to be as hot as Mexican Jalapeños in Tijuana in midsummer…." Taki said as Mickey looked wide eyed at her.
"Wow… That's hot…" She said astonished.
"Yes… über Hot as he would say… and he seems to have a few loosened screws there under his Sand blonde hair… and he likes to get naked and scream and show his German manliness and do we disturb him?" Taki said crossing her leg and folding her arms and leaning back and Maxi was drooling to unknown levels.
"Um… No… I guess…" Said the announcer as she looked at Nightmare smiling at his Beloved second in command.
"No… and you know why?" Asked Cassandra…
"Why?"
"Because the paths of the Lord are Mysterious and if one of the creatures of the Lord desires to get naked and drop it like it's hot… who are we to judge? But admire in silence the glory that is the Lord…" Said Xianghua as Talim gave an Amen and smiled.
"Um… Ok…- Mickey was officially disturbed.- You know what…. Let's forget about the facts of life and concentrate in the show… Please… tell me guys… In your xperience as Soul Calibur Characters… what has been the most traumatic experience you ever had?" All of them looked at each other.
"For me…- Wrote Voldo…- it was when my claws got stuck in an electricity outlet in the Cage stage…."
"Very painful…" Said Mickey thinking in the shock.
"To Me it was when I saw Astaroth in a loin Cloth…. In the shower room…" Xianghua said.
"But… don't you have separate Showers…?" Mickey asked.
"Astaroth entered the wrong one…- Explained Ivy.- I swear… Xianghua's battle cries are freaky, but freaked out Chia is like Stray cats fighting in an Alley at midnight…" Cervantes shrieked.
"But… Miss. Xinaghua… didn't Multiply….? Since she is a gremlin and all?" Mickey said as she looked at her notes.
"I AM NOT A GREMLIN, DAMN IT…" Xinaghua yelled.
"Sure Xianggy…. Whatever you say…- Nightmare said and then he leaned towards Mickey.- Poor Gremlin is in denial…" Mickey chuckled loudly.
"Ah, Mein Führer… you are a crack up… OK… Raph…"
"To me it was when I saw Mitsurugi for SC 2, you know… not shaved and looked like a pervert runaway…. But that image has been replaced by Mitsu and his bunny slippers…" And right on cue everyone looked at the pink slippers in Heishiro's feet.
"Yes, I second that image…- Talim said hugging Taki…- It's rather creepy…." Talim said as she looked at the sleepers.
"OK… so Talim and Raph have the same trauma…. What about you Mr. Yoshi?" Mickey asked Yoshimitsu who was analyzing the shape of the bunny sleepers in Mitusrugi's feet and how one of the ears was gravity defying and the other one was simply gravity affected.
"Well Dear… to me it was when in one of our tours to end a riot Yunsung took one of my arms and tossed it to the audience… I spent three weeks with no arm while we requested a new one…" Mickey looked at Yun.
"I almost lost my Goddess…. Yoshi is expendable… he requires assembly for heavens sake…. There was bound to be replacing parts for him… but in the other hand… the attributes of the great Ivy are one in a million…." He said very determined.
"That's so sweet of you Yunny boy…" Ivy said.
"Really?" The boy said almost floating.
"You are still getting none from me though…" Ivy said with eyes closed.
"Damn it…. I SHALL PREVAIL…." Yunsung said as Talim looked at him and rolled her eyes.
"What about you Charade…? …Charade?" Mickey looked at the cute eye that was being swayed off his eyelashes by a skillful Edge.
"Tell me once again what you think about my eye, Player…?- Charade said with a giggle and numerous blinks. Then he noticed.- Uh… what was it?" He said with closed eye. We assume he was grinning sacredly. Nightmare simply Shook his head.
"Knock it off you both… I already said I want nein horny school boys when I am fighting…"
"YOU CANNOT REPRESS OUR LOVE…" 'Yelled' Edge… Nightmare gasped.
"Edgy… come on… Es ist ein insanity… why must you torment me? Why must you be hurtful to mein person…? I have feelings…. You know… I am not just a sexy possessed Germanic Knight…" And Nightmare pouted and looked to the other side.
"Insanity or not… I LOVE CHARY and He loves ME…. ACCEPT IT ONCE AND FOR ALL YOU CRAZY GERMAN SPINSTER…" Mickey now gasped. Those were major words and it was worst when the one upset was a possessed sword. Someone could seriously get injured.
"Um… Charade…?" Mickey tried to keep the conversation.
"Um… It was a trauma the first time I got hurt by Voldo… I had an eye patch for a week because he scratched my cornea…" Everyone hissed and some chuckles were heard in the audience… it was simply a matter of imagining Charade with an eye patch, Pirate Charade to the rescue,
"What about you Mr. De Leon?" Asked Mickey looking at Nightmare whgo assumed the fetal position and was hugging his next in command.
"To me it was the moment when I had to wear an Iron Thong as outfit…. I sincerely had some bad moments with that one….Yarg…." Cervy said as he remembered it, that and his captain Quaker hat, he was lucky not to be requested as captain Crunch for some birthdays.
"Mr. Astaroth?" Asked Mickey smirking.
"That was when I accidentally sat on Charade….- Charade simply started crying.- I scraped him out… he spent about 2 weeks in the hospital…. WORMS…" Astaroth said as Mickey shook her head. Poor Charade had gotten the worst part so far. He had been scratched, sat on, scraped and fell in love and was not allowed to love… Being an eye sucked.
"OK… OW… Um… Maxi?"
"To me… It was when I was fighting with Kilik for the first time and he hit me with his staff and…." Maxi didn't continue…
"That was also a trauma to me Man…" Kilik said as he looked to the other side.
"What's going on…? What was a trauma….?" Mickey asked…
"You can say he felt more female than ever before…" Talim said with a smirk.
"More Woman that ever before…? What happened?" Asked Mickey as Maxi began weeping, Ivy was at the brink of tears of laughing and Yunsung was overjoyed by the tise and fall of Ivy's jiggling attributes.
"Just that Kilik threw his staff and got Maxi way down almost to his Made in Japan…." Mitsu said as now Voldo was rolling around in hissing happiness and Taki was holding her ribcage. The blonde didn't get it.
"What?" Raphael sat down with a Smile.
"You know… IMPALED…" He said as he cheered Maxi.
"OH MY GOD…! That's gotta be painful…" Mickey said as she imagined Maxi as a brochette in a grill.
"What about you Cassandra?" Asked Mickey as she regained her composture.
"Well… It was when I saw Voldo for the first time and saw him doing his hissing mombo jumbo thing around me… May I get an Eek?" She said.
"Eek…" Answered the audience….
"What about you Miss Taki?"
"Well… To me it was when I got a ring out and I was wearing body paint and came out and it washed off because the stage was in water…" Taki said as most of the soul guys looked as if they were remembering something good.
"Good times… Good times indeed…" Yunsung said as Taki hit the back of his head, Mickey looked at Nightmare. Maybe she shouldn't ask him… he was traumatized enough by being called Spinster by his battling companion.
"Nightmare… What about you?" She asked as Nightmare looked at her from within his Nighty Cave…. Located inside his hair.
"T-Trauma….? I… Don't have any…" He said with some rare fear in his voice.
"What about…?" Yunsung started but someone covered his mouth.
"We never speak about the 'u' Incident…" Taki said as she looked to the side and some string scary music played.
"Wow… String Music and all…. We have to do something about that… Nighty, what is this 'U' incident of which they speak?" Mickey asked quite sneaky. As she looked, Herr Quacky was gone… maybe he was off to take over Michigan now… Maybe the so called 'U' Incident was something nobody needed to hear…. Not even the rubber duck.
"Um…. It was when I came back as a grown guy in Soul Calibur…" Nightmare began.
"Calibur… libur… bur…" The echo continued as everyone looked up. First the scary string music and now creepy echoes.
"We seriously have to do something about that…. Please continue…" Mickey said as she looked at Nightmare.
"Well… We were in the official Presentation from the company… Ivy was there and all…- Nightmare said as Ivy smiled. The boy indeed look sweet as Can-d.- und there were lots of girls…. When it was my turn to come onstage…. Girls went wild…" Talim looked wide eyed at him. She thought that it was every guy's fantasy to have women rampaging and rioting because you are excessively hot.
"And that is… Bad?" Mickey asked….
"Well… Nein… doch… when I was onstage… the rioting females began screaming and all… and it started to resemble a rock concert… Kilik said he saw some girl use her bra as a slingshot und Suddenly from out of nowhere comes a ball of underwear like the ones from those Indiana Jones movies…. I had to run… But… It crushed me…" Nightmare4 said hugging his legs remembering the ball of unmentionables rolling behind him while the executives of Namco simply laughed their asses out. He hugged his legs and looked beside him where Herr Quacky was 'reading' a copy of War and Peace.
"Let me get this straight… a giant ball of panties crushed you?" Mickey asked quite serious.
"That pretty much summarizes it…" Cervantes said as he chuckled.
"Ja…" Said Nightmare.
"P…Panty balls….?" And Mickey broke into laugher but she even rolled in the floor.
"Oh my… I have never seen someone laugh so hard… and that is counting Hyenas…." Mitusrugi said as he looked at the hostess win her cool back and sit straight.
"Oh Dear Nightmare…. –She hugged the Demon.- That's the cutest trauma I have ever heard of… Anyways… We need footage of the killer Panty ball…. Mr. DV Take us to commercial break…" Mickey said as she asphyxiated Nightmare in her attributes and the other one for being a traumatized nerve wreck looked quite blissful.
"OK… Killer Panty Balls and Maxi brochettes…. Will we find out more stupid stuff about the SC cast…? Is Nightmare really a Spinster? Will Edge and Chary elope…? Will Astaroth make his own arts and crafts store? All that plus… Cassandra Up close and Personal…. When we come back to Somewhat Twisted Takes on Soul Calibur 2 Strikes back… But first… Talim uncut and uncensored on the Killer Panty Ball….
"Why was I brought into the Soul Project for the second season of Soul Calibur…? I mean, is it possible to create an Indiana Jones-like ball of Panties….? If anyone asks me this is the product of a serious sugar high…. Killer Panty balls my ass… I want my lawyer…"
-EOT-
Dock and cover… This chapter simply made even less sense…. Now for my gorgeous reviewers…..
To SuperNaraku: Thanks… Um… no 'nekkidness' in this chappie… Tada
To Sacharja: Um… I will cover as much subject as I can…. SC3… WOOHOO… I guess someone bitched enough for them to give us Sieggy back… Mmm… Sieggy…. And he looks hotter than hell…. I like Sieggy-Sieggy more than Sieggy-Nighty too… only thing I am going to miss is Porno Sieg with half the Armor. The Nighty-Host deal… it is something that has been going since past versions of this fic… you can ask other readers about it… and Charade and Edge… they simply rock as a couple. And about the ranting… I don't mind… I like rants, give me an Idea on what my readers think…. Now about the Germans out in the wild the only thing that came to my mind were grasslands like in Jurassic Park and a few Germans running around like raptors… Sorry but I thought it was cute… My friend said that Germans were going to riot if I stopped writing… Anyways… Thanks for reading… Hope you liked the chapter, and yes… I LOVE GERMANS…..
To Numdenu: Um… Well… Err…. Thanks for reading…. I will check about that and link being hot and all….
To Sindel: Served…. A chapter without Sieg stripping…. LOL… I am sure you will have witty remarks about the Panty ball… Thanks for reviewing.
To SDD: I'll see what I can do… and Video Game Violence rocks… YAY Violence….
Ok… so, you know the drill… Review… please. Ah, I must explain the German obsession… paraphrasing the show Kept… 'I am just looking for a few Germans to be my boy toys… to pamper and pet…like kitties…. But sexier…' Party at my place people… Germans are admitted free with birth Certificate, and Russians too… Jagermeister for everyone, under-aged Germans get coke and a hug… Till that happens…and I think about something crazier for next chapter…. Toodles… Auf Wiedersehen.